Tuesday

Mom's Be Like Me Indoctrination - Tell Me Mother You're Sorry


Show Support to Mothers Who Love or Dislike Their Roles

Whether a mother is content or discontent with being a mother, show support either way!  When women are prideful like putting one another down because they feel negative about their roles, you have to wonder why do they act so coldly toward women who are already feeling down about motherhood? 

Not every mother is equipped mentally or physically to handle children prior, during or after birth.  Sometimes women don't have a clue just how challenging it can be caring for children until they have to deal with the reality that their own are here to stay and oftentimes there is no immediate assistance when times are rough.  The children want...need....cry...pout...complain...fight...etc. and you have to be everything to them especially when you don't have enough money to pay someone to help you or a partner who is available to assist. 

This is why one shouldn't be so quick to say things like, "I never...I wouldn't...I always...I love mine very much..."  You never know the day when you will be challenged on your personal beliefs, lose your mind due to a shocking event with a child, or end it up saying goodbye to a marriage, job, baby, or something else you might treasure. 

What many women who have suffered great losses will not admit to is how judgmental and arrogant some were prior to their life disappointments.  How they spoke highly of themselves while putting down others--what a humbling experience when one looks up one day and realizes that after making so many sacrifices to be the best parent possible to a child, one's son or daughter isn't the least bit concerned about the prideful mother's needs or worse isn't around due to a variety of issues.  But conceited mom will never tell her family or friends just how hurt she feels, because she remembers when she stood up straight and tall and talked much about herself and how wonderful a parent she was. 

We all reap what we have sown sooner or later.  Avoid the temptation to put down other mothers, because you never know when you might be that one on the news, in the jail, standing in the welfare line, divorced, mistreated by one's child, and more!  Opinion pieces like the following is why I created this blog years ago.  Read for yourself  Should we sympathize with discontented mothers?

Nicholl McGuire

Your Children are Going to Get Bored During Winter Break - Got Plans?

Your Children are Going to Get Bored During Winter Break - Got Plans?

Monday

Sometimes, Pregnancy Is Rubbish. And That’s OK

There’s a prevailing myth that we’re supposed to ‘bloom’ when we’re pregnant. Ripe with the joys of the life growing inside us, we pregnant ladies waft through the world, trailing a warm glow of love as we go. Our skin shall be radiant, our hair shall gleam, and our bodies shall revel in their proven fecundity. Of course, we shall have the odd minor moment of discomfort as the due date approaches, and sometimes our hormones may get a little uppity, but in the main we shall be glorious beacons of maternal femininity.
As many of us know, the reality of pregnancy is often quite, quite different. How can pregnancy make you feel utterly horrible? Let us count the ways…
  • Morning sickness. Ugh. Doubly ugh as it often occurs early in pregnancy, so you have to cope with it while working and trying to conduct your life as normal.
  • Swollen ankles.
  • Swollen everything else.
  • Mood swings. One moment you’re sobbing with love at a puppy on the television, the next you’re threatening to eviscerate your partner because they breathed in an irritating manner.
  • The sheer, sometimes agonizing impracticality that is a vertical biped hauling a small human around in its belly. Humans are very poorly designed indeed when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth.
  • Braxton Hicks. A cruel, cruel trick.
  • The perpetual worries about the birth, the baby, and everything in between and beyond.
  • Backache. Often permanent.
  • Sore breasts.
  • Sore everything.
  • Insomnia.
  • Fatigue.
  • And much, much too much more.
The reality is that, far from being the magical experience that we are often expected to have, pregnancy can be hellish. This is particularly true for those with mental health problems, especially if those problems are related to body image. The huge changes one’s body goes through at pregnancy can cause some very serious issues for these people, potentially making both mother and child very ill indeed. But even when we’re otherwise pretty healthy, pregnancy is frequently not the joy we’re supposed to believe that it is. So, if you’re pregnant, and feeling pretty rubbish, don’t worry. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel like you’re in some way deficient, or unfeminine, or letting your child down by not enjoying your pregnancy. You’re not. What you’re experiencing is perfectly natural. What is unnatural is this bizarre insistence on pretending that pregnancy is all smiles and rainbows and that elusive ‘glow’. Don't fall for it, and don't get guilt about how you feel!

Thursday

Child Molestation - Gymnast Coaches

You don't suspect that the person (or group) you are dropping your child off with might be a pedophile.  However, with so many stories of sexual abuse at schools, you should be guarded about those local community businesses that offer music lessons, sports, churches, daycares, afterschool programs and more as well.  These are breeding grounds for sick, twisted criminals! 

Recently, a story broke about 100 plus gymnast coaches molesting over 300 plus children in the past 20 years!!  Just imagine the trauma these children faced--day after day stressed and the parents didn't have a clue until they mustered up enough courage to say something.  There could be plenty more cases of abuse out there but because these evil adults used all sorts of manipulative measures to keep children quiet, we will never know. 

Just think for a moment a trusted coach tells a child, "You want to go to the Olympics, right?  Well don't tell..."  Teach your children to stand up, fight, and speak up when adults are saying and doing inappropriate things whether they are happening to them or someone else.  Tell them about every lie imaginable an adult might come up with to keep them silent. 

See the latest article: In the Past 20 Years, 368 Child Gymnasts Have Come Forward With Allegations of Sexual Abuse   

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

When the Children Talk Too Much

When you have more than one child it can be overwhelming having children in your ears talking about all sorts of things.  You try to be patient, listen, and provide feedback, but on some days all the talking can really push your buttons!  Throw in conversation over the phone with relatives, while children hang around, interrupt or need your attention yet again for something and before long you might feel a headache coming on!

The other day I got hit with three different stories all at once coming from a teen and two elementary school-aged children.  My sons were all excited about a myriad of school-related topics.  So I found myself having to quiet two while one spoke and then repeat the action over and over again until I sent everyone to their rooms (sigh).

As parents we are grateful for our children and do much for them, but on some days our heads are spinning, responsibilities can be burdensome, and before long you can't even hear the sound of your own voice in your head.  "Now what was I supposed to do again?"

Keeping children mum about personal issues sometimes can be a bit stressful especially when some adults around the kids tend to act a bit too friendly.  Taking the time to have a long talk with children about what is appropriate to say and not to say helps, but it doesn't guarantee that they will keep some topics to themselves.  Unfortunately, there are consequences when children's mouths run faster than their feet.  Nothing wrong with telling children to walk or run away and play with toys when adults are starting to ask questions that make them feel uncomfortable and you too!

Holiday events are filled with many activities and with that comes a lot of communicating between family and friends.  If there is much going on within  your family and you are concerned about some things your children may or may not say, then reconsider leaving them alone with people or even attending an event.  Sometimes parents put far too much pressure on children to keep their mouths shut about things when deep within they really want to talk.

I was one of those children who was always cautioned to keep quiet about all kinds of stuff even when I didn't feel like "personal business" the adults said and did around me wasn't that important.  I would talk not realizing I was bribed at times by busybody kinfolk.  They treated me quite nicely and I received my share of good gifts not so much because they loved me, but because some family members were able to get the information they wanted out of me.  As a child I didn't understand why a few adults were so interested in members of my household.  Many years later I learned they were a jealous bunch, who wanted certain material items from successful relatives, and didn't appreciate my family being so secretive.  So what better way than to sock it to someone you don't like much, get to their children and find out stuff about them then use it against them later.  That was how I was used as a pawn in their manipulative games. Check out Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

Keep in mind children don't think like adults.  They are typically very trusting, don't mean to hurt their parents, grandparents, and other members of the family by talking, and really don't want to get into any trouble.

Whatever you do, don't stress them out with all the keep quiet kind of talk, back off a bit and as I mentioned before if you are a private person and worry about what your extended relatives might learn about what goes in your household, then maybe it might be best to stay home this holiday season or keep the children ignorant about what you don't want getting out like how much you paid for something, where you went shopping, what you bought someone else, and more.  The less children know about your "personal business," the better!

Nicholl McGuire Blog Owner and Author of Should I Go to the Party?

Friday

Inexpensive Gift Ideas for Your Loves Ones - Affordable Online Store

I was pleasantly surprised to see the many deals on clothing, décor, and household goods on Groupon in addition to some heavily discounted classes in your local area on a variety of things--take advantage of spa certificates too! Plenty of inexpensive gift ideas for mom, dad, children, friends and others.  I found most items for less than $50!!

The shopping site has many interesting and affordable items.  I have made purchases in the past and have no complaints.  If you have a tight budget, especially since Black Friday and Cyber Monday has since passed you might want to check Groupon out first for baby items, toys, clothing, boots, and more.  See discounted items via my link register and shop, you save and so do I, happy shopping! Groupon Friends

Thursday

The Dress Every Mom Should Have in Her Closet

As a girl, I would spend hours picking out what I was going to wear for a given occasion. The first day of school, the winter dance, a classmate’s party… I had a look for all of them. These days my “look” is less styled and more strategic; what color shirt will hide food stains? What fabrics move with me throughout the day?

You’re about to thank me, ladies, because I have found an outfit that isn’t just comfortable and practical, but it’s also SUPER cute. Let me introduce you to the sweatshirt dress. 


This throw-on-and-go piece is lined with super soft fleece that you could lounge in—but it’s acceptable to wear almost anywhere your day takes you. It’s long enough to be modest without restricting your stride. The black cotton-poly blend hides stains (because, kids) and can be washed and re-washed and still retain its quality. I find myself stashing those little things you always need on hand (tissues, hand sanitizer, you know) in the very convenient kangaroo pouch on the front. Best of all, you don’t have to think too much when you get dressed in the morning— that time is better spent with your kids.

You can easily make the sweatshirt dress your own with the right accessories. Want to give off a sporty vibe? Pair the dress with hiking boots, a denim jacket, and aviator sunglasses. Are the winter winds blowing? Layer with tights and top your look with a slouchy beanie before you fortify with your favorite puffer jacket. For an Alexa Chung inspired look, layer preppy pieces like a blazer and slip on your knee-high boots. Or you can keep it simple and just wear your favorite sneakers—you’ll still get compliments, trust me.

Get the Fabletics Yukon Dress  for $29.97 when you sign up for their VIP program. Learn all about the Fabletics VIP program on The Krazy Coupon Lady

Tuesday

Prepare Yourself for the Side Effects of Family Holiday Events

Author of When Mothers Cry, Nicholl McGuire, addresses the audience at YourListen.com with an informative message about family issues that occur long after the celebrating.  Prepare you and your family before you attend the next family holiday event. Side Effects of Family Holiday Events

Friday

Book Offers Tips on How to Save Year Round, Black Friday, Cyber Monday

Do you ever feel like some of these stores are simply taking advantage of you, Mom?  They expect you to shop at their stores even if they don't offer something as small as free shipping.  Then they have the audacity to offer a meager 10 or 20% off discount on your next purchase!  Seriously, who needs these rip off stores?  You can take a stand!  You don't have to shop when big name stores tell you to. 

I created a book for savvy shoppers, people who want to do better when it comes to shopping before, during and after Black Friday and Cyber Monday.  Please show your support and check it out.  This is a guide to help you search for the best deals year round including Black Friday and Cyber Monday.  Enjoy!  If you like, please review.  It is now available as a printed book, click here.  But if you prefer the e-book version, shop here: Black Friday, Cyber Monday Strategies to Use Year Round by Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire excerpt on So-Called Charming Men

From the father who finds his electronics more significant than his kids to the unavailable, soon-to-be dad who strikes up conversations with young women in stores (knowing full well his pregnant woman is waiting outside in the car), some Dads are masters at charming the public too while hiding their dark sides (check out my book Say Goodbye to Dad). These slick good guys will stare at eye candy in the hopes of getting some attention. Then they will follow up their looks with icebreakers they think their targets would like to hear--sometimes with family in tote. What do they care? Once again, these men aren't concerned about their lady friends, girlfriends, lovers, children, or spouses that are nearby or elsewhere waiting on them. I have seen this play out many times when attending family reunions, church events, birthday celebrations, outings at the mall, and even while sitting in the car as a child with my cousins waiting for one of my uncles. 

Charming men dismiss their devious thoughts and ways as "just flirting...I treat all the ladies like this...I'm just a man, I'm not Jesus...Every man does it." Yet, Mr. Public Charmer turns into Mr. Abuser if his partner behaves like him, doesn't do what he says, and is frequently exposing him on his foolish behaviors. Sometimes the scheming, toxic man gets a dose of his own poison. "Why is she spending so much time talking to that man? She sure is doing a lot of smiling. Let me go over here and see what's going on. She knows I will hurt her about that..." the hot-tempered man tells loved ones. If Daddy Charmer is separated or divorced from a wife or girlfriend he may nitpick about who she (or other lovers) is seeing and what men are around his children since their breakup. "Why do you need to know?" His former partner asks. "Woman, I can ask you whatever I want! You want me to give you another a$$ whippin' like before?" the angry man retorts. "See, that's why we broke up! You always want to jump on me when you're mad!" his girlfriend yells.

Daddy Charmer goes on with his life, but not his victims without a fight. Some of these men end up being stalkers on and off the Internet. They harass their women with phone calls, unannounced visits, frequent places they go, badmouth them to others, and sometimes enlist the help of friends to watch their exes. This is why many mothers end up leaving the state with children or leaving them behind with their fathers. It is a headache living with these men and after a breakup; sometimes it takes years before you can make the headaches go away.

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire
Get the book today and hopefully you just might save yourself or someone you love from an emotionally and/or physically abusive man!

Monday

Children Can Hinder You From Goals If You Let Them

Distraction.  It comes it so many forms to keep one off track, running in circles and lost in the midst of confusion.  Children can be a hindrance.  Keeping you from the dreams, goals and visions you set out to accomplish.  As mothers, we love our children will do almost anything for them, but what we can't afford is to be knocked off course.  The household still needs our attention despite Suzie's cries, money needs to be earned even if the baby is only weeks old, our health must be checked sooner or later even though our children have been to the doctor's office more than enough times this year, business must be profitable which will require long hours at times no matter how much they need us...so when children show up with yet another demand, watch out or you just might get caught in the maze of distraction with no way out!

I got a firsthand look at this when I wasn't a mother and then later had to fight through all the distractions once I had four of my own (all boys).  I watched how women would start off doing something only to be tapped, pulled, pushed, or yelled at by children.  They would forget what they were talking about, didn't follow up on promised phone calls, and missed out on opportunities because of their children.  The same little people who could love mom today for yet another thing she bought turned right around and hated her the next day because they didn't get what they wanted.

Many moms spoil their children and the fathers too.  Some well-meaning advisers will either caution about spoiling kids or aid in the destruction.  For instance, while Mom is coddling her son once again, she is distracted from what is going on with her husband.  He is impatient, moody and frequently tells her, "Stop with the Momma's boy stuff...let him be a man!" 

Some mothers push people away whether they know it or not, because of their children's many wants (noticed I didn't say needs).  These stressed mommies, who over indulge selfish sons and daughters, simply have no time or room for anyone else.  "Come see my child play...my child's birthday is coming up...I can't donate anything, I give my kids my funds...I wish I could help but I  am busy with my kids, but I could really use you to..." 

For those who have a faith, some would say the devil uses children just as much as he uses adults.  I would have to agree.  Children are vulnerable, easy targets to manipulate.  They lie, steal, and do other things that leave many scratching their heads, "Now what would possess them to do that?"  Exactly, what would possess them.  Sons and daughters can be used to attack and distract.  Who would suspect that a cute little child is a walking time bomb?  Who would even think twice about a teen destroying a marriage?  Who would ever figure out that children (or maybe a spouse putting children up to something) doesn't want mom going back to school or working outside the home?

If you ever find yourself battling to get out the door, complete your work, or do other things and every time you set out to do them, your child/children is in the way, you know what to do, press through the madness!

 You love your child, but don't be any fool for him or her.


Nicholl McGuire   

Saturday

On Acting Like Your Difficult Mother - No Wonder the Children Act Like They Do

The things you don't want to see in your children show up and show out.  Your children act a lot like you when you were younger, don't they? 

Your children might have inherited certain personality traits from you or other relatives that you don't like or want to talk about with others for fear that what they say and do will reveal a lot about you. 

Why get angry act them for the same things you are guilty of, demand respect when you aren't one for being kind or loving to others, or talk ugly about their ways to kinfolk when you know what you do with others?  Upon closer inspection, one can see how you behave with parents and/or grandparents.  Maybe the way you have acted over the years is not as bad, but there are some commonalities.  Take for instance when you get angry at your child, did your parent act like that too?  What about when you expect your children to act in certain ways with you, did your mother want the same? 

As much as we might think we don't act like or as bad as a parent, at times we do.  Sometimes the pain of the past, undiagnosed personality disorders, generational health woes and curses, and more play a part in the present, because we continue to aid dysfunctional behaviors. 

Take a look at Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, are you acting a lot like a difficult mother?  What might your relationship with your children look like 10, 15 or even 20 years from now?  If it is in your power to stop a potential cycle of mental manipulation, power and/or control, do it now, before it's too late.

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

School Year Blues - Don't Worry, Pick Your Battles

The school year is just too long to be worried about the little things.  We jump to conclusions sometimes when teachers talk to our children about their faults.  We assume the worst if they should participate in an activity or accept an invite that is out the norm.  We are parents with stresses that are sometimes induced because we don't know what else to do or think.  When situations are beyond our control, it is very tempting to lose control, but don't!

With four sons, I have learned that everything they say and do or what is said or done to them doesn't need my involvement.  Some things they have to solve for themselves especially homework.  I sometimes think, "If I wasn't around, what would they do?"  Check the Internet, call a friend, ask a relative, etc. 

Challenges make our children stronger, but sometimes we want to shield them from the pain only to cause ourselves blues.  Meanwhile, they look at us like, "What is so serious...Why is mom acting like that...I thought she taught us to..."  We can easily lose our children's respect and trust when we are over-the-top about every little thing.  Instead, they start to think we are crazy.  In time, they begin to distance themselves from crae- crae (slang term means crazy).

So with the start of a new school year, you might as well be prepared for the highs and lows and take them all in stride.  Even if the worst possible scenario does take place (but we pray it doesn't) at least we know that our children are survivors!  They will overcome! We did!

Pick your battles, my sisters, because if you don't you just might not be around to help your children by the time they graduate college.  Think about it.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Expectant - Mom Know What is Ahead

The best thing a new mother can do for herself is be in the know when it comes to motherhood challenges.  This was one of many reasons why I penned When Mothers Cry.  I wanted women as well as their partners to fully understand that there is more than just caring for self and children when it comes to motherhood.  Being a mother has many different dynamics and they all aren't so "great, wonderful and special."

When you know that you are personally or professionally going through much as it relates to your pregnancy, don't be fearful of speaking up or worried about your job title.  You have a lot to be concerned about and that is bringing a healthy baby into this world.

Partners, family, friends, employers and more will frustrate you at times especially when you react to them in off-putting ways due to raging hormones.  Don't worry about saying, "I'm hungry...I need food.  I want to be left alone right now.  I don't feel like or want to do anything but relax.  I am not my best today, so I will need to take the day off...get off the phone." 

Whether a person understands or not is irrelevant, if you don't look out for you, who will?

Nicholl McGuire
Get When Mothers Cry a nonfiction guide on those not-so nice things that come with being a mom.

Mommy isn't Perfect So Why Try?

Your mother wasn't perfect and neither were the women who came before her.  They lied, stole, or did other things that they secretly didn't want anyone to ever find out about. 

Mothers critical of other mothers--you got a lot of nerve, right?  Hope and pray that judgment won't fall on you and your family.

What mothers should and shouldn't do...you might have read a few articles, books, and more about motherhood guidance.  However, I can tell you being a wife and mother of four boys and an author and speaker you will never get it all right.  You might think you did a good job in one area and then discover when you are seated across the table with a teacher/relative/friend that you dropped the ball in your parenting skills in another area.

As mothers we have a limited amount of time to get things right with our children as well as a limit on our patience too.  However, God (whether you believe in Him or not) is so generous with his mercy and his time with us.  You might consider yourself to be perfect, but those around you know better.

If you have repeatedly went to him humble and asking for forgiveness of sin and all-too-willing to do what's right for yourself and children, he hears your prayers.  But woe to that conceited, bitter, or manipulative mother, she will reap what she has sown while pointing the fingers at others. 

So many years gone by, children who are misguided and lost due to the ignorance and misdeeds of prideful moms.  Knowing full well they could do better and change from their evil ways, they don't and rather redirect their stubborn ways, pain and mental illness onto spouses, children and others.  For the mother who thinks herself to be perfect, better than most, ends up losing in the end much (marriages, wealth, health, friendships, etc.)  Her children don't bother with her.  Her husband secretly regrets ever meeting her.  Her family and former friends caution others about her.  The world doesn't like her perfect type.  She often feels alone.

If you have a faith, use it and if you think you can do better, just do it.  You won't ever be perfect, so why try?  Rather strive for doing what's right even when you or someone else is in the wrong.  Believers put their trust in God.  Take a moment to pray today and turn those burdens over to God, He's listening.  Salvation Prayer.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Too Many Kids - Yours and Theirs - Just Say No

They have their kids, you have yours.  Whether you are dating, in a marriage, visiting family members or a place with a lot of children and their nonchalant parents, chances are you are not looking forward to the added stress.  I will be the first to admit that I am not always comfortable or content being around large groups especially when children are running all over the place during holiday celebrations.  However, there are those moments where I don't think too deeply and go out anyway while hoping all will go smoothly.

You know yourself better than anyone else and when you know you aren't in the mood to deal with your family and others no matter if it is a holiday or not, don't make yourself!  At gatherings, you can see the dismal looks on many faces of parents who are making themselves do something they rather not.  Then if an issue arises involving their child, they are saying or doing something that just might set a parent, who already didn't want to be there in the first place, off!

When choosing to do something with your family during a heavy season of travel, celebrating, etc., consider the following:

1.  Will alcoholic beverages be served?  Some people do not do well under the influence.  Unruly children will easily set off a situation that might cause emotional and/or physical abuse if people are not mindful of a drunken people.

2.  How long do you plan on staying at the event?  Don't just think about the kids having fun, but how long can you put up with the noise, crowds and more?

3.  Will you be spending money and how much are you willing to distribute?  Some events require much money and if you know that you don't have much, why go?  You will only further aggravate and already financially challenging situation by spending money you simply don't have.

4.  Are you responsible for just your children or others too?  Check your mindset, body, and other things before agreeing to watch your children and theirs.  If you should feel overwhelmed you might say or do something with someone else's child that might cause future problems for you.  Know your stress levels and say "No" when you just aren't in the mood to help.

As you sit back and think about the day's events, keep in mind that most people simply want to have a good time and if you know that you have a lot going on and don't want to be bothered with children then do what's best for you, stay home!

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

The Aftermath of Trauma - Your Child Has Triggers - Emotional and Physical

You thought you went through much growing up or during adulthood and then along comes your child who experiences some very emotionally and/or physically challenging circumstances.  Your heart cries out for your child.  You don't have a clue just how bad your offspring has been negatively impacted by others who do things like: abuse, ridicule, show resentment, rejection, control, and more.  He or she may have been a witness to your abuse and now carries much confusion and pain in one's mind and body.

You might have viewed your son or daughter in a way that you have never seen him or her before during an emotional tantrum, a moment of trial, or someone speaking softly or loudly to him or her.  You saw scars on one's body possibly, but what you didn't see was the pain left behind on one's mind and heart.  The kind of trauma that doesn't heal from a thought-provoking speech, generosity, or a new place to stay.   You might have meant well and even gave up on helping your child, because you couldn't stand to be reminded of what you or someone else put your child through.  Your son or daughter's triggers were too many, too long, and too much for you to deal with.  If you have yet to seek help or feel powerless, it is always best to let go and let God rather than scold, use or abuse someone who has already suffered enough.  Direct he or she toward some help or take them by the hand and drop them off where you know someone has the resources and patience to assist your child.

Everyday situations can turn completely upside down for the one who has been traumatized.  A simple memory, a phrase, the smell of something, or a familiar face can send any one of us back to a time in our lives that we rather run away from.  Take for instance, a runaway child who only wants to feel safe and comforted only to end up with someone who does or says something that reminds him or her of past abuse.

The aftermath of trauma can happen for years and sometimes one never learns or grows from the trials.  Childhood triggers, too many responsibilities, unsuccessful programs, failed relationships, childbirth, substance abuse, etc. can all hinder a person and keep them mentally bound and socially frustrated.

If you are a parent of an emotional child with a long history of behaviors that left you scratching your head, understand that whatever you think you might know about the child is not going to solve what he or she still has buried within.  An unstable mind after trauma is unable to stay focused long enough to heal especially without assistance.  A somewhat stable mind might be okay for awhile before it becomes an enemy of self or abuses others.  A healthy mind may appear to have everything under control for a time, but even he or she has personal challenges.

Trauma from many years or even days ago doesn't heal itself nor does it favor anyone or anything.  An individual who connects with one after trauma will bear witness to the struggle to obtain or maintain one's sanity.  For some witnesses, they just can't deal with victims and so they send or push children as well as others away.  Of course, this kind of behavior doesn't help matters, and only adds to the trauma.  If one is going to rid his or herself of the responsibility of being a parent to old or young children at least direct the person to proper treatment if you see that he or she is out of control, grieving heavily, abusing others, suicidal, depressed, etc. rather than complaining to others about him or her and disrespecting the victim. 

There must be a healthy process that takes places for the one who has been traumatized with an end result that teaches the victim and/or survivor how to manage triggers as they come.  Without it, one will only suffer over and over again with each trial.  Marriages will come and end in divorce.  Children will be born into yet another dysfunctional environment.  Society might ostracize, arrest, abuse, or kill the misunderstood.

Think deeply about the things you have experienced with your own child or someone else's.  Identify the triggers. Why do emotions continue to happen and what might be done to help the person?  And most of all, keep praying for your children and others.

Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Say No Sometimes

Children get away with disrespect and other negative behaviors.  A spouse is celebrated even when he or she consistently hurts a partner.  Mean-spirited relatives and friends continue to receive annual invites to homes and other places even though they are undeserving of one's time.  What gives, Mom?  How long do you keep taking people using and abusing you?

Some mothers crack under pressure because like a pressure cooker they are tested beyond limits.  They are expected to be all things to their family, friends, co-workers and more and when they push back they are met with shocking looks, angry glares and comments about, "She is off...crazy...What the h@ll got into her?" 

Much of the stress can be prevented by saying no sometimes.  A simple no is empowering.  It makes you feel less used and stops abuse in its tracks.  You can also find resources to help with situations you no longer want to manage or help with from everything like senior citizen home care to summer programs for toddlers and other youth for those who income qualify. 

List all that is burdening you right now.  Is it a partner, children, in-laws, etc.?  Break down the issues, one by one, and come up with ways to do things differently.  Sometimes we fall into routines and we don't know or forget how to do some things to preserve our sanity.  If you are a believer, pray for assistance from your heavenly God as well as the resources to lighten your burdens.

Nicholl McGuire


Saturday

Making Fun Videos - Kids Busy, Mom Happy

I didn't know what they were up to when I noticed how quiet they were.  I walked down the hall and heard giggles.  When I approached their room, the boys had a tablet in their hand and was singing and acting.  I asked, "What are you doing?  You guys have been quiet."  You would have thought I would have been most grateful for the free time, but I wasn't use to hMobile Phone, Smartphone, Tablet, Whiteow long they had been in their room.  They shared with me an app that they really enjoy.  They spend fun times communicating with friends responsibly.  It turns out some teachers and adults love it too.  I became a fan and have already shared more than a few fun vids.  Enjoy the time you will have to yourself, thanks to this great app!  Check out Musical.ly.  Learn more here.


Tuesday

Asking God for Freedom via Death




Look to The Future Moms - There will Be Better Days
http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com/2015/12/look-to-future-moms-there-will-be.html

Friday

Feel Crazy? Thoughts to Ponder

It is something that we just don't discuss.  We know what people might think.  We worry what others might do.  So we say nothing.  We feel crazy sometimes.  We feel like we are going out of our minds. Work pressures, children's needs, a partner's requests, bills and more can leave anyone feeling like they are going insane.  But you will be alright!  You know why?  Because you are self-aware.

There is no denying the truth.  The health woes, pains, and uncertainty about the future are all clear signs that you have to scale back from some activities, visit a doctor or counselor, and if you have a faith, pray.  Many moms end up in their graves prematurely, because they prefer to run from the truth. They never want to admit that they are in mental, physical, financial, or spiritual trouble.  "I can handle it.  I'm okay.  I don't need your help," says stubborn mom who refuses to get treatment for anything and doesn't want to "bother anyone."

The truth comes out--it rears its ugly head sooner or later.  "I didn't know Mom was that sick," says a son or daughter.  "I really thought she was taking care of herself."  So many mothers don't and their families pay as a result.

So if you ever wonder why a mother loses her mind, goes off the deep end, acts as if she doesn't need anyone, or seems like something is a bit off about her, know this, she felt crazy long before she reacted.  She reached a point when she could no longer help others or herself.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.  Check out her YouTube channel, spiritual audios.

Wednesday

Are You Open to Building Up More Ways to Make Money?

There are so many advertisers, marketers, business owners, and more seeking mothers to work for them.  Some of these companies sincerely have our best interests at heart, but others not so much.  For almost two decades I have scoured many sites looking for ways to add to financial portfolio.  Some of the things I have done online and got paid (some things I still participate in):

1.  Take surveys
2.  Post reviews
3.  Market products
4.  Sell products and services
5.  Listen and comment about music, movies, and more.
6.  Promote and sell my own books, household goods, etc.
7.  Type
8.  Proofread
9.  Research
10.  Share links on social media sites.
11.  Read email
12.  Sell advertising space
13.  Sell articles
14.  Test products from home
15.  Watch videos
16.  Perform general Internet searches
17.  Upload images

Now offline I have also made money and continue to do so in a variety of ways:

1.  Sell products and services
2.  Organize and clean residences
3.  Customer service
4.  Provide administrative support (type, file, fax, process paper work...)
5.  Volunteer and then later get paid for publishing services
6.  Market research
7.  Write
8.  Proofread
9.  Edit
10.  Perform in plays
11.  Babysit
12.  Perform errands
13.  Shampoo carpets
14.  Assist with accounts payable and receivables
15. Create crafts and sell at flea markets, churches, etc.

This list is meant to help those of you brainstorm for more ways to make money.

Some other things to consider:

DON'T FORGET TO CHECK OUT MORE WAYS HERE.





Friday

Innocence Lost - Exposing The Elite Pedophiles That Prey On Our Children



Sexual abuse is still alive and well.  Mentally ill relatives. family friends and strangers are watching. You think you are stressed now?

Wednesday

Women Wealth Warriors Luncheon, Pasadena CA

Whether you are in business or looking to start your own business from home, you might want to attend an event in Pasadena, California for women seeking a bit of enlightenment and empowerment.

Shepherd's Door, domestic violence resource center, will be hosting the 7th Annual Women, Wealth Warriors Luncheon on Saturday, March 19th 2016 from 11:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. at 393 N. Lake Avenue Church, 4th floor Sky room in Pasadena.

Host and moderator will be Sunda Croonquist. KABC7 Anchorwoman Coleen Sullivan will also be moderating.  Our very own Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry, will be participating in a panel discussion about entrepreneurship along with other successful women including:  Shamallia Pennington (Guest Speaker) author of Waiting on God to Waiting in God, Dr. Regina Edmond Obstetrician and Gynecologist, Liza Bourdan HealWith Counseling and Mental Health Clinic, Vanessa Tarzian Attorney Estate Planning/Trust & Wills, and Carla Burgues Realtor of Aaroe Group.

If you would like to attend this inspirational event, do RSVP by calling 626-765-9967 or email shirley@shepherddoor.org.

Saturday

Do You Have Motherly Wisdom, Advice, and Other Useful Information?

Calling all moms that have something meaningful to say!  We know you do that is why we are reaching out.  For years, we have featured mothers around the web share their highs and lows related to motherhood, relationships, business, spirituality, education, money, and more. 

So what is on your heart today?  Share it with our audience who has been with us for many years now.  Send all correspondence with links, resources, and more to nichollmcguire@gmail.com 




Thursday

This Blog Started with a Book About the Issues that Mothers Cry About

When I began this blog as a stay home mother with four boys in all age groups (newborn, toddler, tween, and soon-to-be teen), I did so using various chapters from my book entitled, When Mothers Cry.  In time it evolved with guest writers sharing their views as well as video makers expressing their thoughts, and now it is ending with you viewer, feel free to comment and share links. 

The information on this site is timeless!  Do check out whatever your issue may be or share this site with someone who needs to hear, "You are not alone...You can't be all things to everyone...It is okay to cry!"  A special thank you to those who have spent many years following us and spreading the word about When Mothers Cry, God bless you!

Nicholl McGuire

How Parents Can Try to Prevent Dating Abuse

Valentine's Day Stories: The Mom's View



Sunday

Upset with Lazy Partner, Children - Listen to Audio by Blog Owner


Check this out on Chirbit

See tips here on site when it comes to getting lazy family members to cooperate and help with chores.



Saturday

Feeling Loved and Accepted - Suicidal Thoughts - lonely, depressed

Tips on Keeping Your Hair Tip Top Shape - Don't Stress About Hair Mother!

Curly hair can become a feather in your cup, if you take care of it correctly. Learn how to maintain the beauty of your curls with these tips.


Tip#1 Don't fight nature.

A head full of beautiful and bouncy curls is something that many women dream of. You should appreciate your hair and do everything to enhance its beauty, rather than fighting nature.


Tip#2 Wash less.

The more you wash, the higher the risk of dryness due to a lack of natural oils. Shampoo your curls 2-3 times a week to keep them clean and hydrated.


Tip#3 Condition more.

Conditioner is an important part of one's curly hair care routine that should never be ignored. Every time you use a conditioner, you provide your locks with necessary moisture and nourishment.



Tip #4 Blow-dry correctly

If you have a difuser, it’s time to take it out of the box and learn how to use it.  Difuser is vital because it enables you to dry bigger sections of hair due to a wider airflow.  Visit us here http://gilferrersalon.com/

Thursday

Demanding, Manipulative Matriarchs - Sooner or Later Mother Will Reap

Reflecting back on childhood memories can be quite painful. No one really understands just how much it hurts to see a mother you love go to great measures to try to be everything to everyone, good, bad or otherwise. Sometimes she goes above and beyond for others, but for her children not so much. Of course, troubled mothers have their reasons for treating their children wrongly sometimes, “My kids are unappreciative…They don’t come around…They don’t like me” while never bothering to check her self as to why that is. There are no perfect people and some mothers and children fail to truly realize this about one another.  From cooking to advising others, demanding mom may be a kind-hearted and seemingly sweet soul sometimes, but then there are those moments—the ones that leave children ashamed, spouses angry, and others secretly wishing never to be in her presence again.  Before judging those who feel this way, know that individuals, who have been repeatedly driven mad when it comes to their mothers’ issues, have their reasons why they choose to safeguard their hearts. It doesn’t make their emotions right or wrong, they just are.

Until there is healing within and around them, it will be a difficult and long journey to love one’s toxic mother or mother figure now or ever. If a troubled Mom wasn’t pretending to like this person and that one, she had those she genuinely favored and oftentimes it wasn’t her own child. There was something odd, mysterious even scary about a Mom like that. Sitting back with a smirk on her face, she seemed to have taken great pleasure in someone else’s suffering, she may have said something like, “You reap what you sow. You should’ve listened to me…serves you right. Always listen to your mother. Mother knows best. God don’t like ugly. Don’t come crying to me!” Disappoint her enough times and she just might start bragging about others to you or comparing what they have to what you don’t have.

For some readers who are African Americans, you might have experienced “the attitude” or the “I know you didn’t” kind of stare from Mama. She warned you about acting like Ms. Nice Nasty a time or two and how “You are not too old to get your a** beat!” Ms. Nice Nasty was just another personality of a sassy mother who projected her woes onto her children. These women could be nice one minute and nasty the other. She accused others of her own bad behavior and then punished daughters and sons for it; rather than straightening her personal issues with self out, she felt she had to check others. It was Ms. Nasty’s attitude that some of you worked hard to avoid. If she asked or demanded you do something, you did it or else experience the consequences. Like a child, some of you are still fearful of Mama’s dark side coming out. It was her evil twin. Some of you may have called her, “The devil, a witch, evil, crazy…”

Mom didn’t like her life much. She had experienced much hardship and had never really been treated for mental instabilities.So where would her unresolved issues go? They usually fall on the children. Who was going to experience her wrath once triggered by a wrong look, an annoying sound, and angry outburst? Most often it was the little girl or boy looking back at her. A son or daughter was at times frightened and never quite matured around her for fear the bad woman might come out. They were then told to, “Grow up…Stop acting like a baby…Don’t make me hurt you…What are you looking at?” Mother was well on her way to training children to fear her not love her.

Excerpt from Tell Me Mother You're Sorry

Nicholl McGuire

James Foley's mother: U.S. response to my son's kidnapping "a travesty"



The mother of U.S. journalist James Foley, who was kidnapped and later killed in Syria, criticizes the U.S. government's response. Diane Foley says her ordeal was appalling and made worse by U.S. officials who "know they let us down."

Tuesday

Work at Home Mothers - A Cry for those Ripped Off by Companies Promising Incentives Using Referral Links

For years I have shared referral links of various companies' products and services on and offline with stay-at-home mothers, retirees, unemployed, disabled, and students.  I will be the first to admit that I had to follow up, sometimes even get firm with some professionals and business owners who either didn't track referrals like they claimed they would, flat out didn't want to pay incentives, or some other reason as to why monies didn't come for me.

Now let's face it, not everyone we recommend via referral link will buy or join a club and that's okay, but when you notice zero clickthroughs and you know for certain a family member or friend at least visited the site, if nothing else, there is something wrong.  This was a clue for me and I immediately contacted customer support and asked them to check my account, the link, etc.

I think if more of us would check our links, follow up rather than give up, especially when suddenly both traffic and money has stopped coming in, we could put a stop to some of these companies ripping us and others off!  Some of us put in hours sharing links, talking about links, referencing links, and creating tracking links of the links, that to be unfairly treated or for a company to misrepresent what they can do for us, is wrong!  And I challenge you work at home mothers to do something about it today!  Leave comments on sites like mine, create videos about shady companies, alert the people who promote for these companies on places like YouTube, and more.

The minute you notice something is fishy with some of these businesses who specifically target us and others, call them out!  If they don't want to make wrongs right, then visit the Better Business Bureau about their deceptive marketing and also alert people who visit RipOff Report, Yelp and other consumer review sites.



I am disappointed and fed up with companies taking advantage of us mothers.  They know full well what they are doing when they can clearly see we are driving traffic to their sites and many of them are reaping profits, yet they don't acknowledge or reward us for our hard work.  To date, I am reviewing all affiliate sites I have partnered with and if my links are not active and I don't see rewards, I will be spreading the word about them.  I already have some assistants on standby that are more than happy to use social media to make a point--we will not be taken for granted just because we work from home for any number of reasons and need money a bit more than those who work outside of the home.

So I encourage all of you who market other people's products and services on and offline and you noticed for months (or even years) you haven't been able to make a sell despite all of the efforts and instructions from gurus you have been given, and your referral links were working, but now they are not.  Be very suspicious.  Some companies might be changing any number of website related upgrades--wouldn't it make sense for them to alert you about that?  Others may not be doing anything, but deactivating referral links or redirecting them to official pages and then reaping the benefits. 

Around the web, some of the best sellers suddenly found that they had problems cashing out, links didn't work, and more.  Reporters need to investigate and learn more about these kinds of profit rip-offs via the Internet that have been going on for decades!  Don't be naïve.  Personally, I have been working online on and off since 2000, so you can only imagine the things I have seen and been through online.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Asking Saves Kids - For the Love of God Talk to Your Kids

One question could save your child

Join Nicholl on Chirbit - share audio

When I don't have the patience or time to write, I share my thoughts on Chirbit.  A simple way to get some thoughts off your mind.  Stop by the site browse the available audio.  Find something you like and just click.  Listen while you work or surf using any device.  Feel free to connect with me to receive the latest audio messages.  I am not only an author, wife and mother, but I encourage others online and offline.  Stay blessed!  Click Chirbit.

Nicholl McGuire


Nicholl with four sons in CA, 2015.

Friday

"A Slave Mother's Cry" Written By Rev. Timothy Flemming JR. & SR. - Remember the Slave Mother



One of the worst cries comes from a mother whose child has been kidnapped, taken without cause or died.  God have mercy!  It all is so painful, it stirs your spirit, when used correctly, pain makes you want to do more with your life, help others, do what's right!  Much of the motivation for blacks of the past to fight for change started with a slave mother's cry.  Know that truth!  If you have lost a child in any kind of way, redirect your pain and don't allow the enemy to win!  Stay true to your calling.  There will be brighter days whether in this life or the next one!  God bless. -- Nicholl McGuire 

Thursday

The Ache in My Belly for My Grandmother and Others Who are Spiritual Moms

There is just something special about those wise, older moms who know how to pray and show those around them (no matter the skin tone, gender, sexuality, etc.) some love.  I miss my grandma.

I miss her because...

She was there to answer the phone during those times when my kids were getting on my last nerve.

She heard my cries even when I didn't call her and so she would pick up the phone and call me, "Are you okay?  Tell me about it."

She would remind me to take out the Bible and read a verse sometimes for her, other times for me.

She shared stories not only of her successes, but failures too.

She wasn't always happy and she didn't fake her emotions either or act as if she was better than me just because she was older and wiser.

She loved me even when I didn't love myself, God, and wasn't much on showing her love either.

She was genuinely happy when I achieved something and didn't mind listening to my stories.

She told me things and said, "This is just between me and you."  I felt special even if everyone else knew the same thing.

She didn't mind explaining how she whipped a meal or dessert together and sometimes mentioned her "secrets."

She laughed when I told her funny things and didn't act self-righteous.

I miss my Grandma.  I guess that is why it's hard sometimes writing my motherhood stuff on this blog now.  Feel free to check out When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Nicholl McGuire


Wednesday

Your Husband, Boyfriend Won't Give You What Daddy Didn't

Seeking genuine love, affection, appreciation and more from a spouse or live-in companion can be self-defeating when he or she is unwilling or doesn't know how to do these things.  People just can't give you what they don't have nor can they satisfy innate desires especially when you have a history of "Daddy Issues."  Daddy didn't love mother and children, Daddy was too busy, Daddy had better things to do, Daddy was often frustrated and angry with us, Daddy had mental illness, Daddy's parents didn't love or care for him...and so all this stuff gets dumped on us somehow some way and we are encouraged to deal with it, "That's just how your father is." 

In my nonfiction book, Say Goodbye to Dad, written for those women and men who feel fatherless, and are seeking a deeper understanding as to how to break free from toxic emotional ties with their fathers, these topics and more are discussed.  I share some personal experiences, but the majority of the guide is directed toward presenting the struggles and finding the solace through the painful memories.

Life is simply too short to go about it wishing/hoping/praying for something that a partner, a father or a substitute just can't provide you, Mother.  The emotionally and physically draining one-sided relationship does impact you down to your very soul and then spills over onto children and grandchildren.  In Say Goodbye to Dad not only do I provide you with trusted research into various difficult personalities, but I expose the wounds and share tips on how to get on the fast track toward healing and come out of trials with a smile on your face!  There are enough issues one has to face in his or her own family let alone having to deal with Daddy related stuff as well when you don't have to or want to.

It is a damn good feeling to finally be free from fear, worry, and other toxic parental programming brought on by self and dysfunctional kinfolk--trust me, I have done it!  I want my readers to feel empowered, have courage and know that everything isn't going to fall apart because you are protecting yourself and your children from further emotional upset and other things connected to a dysfunctional father. 

You can parent better when you experience peace and no longer pain from the past.  You can also be a good partner to someone who loves you much or you can free yourself from a bad relationship decision as a result of a toxic tie to Dad. 

So check out a free sample of my nonfiction book, Say Goodbye to Dad  (use coupon code BP69U for a limited time only).  Now if your father isn't the issue, but your mother is a burden, then check out Tell Me Mother You're Sorry (use coupon code NK75A for a limited time only) that encourages self-awareness solutions on dealing with mother manipulation.

Nicholl McGuire, When Mothers Cry Blog Owner

Tuesday

In Relationship with Controlling Person - Breakup, Divorce

In Relationship with Controlling Person via @sutros  This is an eye-opening message especially for those mothers contemplating divorce.  Watch as well as pray.  Always think ahead!

Tuesday

The Pushback from Children, The Push to Get It Done or Else

If we said it once, said it twice, three times or more, yet our children still don't hear, forgot, or don't know what on earth we are talking about.  These moments are what makes us wish at times we could drive the children to the nearest store and ask for a refund.  "What do you mean you didn't hear me?  What are you talking about, that is not what I said!  Did you forget, I have been on this planet for how many years...I think I know when someone isn't telling the truth!"  So they push back with their smart comments, deep sighs, stomps, eye rolls, muttering under their breath, door slamming, throwing toys, fall outs onto the floor, yelling, or whatever else they think will do the trick to work your last nerve.  But tough moms don't give up!  We stand our ground come hell or high water and if dad wants to know what is going on, we respond, "You can deal with them."  The joys of parenting. -- Nicholl McGuire 


Tuesday

Grandparents Competing Over Grandchildren: What to Do?

Enlightened but Not Crazy - When Talking to Partner About Bad News Concerning Children

You didn't anticipate that some unflattering news about your children was going to lead to a full blown argument with their father, but depending on the kind of person he is, it most always will.  Prideful, self-absorbed fathers don't want to hear anything that might make them look bad.  This is why many dads are quick t shut out conversation about their unruly offspring.

You are made aware of some things about your child or children you don't like, but as a mother your job is to handle all issues whether father is around or not.  You want details about your child, who was there, what happened, and more.  After obtaining as much as you can about a situation, you are interviewing people like a reporter.  You separate truth from fiction and now you are ready to provide your partner with your findings.

Now some fathers could care less about negative events since they are not proactive in their children's lives and others are over-the-top almost sounding like they are punishing you for not doing what they feel was a good enough job. 

Critical partners will say many negative things to the point that you feel like you are going crazy!  However, you are not.  Sometimes fake concern from an ineffective Dad or crazy concern from a demanding father can push not only children, but you too over the edge.  Yet, you know full well you did what you could to remedy a situation between your children and others.

Always keep in mind that it is indeed a battle being a good mother when a partner is not doing his or her part.  It can be a struggle parenting children in a poor relationship, but press on anyway!  Even if that one you created or adopted a child with never shows any appreciation for all that you do concerning your children, just remember your son(s) and daughter(s) will one day thank you!


Nicholl McGuire has been through the fire but came out like the three Hebrew boys.  Stay strong Mom, the best is still yet to come!  Check out another blog by this blogger Everything You Need to Know About Parents, Babies and Children 
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About Me

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

When Mothers Cry Blog Archive