Motherhood is not One Size Fits All - variety of moms with many needs

Motherhood Through the Years

No One Said Being a Mother Was Easy at Any Stage

If there was one thing I learned from experience and talking to other mothers, it isn't easy being a parent--it requires work mentally, physically and spiritually!  No matter what stage these boys were in from newborn to young adult, we had our share of parenting challenges.

A lot of what I personally went through emotionally in the past had much to do with trying to be all things to them even when I could have done the following such as: delegated responsibilities, limited or withheld spending my money--let someone else pay for something, avoided certain topics that I didn't feel I was ready to discuss, took more time-outs for self--without children, sought counseling rather than hold things in at times, build a personal network of strong mothers, and more.

The "should have, could have, would have..." internal speech did nothing more than brought on regrets and harsh criticism from myself or others who felt like they could say something not-so positive or encouraging.  Know-it-all moms, well they don't make the best listeners, now do they?  What I know now is what I am proactively doing: delegating, networking, saving, etc.  I refuse to be the mom feeling like it is me against "they," because I just want to see everyone happy.  I still have work to do concerning myself and parenting my children--by the love of God, I will do it!

These days I am so over trying to be the "best Mom" by being all things to them.  The boys are old enough to cook, clean, organize, schedule activities, make money, and a couple sons are responsible enough to shop for themselves utilizing their own budgets and saving money.

One child, still at home, shared just the other day with his father via text, "Mom didn't cook."  Excuse me!?  I yelled, "You know how to cook!  Why didn't you tell him, "You didn't cook!"  Looks like that one will have a hungry belly if he doesn't crack open a recipe book or search the 'Net.  He was quite confident that day he was going to get a hot fast food meal once again from dad, but he didn't cave in to the pressure.  Dad brought something home that needed to be cooked.  However, our son should have been in the kitchen cooking.  Dad cooked (sigh).  The child is almost 13 years old and cooked plenty of hamburgers and other foods in the past!  Why stop now?  Most of the things he selected when we went to the grocery store, he could just pop in the microwave!  Go figure!?

At this parenting stage, raising teens, I am dealing with the spirit of laziness and procrastination with two out of the four. The other two sons are older.  I am working on keeping the second eldest motivated to get a second job so that he can achieve his goal, getting his own place.  He needs two incomes.  The eldest he has his own place, but he rarely calls.  He says he is busy working, he has two jobs.  He knows cost of living isn't cheap when you are on your own.  I continue to encourage him when I do reach out--there is no turning back.  Son, enjoy the much sought after freedom like I did when I swung the door wide exiting my parent's home long ago :)

Remember staying up late nights because your child was sick, active, hungry, or crying due to a painful tooth coming in?  Well, these days the concern comes and goes when they are out at night whether riding or walking.  I spend time praying like I did when they were babies.  I refuse to lose sleep like I once did. God you got this!

Once they started walking, they were getting into whatever they could get into!  We bought fencing to keep them out of hazardous things and other items that we simply got tired of saying, "No, let's go over here...play with this toy."  Now we have to persuade two of the four boys to come out of their bedrooms and take a break from the screens.  There are battles sometimes.  The comforts in their bedroom will soon go away when it is time to start looking for a job.  They wanted so bad to explore their little worlds when they were younger, well soon they can when they are older!

Yes, motherhood hasn't been easy at any stage, but I manage.  I know that there is more to parenting young adults in the future; however, I will admit, I am so over having my own cute babies.  So I hear grandparenting is easy only when you can send them back home and they aren't often in your care--great!?

Nicholl McGuire  owner of this blog and author of When Mother's Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Are You Your Child's Friend?

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Mother's Issues - MOBI Motherhood International

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Family Conflict

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Parenting

Your Newborn Baby | BabyCenter

Toddler | What to Expect

Parenting School-Age Children - HealthyChildren.org

School Age Children Development & Parenting Tips (6-12)

A Parent's Guide to Surviving the Teen Years - kidshealth.org

Therapy for Teens: What to Expect - WebMD

Parenting Young Adults Advice from About.com

15 tips for parenting young adults at home - familyshare.com

We Asked Real Moms - What is Motherhood?

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No One Size Fits All When it Comes to Motherhood Accomplishments, Failures

I have read many articles and blog entries over the years about where mothers should be when it comes to different stages in their lives.  A twenty-something woman has graduated from college and is starting out in her career and quite possibly saving for a future home, retirement, etc., a thirty-something woman has money saved up for a house while hoping to get married and have a baby, and then the forty-something woman is supposed to be stable in her career and ushering children off to college.  Sounds about right for you?  Not hardly.  Most mothers don't fit into these groups the way some of these mainstream news media outlets report.  The information they provide is what they hope the majority would do by using various examples that might inspire many young women to start off in life that appears to be most beneficial: college, career, marriage, children, etc.  But as most of us moms know, our children dictate much of our lives once they are here while they reach milestone after milestone.  There comes a point in our journey where we have to take a step back and let a husband and/or children shine.  How long that occurs we never know depending on what our situations require?  A disabled child, a cheating partner, a crazy parent, debt, extracurricular activities...one never knows when life will settle down long enough for us to say, "Now my turn!" We find ourselves jumping right into achieving goals at times when it appears to be the wrong time when it is really right.

Those career goals you once had changed once you fell in love and had children.  The peace and quiet to do what you want at anytime of the day no longer existed when you moved in with a man or he with you.  Then throw in relatives and friends into the mix and now a daughter or son wants to either stay in the hometown she once grew up or move as far away from it as she possibly can.  Things change sometimes for the better and other times for the worse!  We ride with change or die trying.

Mothers don't come to this blog because they have it all together, they show up with pain in their hearts, frustrated with choices, irritated with spouses and children, and more, but through it all they thrive anyway.  Each challenge presents a life lesson and we either embrace, push back, ignore, fight, or move on!  For we know, only the strong survive!

You and I didn't go through childbirth just to have bragging rights we survived, we went through such a profound experience to be released from all those things that bound us mentally, physically and spiritually.  We were to look at our children and recognize the fact that we are responsible for looking beyond ourselves now, mature, grow, teach, etc. we are to experience another dimension of our existence in this life.  It was never meant to be all painful or all joyous.

I personally think that some mothers have lost sight of who they are as women, mothers, wives and/or spiritual beings.  They have permitted worldly activities to weaken their minds, covetousness and jealousy to divide their hearts, over-eating to slowly kill them, and life challenges to separate them from their Creator and His will for their lives.

There is no one size that fits all mothers and don't let anyone throw you in one big box labeled, "This is what motherhood is supposed to look like."  In addition, there is no chart that can be used to track our progress which tells us, "You have arrived, now do this...and if you don't make it here, then something is wrong with you."

So keep on crying mother, release the pressure, and then get back out there and win at whatever you know you are called to do.  And if you don't know, then you might want to take more time praying, and less time being bombarded with people and things that constantly analyze you.  Meditate on wise books, may I suggest the Holy Bible for starters?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Protect Your Sacred Motherhood - Ordained to Bring Life, Protect, Love and Then Let Go

Who might you be, Mother?  A mere mortal used to bring life into a troubled world or one who was chosen by a Creator to experience something so holy one cannot express in words?  Whatever this label we call "motherhood" let us walk in it and experience all that it has to offer on a much higher level, one that even the men who helped us bring life into this world couldn't fathom.

You see while men go about their days working, feeling good about their material accomplishments, and behaving in ways whether good, bad or otherwise at work and elsewhere, we spiritual mothers must take needed time to ponder our roles--re-evaluate what we are doing and not doing as well as how we can usher our families forward through life challenges.

So foolish we are to take our mommy roles so lightly, we sometimes act like the immature children we raise.  We carelessly move along in life hoping/wishing/praying for the best without thinking what path shall we direct our children, based not on our selfish needs, but those that our Creator has shown us.  Those of us, who know better, place children in the right direction but when they object, we take them off the right path and place them squarely in the middle of  the crossroads while yelling, "You pick!  I'm sick of this...Why is he/she always crying about whatever I tell him or her!  I give up!"  Of course that is what men, women and children of darkness would want.  "Please give up mother, we have a role for your child.  Don't stress, why not busy yourself, we will pick a path for him or her?  We know how overwhelmed you tend to be crying mother, here sit down, we will help your children."

For some of you readers, you should feel motivated to want to do some things differently when it comes to parenting.  Take a look at the decisions you made so far.  Are you happy with them?  What more do you have to do?  What is causing you great concern these days regarding your role, your children, and relationship?  Is there anything in your power you can change?

So far, you have protected your children from those unexpected dangers, pain, evil, and more.  The love is evident for many moms while others not so much, but one day you will need to let go whether you finally get it when it comes to be loving, kind, nurturing, etc. or not.  You will still need to free those babies turned adults one day if you want them to have healthy, successful lives with someone other than you.  Unfortunately, far too many moms call sons and daughters back to the nest and then cry and complain about why they won't go.  Mothers, you will need to trust that whatever knowledge, tools, and other things you have given your children will be good enough in school, at a relative's home, daycare, in stores, on field trips, at a workplace, in a marriage, etc.

Society doesn't want any believers in a righteous God to live out their calling as mother.  There is ample evidence to prove this including the sheer number of opportunities, temptations, false teachings, and more that are given to families to separate them not only from children but from all things spiritual.  Dad mocks biblical teachings.  Children rebel about not wanting to listen or read anything spiritual.  There is tension in the air when God is mentioned and so mom goes into hiding careful not to rock the boat with things like rules, order, discipline, wise counsel, etc.  She becomes nothing more than a babysitter, a servant, or a picture on the wall decorating the home.  She lives there and maintains the environment, but that is really all she does.  No life lessons are ever taught.

While you believe that what many call is "help" for mom, the truth is upon closer inspection there is little sincere help!  There are money-grabbers, soul snatchers, users, and abusers.  If you don't give up something to get that help, you and/or children are banned, left out, put out, and/or hurt.  Keep giving someone or a group what they want and you get all the assistance you need.  

While you are concerned about your children becoming victims of tragic circumstances, know that you too can be a potential victim having first your mind (mother's wisdom) robbed from you, then your sons/daughters, and last your soul.  Think twice about what you put before your eyes and your children's and know the difference between right and wrong and keep enforcing the rules!  The of discipline is still very popular in many circles.  Start by reading the word of God.  See Proverbs 22:6 if you haven't already.

Nicholl McGuire

The Best Thing about Motherhood, The Worse

No matter what you might do to be content with being a parent, it will never be good enough.  You will have those moments that no words you might say to your children when it comes to disciplining, teaching, and encouraging them will be enough.  No amount of money and time spent with them will be enough.

Further, there are those times that you just don't explain things in the way you really, really want to communicate them--especially when you hear what you supposedly said back out of little lips.  The children missed the lesson, that's not what you meant, and how could they have heard that when you said XYZ?

The best thing about motherhood is knowing that somehow you were chosen out of all the women in the world that wanted to be moms and the worse is being held accountable for another human being's life--to much is given much is required.

You, a flawed human being who would have never thought in a thousand years that you were going to be a mom, much less the kind of mom you are today, became one anyway--chosen by a mighty Creator!  Be the circumstances right or wrong how your child or children arrived, their here and you still have some degree of sanity through it all!  God bless you!

What others meant for evil, what others thought was wrong, and what people said they could never do, you did--you brought life into the world and for that you are commended!  No holiday is necessary and no honor is required, because you know who you are and your purpose, be there for your children whether near or far through briers and thorns--be available.

So what comes next after another milestone is reached, a grade level is passed, a birthday is celebrated, a disappointment shows up, and a child is in trouble once again, another life lesson.  One more chance to do things like:  make up for past wrongs, teach a son or daughter a valuable lesson, give him or her a needed gift, and sit back and appreciate life with your child or children.

For we never know the day or hour when a goodbye might be our last one whether we say it to them or they say it to us.

Nicholl McGuire 

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Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"

And you thought it would be easy...you thought everyone just loved being a mom. 

Lack of spiritual and physical support when raising children, money woes, demands to be a better mom, disrespectful partners, mean-spirited in-laws, spoiled children, and much more can contribute to a mother wishing she never had children.

Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"

Reflections of Motherhood

A Story of How One Woman Finds Peace in Her Storm - When Motherhood Conflicts With Dreams and Hopes

A Story of How One Woman Finds Peace in Her Storm - When Motherhood Conflicts With Dreams and Hopes

Motherhood Peaks and Valleys: What are yours?

There are the perceptions that others have of the kind of mother you are, who you should be, or the mother you once were.  Others' ideas influence the way we view ourselves.  Whether we receive positive or negative reviews from so-called well-meaning family and friends, we try to do the things that not only help our reputation as mothers, but also appease others.  When we find ourselves more concerned about what other people think; rather than what our Creator thinks, we get ourselves into trouble!  Physical issues surface, mental anguish is experienced and those around us are negatively impacted ie.) anger outbursts and forgetfulness.  These moments are considered our valleys--down moments.  The places in our motherhood journey where we feel at an all-time low. 

Our culture tends to esteem mothers, make them feel as if the weight of the world is upon their shoulders, because we are supposed to be so strong, wise, and loving.  Mother is to talk, walk and act in a certain way when it comes to parenting.  In some circles, she isn't provided with real support despite an individual or group claiming to support her.  Sometimes she is in a valley moment all by herself!  Her own mother doesn't have a good listening ear, because she is most likely in a valley moment by herself--sometimes comparing her own experiences to her daughters.  Too overwhelmed, nervous, or fearful to offer any sound advice, these older mothers don't have much to share when it comes to stories of victory. In addition, there is the partner or best friend who is often busy doing other things to even notice that mom is struggling these days with being a parent.

Valley moments happen, but in order to overcome them you must constantly remind yourself, "This too shall pass," as mentioned in the Holy Bible.  Redirect your focus and come up higher.  Find the path that will lead you out of your valley moment.  Stay in the valley too long and the storms of life might overtake you!  A mother is no good to her family in a hospital bed!  Once we arrive at those mountain peaks (up moments) in our motherhood journey, it is time to break for rest.  Some of us, don't allow ourselves to do that and so back down the valley we go.  Angry, hurt, confused, bitter, jealous, or some other emotion we experience, because other mothers "appear" like they are doing much better than us.  We deceive ourselves into thinking that we have had enough quiet time or peace after a valley moment.  Some of us prematurely arrive to a peak, then end up falling back down into the valley.

Appreciate those "up" moments when no one is calling to go out, no one is in need of you, and no one is interrupting you while going here and there with unnecessary chatter.  The world has tricked us into believing that a busy mother is a blessed one; rather a busy mother is a stressed one!  She is usually juggling too many things!  She may have a bank account filled with money and friends on speed dial, but is this really what reaching the top of one's motherhood journey really supposed to look like?  That is the world's definition of success which doesn't help us after this life is over. 

God blesses us with peaks in our motherhood journey that release us of our burdens not add to them.  Sometimes we confuse what we initiate when it comes to career, family, events and more with God's plan.  He doesn't tell us to be all we can be to everyone--to busy ourselves every part of the day.  God doesn't put anymore on us than we can bear!  To truly experience those peaks in one's motherhood journey, she must sit back, relax and tune into God.  Ask what might you need to do to experience more mountain peaks and less valley moments.

Reflect on those valleys God brought you out of, you know those times when you thought you were going to run away from the children, but didn't.  Those moments when you thought you were a bad parent, but you knew you really weren't.  You came up higher, didn't you?  Some of you have dropped some of those people and activities in your lives that were leaving you frazzled, frequently upset, and burdened financially, now you are enjoying many more positive moments in motherhood. 

Appreciate your peaks and valleys, moms!  Learn from them, then help a mother who may be struggling to walk with her head held high.

Nicholl McGuire

They Don't Like You Just Because...

There are those people in this world who just don't like us mothers.  It isn't because we did anything particularly wrong to them, you see, they have ISSUES.  Big ones.  The kind that maybe their own mother created when these adults were once children.  Nothing they say or do is ever their fault.  They don't appreciate when they are exposed on wrongs.  They will lie, cover up, back-peddle or place blame on you.  "I don't like the way you said that...I don't like the way you did that...Why don't you go and take care of your children...Aren't you supposed to be cooking for your children, right now?"  You aren't invited to their parties, because you might bring the children.  You aren't accepted in their circles, because "you care too much."  You don't receive phone calls for fear that you might "mother" them. 

This idea of someone not liking you just because you are a mother might come as a shock for some, because we are typically praised especially around May.  However, what about the rest of the year?  Of course, not.  Many actions and deeds go unnoticed unless of course a mother does something bad--the world will know about it.  In your own family, if you step out of character, you just might be the topic of someone's gossip.

People who simply don't like moms, look at them as problems, because we are the ones that will point out foolishness expecially when it comes to our children.  Some of us mothers just won't go away until we see justice for our children, new policies, benefits, you name it!  Expose a wrong, mom, and look out, someone somewhere will attempt to attack your character, threaten to take your children, or go behind your back and do something to your children that they know you wouldn't approve.  It doesn't matter if it is a small evil, like giving your child a dessert before dinner time or something so harmful as abandon them.  Whatever that "it" is, the one who simply doesn't like mothers, doesn't care or respect how you feel, especially when your views and children affects their income, their time, space or everything!  The cold-hearted will stop at nothing to see to it that mothers stay in their proper place--busy.

Being a career mom on the surface, looks good, but it also means that you are too tired to fight the good fight when it comes to family issues.  You are too busy doing for your family to see how your family is truly affected by those who stay up late at night scheming or conducting meetings behind closed doors constructing plans to keep the little people enslaved to their systems.

We all know that there are just some things you just don't give your children that could possibly harm them mentally, physically and/or spiritually.  However, notice how immoral, impractical, and downright stupid some things, ideologies and most of all symbols are.  These negative things are leaked into children's television "programs," music, sporting events, education, and more.  So what do those who are too busy, too tired do or say?  Not much of anything.  They just say, "Oh that's okay, it's nothing."

We mothers must change our outlook on life as we have always known it to be.  Why keep traditions that keep some of us in bondage financially, emotionally and/or spiritually?  Why debate about frivolous things like who is going to be the next PTA president, sing in the church choir, or get a promotion or demotion?  Meanwhile, there is a steady flow of indoctrination coming through your child's school worksheets, TV, games, toys and more of all sorts of ungodly ideas, holidays, and the like.  No one says too much of anything unless they subscribe to some kind of religion.  Why must one have to belong to some group to see that wrong is just plain wrong?

I have witnessed foolishness spread like wildfire when it comes to holiday event planning.  I have seen hypocrites at work on things that they know they have no business supporting, but because there is money, friendship and fame associated with the project, they go along just to get along.

What kind of mothers are we, if we sit back and allow partner, relative, friend, and stranger say things to us and/or our children that we know are just downright stupid.  Then when our children act up as a result of us not saying anything because we want to keep the peace, we blame the child.  What sense does that make?  I think of the father who gives his child something sweet to eat before school while mom looks away, then they both wonder why every morning their child is hyper in the classroom.  I think of the mother who scolds her child whenever she is in the mood, but when her "baby" deserves it, she does nothing.  I think of the grandparents who are more interested in watching their "adult" programs that they could care less that children are around.   I think of the many mothers and fathers who allow their children to holler, cuss, and cry about almost everything and all they do is keep repeating themselves like a broken record.  Someone has got to put their foot down and say, "Enough is enough!"  Then come up with a comprehensive plan come hell or high water and see it through with or without partner on board!

We all have to look closely at who we are as mothers and do we sincerely care about our children to fight whoever or whatever that is impeding progress because they are "too tired, too forgetful, too lazy, too stubborn, too fat" or too whatever to get off their behind and do something.  To me, these are all excuses so that one doesn't have to do much for self or child.

Like I said earlier, there are many people in this world that simply just don't like mothers.  They already know that when a mother arrives on the scene someone is going to have to step out of his or her comfort zone and do something.  Lazy people don't like mothers.  Ignorant people don't like mothers.  Childless elitists don't like mothers.  Bad mothers don't like good mothers.  All sorts of people don't like mothers.  This is why you must be careful what circles you choose to sit in and what organizations you decide to give your time and money to.  Most likely, that time and money you have been programmed to believe should be going elsewhere to help the rich stay rich, should be better used to help your own family.

Some mothers run away from home only to stay away from home while other mothers stay home and don't know how to leave home.  There must be a balance!  We have all been victims of systems that do nothing more than take, take, take!  But you my friend, with a little time and knowledge (this means opening up a wise book and reading it) can reverse the curse, so to speak, and change your way of thinking!

Find radical ways to save money and gain more time to do the things that better you and your family.  Say "no" to invites to participate in things that you know if relatives and friends knew, you would be ashamed.  Stand up for your children!  It doesn't matter who the person is, if something feels wrong, demand an explanation, search for truth and don't stop looking until you are at peace!  Most of all, take real-life situations and explain to your children why something about it is right and wrong--it doesn't matter the age!  There are twenty-something, thirty-something plus folks walking around this world who still don't know the difference between what is right or wrong.  They have spent far too long learning from teachers who believe in blurring the lines between good and bad, right and wrong, boy and girl, and so much more.  Point out the differences, mom, reinforce the lines, and if so, let the hard-head learn the hard way.

As mothers, we must try hard not to coddle our children who know better.  We must remind them that there is a school for hard knocks and that if they can't accept wisdom coming from our lips, then they will learn behind the bars, through injury, a broken heart, or worse death.  Of course, you won't be liked, but who cares, you weren't put on this planet to collect Facebook "likes,"  you are here to teach, and if need be, preach.

To all the moms who care--I love you!

Nicholl McGuire, a mother who simply isn't liked for preaching truth (and proud of it!)

Being Open to Everything, Wasn't Good for Me

In 1999 I had my first child and if there was one thing I learned it was, "I was no longer open-minded once I became a mother." My "all paths lead to Christ, pro-choice, sexually immoral, cursing like a sailor, partying in the club self" that had slowed down prior to my firstborn's birth was absent by the time he was born!

You see, I couldn't very well maintain a certain lifestyle and call myself a "mother." For some moms, there's nothing wrong with doing any of these things n(in moderation they claim, but just wait until their children do it,) because well they are still very much open-minded. It's okay in some moms' worlds to accept just about anything when outside the home talking in groups, but let "anything" show up at the door and now she has boundaries. "I don't want my son hanging around him...my daughter will not be seen with him...I don't want my children around those people!" I guess she isn't so open-minded after all, huh?

I had befriended every sexual orientation under the sun offline prior to my days of being a believer and having a child even visited a club or two. There are some people in my social networks right now, both family and friends, who still live that lifestyle. The difference from the past and now, they know where I stand. I am not as open-minded as I once was and don't mind fighting for truth! Yet, this society of openness doesn't want us to have any boundaries, morals, absolute truths, even rules. They shut you out of certain circles if you take a stand on immoral behaviors. They call you names if you try to expose errors in so-called truths. They threaten your family. They attempt to delete you and your views clear off the Internet!

Our society has a bunch of robotic people brainwashed to make us act in ways that elitists want us to act--law abiding, quiet folk who mind their own business. Ever wonder why our government provides so many things on TV, the Internet, and on the radio? There are those that don't want you coming out of your homes unless you are working or entertaining yourself indoors-distractions! If you don't spend much time studying various brainwashing techniques, you wouldn't know that even you have been brainwashed to buy into a certain belief, purchase a certain product or service, or say and do certain things to further someone else's cause.

There is something about having children that snaps you back into reality! That makes you think less about your self and more about them. You re-learn what it means to love. You rediscover who you are as a woman and what you really want to do with the rest of your life. You are very critical of yourself. And of course, you are concerned about you and your family's image.

Nicholl McGuire












Nicholl McGuire