Dr. Phil Questions a Rebellious Teen and Her Mother

Dr. Phil Questions a Rebellious Teen and Her Mother: Parenting blog for families of multi-age groups - newborns, tweens, and teens. Basic facts on raising children. Tips on shopping for children.

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Teenage Drug Use - Triggers And Motivations by Mel Cairns

One of your children falling into the trap of substance abuse and addiction is one of the worst things that many mothers could imagine. However, it happens all too often. Why is it that teenagers try and become addicted to drugs? If we are aware of their motivations, we can perhaps help them to resist temptation.


It's Attractive

Illicit substances have a powerful appeal to young people. Alcohol is ubiquitous in the media, and very smoothly marketed. For people who have not yet developed the social-analytical powers needed to resist such advertising, the idea of such things as 'cool' and generally appealing quickly becomes embedded. By the time they get to actually try alcohol, they are more than eager to do so - primed by the media and social conditioning they have experienced.


It Lends Escape

Everyone goes through a degree of self-exploration during their adolescence. However, for some this is more bewildering than others. Drugs and alcohol provide an escape from the turbulence of puberty which proves perilously attractive for some.


It Lends Confidence

Teens who lack self-confidence may use alcohol or drugs as a way to become the confident, noticeable person that they want to be. High school can be a vicious environment for people stuck within their shell, so anything which helps someone out of that shell is yearned for - no matter how damaging it may ultimately prove.


It's Rebellious

Part of the process of becoming your own person involves testing the social boundaries and setting yourself against the authorities which have always ruled you. Drugs and alcohol are often seen as a great way of gaining this rebellious control.


Emotion Management

Many teens are stressed and depressed. Alcohol and drugs provide temporary relief from this, which may motivate anxious teens to try them.

For more on this, see this article.

Mel Cairns

First Lady Michelle Obama Has Two Normal Teenagers

Children Get Older, Get Bolder

There are mothers in jail crying because they shortened the life of a spouse, children or even a loved one, because of a child's misdeeds.  These women lost it--went mad, became afraid and defended their selves, or went through some kind of dilemma that they felt gave them no choice but to hurt another human being permanently.

"Never say what you will never do and never be too sure that all those around you are mentally stable," I thought after being tested one day by one of my children.  If it wasn't for my faith, I can boldly say, I don't know where I would be today.

As children get older, they grow bolder in what they say and do.  You can only pray that God keeps his hand on your mouth and a hand on your shoulder.  From deep sighs to yelling, you recall those days you sacrificed much for your children and then the nerve of them...

I have listened to the stories of mothers who didn't take what their children did and said lightly especially when they acted in ways that were downright wrong!  They usually end their stories with something like, "Those kids are lucky I didn't kill them...They should be grateful I'm not in jail because of them..."

When one is tempted to lose it, you can do some things only if you are able to before things get too bad:

1.  Remove whatever you have in your hand.  Place it away from you and child.
2.  Walk out the door, get some fresh air, sit and talk with a trusted loved one or friend.
3.  Get out of the room that the violation took place.  The longer you stay, the more frustrated you will become.
4. Avoid discussing the issue with a spouse/partner/another child that is uncaring, moody, tired--especially when you are emotional.  Chances are you and that person will get into an argument about the one who has offended you.
5.  Put on headphones.  Shutting the problem out allows you time to think clearly before reacting.
6. Stop cooking--you don't want to cause a fire.
7. Pull the car over--you don't want to cause an accident.

Someone shared with me that a relative would clean when she was stressed, this way she didn't ponder too long about what her children did.  She said, "She would spank their behinds, then continue to clean.  There was no yelling...she just sang to herself."  The issue was done, over with--unfortunately far too many mothers run issues into the ground with long rants making it difficult for them and those involved to calm down.  The key is to say what you need to say, do what you need to do as quick as possible.  If your child should challenge you, remind the smart mouth there is a place for him/her and you called jail (juvenile detention center for children), then ask, "Would you like to go?" 

Worse case scenario, call a relative who might have better control over your children and/or the police before you do something that might cause much heartache--especially if you have violent, disrespectful children or an uncaring spouse/partner.   

Nicholl McGuire


   

My Cheat Sheet for the Teen Years: My Diaries

During the winter school break, I was cleaning out my closet and came across my diaries. I kept quite a few dating as far back as nine years old, I am now in my mid-thirties.

I flipped through a few of my books decorated with my pen scribblings and that's when I came across my tween years into teen years. You gotta love it, a typical rebellious teen! Entry after entry cussing about the parents, loving a boy one minute, hating another the next. There were the back-stabbing b*tches I couldn't stand to look at much less sit in the same class with. There were the entries that talked about unexpected colds and PMS cramps that kept me home when I had rather be socializing with my friends via my numerous extracurricular activities like running track, Student Council, the student newspaper, and the school choir.

I admit I was an angry teen for the most part beginning around the tween years at about age 11. Why? Because my parents were strict! There was no living the typical teen life in their household. When I began to find the assertive me as my breast developed more and my voice changed, my mother accused me of "sniffing" myself. An old school term typically used in the black community that pretty much meant one thing, "you like them boys!" This meant I wouldn't be visiting any one's home, riding on public transportation with friends, allowed to watch school sporting events, and I definitely wouldn't be allowed to have a boyfriend (publicly, but I still had one or two anyway despite parental warnings) until 17 years! When those very observant, wise mothers took one look at me when I was about 15, they knew I had a boyfriend back then, but you couldn't tell my mother that! "My daughter has no boyfriends! And I resent you suggesting that..." she told one who just smiled and gave me a wink when mom was looking.

I think the parents who have the worse time with their teens, like those I recall complaining about my friends and I when we were young, were those that allowed themselves to be out of touch with what it means to be a teen. They chose to forget the times they mumbled under their breath to mom and/or dad when they didn't want to do anything. They have selective memory when it comes to lying and stealing. And they have amnesia when it comes to the things they did behind their parents back that would have shamed them if only mom and dad knew!

At first I thought about tossing those old diaries, but I changed my mind, because I believe they will come in handy when my son hits 13 in less than two years. For I will look back at the things I said about my own parents who clearly didn't understand me and remind myself, "Remember what you did...remember how you felt..." and just maybe those old books will bring me a tad bit of peace.

To all you mothers out there fighting the good fight with your teens, I commend you. Do look back on your own years, remind yourself, you turned out alright through all the rebellion, misconduct, disrespect, etc.

God bless.

P.S. Take advantage of herbal supplements, prescription medicines, and vitamins they can help a hormonal teen especially one with a lot of acne--I'm a witness!