You might have viewed your son or daughter in a way that you have never seen him or her before during an emotional tantrum, a moment of trial, or someone speaking softly or loudly to him or her. You saw scars on one's body possibly, but what you didn't see was the pain left behind on one's mind and heart. The kind of trauma that doesn't heal from a thought-provoking speech, generosity, or a new place to stay. You might have meant well and even gave up on helping your child, because you couldn't stand to be reminded of what you or someone else put your child through. Your son or daughter's triggers were too many, too long, and too much for you to deal with. If you have yet to seek help or feel powerless, it is always best to let go and let God rather than scold, use or abuse someone who has already suffered enough. Direct he or she toward some help or take them by the hand and drop them off where you know someone has the resources and patience to assist your child.
Everyday situations can turn completely upside down for the one who has been traumatized. A simple memory, a phrase, the smell of something, or a familiar face can send any one of us back to a time in our lives that we rather run away from. Take for instance, a runaway child who only wants to feel safe and comforted only to end up with someone who does or says something that reminds him or her of past abuse.
The aftermath of trauma can happen for years and sometimes one never learns or grows from the trials. Childhood triggers, too many responsibilities, unsuccessful programs, failed relationships, childbirth, substance abuse, etc. can all hinder a person and keep them mentally bound and socially frustrated.If you are a parent of an emotional child with a long history of behaviors that left you scratching your head, understand that whatever you think you might know about the child is not going to solve what he or she still has buried within. An unstable mind after trauma is unable to stay focused long enough to heal especially without assistance. A somewhat stable mind might be okay for awhile before it becomes an enemy of self or abuses others. A healthy mind may appear to have everything under control for a time, but even he or she has personal challenges.
Trauma from many years or even days ago doesn't heal itself nor does it favor anyone or anything. An individual who connects with one after trauma will bear witness to the struggle to obtain or maintain one's sanity. For some witnesses, they just can't deal with victims and so they send or push children as well as others away. Of course, this kind of behavior doesn't help matters, and only adds to the trauma. If one is going to rid his or herself of the responsibility of being a parent to old or young children at least direct the person to proper treatment if you see that he or she is out of control, grieving heavily, abusing others, suicidal, depressed, etc. rather than complaining to others about him or her and disrespecting the victim.
There must be a healthy process that takes places for the one who has been traumatized with an end result that teaches the victim and/or survivor how to manage triggers as they come. Without it, one will only suffer over and over again with each trial. Marriages will come and end in divorce. Children will be born into yet another dysfunctional environment. Society might ostracize, arrest, abuse, or kill the misunderstood.
Think deeply about the things you have experienced with your own child or someone else's. Identify the triggers. Why do emotions continue to happen and what might be done to help the person? And most of all, keep praying for your children and others.
Nicholl McGuire
