My Head Was Going to Pop Off!

There was so much going on from the phone ringing to spills on the floor, the four boys were having disagreements with one another one after the other. I was trying to make meals, delegate chores, help another paint, and separate two crying toddlers and that's when it happened--pressure rising in my head!

I headed to the bathroom and could barely let a deep breath out. My mind was letting me know we are about to take a vacation again. The last time I felt this much pressure, a panic anxiety attack came out of nowhere and there I sat frozen staring at my children! I couldn't talk, walk or anything. Months later, I was the butt of one of my son's jokes. "Glad you think its funny," I told my class clown. "But what if I didn't come out of that one, did you ever think of that?" The laughing stopped. "It's just that you looked so funny..." He must have noticed a strange look on my face that said, "Just walk away while you still have the chance."

Living in the house with all penises (I mean boys) can get next to you as the only woman of the house! There are the urine stains that show up soon after you just disinfected the toilet, the new pubic hairs that my middle son wants me to "check out," the references to itching and adjusting--"Do I really want to hear or see all of this?" I told the same son who thinks that panic anxiety is "too funny," "You are getting too old to call me into the bathroom to check out your penis issues, see a doctor." He laughed. One day he will make some woman proud.

I tell you, the joys of parenting, I see them few and far in between. The other day I was ready to ask anyone on the street, "You want to watch my kids?" Of course, I didn't, because it was anyone on the street--might not go over too well with the Mister.

I just don't get it, why all the crying with the little ones whenever you ask them (even nicely mind you) to clean up your toys and get ready to eat or put your shoes on we are going out (last I checked kids enjoy going out.) Sometimes I just don't know...

Nicholl McGuire


Being Open to Everything, Wasn't Good for Me

In 1999 I had my first child and if there was one thing I learned it was, "I was no longer open-minded once I became a mother." My "all paths lead to Christ, pro-choice, sexually immoral, cursing like a sailor, partying in the club self" that had slowed down prior to my firstborn's birth was absent by the time he was born!

You see, I couldn't very well maintain a certain lifestyle and call myself a "mother." For some moms, there's nothing wrong with doing any of these things n(in moderation they claim, but just wait until their children do it,) because well they are still very much open-minded. It's okay in some moms' worlds to accept just about anything when outside the home talking in groups, but let "anything" show up at the door and now she has boundaries. "I don't want my son hanging around him...my daughter will not be seen with him...I don't want my children around those people!" I guess she isn't so open-minded after all, huh?

I had befriended every sexual orientation under the sun offline prior to my days of being a believer and having a child even visited a club or two. There are some people in my social networks right now, both family and friends, who still live that lifestyle. The difference from the past and now, they know where I stand. I am not as open-minded as I once was and don't mind fighting for truth! Yet, this society of openness doesn't want us to have any boundaries, morals, absolute truths, even rules. They shut you out of certain circles if you take a stand on immoral behaviors. They call you names if you try to expose errors in so-called truths. They threaten your family. They attempt to delete you and your views clear off the Internet!

Our society has a bunch of robotic people brainwashed to make us act in ways that elitists want us to act--law abiding, quiet folk who mind their own business. Ever wonder why our government provides so many things on TV, the Internet, and on the radio? There are those that don't want you coming out of your homes unless you are working or entertaining yourself indoors-distractions! If you don't spend much time studying various brainwashing techniques, you wouldn't know that even you have been brainwashed to buy into a certain belief, purchase a certain product or service, or say and do certain things to further someone else's cause.

There is something about having children that snaps you back into reality! That makes you think less about your self and more about them. You re-learn what it means to love. You rediscover who you are as a woman and what you really want to do with the rest of your life. You are very critical of yourself. And of course, you are concerned about you and your family's image.

Nicholl McGuire

Nicholl McGuire
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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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