Stop Crying about Your Children Holding You Back!

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Mothers: Don't Cry, Scream or Fuss in Vain about Children, Relationship, Finances

If you are going to take a stand about topics like: relationship challenges, parenting issues, and financial woes, then you might as well expect not only the one who is listening to you rant to do something, but plan to get dirty yourself!  For some of you reading this, you allowed your emotions to get the best of you not that long ago.  The tears, fears, screams, fuss, and everything else you did to express your concern occurred and now that you have been there and done that, don't let that moment or many of those emotional episodes go in vain!

Whatever you do or say, someone is recording it such as:  in their minds, through a device, or a second set of ears.  What is it about a person or some people that moves you to the point that you are ready to take drastic action on an issue?  Have you used every resource in an effort to help you solve your dilemma or are you talking yourself out of doing what your heart truly desires?  Do you feel like no one is listening whether you talk soft or loudly?

Once you have let the cat out the bag (in this case your once private feelings), so to speak, it's going to be difficult to get him back into the bag.  You are going to have to do what is right from the point you realized you steered your life out of control.  Apologize to the injured party, if need be.  However, still orchestrate the best plan that will bring you the peace you seek about a certain situation, ask for help, and most of all don't be ashamed or beat yourself up about what you did or said to someone or group.  Remember those times when you did share how you felt about something when you were less emotional and still the person or group wouldn't listen, so it isn't any surprise that you had to let go.  The most important things that came out of your rant is that you are passionate about what you believe and you sincerely want change. 

Now that the ball is in other person's court, it is time to use your faith and whatever other tools you have to ensure that you have been heard.  Follow up after some time has passed, put some things in writing, make contact with those who can help you solve your problems (but leave out those who can't) and lastly, whatever you do, don't forget about your objective when you ranted in the first place!  Guilty parties would love for you to "Forget about it..."

Mothers, never let a fit go in vain use it to your advantage!  Don't fear what the outcome might be as a result, welcome it!  Because whatever situation you are in, you will learn a valuable life lesson, and once you have fully realized your experience, you will be a better person because of it and better able to help others going through a similar problem!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire


Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"

And you thought it would be thought everyone just loved being a mom. 

Lack of spiritual and physical support when raising children, money woes, demands to be a better mom, disrespectful partners, mean-spirited in-laws, spoiled children, and much more can contribute to a mother wishing she never had children.

Mother Declares Her Children Are "the Biggest Regret of Her Life"

Dads Hope You Don't Ask Them to Do Anything

No matter where you are on the scale of maturity when it comes to motherhood, you know that there are issues that need to be addressed when it comes to caring for children.  You may have a nine-year- old or a 29-year-old, who has needs once again, and would like for you to help, but mom you have enough to do!  Maybe you have done more than enough, so what's up with dad, grand-dad or great grand-dad?

It is never too late to enlist the help of dad even if you have kept him out of your children's affairs most of their lives.  He may have told you repeatedly how he can't do this, don't have the time for that, and why don't you help with that issue or this one?  But the truth is, dad needs to do more when it comes to raising children especially sons.  When you asked for his help, Dad might bring up the past, argue, threaten or even push you to yell at the top of your lungs, "Why don't you listen?  I need you to help!"  No matter what the lazy, poor, blind, crippled, or crazy dad tries to do to wiggle his way out of paying for something, advising your children, or simply being there for them, don't let him!  Chances are if he has experience with a previous family, he has much experience getting out of things.  Whether you have to do things like:  pray daily and partake in a spiritual fast, have the dreaded meeting that might start divorce proceedings, make an important phone call with tears in your eyes, or contact some outside help that absolutely hates good-for-nothing dads, don't give up on getting dad involved with your sons and daughters, moms!

Too many men have used excuses for far too long to keep from doing everything from changing a diaper to putting gas in the car to take children to their activities.  "Oh, I can't do that I have to work late.  My back and head hurts again, sorry honey.  You know what my childhood was are better at that kind of thing with the kids.  I wish I could help but there is a big game on TV!" 

As long as you permit him to say and do what he wants when he wants, you will keep being the one having to "do it all!"  For some of you reading this, you have said just that! "I do everything around here!  What does he do?  I have to buy this and the one to help our children with their needs...Whenever I ask him to do something he acts like he can't hear me!" 

In time, what tends to happen is a breakdown of communication which ultimately leads to a relationship breaking up.  A stressed out and often angry mother who feels taken advantage of will start saying and doing the kinds of things that will drive dad mad and possibly out of his home (mentally and physically) into the arms of someone else who he just might enlist the help of her to help out with the children.  You may have already experienced such a thing and now you have to listen to, "Dad's girlfriend did this for me...and Dad told his girlfriend to do that for us...Dad's fiance is very nice to me she said..."  The man didn't change, even with a new partner, he just passed the buck literally onto someone who wouldn't make him do anything!

So what can a mom, who still has an ounce of love and respect for the children's father, do?  Express her feelings and ask for more assistance.  She can gradually get him involved with more things without a grand announcement that includes a soapbox speech complete with an audience--notice I said gradually get him involved, this means introducing one thing at a time each day.  Some men simply can't handle too much of anything when it comes to family life especially when there is a crying infant in the house. So do keep this in mind before you start thinking about all that he needs/he better do.

In addition, a mother can share her plans in a way that includes him in the decision-making especially when it comes to spending money--show him the benefits.  Enlist his help when it comes to organizing, cleaning, teaching, care-taking etc. even if it means hanging schedules and notes around the house as reminders to the whole family (not just him)--avoid large, angry, red signs and don't post more than two. 

Keep in mind, one is trying to lighten her load.  She tells dad when she is unavailable in advance; rather than spring things up on him.  She leaves her partner with the children, but doesn't fail to supply meals, snacks and whatever else the children need.  Mom finds a way to get things done that doesn't require her supervision, instruction, etc. in very little time, because she is organized and manages time well. 

As we all know, there is more to being a father besides bringing home the bacon and periodically asking sons and daughters, "To do this...and do that or else!"  Nowadays more and more women are bringing home the bacon too, but they aren't relinquishing some of their household duties and family responsibilities which are sending them to their graves earlier and earlier!

Most dads don't want to be bothered when they are staring at the fires of their lives like cavemen many centuries ago.  They love their televisions, computer screens, and other electronics.  They enjoy eating and don't care much if kitchen is cleaned daily, fresh bed sheets are on the bed, and the house is well decorated.  Many could care less about home-cooked meals for the children when there is a McDonalds down the street.  These dads might melt when their children smile and give them things, but avoid them like a plague when they are having difficulties especially when finances are involved.

So if a woman comes along willing to bear a separated or divorced father more children or has one or more already, the dad doesn't feel like he has to do much else when Mom is "Taking care of this...Working here and there...Doing this and that for me and the kids..."  Why should he get off the couch and bother to assist his partner when she is adamantly telling him, "I run the show and I don't need anyone telling me what to do or helping me, thank you very much!"

Get Dads involved!  It is a matter of life and death to many of you women who already have illnesses as a result of doing far too much for far too many years for far too many people!  Listen to your doctor and your heavenly Creator and let them lighten your burdens--listen, stop defending your actions and creating false flags for your life, watch as well as pray!  God uses his messengers to warn you, "You are doing too much!  Why don't you let the children's father do some of those things?"  Maybe Dad doesn't do what you do as good as you, so teach him and give that man the pass when he messes up without nagging him.  Keep showing him how to care for children until he does what you ask of him right.

Nicholl McGuire


An Awakened Mother with No Fear of the What Ifs

I admit for years I walked around with my eyes closed to a lot of things especially when it came to intimate relationships, but when it came to care-taking issues related to my children not so much.  I saw things that I didn't like when others would handle or communicate with my children.  But if  I thought my speaking up would have threatened my role in my children's lives (especially when it came to their fathers), I went along with the flow often silently.  Like an itch that I couldn't reach or medicate, I just tolerated some things because I felt at times powerless to say or do anything--that is until I got wise.  As I prayed more, the "what ifs" in my mind began to fall away.  "What if this happened...what if he did...what if the children..."  So what, what if?  What if I had a nervous breakdown and didn't come back around to enjoy the company of my children because of all the stress and worry about the future?   

Prior to my spiritual moments with my Creator, I reasoned negative moments away and quite simply talked myself into choosing to look on the brighter side (especially when it came to relatives, in-laws, and other children-related problems).  Yet, when some issues are in your face, more than others, you can't keep looking away and telling yourself, "Things will get better I know it, so I am just going to sit back and be quiet--be a good mother that makes her children top priority end of discussion."  However, when family, money, business, spirituality, education, and a myriad of other challenges arise while time, money, and patience are short, sometimes you have to just stand--speak up when faced with an adversary, point out what's wrong and why you feel the way you do.  No matter how much this person or group labels you "crazy," "zealous," "strange," "bitter," "jealous," etc.  Name-calling is nothing more than an attempt to slow your momentum, to cause you to retreat, and give the enemy more power over your mind.

Opportunities to be open and honest about what you see and feel, Mother, will come again and again until you do something!  Consider the following examples, Dad insists that exposing children to evil acts is okay while you refuse to compromise.  Mother-in-law attempts to systematically brainwash your family against you in an effort to further dominate her son, so you expose her teachings.  An educator oftens singles out your child because he or she has had problems with him or her in the past; therefore you need to confront him or her.  From the way someone cares for your child to what a relative communicates to him or her, convincing yourself, "It isn't so bad...Well other people go through the same...And I know he/she means well..." is not going to keep the peace in your mind or spirit forever and always.  Some moms will just continue to keep fighting with their personal thoughts, feelings, and the imagined consequences that they believe others might put on them before lashing out on any and everyone one day.  Some mothers will go so far as to physically fight with someone in an effort to be heard.  But by then, it just might be too late.

Don't be like a teapot and let family pressure build up until you explode; rather, let those around you know gradually and boldly that when it comes to yourself, children and anything else that your eyes are wide open and  there is nothing they can say or do to convince you otherwise.  Be prepared to do what you must.  What sense does it make to carry a headache, heartache or some other pain around with you day after day because you worry or fear a certain outcome?  If you are very concerned about how a person might react to you, record your conversation, have a witness, or seek a third party to mediate the situation.

Nicholl McGuire

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

When Mothers Cry Blog Archive