Distraction: The Worst Enemy of All

Whether you are trying to fix something that has broken, make a fabulous meal, help your partner out with a task, study for a very important test, or watch a great movie scene, what usually happens while you are doing any of these things? You guessed it, your child or your adult son or daughter comes over with a request.

It seemed that every time I needed to focus on a phone call or write down something important, the crying starts, the tapping followed with "Momma...", the arguing, or the volume that was low from the television or radio is now louder than I can think! "Help..." One day I stormed into the rooms where the noises were coming from, two boys in one room and another two in the next. "Be quiet...if I have to tell you to stop all this noise one more time..." I guess from the look on my face they knew we weren't going to sit down and talk about why we need to respect each other's quiet time.

I think by far this is the worst thing I hate about parenting, heck about life! Distractions! They never come when you could careless. They are always there when you need to meet a deadline and when you need to get something done that you have put off for so long! I personally think my parents are paying me back since I have been on this sabbatical away from the children. The music is loud, the nosiest yard tools come on right when I have a sudden revelation, the knocking at the door while I'm typing..."I get it mom, you can quit with your distractions. Alright, dad I know you are paying me back for all the times I didn't let you sleep...but does the surround sound have to be on while you are watching the news?"

I am learning daily that come hell or high water, I will not be moved. Whoever or whatever feels like they can stop my mission in life to bury negativity and uproot positivity will most likely have to kill me first and sometimes I think that is what he, she, or it's intentions are, but by the grace of God and in Jesus Name I will prevail as the Christian and believers in my circle say and so I believe!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Disgruntled Mother-in-Law

Everyone has advice to share about motherhood including people who never had their own children! It’s easy for someone to talk, but it’s often a challenge for them to help. The worse of them is a disgruntled mother-in-law. She never liked her daughter-in-law and on top of that "the despised" has created a child with her son. A jealous mother-in-law is like a poisonous snake waiting for the right time to strike with her unsolicited advice. Whenever possible don't let her (or any other mother's) snide remarks, know-it-all attitude and other negative personality disorders get the best of you!

Fathers & Newborns: A Different Kind of Relationship

Fathers aren’t in love with newborns like mothers. For example, while mother is sleeping and father is restless he may continue to lie in the bed hoping the baby will wake up the mother so that he doesn’t have to tend to him or her. Mothers will do the same. A silent war between the couple ensues – no one wants to care for the baby for the millionth time!

Fathers know how to turn a deaf ear to not only their baby’s cries, but the mothers too! Just as they will act as if they don’t hear the baby in the middle of the night, they will pretend not to notice the mother’s post-partum cries. They know that eventually the mother will tend to the baby's needs while calling up her own mother for support.

Crazy Mother on Board!

I know at times I can be a crazy mother. I can go from being the sweetest mom on earth to being an angry mother in sixty seconds flat especially if one of my children does something foolish! I have read many parenting guides on how to communicate with children and it is easier said than done when your child has found your trigger button and pushed with all his or her might. You may have counted to ten and walked away the last few times, but at some point you will, “Go there…” but the key is to come back. Don’t "go there" so often that you don’t know your way back home!

Your mind may break down if you are out there too long and your children may be visiting you at a mental hospital one day! I can tell you from experience, I had a nervous breakdown with all the hyperventilating and convulsions to match. It ain’t pretty! Picture this, one day you are upset with your children and the next you are on the floor wishing you would die rather than look like a fool in front of your family and the paramedics while thinking if you have to be transported to the hospital, how will you manage to pay yet another bill?

Our Mothers Influence How We Mother Whether They are With Us or Not

Can I tell you that I haven’t always been content with how my mother communicated with me or her mother (my grandmother) treated me and I am sure they would agree that they haven’t always liked the way I dealt with them. But one thing I have learned through my life’s journey is that they still love me anyway and I still love them just the same. I will admit that part of my struggle with being a mother comes from the influences around me. Life hasn’t been a walk in the park for neither my mother or grandmother, they have their faults and some of those faults rubbed off on me. However, some of their strengths are also a part of my being as well.

When we get to a place when we stop fighting our mothers in hearts and minds and just accept them for who they are we will be able to walk in peace. Acceptance doesn’t mean you are now obligated to break bread with your mother and grandmother and take every feeling you have about them and bury it -- for someone to require you to do that they are not wise. Forgiveness doesn’t come overnight and sometimes forgiving someone has nothing to do with just not liking them. I think many are misguided on the issue of forgiveness but I digress.

Accepting mother and grandmother simply means that you are at peace within concerning them it doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with the things they say and do. You have realized that you are no longer going to fight with them about trying to get them to change anymore whether it is their lifestyle or what they say. The way I see it if you had a mother who was a lesbian, a preacher, a liar, a prostitute, a rock star, or a housekeeper and that was the life she chose as long as it doesn’t come into your home and strangle you, why fight with her? If there is one thing I want in this life for myself and children is to walk in peace. And if having peace means distancing oneself, well then by all means do what you must! Feel free to be who you are and forget about those who try to play psychological games to get you to conform. Acceptance must work on her end, she isn’t trying to change you and you aren’t trying to change her. Worrying about your own life is stressful enough!

Excerpt from the book: When Mothers Cry Written by Nicholl McGuire

"When mothers cry the first thing people want to know is why? Why would a woman bother to shed tears in front of an audience that would judge, berate, belittle, accuse, lie, or abuse her. Why would any mother allow her tears to fall in the presence of critical, negative, judgmental people who can’t see outside their ignorant boxes they call, “self?” I’ll tell you why because sometimes the only way you can tell a story is to cry. Sometimes the only way you can make your point be known is to raise your arms up in the air and scream! When mothers cry people had better listen! When they take to the streets with picket signs and expressions on their faces that look as if they are ready to kill, people had better worry. The worse thing that any man, childless woman, or rebellious child can do is to add fuel to the fire of a mother who is already enraged about her partner, children, boss, relatives, finances, and more by telling her, “You should…” Listening to someone tell me this while I am in the heat of anger is like nails scratching on chalkboard! "So what should I do?" I feel like telling this know-it-all! Then I brace myself hoping they will not say anything more.

A woman, man, or child who hasn’t walked two steps in someone else’s shoes ought to be quiet! Why open yourself up to a mother telling you off wherever you may stand? Why act as if you know how she feels when the truth of the matter is you don’t. Who has ever felt that rush of heated anger creep from the bottom of your stomach to the top of your head while someone tries to tell you how to raise your children? I know some of you put a critic back in their place without hesitation! They most likely responded with, “I’m sorry!”

We mothers cry for many reasons far too many to get into detail at this moment, but our concerns are valid. We need to vent we have to vent, because if we don’t we will blow up inside or outside and God have mercy on the one that has to hear our stories! He or she may be listening to us for hours ranting and raving about everything that everyone ever did to us and why we will not sit back and allow our children to go through what we did as a child!

I admit I am a mother with a cry and that is why I even bothered to write a book for anyone who can relate to my pain. Notice I said relate not feel because you can’t feel what I feel and most likely if you had the opportunity to live through some of the things I have gone through as a mother you probably wouldn’t have reacted the same way. You see we can say what we would do if a situation arises, but the truth is we don’t know how we would react.

I have witnessed mothers scream and yell at their children in the public hoping that somehow their scolding will shame the children enough that they would do what they are told, but oftentimes it only makes them act worse. Then they wonder why the child attempts to yell back at the mother in frustration. A child will only behave in the way that the parent treats them. Yell at them and watch what you will get --a child with an attitude waiting for an opportunity to tell you about yourself. Call them names and later, if you listen real close, you will hear them call you the same names under their breath. Who was the foolish mother who thought that if she acted mean toward her children she would get loving and kind adult children who would honor her in old age?

There was a time in my life that I had never wanted to be a mother. I didn’t want to have to deal with the responsibilities of caring for a child. I had witnessed too many mothers around me lose their cool with children, including me, so I reasoned that having a child makes you mean and I didn’t want to be a part of anything that was going to make me act like what I had observed mothers do. I saw them scream, push, spank, and cuss their children. I knew that if my mother said she was going to knock my sister and my head off, after upsetting her with our toys and stomping around the house, we had better take heed to what she said. At the time I didn’t know that she couldn’t literally knock our heads off and I didn’t want to find out either."

Nicholl McGuire

Be Encouraged!

When you feel like giving up on everything
When the pain seems too much to bear
When people scandalize your name
When no one seems to care.

When the man you love says goodbye
When your child cries and cries
Don't lose your mind!
Don't hate your life!
Don't kill what you have built!

Stand strong in the face of those who have hurt you
Stand strong when man threatens you
Stand strong when the woman you love lies
Stand strong!

Know that you weren't created to be any one's
physical or verbal punching bag!

You are special!
Your talents exceptional!
Live each day better than the next
and know that it is inevitable that we all will die one day.

Let no one move you to take your own life
through smoking, drinking, drugs and the like.

Let no one move you to take your own life
through starvation, manipulation, and lack of creation.

For there is someone greater than you!
The flowers weren't planted by the man who abuses
the sky wasn't created by the woman who misuses
their minds, bodies and souls!

Don't lose your mind!
Find your heart
know that you have
purpose from the very start!

Written by: Nicholl McGuire

Mother Thinks She Knows Best...

There will be those times when mother and daughter will disagree. You will say something happened one way, she will insist that it happened the other way. When times like these occur it makes you wish you had a "do over" button. You start to have a headache or stomachache, because mother wants to insist that she knows best when sometimes she doesn't have a clue!

I think sometimes mothers tend to think they know more then their adult children because they watched a show on television or read a magazine, but as we all know there is nothing like experience! It's easy to sit back and fantasize from a seat in your livingroom, but it is a whole different story when you are actually in the line of fire. I personally feel not just mothers, but anyone who hasn't "been there and done that" should keep quiet! I also feel because one has "been there and done that" doesn't mean that everyone will feel the same way about their experience. For example, I have heard some mothers talk about the joy of caring for their newborn and I have also heard other mothers talk about the struggles of caring for their newborn. I personally don't think that one should assume, because a mother has a newborn she is supposed to feel a certain way.

Anyway, back to the issue about mother and daughter relationships. Some mothers need to do more listening and less talking. They assume because they have "seen the movie" they know alot. When in reality, if they were put in a similar crisis they may not handle it in the way that they may be advising their daughter to handle it. That is why it is so important to be your own woman -- make your own life decisions without advice from mom. God has given us all common sense, wisdom, eyes to read, and ears to hear, it's up to us to find solutions to our problems by ourselves that way if anything goes wrong we can only blame us.

I personally enjoy finding answers to my own dilemmas without my mother or grandmother's input because what I don't want to hear later is, "I told you..."

You see, the "I told you" comments have become a huge turnoff for me. What they tell me is "Aha I'm right your wrong." Sometimes it isn't an issue of right and wrong, but they will make it seem that way. When you are having a conversation with someone and they just so happen to guess correctly about a problem you are having, it doesn't mean that for now on they should be the go to person! I think some people would love to be the one in your life who you would one day say, "If it wasn't for...I don't know where I would be or what I would be doing!" I have learned, for me, it isn't about people anymore and what they say or do, but it's about what God motivates them to do in my life. Because if it wasn't for GOD I don't know where I would be or what I would be doing.

I noticed if the advice a mother gives to her daughter before something happens in her life isn't very clear, wise, or beneficial, once the negative event occurs, the mother will try to change the details of her advice to fit her daughter's situation so that it looks as if she had warned her all along. However, the truth is she never provided enough detail about a situation and often flip- flopped (just like her daughter) in what she was saying prior to the event occuring. Now the mother wants to take credit for something she has no business taking credit for! If her daughter remembers that someone else had helped her through a situation and gives that advisor credit, her mother will quickly say, "But I told you the same thing..." Not necessarily, dear ole' mom, maybe that advisor was more clear, direct or said something entirely different to your daughter. Either way, mother doesn't always know best.

When we begin to see that our mothers are trying to dominate our lives or take credit for things they didn't do, we can do a few things: stop telling so much about our lives to them, avoid seeking their advice, and don't allow them to get the upper hand on our lives by giving them more praise than God.

Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Make that Baby Shut Up!

Some people enjoy the sounds of a crying baby, others could care less when they hear one crying, and then there are those who are tempted to say, "Make that Baby Shut Up!" I fall in the shut up baby group. I didn't just become this way overnight. I have always been this way before four sons and after four sons. There is something in listening to a baby's cries that drives me up the wall! I can tolerate a crying baby for about 10 minutes maybe and then after that I am looking around and asking someone, "Why doesn't the parent just take that baby home?"

One Sunday morning, I was seated in church enjoying the minister's message and a baby starts crying. The mother is trying to get the baby to stop. The baby had been passed around by others and still no peace. She had given the baby everything she had to get him/her to stop crying and nothing seemed to work! After disturbing the entire congregation for almost 10 minutes on and off they finally removed the mother and baby from the group. All I could think was this is a tape recorded message and if someone buys the tape just when they are getting his or her breakthrough there will be the crying baby in the background distracting one from focusing on the message. It wasn't like the pastor hadn't dismissed babies and children only prior. It wasn't like he didn't have jumbo screens in another room for parents to watch the service or listen to the message in the bathroom while they dried their wet baby. All the accomodations were there, it's just the parents could careless.

Can someone tell me why is it that babies tend to cry when all is quiet? I can't seem to get away from the crying babies! I try to sit in a place where I don't have to be one of those people staring at the child while the frustrated mother is trying to quiet him or her. I try to avoid standing in a line where there is a baby crying and staring at me over the mother's shoulder as if he or she is saying, "Say something lady and I will keep crying!" I don't know if it's just me, but alot of these mothers just don't seem to care. They continue to shop knowing that it's their son or daughter's nap time. They continue to sit in the church pew with their crying child for a few more minutes after the church leader makes a silly comment referring to the baby's loud cries. One minister said to his congregation while a baby was crying in the audience, "It's only 10%!" Referring to the tithes and offerings he was about to ask for. Everyone who had been disturbed by the baby's cries gently laughed about his remark.

I personally feel like sometimes continuous baby's cries are symbolic of the frustrated mother's woes being spilled out into the public especially in the church setting. To think deeply on this topic, I reason that when the mother just doesn't know how to cry, ask for help (pray) or refuses to cry out her bottled up emotions, her irritable baby cries for her. It's as if the child is saying, "My mother needs help and she isn't helping me!"

I can only imagine babies and children are only going to get worse as the years go by because of so many nonchalant, "take it easy, no big deal, whatever" types of attitude parents! We are a generation of spoiled children who are never satisfied with enough! It has to always be more than enough!

The crying baby is a reflection of a crying mother who is hungry for something but she doesn't know what it is, she is in need of a nap but doesn't know how to take one, she feels sick inside but doesn't know what to take for it, she is a mother who doesn't know how to cry so her baby cries for her!

Written bu Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Happy Mother's Day

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I can't help but think of those people who have no mother. Whether she passed away or is simply not around, they will have to listen or be around people who do talk about their mother.

What does that feel like anyway? Listening to someone who wants to make you feel better about your grief while they complain about their mother and children in front of you. I guess some people feel like it will somehow make you think of all the negative times you had with your own mother.

For almost three years I hadn't seen my mother in person due to a relocation, I know some people's situations were much worse, but I am not looking to make a competition of pain. For me, it hurt at times thinking that some of the best moments of my life my mother would miss. I mean if she had been deceased or disabled, I could understand, but she wasn't neither of these things, and I just wanted her to be around some times to see the grandchildren and talk about anything. However, she didn't want to ride the plane and she left me hoping that one day she might. Many Mother's Days over the years came and went being 3000 miles away from home, and two hours away from two of my children, sometimes I got a card in the mail from someone, sometimes I didn't. One year I made the effort to see my children on Mother's Day and was so glad I did, another year I made the effort to see my mother and grandmother for Mother's Day so glad that I did that too! But if I thought that the favor would be returned, that was wishful thinking on my part. I learned that a good Mother's Day is the one that you create, not necessarily the one that is created for you. I guess this concept would make sense for some. Think of a pregnancy and how what is going on inside of the womb is a creation - a small being- that is growing inside of us! Sometimes we need to ask the powers that be, God, Jesus or whoever you may call your deity, "What idea, action, or dream will you impregnate within me for the next day, month, or years? How can I take this day that man has appointed to me and make it into something special?"

I had wished that I could be with my children sometimes for Mother's Day and other times I wish that literally it was "a mother's day" a day to get away from the diapers, whines, and cries. I guess the point of this blog entry is to remind you to have a Happy Mother's Day whether you are a mother, have no mother, or wish to be a mother and most of all make it your own creation even when others don't acknowledge it!

Happy Mother's Day!

Seven Points People Fail To Understand When it Comes to Motherhood Trials & Tribulations

Some times the reason why conflict arises between mothers and everyone else, is due to some people not being careful what they say to mothers. They fail to understand a mother's pain, grief, circumstance, and so forth. They assume that they know what they are talking about when in fact they aren't knowledgeable enough to understand a mother's plight. So I thought of seven tips that I hope will help those who don't know any better. All I can say, is may God have mercy on them when their trials come, because THEY WILL COME!


1. The way you may handle parenting issues may not make sense or be feasible to other mothers, so avoid the temptation to think your way is the only or best way, because most likely it isn't.

2. When a mother misses her children, what favors she asks of you, if reasonable, should be granted. Why does she have to explain why she wants to talk or see her children to anyone?

3. Just because a woman is a mother doesn't mean that she will treat her children like you would.

4. Don't falsely assume that because one mother can juggle the following without falling apart: spouse, job, child, activities, and people, other mothers will and can do the same!

5. Don't ever volunteer your explanation for why someone's child was murdered, died, or some other horrible thing! You can't bring the mother's child back, so be careful with your reasoning. Most likely, she has her own thoughts to answer her question of "why" which may bring her peace no matter how absurb, crazy, or irrational her reasoning might be -- don't try to that away from her! Unless you can bring her child back from the grave or can heal him or her physically, listen more!

6. Being a mother isn't a game or competition and shouldn't be treated as such! Don't wish for a relative, friend, neighbor or co-worker's life! Keep away from negative thinking such as telling yourself, "...if you have more children than him or her that you will feel better." Instead, consider that their lives have more trials and tribulations than yours, so don't give any attention to braggarts!

7. Everyone doesn't have a faith; but it doesn't make a woman less than a mother because she chooses not to worship a deity. So avoid the temptation to judge or be critical; rather embrace your sister and pray for her secretly.

Written by Nicholl McGuire, For other articles related to parenting issues, money, relationships, and more, visit www.associated.content.com/nichollmcguire

They Say You Should Be Blessed

I have received my share of comments about " You should be blessed to have children..." and I appreciate those people who choose to attempt to encourage myself and other mothers with positive statements, cliches and the rest. Sometimes these comments are followed with, "I lost my daughter. If only I had children. Be grateful for what you have because there are so many women who could only wish to be in your shoes." Well although these comments are meant to be nice, friendly, etc. these statements don't sit well with me. Instead, I smell a hidden jealousy, surrounded by flattery, with a hint of unsolicited advice used moreso to gratify oneself or kick a mother when she is down. The truth is if the parent who hadn't lost their child was able to see them each and everyday the way we do our children, they would be all over the Internet researching for some help, buying books, or chatting up a storm on the phone about their frustrations with being a parent to someone while being critical of their partner's parenting style! So as the street says, "Stop your hatin'!"

As I put on my header on this blog, this site is for frustrated mothers! But to those mothers who love motherhood, lost a child, fear saying anything negative because later they might feel guilty, or others who wouldn't dare share their struggles with others need not read this blog!! Of course, if you fall into these areas you don't need to read about being a frustrated mother anyway; rather, you need to find blogs related to your own experience. I guess what adds to my frustration about motherhood is with self-righteous, ignorant mothers who want me to feel happy all the time, to smile all the time, to feel blessed all the time, and to talk sweet all the time, well it's not going to happen all the time!

What I don't want is a friend who is going to try to make me feel good by talking about someone else's dilemma, "Just think of all those women who don't have any children..." well catch me on the wrong day and I might tell you, "Well go out and get me one who doesn't mind watching my children once or twice a week." Listen, I know I'm blessed, I'm grateful and I appreciate the fact that they are wonderful, handsome, and well-behaved on most days, but when I am having a down moment in my day, I would like someone to hug me and just shut up! I can't help but think maybe that is why so many men leave their wives, because of their big know-it-all mouths! Who knows that could have been included on my ex's list of things he didn't like about me LOL! "Just think of all the men that aren't so fortunate to have a wife that will cook, clean, shop..." You see, if women are talking to their partners in the same way they are talking to their friends, then I can't help but agree, "He would be better off without her."

Everyone finds their healing in so many different ways. Some people refuse to talk about their issues and get along just fine. Others choose to worship God to get over their frustrations and that's great. Some mothers enjoy a cup of coffee and some time with a good friend to talk about all their pain. Then of course their are mothers who do all of the above and then some. Well now there is a blog that you can read frustrated mother and say, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!" And, like I said before to those self-righteous mothers or "I wish I was still a mother" types, envious mothers or some other issue kind of mother, read someone else's blog about your experience and leave us frustrated mothers to deal with our issues in our own way and if you must need assurance that we will be okay, let me be the first to tell you that God, Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, Yoga, coffee, friends, relatives, hobbies, money, perscription meds, and anything else we need will help us get through until the next crisis, but you won't! As the Bible says, "This too shall pass!"