When a Partner Doesn't Listen to Your Cry, Children Could Care Less

Ever been frustrated when attempting to communicate your concerns to a partner?  He or she shrugs, fakes interest, or responds in a tone that brings out the worse in you.  Meanwhile, children couldn’t care less that the dispute was instigated by what they said or didn’t do. 

No one heard the instruction, caution, or anger spewing out of your voice attempting to keep something from occurring days or even weeks prior.  The day goes on.  Mom is the crazy one and everyone else is sane.

When your family doesn’t hear you, there are times where you have to be like an annoying fly until they do.  Of course, they will want to do what they can to make you go away, but persistent moms get the job done.  Whether they post reminders all over the house, call twice a day plus send texts checking in on their troubled children, or stand in the living room with a bullhorn to get everyone to stop fighting, Mom knows that some activities require un-divided attention.  She may have to take children’s favorite items out of rooms in order for homework to be completed and cut off time spent with favorite relatives and friends until matters at home are addressed. 

When her relationship is begging for aid, Mom might go out of her way to change her entire appearance, cook a full spread meal, and purchase her husband’s favorite drinks just to say, “I love you!”  Her husband may be oblivious as to what is happening with her, at home and the children due to work obligations.  As crazy as some of this might sound, there just is no getting through to some people with tough personalities without some attention-grabbing action.  

Now you may not be like that over-the-top with getting results from your family, and the truth be told neither am I.  I am not the type who stands on a soap box yelling at the top of my lungs, wearing a Tutu trying to get my family to hear me.  Yet, whatever creative or not-so creative way you come up with, the objective Mom is to get someone in that house to hear your cry before you do something that you might later regret!

Many mothers are killing themselves softly inside, because they refuse to voice their concerns about things like: their children’s school progress, their husband’s infidelity, the busy-body in-laws, an addiction that has crept up out of nowhere, internal pain and suffering, etc.  These so-called Super Moms believe that by “keeping the peace” and balancing everything under the sun they are doing the right thing.  However, what they are really doing is building ticking time bombs on the inside.  If only some deceased husbands and babies knew before they were placed six feet down in their graves. 

What a mother chooses to do to communicate with her stubborn family members has to be attention-grabbing, functional, within reason, and most of all out of love.  Not only are you expecting your family to hear you, but you have to be willing to hear them too.  As I have said awhile ago, a lot of Moms are leaving this world before their partners.  They are exhausted with having to work jobs that they don’t like or require long hours, manage household, care for children, check on relatives, catch up with friends, run errands, follow-up with doctors, take prescription medicines, plan holiday events, and more.  They are running themselves ragged!

I shared with my children one day what I needed from them.  I repeatedly told them about chores, posted the lists where they could see them, and asked them about homework.  I reminded them of the consequences.  They have since had to learn the hard way.  I sat down with my husband on many occasions communicating my concerns about many things respectfully, angrily, and silently.  When issues aren’t addressed once again there are consequences.  As much as you don’t want to see any of your family members suffer, there comes a point where what you are feeling inside transfers on to them simply because there is an unwillingness to change.  There is more to life then one’s personal comfort, routine, and what he or she feels is “right” to them. 

Quality families are built on trust, communication, respect, and love.  Without these things, they are destined to fail.  I told my children one day, “When I walk out this room, I trust that you are going to do what I told you…I respect you, but I don’t like your not listening…I love you but I don’t have to like what you are doing.  If your brother (or anyone) is doing something you don’t like and after you told him and he is still doing the same thing, you come tell me and I will deal with him.”  They know not to keep things bottled inside, but sometimes we need to remind ourselves of the same thing.  Don’t be worried or fearful about irritating or angering one of your relatives because you need some cooperation from them!

Share your cry today with someone whether online or offline who needs to understand what is bothering you, why you aren’t your typical happy self, and what you might need to help you get through another day! 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. 

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire excerpt on So-Called Charming Men

From the father who finds his electronics more significant than his kids to the unavailable, soon-to-be dad who strikes up conversations with young women in stores (knowing full well his pregnant woman is waiting outside in the car), some Dads are masters at charming the public too while hiding their dark sides (check out my book Say Goodbye to Dad). These slick good guys will stare at eye candy in the hopes of getting some attention. Then they will follow up their looks with icebreakers they think their targets would like to hear--sometimes with family in tote. What do they care? Once again, these men aren't concerned about their lady friends, girlfriends, lovers, children, or spouses that are nearby or elsewhere waiting on them. I have seen this play out many times when attending family reunions, church events, birthday celebrations, outings at the mall, and even while sitting in the car as a child with my cousins waiting for one of my uncles. 

Charming men dismiss their devious thoughts and ways as "just flirting...I treat all the ladies like this...I'm just a man, I'm not Jesus...Every man does it." Yet, Mr. Public Charmer turns into Mr. Abuser if his partner behaves like him, doesn't do what he says, and is frequently exposing him on his foolish behaviors. Sometimes the scheming, toxic man gets a dose of his own poison. "Why is she spending so much time talking to that man? She sure is doing a lot of smiling. Let me go over here and see what's going on. She knows I will hurt her about that..." the hot-tempered man tells loved ones. If Daddy Charmer is separated or divorced from a wife or girlfriend he may nitpick about who she (or other lovers) is seeing and what men are around his children since their breakup. "Why do you need to know?" His former partner asks. "Woman, I can ask you whatever I want! You want me to give you another a$$ whippin' like before?" the angry man retorts. "See, that's why we broke up! You always want to jump on me when you're mad!" his girlfriend yells.

Daddy Charmer goes on with his life, but not his victims without a fight. Some of these men end up being stalkers on and off the Internet. They harass their women with phone calls, unannounced visits, frequent places they go, badmouth them to others, and sometimes enlist the help of friends to watch their exes. This is why many mothers end up leaving the state with children or leaving them behind with their fathers. It is a headache living with these men and after a breakup; sometimes it takes years before you can make the headaches go away.

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire
Get the book today and hopefully you just might save yourself or someone you love from an emotionally and/or physically abusive man!

In Relationship with Controlling Person - Breakup, Divorce

In Relationship with Controlling Person via @sutros  This is an eye-opening message especially for those mothers contemplating divorce.  Watch as well as pray.  Always think ahead!

Controlling Partners Don't Want Relatives and Friends Knowing Any Family Business

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Said Too Much, Did Too Little - The Abuser Will Ma...: Mean-spirited, vindictive, or thoughtless relatives and friends can add to the drama in a household comprised of victim, abuser and childre...

For the Love of the Children: Why Mothers Stay with Controlling Partners

It isn't easy being in a relationship much less one built on lies, exaggerations and promises.  Controlling men who believe that in order to keep women in their places, they must do the kind of things that don't uplift them, but keep them under their thumbs.

The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.

She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does.  She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night.  She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.

Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children.  Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like.  Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home.  The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension.  "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say.  It isn't for you to understand.

There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian.  Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up.  No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond.  This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.

Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following:  some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime.  Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date.  This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice.  A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs.  Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right.  But far too often, they don't.  Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.

So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children.  Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"

Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7

Hard to Be a Good Mom When You're Being Abused

There are moms who are fighting the good fight everyday! They fight with children, fight through traffic, fight with co-workers, fight with in-laws, and even fight with partners. It wasn't always like this! She used to be a nice, docile type adored and appreciated by family and friends.

A woman who has been through storms in her life and is still trying to protect herself from current storms is not a happy woman especially when she is living with an unhappy partner. He lies about sexual conquests, disrespects her and the children, ignores the family's need for attention, and often chooses to accommodate his selfish needs; rather than consider the needs of others. She is being abused whether she wants to call it that.

How can she raise well-adjusted, dare I say it, normal children when all this unnecessary stress is in and around her. It's hard enough just living especially if she has PMS or menopausal issues, now she has to contend with an abusive partner or spouse!

Something has got to give! She must look at her life from the outside in and realize that someone is going to get hurt if she keeps going out without a coat, umbrella and boots in these storms. Will it be the children? Will it be her? Will it be him? A victim has an excuse for everything. She reasons that nothing is as bad as it seems. She believes she has nothing to worry about. She thinks that the children will be alright, but we all know better--some of you reading this probably wished mom and dad had never met.

So with all this said, how does her issues with the man affect her parenting? Here are a few signs:

She frequently yells at the children for no apparent reason.

She complains a lot about her family issues.

She often thinks about getting away from her family.

She believes that drinking alcohol or smoking illegal drugs will take the edge off, so that she can face another day.

She allows her husband/boyfriend to get away with things even though she knows his actions are killing her inside.

She fantasizes about a divorce and/or seeing other men.

She wishes she never had children.

If you have any or all of these signs, you must re-evaluate what is happening in your personal life and how you intend to make some changes. My sincere prayers go out to you!

Nicholl McGuire wrote the book in the video, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate on Amazon.com