Why moms get NOTHING DONE

When Mothers Cry for Peace, Patience and Wisdom

In continuation of my thoughts on mothers being heard, I just wanted to share today about the need for moms to ask their heavenly Creator for peace, not only in their homes, but all around them and beyond!  So much arguing, fussing, and fighting occur on a daily basis with so many unhappy people!  Many are miserable because of things they did or didn't do, the anger, guilt and depression continue to live on.  Rather than muster up the energy to find a solution to problems, people fight!  So let there be peace in the land, my friends!

The next point I would like to mention is mothers do cry out for patience!  Oh, we can be so overwhelmed at times with our families, projects, and other things that we become short on patience.  A little offense can be all out war on the offender.  A frequent crying child can make anyone run out the house.  Let us breathe, take refuge, find solace in chaos, and above everything else, pray.  Let go of all the obligation but for a moment and let God fill you with the energy to go on.

Lastly, I must add more and more mothers are walking this parenting journey without a wise support system.  The kind that isn't judgmental, crass, and crazy.  Religious zealots can have some moms jumping through hoops.  Controlling relatives can make some moms feel like they are losing their minds with all their Dos and Don'ts.  Then there are others who just have one idea, statement, or criticism that makes moms feel low.  Ask your God to bless you with the kind of network that sincerely means you well--no closet haters, jealous so-called friends, mean-spirited relatives who cover twisted emotions with a smile, just good ole' fashioned honest to God wise citizens. 

Are these things really too much to ask?

Stay blessed my friend.

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry

Stop Crying about Your Children Holding You Back!

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Seven Points People Fail To Understand When it Comes to Motherhood Trials & Tribulations

Some times the reason why conflict arises between mothers and everyone else, is due to some people not being careful what they say to mothers. They fail to understand a mother's pain, grief, circumstance, and so forth. They assume that they know what they are talking about when in fact they aren't knowledgeable enough to understand a mother's plight. So I thought of seven tips that I hope will help those who don't know any better. All I can say, is may God have mercy on them when their trials come, because THEY WILL COME!


1. The way you may handle parenting issues may not make sense or be feasible to other mothers, so avoid the temptation to think your way is the only or best way, because most likely it isn't.

2. When a mother misses her children, what favors she asks of you, if reasonable, should be granted. Why does she have to explain why she wants to talk or see her children to anyone?

3. Just because a woman is a mother doesn't mean that she will treat her children like you would.

4. Don't falsely assume that because one mother can juggle the following without falling apart: spouse, job, child, activities, and people, other mothers will and can do the same!

5. Don't ever volunteer your explanation for why someone's child was murdered, died, or some other horrible thing! You can't bring the mother's child back, so be careful with your reasoning. Most likely, she has her own thoughts to answer her question of "why" which may bring her peace no matter how absurb, crazy, or irrational her reasoning might be -- don't try to that away from her! Unless you can bring her child back from the grave or can heal him or her physically, listen more!

6. Being a mother isn't a game or competition and shouldn't be treated as such! Don't wish for a relative, friend, neighbor or co-worker's life! Keep away from negative thinking such as telling yourself, "...if you have more children than him or her that you will feel better." Instead, consider that their lives have more trials and tribulations than yours, so don't give any attention to braggarts!

7. Everyone doesn't have a faith; but it doesn't make a woman less than a mother because she chooses not to worship a deity. So avoid the temptation to judge or be critical; rather embrace your sister and pray for her secretly.

Written by Nicholl McGuire, For other articles related to parenting issues, money, relationships, and more, visit www.associated.content.com/nichollmcguire

Burn Out...

Every single day since I found out I was pregnant back in 2006, I have spent it with my children! Now it is 2009, and I am burnt out! Along the way, I did the movie thing, window shopping, asked the father to take them out for a few hours (which he did few and far in between,) requested my own family 3000 miles away from the grandchildren come out and visit, talked to his family (less than 30 minutes away) and they acted disinterested and often used "being busy" as an excuse to avoid contact with me -- I just couldn't shake my building resentment.

I remember wanting to do something different, something for myself, and my partner at the time met my eyes with a look like, "Your kidding me right?" I didn't specifically know at the time what I wanted to do for me, but one thing I did know for sure was that I wanted the children in daycare. He wasn't even a little bit happy with that even though I told him how it would benefit him and the relationship as well. I was even willing to have him cut the money he was giving me and give it to the daycare, but he wasn't having it!

One day I had an "aha" moment like when you suddenly realize a powerful truth about yourself or someone else. For once, I understood why some mothers resort to killing themselves, children and/or mates, the reason starts with feeling burnt out! At some point those around her suspected that she was falling apart, but they either were unwilling to help her, mentioned a few ideas and went on their way, or looked the other way. I learned that mothers do reach out for help prior to feelings of being burnt out, it's just people don't listen or don't take her seriously. I remember one day speaking to a relative about my issues and all I heard was her issues. She wasn't really concerned about what was happening to me nor could she read between the lines when I would tell her, "I am having dark thoughts." I went to my doctor and explained my situation she only recommended I go on vacation, but when I couldn't do that and came back again for the second time many months later, I talked more specifically about my increasing dark thoughts, by then she was all too willing to put me on an antidepressant!

At first the antidepressant worked miracles and I was practically skipping around the house, but then gradually I noticed that I was having an unusual amount of heart palpitations. I continued to take the medicine ignoring the signs until one day I ended up on the floor, having convulsions, and barely able to breathe while having absolutely no control over my body! Imagine being conscience of everything around you, but unable to communicate anything!

I told my doctor what had happened to me while taking the medication and to that she referred me to another doctor who had another medicine for me (yes, another antidepressant!) I was feeling good again on this medicine too, but then I gradually started having more heart palpitations and more convulsions at least once a month despite all my tests showing up normal! I performed Internet research on the drugs to find out how to ween myself off of them since my doctor was too busy to contact me about my getting off of them! By this time I had visited three doctors! I was angry and took matters in my own hands! I discovered quickly that other mothers online had a similar story! I was devastated that my doctor didn't bother to call me back knowing the difficulty I was having with the medicine and withdrawing from it!

As I thought about the events that led up to my cutting antidepressants out of my life, I learned that my issues weren't psychological but physiological. (Only one doctor was able to confirm my notion and recommended I stop seeing doctors about my issues and make some personal changes in my life!) I learned that my mind was running away from an environment I no longer wanted to be in and my unsympathetic, misunderstood (did I mention andropausal) partner couldn't grasp this concept! He thought that I should be happy being around the children all day everyday! Well children never completed me and where he got this idea of mothers being happy around their children all the time, I don't know. Yes, I had been a happy mom early on, but when I wanted something different to happen in my life, besides having a child, I began to burn out...my mind and body was literally ready to shut down for good!

So I write this blog entry specifically for those mothers who were prescribed antidepressants for physiological problems. You aren't going crazy, those around you who choose not to reach out and help you, are the crazy ones! Change your environment or get a new one!

I honestly believe that the judicial system should not only convict mothers who commit crimes on their children in a haze of insanity, but they should also convict these unsupportive spouses who claim, "I didn't know...I wasn't sure...I never knew..." They know they just put their own needs over the needs of the family while expecting the mother to stay in her place! She is reaching out when she says, "I need you...I would like for you...Could you..." It's up to these spouses to hear a mother's cry!

They Say You Should Be Blessed

I have received my share of comments about " You should be blessed to have children..." and I appreciate those people who choose to attempt to encourage myself and other mothers with positive statements, cliches and the rest. Sometimes these comments are followed with, "I lost my daughter. If only I had children. Be grateful for what you have because there are so many women who could only wish to be in your shoes." Well although these comments are meant to be nice, friendly, etc. these statements don't sit well with me. Instead, I smell a hidden jealousy, surrounded by flattery, with a hint of unsolicited advice used moreso to gratify oneself or kick a mother when she is down. The truth is if the parent who hadn't lost their child was able to see them each and everyday the way we do our children, they would be all over the Internet researching for some help, buying books, or chatting up a storm on the phone about their frustrations with being a parent to someone while being critical of their partner's parenting style! So as the street says, "Stop your hatin'!"

As I put on my header on this blog, this site is for frustrated mothers! But to those mothers who love motherhood, lost a child, fear saying anything negative because later they might feel guilty, or others who wouldn't dare share their struggles with others need not read this blog!! Of course, if you fall into these areas you don't need to read about being a frustrated mother anyway; rather, you need to find blogs related to your own experience. I guess what adds to my frustration about motherhood is with self-righteous, ignorant mothers who want me to feel happy all the time, to smile all the time, to feel blessed all the time, and to talk sweet all the time, well it's not going to happen all the time!

What I don't want is a friend who is going to try to make me feel good by talking about someone else's dilemma, "Just think of all those women who don't have any children..." well catch me on the wrong day and I might tell you, "Well go out and get me one who doesn't mind watching my children once or twice a week." Listen, I know I'm blessed, I'm grateful and I appreciate the fact that they are wonderful, handsome, and well-behaved on most days, but when I am having a down moment in my day, I would like someone to hug me and just shut up! I can't help but think maybe that is why so many men leave their wives, because of their big know-it-all mouths! Who knows that could have been included on my ex's list of things he didn't like about me LOL! "Just think of all the men that aren't so fortunate to have a wife that will cook, clean, shop..." You see, if women are talking to their partners in the same way they are talking to their friends, then I can't help but agree, "He would be better off without her."

Everyone finds their healing in so many different ways. Some people refuse to talk about their issues and get along just fine. Others choose to worship God to get over their frustrations and that's great. Some mothers enjoy a cup of coffee and some time with a good friend to talk about all their pain. Then of course their are mothers who do all of the above and then some. Well now there is a blog that you can read frustrated mother and say, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!" And, like I said before to those self-righteous mothers or "I wish I was still a mother" types, envious mothers or some other issue kind of mother, read someone else's blog about your experience and leave us frustrated mothers to deal with our issues in our own way and if you must need assurance that we will be okay, let me be the first to tell you that God, Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, Yoga, coffee, friends, relatives, hobbies, money, perscription meds, and anything else we need will help us get through until the next crisis, but you won't! As the Bible says, "This too shall pass!"