Expectant - Mom Know What is Ahead

The best thing a new mother can do for herself is be in the know when it comes to motherhood challenges.  This was one of many reasons why I penned When Mothers Cry.  I wanted women as well as their partners to fully understand that there is more than just caring for self and children when it comes to motherhood.  Being a mother has many different dynamics and they all aren't so "great, wonderful and special."

When you know that you are personally or professionally going through much as it relates to your pregnancy, don't be fearful of speaking up or worried about your job title.  You have a lot to be concerned about and that is bringing a healthy baby into this world.

Partners, family, friends, employers and more will frustrate you at times especially when you react to them in off-putting ways due to raging hormones.  Don't worry about saying, "I'm hungry...I need food.  I want to be left alone right now.  I don't feel like or want to do anything but relax.  I am not my best today, so I will need to take the day off...get off the phone." 

Whether a person understands or not is irrelevant, if you don't look out for you, who will?

Nicholl McGuire
Get When Mothers Cry a nonfiction guide on those not-so nice things that come with being a mom.

New Mothers Need Support

Mothers: We have Our Good Days, We Have Our Bad Days

From children to work related tasks, we have good days and we have bad days.  If someone ever told you that being a wife and mother is easy, cool, best thing...etc.  They are liars!  I wouldn't describe being a wife and mother like I would a new pair of shoes, an evening skyline or a quiet nature scene.  Instead, I would say motherhood is more like a downtown city with hustle and bustle.  I think of words like: work, tiresome, busy, painful, sad, joy, crazy, wild, funny..."  Yeah, that describes family life for me.


There isn't a day that doesn't go by that I am not thinking about my partner, children, relatives and oh, how I need Jesus!  A face, a name, an emotion, an item--something always triggers a memory.  I have to use all sorts of music, favorite goodies, scents, and other things to keep me focused on a task so that I am not operating in my mother, wife, daughter, and other titles all day long.  I still have me and no amount of responsibilities, triggers, and other things are going to sweep me away from me!


As women, daily we are fighting to be the kind of people that are productive, knowledgeable, interesting, fun, sexy, serious, etc.  But a complaining spouse or crying child can blow a stable mind up at times.  "What?!  I heard you already!  Stop bothering me!  Don't you see what I am doing?"   Before long, we don't know who we are, what we are doing, where we are going, what we just said, so don't bother to ask. 


I seriously dislike women who act as if things are okay with them when it is obvious they are dying inside.  When you call them out on their foolishness, they will still defend their lies, prejudices, passive aggressive behaviors, etc.  See Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.  It isn't any wonder why some don't do well connecting and staying connected to a healthy group of relatives and friends who sincerely care about them, but can no longer stand to be around them because they are unwilling to acknowledge their short-comings and do something.  Rather, they want to point out everyone else's weaknesses.


A good day for me is when the checklist is complete and everyone, including myself, are content in my household.  A bad day is when nothing seems to work, children are wild, crazy, and sad all at the same time, and my body is doing those things it does each month.


My only suggestion for any male readers, who experience a moody mother, misbehaving children, and all the responsibilities that come with them, is roll with the punches!  Avoid the temptation to be emotional like your partner (especially when you know it is that time of the month,) out of control like the children, and lazy like the pet(s).  The T.V., Internet, cell phone, and gaming system will all be there--take care of your family first!


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

5 TIPS FOR NEW MOMS

New Mothers Need Support

Things a New Mother Should Remember

Do you love your baby, but still feel overwhelmed as a new mom? Have you been wondering how a mom does all this? Here are some helpful tips to remember when you have the blessing of being a new mother.

You can enjoy your new bundle of joy and make every minute count, if you keep these important things in mind.

* Be easy on yourself! This is all new to you and you have to learn just like you learn to do anything else. You will get better as time passes.

* A city like "Rome wasn't built in a day". It took nine months of changes in your body to bring this beautiful baby into the world, and likewise, you will need time to get your body back in shape.

* Be patient and cease the moment. Take this special time to enjoy your baby. Your baby won't be little for long. Don't think everything has to be perfect in your world right now.

* You will evolve into a routine. This will not happen overnight and it will probably take at least six weeks to see any kind of schedule coming about.

* Do take the opportunity to rest when you can. If you have mild "blues" after the birth of your baby, one of the reasons could be you are not getting enough rest.

* Even the best mothers have days with challenges and disappointments. Just "flow with the tide" and "this too shall pass." You will learn as you go and in future days you will feel the sweet joy of success, as you see your understanding of what is expected increase and you master how to handle the demands.

* Arrange for help with the baby. If you do not have family close, let your spouse know and tell him you need help and/or ask a friend for help, even if just for a few hours so you can get rested.

* Reveal to family members, a friend, or someone that is concerned, how you're feeling. Sometimes we just need to talk and express ourselves and we feel better and can "pick ourselves up" and start anew. That person may have that positive comment or perspective you hadn't thought about. It helps to talk to a person that has been through the same experiences you are now going through.

Stay positive and commit yourself to being a successful mother. Remember, being a mom is a very important endeavor. Your dear baby is counting on you for their every need!

Brianna Gustin is a consultant to mothers who need uplifting ideas and perspective regarding their important role as a mother. She is a mother with many years of experience and common sense approaches to the every day challenges of motherhood and knows the sweet fruits of success in raising a large family. Brianna is the biological mother of a large family and has experienced many demands of being a mother and the combined pressures of being the wife of an executive.

If you feel overwhelmed at times and need a coach to offer uplifting ideas and counsel with a common sense approach, please send an email to momconsultant@gmail.com. I can set up a time to talk with you on the phone or have a chat session through email. This is a legitimate business, so please email only if you are interested in positive motherhood coaching. Reasonable counseling rates will apply.

Motherhood - Losing Myself and Finding My Inner Mommy

Twelve days had passed since the birth of my daughter. And on November 29, 2000 I hit a wall. Exhausted was not the word for it. I remember it like it was yesterday:

I was trembling on this inside from fatigue. I kept thinking " I just need a break". I walked passed the mirror in the bathroom and was started by the sight of myself. It had been days since I last washed my hair, the pony tail trick was not going to work much longer. My eyes were bloodshot and my dark circles had dark circles. I was wearing shorts and a a nursing bra, no top. Somewhere in the middle of the night I tossed the top off, it was simply too much work for the every 1.5 hour breastfeeding sessions. Speaking of feedings every 1.5- 2 hours for two weeks was taking its toll on me. Not to mention, I started this marathon of sorts with 18 hours of hard labor.

My days and nights consisted of feeding, diapering and repeating. I no longer ate, slept, bathed or did anything really when I wanted to: it all revolved around my precious child, of whom I waited 5 long years to have.

But still I was tired and hungry AND TIRED. Did I already say that?

Soon my husband made it home from work and I quickly handed off the baby to him. I explained I needed some time to myself. I prepared a hot bath, lit some candles and slid down into the blissful bubbles. I soaked in the warmth, began to relax and no sooner, I felt an ache in my heart and thought, "I sure miss my sweet girl." Then I started to cry. I needed those few moments to realize that I did not need the me time like I used to. Sometime during those two weeks of nonstop feedings, I changed. My world changed. I lost everything I knew: my routine, my control, and sometimes my sanity. But in losing me, I found my inner mommy. And she is the one who gets the job done. I am glad I found her, and so are my kids. Yes, I did it all over again some 4 years later and loved every sleepless minute of it.

Liz Pevytoe is a registered nurse, board certified lactation consultant who lives in the DFW Texas area with her family. Want to learn more about breastfeeding or read more stories about motherhood? Visit her site: http://www.askthelactationconsultant.com

Induction Into Motherhood - Laughing at Sleepless Nights and the Naivete of First-Time Moms

I don't think I've had a decent night's sleep in about five years...since the birth of our oldest son, JR. Actually, it has probably been longer than that because the last few months of pregnancy are horrible. Everyone says, "Get some rest now, before the baby comes." That's such a crock (at least in my experience.)

By the time I reached the eighth month, my hips and lower back were so sore that no position was comfortable; rolling from one side to the other was like making a seven-point turn. Getting up from the couch even made me out of breath. When I said this to anyone, they smiled and responded, "Oh, that's just getting you prepared for when the baby comes" Wink, wink.

I typically find comments like that annoying, but I found it especially obnoxious at the time because my ankles were swollen, (well, I think they were. I couldn't exactly see them anymore past my belly), my back was killing me, I was peeing every ten minutes, my skin was a mess, and my hormones were raging.

It was all worth it, of course, when our precious little boy was born. Every newly expectant mom envisions what that moment will be like; the moment when you see that new little person for the first time. You think it will be perfect; angels singing, harps playing and beautiful photo ops of you and the baby.

Okay, so maybe that's not exactly how it all went down.

In reality, of course, my feet were up in stirrups for what seems like hours while the doctor stitched up a tear roughly the size of Texas. My breath, my husband, Joe, later told me, smelled rancid from all of the medicine in my I.V. (At the time, I thought it was so sweet that he kept kissing me on the head, but he later confessed that it was because of my toxic halitosis) Joe, like any first-time dad, was excited to cut the umbilical cord (which he later compared to hacking through a garden hose) and our wrinkled little son was covered in all the schmutz that accompanies birth. It didn't matter, though. In our eyes the moment couldn't have been more beautiful.

I couldn't wait to sleep that first night because I could sleep in any position I wanted. I had big plans of lying on my stomach and sawing logs through the night.

Ah, the naiveté of a new mom. Those nights in the hospital were anything but relaxing. Nurses came and went from my room at all hours of the day and night. My blood was drawn so much that I wasn't sure I had any left, and one nurse had to stick me three times before blowing my vein and having someone else do it. I went home actually more tired than before I went in labor.

Little did I know, that was merely the beginning...or, more appropriately, the end of sleep. No one told us that parenting a newborn was pretty much a third-shift job or that JR would soon test the very fabric of our being, the strength of our relationship, and the staying power of coffee as we entered into this crazy world of parenthood.

Fast forward almost five years, and now I am a very busy wife and stay-at-home mom of four little ones ages four years to seven months. I spend my time lovin' on my family, working at my church, picking up toys, changing diapers, refereeing fights, cooking seventeen meals a day, and kissing away boo-boos! In my "free" time I blog about the craziness of this thing I call my life at http://www.mandypmommyof4.blogspot.com

Motherhood Changes The Body-Does It Change The Brain?

Motherhood changes the body—but does it change the brain? Sleep deprived new mothers can argue that they seem too exhausted to think. Brain researchers Kelly Lambert with Randolph-Macon College and collaborator Craig Kinsley with the University of Richmond wrote in Scientific American, January, 2006 that having a baby can actually make a mother’s brain sharper. What?—you might exclaim—I feel so exhausted, how can having a baby make my brain sharper?

Lambert and Kinsley observed the behavior of new mother rats and found that they not only out performed non-mother rats at searching for food but were also bolder in their strategies.

Coping day and night with the demands of a new baby may change the brain and behavior in ways that go beyond just nursing and nurturing. “From what we’ve seen, having a whole different being to take care of requires a whole new set of skills and a lot more awareness, cognitive awareness and multi-tasking,” explains professor Lambert. Lambert, Kinsley and others have shown that some brain changes are triggered by the surges of hormones that accompany motherhood. However, it is hormones and behavior which create an enriching experience for the brain. This enrichment lasts into old age. So who is to say that parenting is just a ‘thankless job.’

Now I know that my statement, “My daughter and son made me into the woman I am today,” made long-ago, has validity. Thank you dear daughter and son—You are my inspiration, my admiration and myself.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, international speaker and seminar leader specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/ Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

In Remembrance of New Mothers…

No one knows a mother like another mother; however, there is very little empathy given from the “know-it-all” type of mother. The one who thinks she has motherhood figured all out, when behind closed doors she suffers like the rest of us.

Comments like “why would she do that to her children” and “I would never do that to mine” fall quickly from mother’s lips when they don’t bother to understand, nor reach out to help their sister in need.

From mental illness to poverty, young, old and new mothers everywhere try to make sense of their relationships with loved ones, financial issues, and other challenges while trying to appear as if they are really happy with their lives to avoid public scrutiny.

A decision to give her cheating husband just one more chance, because he is the baby’s father only to find out he has cheated yet again has contributed to many mothers losing it! The idea that he has abused her trust yet again can be too much for any woman’s mindset.

Sometimes you have to stop and think about that woman passing you by with her whining children in tote. Does she have a man in her life who has done something to her that affected her mental well-being why she suddenly snaps out on her child, throws him in the car seat and speeds out the parking lot like a raging bull?

After carrying a child for nine months, some new mothers find out that their husbands aren't interested in being fathers --just one more thing to add to the symptoms new mothers feel during postpartum depression. Then there is the menopausal mother over 40 with 20 plus years of marriage behind her who finds out that her once loving mate is no longer interested in her or the children, because he is having a midlife crisis of his own.

These situations are real and they can send any woman over the edge. If you have ever wondered why the children end up drowned in the bathtub, left in a garbage dump, or dropped off at someone’s doorstep, consider this, the mother’s mind has retired, it's no longer in service.

She didn’t just check out the day the children were crying and fighting too much. She exhibited signs of losing control way before she did something to her children. Check her paper trail. She was mentally drained from her unhappy life when she called her friend sobbing uncontrollably.

She complained that her children’s father was never home. Her anger was brewing when she tried to get someone to watch her children, but her husband used manipulative tactics to make her feel guilty about leaving the house to get a job, go to church, take some time for herself, or go out with her friends.

So is abusing or murdering a child an excuse for a mother burdened by life? Of course not! However, when organizations tell women not to murder their unborn child, these same organizations are not their on the postpartum depression floors of every hospital in America. They are not escorting these women home and assisting them around the house for a week or more until the blues passes.

There are challenges awaiting at home when the new mother leaves the hospital: a disgruntled husband or boyfriend, an elderly relative who can’t handle baby cries, more children, an unclean home, and unpaid bills, are all issues that a new mother is still expected to handle while being bent over from a C-section operation or struggling from a vaginal delivery.

My sisters, where is the refrigerator magnet with the 1800# included with her free diaper bag that says, “Call us when you are feeling like you want to hurt your child?” It would be nice to see a pretty colored envelope with a letter inside stating, “We understand the crying at times will get on your nerves, call us and we will get someone to come to your home right away!”

So consider all of these things the next time you see a new mother walking by you with her belly stuck out ready to deliver any day now, or being pushed in a wheelchair with a new baby in her arms...please say a prayer for her, she will need it!


Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

A Little Encouragement for a New Mother excerpt from When Mother's Cry The Book

There is no class for mothers that will provide you with enough information for those shocks that come to you when life throws you an unexpected curve ball. There will be times you will be disappointed to find you just didn’t know enough to handle upcoming childbirth, child rearing, child education, child custody, childhood, and anything else that involved your child.

Don’t be angry with yourself, these things will happen. You will want to remain focus on a solution to overcome the obstacle. For example, if you feel you can be a better cook, then step out of your comfort zone and find new recipes to try. Maybe you struggle with how to effectively discipline your children. If so, it wouldn’t hurt to start implementing what you learn from books, Cds, and/or the Internet.

There are some mothers, who have already overcome the growing pains of child rearing, but they aren’t providing valuable wisdom to the young women coming after them; instead, they are being critical and gossipping about them. Older mothers need to welcome the new mothers with a warm embrace, so that they may return it.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Standing Up for Your Children

When a child can’t speak for him or herself, a mother comes to her child’s rescue. How dare anyone insult, belittle, abuse, threaten or even murder her child! A mother, who has had a son or daughter go through any one of these issues, is a mother with an angry cry.

May God have mercy on the one who hurt her child! She will come like a raging bull with police, relatives, church members, petitions, lawyers, or weapons whatever it takes to get justice for her child. Why would anyone in their right mind think that they could hurt someone’s child and get away with it?

I remember when a girl back in high school decided she was going to tell some people that she wanted to kill me. I knew she was jealous of me, but not to the point of threatening me behind my back. When word reached my mother’s ears, we practically ran to the school. Within a matter of minutes there was a meeting with the girl, a school counselor and the principal. Notice I didn’t mention her mother, wonder where she was? Word traveled fast, “Nicky’s mother was up at the school.” Now it is very unpopular for a parent to show up at your high school when you are in your teen years. I remember we all tried very hard to keep our parents out of our business, but someone threatening to kill you, is just cause to get everyone involved. The message sent to staff and students after my mother’s visit was “think twice about messing with my child.”

When a person who has wronged you knows that you have “mother” backup, they will try to resolve whatever issue they have with you. It gives the curse word “motherfu…r” a whole new meaning! The sales clerk doesn’t want your elderly mother to have a heart attack on his shift over an incorrect price on your sales receipt. The bank manager doesn’t want your mother to withdraw her life savings, because of a minor issue that could be resolved with one phone call for you. The principal doesn’t want your mother talking about him at the next PTA meeting, so he will clear his calendar for you. The pastor doesn’t want your mother not paying her tithes or spreading gossip, so he may go above and beyond for you. Most of all, your husband or boyfriend will not want your mother to tell you that he is no good for you, so he may not only be nicer to you, but offer to assist your mother too.

There is an experience that one, without a relationship with his or her mother, will never know or ever understand. It is when you are battling an issue or need someone that knows you well to speak on your behalf, a good mother doesn’t have to be asked twice. She will fight for you whether you are guilty or innocent. She will defend you when no one else will. She will stand up for you when everyone else wants to give up on you! She will fight, lie, steal, cheat or beg for you! She will pray for you and God will listen. However, a bad mother won’t do a damn thing for you when you need her! There are mothers reading this that are thinking about the times when their mother just didn’t seem to care when they came to her with a problem. The mother went so far as to ask the devastating question of “What did you do to cause this?” These mothers are crying every time they think about how their mother went against them when they needed her most. They had often wished for someone else to be their mother. Some of these mothers have gone so far as to disown their biological mother and take up a new one.

For a woman to call herself a mother and allow a defenseless child to drown in a mess that her child didn’t cause is a woman without a cry. She is the mother who will read something like this and ask, “What are all these mothers crying about?” She hasn’t allowed herself to experience pain or hasn’t been through enough yet to bring her to the floor in a fit of tears, but as we all know her day is coming. The day when she will not be able to run from her child’s cry or numb the pain with any alcohol, drugs, sex, religion, or ignorance. She will have to open her mouth and speak up for her child even when she rather not. She will have to reach down in her purse, find her wallet, take out some money and pay for something to help her child, even though she can’t afford to, and then she will begin to see what other mothers have been experiencing. What’s it like for a mother to have to do for her child when she doesn’t want to and they don’t deserve her help? It’s like a temporary inconvenience in her daily life. The dishwasher stops working, the lights get cut off, the car breaks down, all temporary problems, but when these things happen too often someone will want to hold someone accountable, dealing with children who have issues works the same way. However, when your child’s problem, becomes someone else’s, society blames no one, but you.

When a mother takes a stand for her child, she is doing something that services her more than anyone else. She is letting the world know that, “This is my child!” She doesn’t take too kindly to someone who doesn’t have children telling her how to raise her children either. To her, that is an insult, “Who does she think she is telling me how to raise my child?” She yells. It doesn’t matter that her child is the cause of the problem, but what matters is that she loves her child unconditionally. A love that is very hard to understand when you are a mother without a cry. Crying is like a flood it washes away whatever is in its path. Pain, guilt, sadness, worry, whatever, it cleanses the emotional poisons within and around us if we allow ourselves to cry. Children remember their mother’s cries and those tears will either force them to change or cause them to run away; however, whatever path they choose, they have learned a new element of pain that is much greater than when they fell and scraped their knees. They know that if mother cries something must be terribly wrong and they may try to comfort her by changing whatever they are doing to make her stop crying.

A mother who cries is a good mother. Crying is not a weakness for her, it is her strength it washes away selfishness, anger, resentment and confusion too. Crying brings clarity, strength, compassion, and a sense of self-worth. It reminds us that we are living, breathing, and only human. While some women will grow stronger mentally and physically as a result of defending their children’s cries, others will grow weak from the guilt of wishing they had done something, anything to help their children.

Written by Nicholl McGuire

Why Me? Motherhood Wasn't What I Wanted But It Happened

Kneeling beside my bed in my studio apartment in 1997, I began to pray, not because I was in need of anything in particular, but just because I could whenever I wanted. You see, I was single. No man, no children, no roommates, no pets, absolutely no one lived with me that I had to feel obligated to talk or care for and it felt good – too good.

So while I am kneeling beside my bed waiting for God to speak to me, I am suddenly saddened like someone getting ready to hear some of the worst news of his or her life. I didn’t quite know why I felt that way until I heard an audible voice from within my spirit, saying, “You will be a mother some day and you will marry.” This news was not what I wanted to hear. I was looking forward to hearing something else such as God telling me to attend a Bible college or do some missionary work, anything but this! I cried my first cry about being a mother. These were real tears, gut wrenching! I became angry all the while as I cried asking God, “Why?”

I couldn’t help but think about all of the women who wanted children in the world and hear I was being called to motherhood and marriage. I had just got out of an abusive relationship, so the last thing I wanted in my life was something else to test my patience and nerves. For the first time in my life I was sincerely happy and at peace in my eclectic looking apartment cheaply decorated with abstract art on poster board along the walls, decorated plastic containers and crates turned on their side to simulate bookcases.

Then again maybe I wasn’t really happy as I wanted everyone around me to believe during that time in my life. Loneliness had been my kryptonite back in the 90s. Like superman, this superwoman fell weak to my imagination of one caressing and kissing me and longed for my dreams to become real—a debonair gentleman to come into my life and sweep me off my feet and out of my boring routines. Yet, at the same time, I wanted to stay in my apartment and never interact with anyone unless I absolutely needed to, simply because my heart still ached over my past riddled with verbal and physical assaults from men who claimed they loved me.

What was so bad about my being called to motherhood and marriage? I really don’t know. I can’t seem to pinpoint exactly what had occurred when I was a child that caused me to disdain the possibility of me one day being a parent. I remember thinking back to those childhood days when I found marriage to be troublesome. I saw people around me looking at their mates as if they were sickened and/or aggravated by them. I saw the frustration in parents’ eyes when their children did just one more thing to make them yell, scream, cuss or whip them. Parenting was definitely not something I saw in my future. I remember my mother saying, “What if one day you meet a man and fall in love with him, you may want to have children.” I was still adamant in my beliefs when I responded to her, “I still don’t want any children and I don’t want to be with the same person for the rest of my life that is boring!” I remember her being hopeful about my future when she commented, “You are still young, you may change your mind when you are older.” I had hoped that I wouldn’t.

As I pondered the news God gave me about motherhood and marriage, I remembered a radio interview on a Christian station. When the interviewer asked the guest about the various callings God had made on his life, he commented that he may not have liked everything God put on his plate, but he ate anyway. I thought about my own calling. Although this idea of being a mother wasn’t what I had in mind, I could accept it; however, the challenge I had was to try an convince the little child within me that it was okay that our Father in heaven knows what’s best for us. As I began to think more about motherhood, I realized I really hadn’t come to terms with being a mother even when I learned almost two years later that I was pregnant and I felt guilty that I wasn’t married first even though God was already aware of the order of events. I had often wished during the pregnancy that God would take the baby from me, and could I get “a do over” roll for my life?

I didn’t like the thought of how the baby would impact my future, those around me and how the baby changed me mentally or physically. What exactly did I have planned for my future in 1997 anyway? I really didn’t know. I had been educated at very good universities and had a resume two pages long! I allowed myself for the first time in my life to awake each day with no focus other than to work at my data entry job, pray to God, eat, read, shower, go to sleep and awake the next day to do it all over again each and every day until God told me different. Up until that point in 1997, I had never had a dull moment in my life! For me to behave that way back then was almost insane to those who knew me. I was never one for not having a plan for my present and my future. I never had an opening in my schedule that was ever left for God, casual reading or just sitting down and relaxing. I sometimes wonder had I allowed myself to keep busy would I have ever entertained a single thought of desiring the touch of a man.

The opportunity to abort my baby had been given to me by a nurse, who said it was a requirement to ask, but I didn’t have the mindset to think twice about it since being influenced by talk shows that provided details of the procedure and biblical teachings discouraged me. I asked God, I told God and sometimes I swore at God about allowing this to happen to such a sinner. I almost pleaded, “This isn’t what I wanted…” To that, he said nothing.

I was angry with God because I was mere flesh who hadn’t been strong enough to turn sex away. My happiness about being alone had wore off quickly. I became like so many single, lonely women desiring a companion that would make me feel complete. The chance I took that night to allow my lover to enter me unprotected could have resulted in much more than a baby. Exactly how many times we slept together unprotected, before I became pregnant I don’t remember, all I recall was we hadn’t known each other that long before the “surprise” came. I remember wondering why my belly continued to grow despite my participation in professional physical fitness training and watching my diet.

I don’t know if God told me this or if I reasoned it, but I started to believe that God gave me, the gift of motherhood, because he planned to use the children in the future, not only for his glory, but to create a new and improved me. In the past, I noticed as young as fifteen that having children made some young women act mature beyond their years. They seemed to have a more settled demeanor about them and they viewed the world a lot differently after having babies. Pregnancy seemed to mold and shape them into women that had more compassion for others, became less selfish, and provided an insight about life they would have otherwise never had.

Why wasn't the information and counseling readily available for women when they didn't want to abort, but didn't want to keep the child either after giving birth? Where are the support groups for mothers-to be who don’t want to be mothers, but are too afraid to tell anyone they don’t want their child and rather put him or her up for adoption? Who holds pregnant women’s hands when they have second thoughts about being mothers? Although I struggled with the idea of being a mother throughout my pregnancy and often wished that God would take his blessing back, nothing prepared me for the day I saw my baby’s eyes. With tears in my eyes and when no one was looking, I quickly asked God, in a quiet whisper, for forgiveness. “Please forgive me Lord I didn’t know what I was thinking or saying. Thank you for giving my child life.” The baby looked at me as if God used his eyes to reply, “You are forgiven.”

Three children later (a grand total of four) I have never asked God to take any of them like I did with the first, but I have requested that he bless me with the wisdom and the strength to stand before the obstacles set before me. I have repeatedly commanded that God send his angels down to help me quiet a crying child. I have also prayed to God far too many times to count to give me peace of mind. For there are times that I felt as if my head would come off and I would lose my legs to stand, because of the stress of raising children. Sometimes my own cries drowned out my children’s moans, sighs, whines and screams. When I am feeling at my worse, I go to some faraway place in my mind where I can’t hear them and for that moment I feel okay. I get off my knees or out of the chair I am sitting in when this happens and proceed to wash the dirty dishes, clean the crumbs off the floor, make a bed, sort some laundry, go out for a walk (when daddy is home) or get on the phone. For I know that if I allow my mind to stay in that far away place that drowns out the sounds of children too long, they may hurt themselves, but if I come out of that far away place too soon and don’t allow myself enough time to cry a good cry, then I may be the next woman on the news.

A mother-to-be goes through so many mental and physical changes. It doesn’t give her any encouragement about her calling when there are so many miserable mothers around her trying to advise her on childbirth and childrearing. They are telling her things like, “I didn’t want to see my baby’s face after all she put me through…I was ready to hurt my child about…His dad was no help to me…The baby didn’t allow me to get any sleep, I was ready to throw him out the window…” The new mother is definitely not ready for what is ahead when she can’t see the bright light at the end of the tunnel and the women around her don’t bother to be a beacon of light for her. In her mind all she hears herself saying is, “I am not ready for this!”

One day while walking my children, I had a conversation with a neighbor about children. She said she never wanted any. I couldn’t help but think why was it that she got her wish and I hadn’t. She reasoned that God didn’t allow it to happen to her, because he knew in her heart that she truly didn’t want any. She said she loved her nieces and nephews and were grateful for them. I had wanted the same, no children, at least so I thought, but maybe God knew my heart better than I knew it and gave them to me anyway.

Another day, I had been walking my children again and saw two pregnant women walking side by side. I couldn’t help but speak to them while they smiled and waved to both of my sons riding in a double stroller. They asked if I had twins, I said, “No, they are fifteen months apart.” They commented on how cute they were. As we exchanged small talk, I remember saying something to encourage them, although I have since forgotten what I said, I do recall how they reacted, they smiled.

I guess my only request for mothers who are around expectant mothers is to be lighthouses for them. Direct them toward the light that will give them the strength to keep going even when they are experiencing dark waters, raging storms, and heavy winds in their lives.

Written by Nicholl McGuire

Postpartum Blues: One Mother Shares Her Story

After delivering my last son of four, I am taken to a hospital room floor for women recovering from C-sections followed by postpartum blues. I had my share of the blues! The night before it was time for me to go home, I cried. I had an ache that crawled inside of me and sat in the pit of my stomach. Suddenly, I became afraid, I didn’t want to go home I told my nurse. She asked me, “Why?” She had a look on her face as if she was preparing herself for me to say that I had an abusive partner at home, was unable to financially care for the child, or relatives who didn’t care. Instead, I told her I didn’t want to go home, because I didn’t know what to expect. My partner didn’t seem happy about being a father for the second time and I was unsure about him being very helpful to me. I had no family or friends that would be coming over. Then I cried. I cried harder about going home more than I ever did about staying in the hospital.

She was sympathetic. She had shared a story with me of her own relationship drama. She didn’t like going home herself, because she was alone. Her mate had been away for months now on “business” and she didn’t know when he would be returning. She had offered to pray for me and then just like that she was gone. I wanted her to stay longer, and tell me more about this partner who had been gone for so long on “business,” but I didn’t dare ask any more questions that would have kept her with me any longer, since there were plenty more women on that floor who probably had even worse issues. I guess the idea of being a mother for a fourth time, my partner’s “true” reaction to it and my being so far away from home (I live 3,000 miles away from everyone I know), brought those ugly blues out into the open.

The next day my boyfriend showed up with flowers (I had asked for,) so that I could give them out to the hospital staff that helped me. Surprisingly, there were a few in the bunch he had picked up for me that I hadn‘t requested. I say “surprisingly” because when he came to see me in the hospital the night before, I was irritable due to our oldest child being fretful, loud and his father not being able to control him. I was in pain and just couldn’t handle the temper tantrums, I’m sure you could understand if you are a mother, so I was tearful, I wanted him and my noisy child to go home. He brought none of his family to help him with our child or maybe none was available. Whatever the case, I had recently given birth and I was sick and tired of being tired.

You may have had emotional lows too and all you wanted was for your partner to be understanding, but no matter what you said or did, he still didn’t act a little bit interested. Babies change relationships. I haven’t seen one where things got better as a result of having a baby. Men “act different” when their lovers become mothers. He never sees you the same way, for some men they may fall in love harder, but for many they are looking for the next woman who they didn’t have children with to compliment, encourage, entertain, feed and ultimately have sex with them, simply because she doesn’t have those “issues” that motherhood brings. The new woman has never said and did anything that offended him, but he has a history with the old one. A history of watching her vomit because the baby has upset her stomach, being a victim of her occasional mood swings, and seeing her body go through undesirable changes.

Having children brings out the best and worst of anyone. They tap on emotions you didn’t think you had. They cause you to reach new levels of love, compassion, anger, sadness and any other feeling inside you may not have ever experienced. Whether you are a stay-at-home mother, working or retired mother you can relate.

My one week of emotional highs and lows came and went. With each passing day, I became stronger mentally and physically. The baby’s cries would trigger a negative reaction within me, but I didn’t dwell in the negativity, I just answered his demands and did what needed to be done. I was too busy to think about whether I was happy or sad about my newborn. For over a month, the baby needed something every two hours each day and night. There were times when dad was a help and there were times where I might as well been alone.

I couldn’t recall when was the last time I cried about anything related to the baby. My newborn did enough crying for the both of us as he grew older. Instead, my tears behind closed doors were for his dad...

To read more about Ms. McGuire's ordeal, get her book entitled When Mothers Cry available on Amazon.com.

Written by Nicholl McGuire for more writings by this writer visit Click Here!