How to deal with emotional blackmail/guilt from relatives, friends over the holidays

About Domestic Violence Someone You Know May Be in Trouble

Awhile ago I wrote a disturbing article that helped some people. I thought about this article, because I felt that with the economy being the way that it is and people losing their jobs, there are many mothers crying because they have been hit, shoved, or choked yet again by an abusive mate. Please read and I pray it isn't you. But if you need assistance, there are resources on the site to help you with any kind of abuse from child to elderly abuse.

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Racism: An Ongoing Cry

I have been called the n word repeatedly over the years because I was supposed to sit quietly and not voice my opinion in the classroom, in the newspaper and now on the Internet. There are people who don't like you because you don't look like them. It doesn't matter how successful, pretty, handsome, who you know, in their eyes, you will always be whatever their parents told them to call you.

What makes me shed angry tears, you know the kind that if anyone is near they might get caught with one of your blows or something might go flying, is that my four sons will one day be called the n word too. Born into an evil, weird, scary, and violent world, my innocent children don't know what is ahead -- God they just don't know!

Now I talked to God, I asked him years ago, in fact I pleaded with him to make something happen so that I wouldn't have children, that's a dangerous request isn't it? But a neighbor of mine told me that is what she did and she has no regrets. I talk more about this in my book When Mothers Cry on Amazon.com.

Racism whether bold or covert is an evil designed to belittle, abuse and eventually twist the mind of the hearer so that all they see in the mirror is just what someone calls them.

As a mother and an African American, the journey is long and at times difficult: to win friends, to talk about your woes, to listen to others without wondering if they have a hidden agenda, and on and on.

You may come from a race that is looked down upon as well. Allow the anger that you feel for every time someone gives you that look, writes something insulting, or whispers negatively behind your back that you are everything that they are not, a strong woman who isn't afraid to stand by her beliefs, protective of her children until death, and will not hesitate to fight in court!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Mother Blessed and Cursed All Six of Her Children

I asked her quite boldly one day, "Why is it that you prayed so much in your younger years and attended church when your children were small and then when they became adults none of them did much in their lives but cause you pain?" She said she was trying to figure that out herself. A mother nearing 90 years old and she couldn't fathom why her prayers made no impact on her children! When I pressed her for a possible reason, she blamed the people who they chose to socialize with over the years negatively influencing them -- I recalled other mothers like her saying the same thing, "My kids act this way because of their no good friends!" Well, I have never been one to just sit back, accept an answer, or act ignorant right along with people, so I did a little research and interviewed a couple of her misguided adult children not caring if they went back and told her what we had talked about.

It seems that this mother who blessed her children with the same mouth cursed them too, according to her children! She used words that "d*mned" her children "to hell," and if they stepped out of line with their mouthes, they were told they "would eat soup." She didn't hesitate to call them simple, fool, heifer, or any word that degraded who they were as human beings. The children went on to say she was often mean and that her mood swings may have been due to being abused by their father and going through menopause. She was in an unhappy marriage and as the children added, "She lived her life through us." They also shared that as children they heard her husband tell her, "You love the children more than me!" He too cursed them as well and worse beat them with a belt while she beat them with whatever she could find! Between all the cursing, fighting, and church going, I couldn't help but understand why the mother and father's children grew up to curse their own children, fight with their mates physically, divorce, cheat, lie, spend some time in jail, etc. and didn't have no interest in spirituality despite her taking them to church and joining support groups.

When I personally prayed about the cursing that can easily come from lips who say they "love their children" and asked God to keep me from saying such things as well and to use my speech to bless my own children, I heard him tell me in the spirit, "You can't bless and curse your children from the same mouth. The curse will override the blessing especially if your children do not accept Jesus as adults." It made sense, if she had spoke positively over them, it wouldn't have kept them out of all trouble, but it would have given them a self-love rather than a self-hate irregardless of whatever obstacle they faced.

I must admit my mother spoke more positive over my life than she ever spoke negative and I suppose that is why I rebound as fast as I do out of bad situations. The spirit within me that I accepted as my personal Saviour in 1997 has sustained me through all my trials. Now I know there are those reading this that don't acknowledge anything remotely close to God, Allah, Jehovah or any other spiritual entity and that is okay for you, but it's not okay for me. Will I tell you that you are a fool, stupid, crazy, for not believing, I bet you thought I would but no because to do that I would be cursing you, now wouldn't I? God has that kind of power. But how many times do people say those kinds of things to their children because the children disagree with what they are telling them even if it is correct information?

Back to the mother who spent many years cursing her children who are now 50 plus, to this day if they don't do what she asks, she will "cuss them out." Meanwhile, if they are ill or sad about something she will pray for them and ask others to do the same. One of her children approached her with a concern similar to the subject matter in this article and to that she said, "I don't know how I have hurt you?" Her child provided examples and she still acted as if she didn't know what she was talking about and at times blatantly denied things she said and did that hurt her child. Some people no matter what evidence is in front of them they will not acknowledge that they are wrong.

So what should we all take from this article, we should remind ourselves that when our children "get on that last nerve" as one woman told me her children do to her, let us have self-control over our mouths and thoughts. If we think our child is simple, fool, stupid, crazy, or some other negative word then most likely the child will feel our anger and act in a way that will enrage us later. However, what if we said, "I don't like what you did and people who act like that are viewed as being fools, simple, crazy, etc." The child can easily see what we are saying without walking away feeling like we have insulted him or her personally. We must also put people in their place when they say, "Your child is going to grow up and give you heartache...your son is acting like a fool now I can only imagine how he will be when he is older...you better watch out your daughter is going to end up pregnant young..." Although these people think that what they are saying is okay, it isn't. They should be rebuked for saying these things, I personally told a woman the other day, "My child will not be what you say. He will be victorious. He will have a good family and job. He will do great things in life..." As I went on for almost a minute, it shut her up. I didn't care if she thought I was "one of those kind of parents" who glorified my children. The truth was I was combating against her curses and declaring blessings on my son. Whatever your strategy is to keep negative statements off your children, do it! It will make a difference in their lives!

Nicholl McGuire
http://gamesactivities.blogspot.com/

Note: Some details in this blog were changed to protect the woman and her children's identities and names were left out on purpose.

When Mothers Cry About Past Issues of Abuse

Some mothers may not only be crying over issues in the present, but also from the past too. Their tears may have never dried up from the various abuses they have encountered from trusted individuals. It is because of these past issues that they may not be able to get free from their present conditions. So here is a blog that I have personally created based on dating and domestic violence issues, I had experienced from the past. Please take a look and I pray you will be blessed by it. You can also purchase my first book on the site, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, as well.

http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com/

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire