When single women and mothers surf the Internet seeking an available bachelor, they will see more and more men posing with children. Many of these men have custody of their sons and daughters. Now it would be unfair to the mothers of those children to assume the worse. But too often, naive women will go along with whatever a father tells them, then learn the truth later, of course after helping him demonize the children's mother while participating in plans of spite. A father who has been awarded custody of the children because they live with him isn't necessarily the better parent and the ruling doesn’t mean that the mother was bad, a mental case, or abandoned their children contrary to what he might have told his love interests.
Nowadays many fathers are suing mothers for custody of the children, because they don’t want to pay child support and can’t stomach the idea that another man could be a “father figure” to their sons and daughters. For some men, there are other factors as to why they would sue a mother including influences from his own mother or grandmother who have created a bond with the couple's offspring. So rather than focus on the children’s mother being a caring parent and active in their children's lives as best she can, he will demonize her and make it appear as if she left her children and didn’t care about them to the women who are moved by a good story. Of course, there are women who unfortunately do much evil and have left their children behind, but any spiritually discerning mother knows that most women love their children and would prefer to raise them with or without the father's influence. Yet, a man who knows how to manipulate women while using various brainwashing techniques to pull them on his side will do and say just about anything to keep you believing that you two have a common foe.
When a woman divorces a man, she has to make a good income to meet the needs of her family with or without him, especially if the father has repeatedly said, he doesn't want to pay any child support. Sometimes she has to relocate to pursue a job offer, sell items from the home, and do other things to ensure that the family’s lifestyle is comfortable. But if a mother does anything that appears the least bit selfish, such as leave the children for a time with the father, or another relative until she can get her life established, she is viewed as the parent who abandoned her children. However, if a father was to do the same, he is in transition or seeking better opportunities to help his family until he can get on his feet. Single mothers desperate for companionship will not think twice about the negative portrayal of a bachelor's children’s mother until something occurs where she is very much involved in her children’s lives.
So why would a man do and say spiteful things against the mother of his children? Oftentimes it is because of the following:
1. He never forgave her for leaving him even though he had much to do with her departure.
2. He is jealous that she moved on successfully without him.
3. His ex’s lifestyle is better than his ie.) material wealth, fame, power, etc.
4. Her new man is a better fit for the ex.
5. He can’t find a sufficient mate that can satisfy him physically and/or mentally.
6. He is often angry that he has to raise the children without the ex which keeps him from partaking in his selfish pleasures.
Some lies the disgruntled father will say to his dates and other women about the mother of his children who simply want her children in her life, yet he still has unresolved past issues with her:
“Their mother isn’t loving and doesn’t care about them.”
He will say this because he wants a “mother figure” or “step-mother” to help him care for the children. So in order to get the new woman in his life to do her best, he has to put down the mother of his children and praise his love interest. However, the woman will begin to weary herself of doing everything for him and the children. In time, she will realize that he was just merely using her to help him spite the ex and/or compete with the ex through material goods he wouldn’t ordinarily be interested in.
“We don’t get along and I rarely speak to her.”
To ensure that the single woman doesn’t consider the mother of his children a threat, he has to make it appear like he doesn’t converse with the mother of his children much. Most often this is true depending on how long the two have been broken up, but his conversation (whether good or bad) about her reveals she is often on his mind. Yet, in between his relationships and during down moments with other exs, he was and most likely will be contacting the mother of his children for one thing or another. Don’t be surprised when the two appear to be amicable while he made you think they couldn’t stand one another.
“She just left us…”
There is more to that story than a mother just moving to another neighborhood, city, state, or country. A discerning woman will learn in time that there were a myriad of things that occurred that would move a mother to leave her husband and children. However, sometimes a mother desires to have her children back in her care after getting better from a pregnancy, an illness, relocation, new job, or something else, but the father refuses. In cases like this, the court doesn’t consider a mother abandoning children when it has been proven that she always wanted them. But a deceitful ex-husband or boyfriend who is trying to build a good reputation with a gullible woman will make it appear so. Some women leave children and never return, others remain in the children’s lives in whatever way they can get them.
“She treated me like…she said I was…she did this…and she hated me because...”
The “She say” and “She did” conversation about his ex or exes should be a red flag to you. What is with all the blame and mean-spirited story-telling? Sounds like someone has a hard time focusing on the present and staying positive about the future. What might he be teaching his children about their mother? Not only that, his negative demeanor should tell you that he isn’t a good friend. Speaking of friends, does he really have any? How might he treat you in the future?
Before you jump on the bandwagon of a liar, who is also unforgiving and mean-spirited when it comes to the mother or mothers of his children, think about this, you might be next. Protect yourself from the lies. Do your research and speak positively about the mother of his children whenever you can, then watch his face. Consider what is in the best interest of the children especially when the children cry out, “I want to live with my mother!” One day some of you reading this might be called into court to share your observations of what he has said and did to cause friction between mother and children hopefully you will be the women who speak truth; rather than perpetuate lies that keep a mother crying.
Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, see her Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
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