Face Your Foe: When Your Foe is Your Own Offspring - Rebellious C...

Face Your Foe: When Your Foe is Your Own Offspring - Rebellious C...: A huge fight broke out between parent and child.  A son or daughter wanted to feel love, needed attention from a parent, had been repeatedly...

Children with Issues, Need Prayer - Family, School, Activities

Presevering through the storms - book excerpt from When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

Storm clouds will always come in relationships, but it is up to all of us to prepare for the pending storm by taking care of self first. Where are your hat, raincoat, boots, and umbrella? If you are a Christian, where is your spiritual body armor? Did you leave them at home in the back of the closet or on a shelf collecting dust? This is what we do as mothers. We make sure everyone else has their protection but us! Meanwhile, we go into storms with our partner, children, and relatives without a covering. This may be why many mothers end up with children in the first place. They go into physical relationships without protection for their heart or vagina. I will be the first to admit that is how most of my children came about and when I did get protection for one of them it was ineffective!

We think we have to be strong for everyone, but when we are down whose holding us up? If you don't have a faith or something or someone to help you when you are down then you are in trouble.

Our relationships will always be tested. From in-laws to money woes, everyone needs a plan for when the trials and tribulations come. Some mothers who don't pray any other time or only pray for certain things like money and protection will holler, "Help! Pray for me church!"

In every past relationship, I have always asked my partner questions about situations before we entered them particularly where in-laws are involved. I want to know what to say or do beforehand so that I am not the one offending or coming home stressed about them too. In my experience, when it comes to men in relationships, I find that they can put on special glasses when it comes to family and friends making it hard for some of these momma's boys to see the truth...What is the truth you may ask? It could be a number of things from how an in-law "really" feels about you and the children to how they treat your side of the family. You may recall experiences where your partner's relative or friend said or done something to you or your children and you went to your partner expecting him to handle the matter, comfort you, and take up for you and the children, but instead he tried to convince you that what you saw "really" wasn't what you saw, what you heard wasn't "really" what they meant, or what they did. You argue your point you tell him the truth about the family member or friend and he acts as if he doesn't care about your feelings. There are many mothers that are weeping inside presently about this issue...

I don't understand why so many mothers who are prone to getting their feelings hurt by the same people at family gatherings will continue to attend them only to experience the same problems year after year?...

At some point you would think that a mother will see that the tensed environment she keeps taking her children into is not good for them. Eventually, your little toddler will become a teen and will ask, "Why do we go to these things Mom, because you know all you are going to do is get mad at everybody?"

By the time your child becomes a man or woman, he or she will have heard or saw so much negativity from you that he or she will most likely avoid the drama altogether. So don't bother to ask, "Why don't you ever come to the get-togethers?" If your son or daughter grows up not to be fearful of hurting your feelings, he or she will probably say (or may have already said,) "I don't enjoy being around certain family members and I am not going to force myself to like being around people that don't like you or me." If this is ever said or something similar, accept it coming from your son or daughter. Don't try to force them to go to a family event that they wouldn't enjoy no matter how important it means to you.

Sometimes sons and daughters can be great counselors for parents in crisis because they talk about issues that we, as parents, try to avoid. Maybe your son or daughter has a point. It would be wise to listen and respect their opinions.

Get the book wherever books are sold online and if you don't see this book, recommend it to the store.  Nicholl McGuire is also the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other self improvement nonfiction books.

Teaching Children Laziness and Indifference

Demonic attack on children - Things the Enemy will Do to Hurt Kids 2 of 2

Children Can Hinder You From Goals If You Let Them

Distraction.  It comes it so many forms to keep one off track, running in circles and lost in the midst of confusion.  Children can be a hindrance.  Keeping you from the dreams, goals and visions you set out to accomplish.  As mothers, we love our children will do almost anything for them, but what we can't afford is to be knocked off course.  The household still needs our attention despite Suzie's cries, money needs to be earned even if the baby is only weeks old, our health must be checked sooner or later even though our children have been to the doctor's office more than enough times this year, business must be profitable which will require long hours at times no matter how much they need us...so when children show up with yet another demand, watch out or you just might get caught in the maze of distraction with no way out!

I got a firsthand look at this when I wasn't a mother and then later had to fight through all the distractions once I had four of my own (all boys).  I watched how women would start off doing something only to be tapped, pulled, pushed, or yelled at by children.  They would forget what they were talking about, didn't follow up on promised phone calls, and missed out on opportunities because of their children.  The same little people who could love mom today for yet another thing she bought turned right around and hated her the next day because they didn't get what they wanted.

Many moms spoil their children and the fathers too.  Some well-meaning advisers will either caution about spoiling kids or aid in the destruction.  For instance, while Mom is coddling her son once again, she is distracted from what is going on with her husband.  He is impatient, moody and frequently tells her, "Stop with the Momma's boy stuff...let him be a man!" 

Some mothers push people away whether they know it or not, because of their children's many wants (noticed I didn't say needs).  These stressed mommies, who over indulge selfish sons and daughters, simply have no time or room for anyone else.  "Come see my child play...my child's birthday is coming up...I can't donate anything, I give my kids my funds...I wish I could help but I  am busy with my kids, but I could really use you to..." 

For those who have a faith, some would say the devil uses children just as much as he uses adults.  I would have to agree.  Children are vulnerable, easy targets to manipulate.  They lie, steal, and do other things that leave many scratching their heads, "Now what would possess them to do that?"  Exactly, what would possess them.  Sons and daughters can be used to attack and distract.  Who would suspect that a cute little child is a walking time bomb?  Who would even think twice about a teen destroying a marriage?  Who would ever figure out that children (or maybe a spouse putting children up to something) doesn't want mom going back to school or working outside the home?

If you ever find yourself battling to get out the door, complete your work, or do other things and every time you set out to do them, your child/children is in the way, you know what to do, press through the madness!

 You love your child, but don't be any fool for him or her.


Nicholl McGuire   

Too Many Kids - Yours and Theirs - Just Say No

They have their kids, you have yours.  Whether you are dating, in a marriage, visiting family members or a place with a lot of children and their nonchalant parents, chances are you are not looking forward to the added stress.  I will be the first to admit that I am not always comfortable or content being around large groups especially when children are running all over the place during holiday celebrations.  However, there are those moments where I don't think too deeply and go out anyway while hoping all will go smoothly.

You know yourself better than anyone else and when you know you aren't in the mood to deal with your family and others no matter if it is a holiday or not, don't make yourself!  At gatherings, you can see the dismal looks on many faces of parents who are making themselves do something they rather not.  Then if an issue arises involving their child, they are saying or doing something that just might set a parent, who already didn't want to be there in the first place, off!

When choosing to do something with your family during a heavy season of travel, celebrating, etc., consider the following:

1.  Will alcoholic beverages be served?  Some people do not do well under the influence.  Unruly children will easily set off a situation that might cause emotional and/or physical abuse if people are not mindful of a drunken people.

2.  How long do you plan on staying at the event?  Don't just think about the kids having fun, but how long can you put up with the noise, crowds and more?

3.  Will you be spending money and how much are you willing to distribute?  Some events require much money and if you know that you don't have much, why go?  You will only further aggravate and already financially challenging situation by spending money you simply don't have.

4.  Are you responsible for just your children or others too?  Check your mindset, body, and other things before agreeing to watch your children and theirs.  If you should feel overwhelmed you might say or do something with someone else's child that might cause future problems for you.  Know your stress levels and say "No" when you just aren't in the mood to help.

As you sit back and think about the day's events, keep in mind that most people simply want to have a good time and if you know that you have a lot going on and don't want to be bothered with children then do what's best for you, stay home!

Nicholl McGuire

Making Fun Videos - Kids Busy, Mom Happy

I didn't know what they were up to when I noticed how quiet they were.  I walked down the hall and heard giggles.  When I approached their room, the boys had a tablet in their hand and was singing and acting.  I asked, "What are you doing?  You guys have been quiet."  You would have thought I would have been most grateful for the free time, but I wasn't use to how long they had been in their room.  They shared with me an app that they really enjoy.  They spend fun times communicating with friends responsibly.  It turns out some teachers and adults love it too.  I became a fan and have already shared more than a few fun vids.  Enjoy the time you will have to yourself, thanks to this great app!  Check out Musical.ly.  Learn more here.

Do Not Provoke Children to Wrath

Family Mealtime and Child Obesity

Family Mealtime and Child Obesity

'Are We Crazy About Our Kids?' from The Raising of America

'Are We Crazy About Our Kids?' from The Raising of America

Do You Know How Children Really Feel? On Communicating with Your Kids

Parents Can Predict Some Things that Will Happen with Children in the Future

Consider the kind of relationship you have with your children.  What you say and do with sons and daughters will impact them for many years.  If you are ineffective (not caring for basic needs), demanding (strict), and have other issues when it comes to parenting then expect rebellious, uncaring children.  This is why some parents don't have quality connections with their offspring.  Many are lonely in senior citizen homes all around our land, because they just weren't good parents.

What Does the Future Hold for Our Children?

Want to Move? Family is Stopping You from Living Dreams

Sometimes what is keeping so many mothers from accomplishing their dreams is where they live.  They can't seem to move out of their cities because parents, grandparents, in-laws and others are telling them not to go.  Since having children, not only do most mothers sacrifice personal goals, but they also find themselves trying to appease their kin for the sake of giving children a chance to bond with loved ones.  However, what if the "others" are the cause as to why you made some decisions that are not leading you toward happiness but depression?  And what if these "others" are keeping things stirring up in your current relationship?  Then what?  Do what you most desire!

One of the best thngs I did in my life was go where I knew spiritually, mentally and physically peace was for me.  The children were still going to grow, thrive and build relationships of their own no matter their age with or without extended kin.  Not one time did any of my children say, "I wish I could have aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc. come see me."  Instead, they were fine with telephone conversations, e-mail, and periodic visits.  Children know when they are genuinely loved and appreciated and unfortunately older people who are selfish aren't much interested in the youth only what they can do for them.

So live your dreams and don't let people stop you from achieveing them.  Your children are not on this planet to feed egos and perform service exclusively for your parents and grandparents and neither are you.  Life is too short--enjoy it!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Say Goodbye to Dad, and other books. 

A Mother Stands Up for Her Child, And All Transgender Children

There is More to Talk About Besides Being a Mother - Don't Want to Talk About the Kids

Sometimes as mothers we reach points during our day where we don't want to say another thing to our kids or talk about them to anyone not even our spouses.  It can be tiresome.  Some don't understand why and others think we want to hear about their kids.

If you have experienced something like this or feel this way now, "Please, I just don't want to talk about my kids..." don't worry you are not alone and it doesn't mean you love your kids any less because you don't want to share another picture, video, or conversation with someone about them for awhile.  Just like one can get burned out with talking about certain relatives, news, celebrities, and more, one can also get tired of talking about children.

I thought of this topic when I read an article about what childless or childfree women wanted mothers to know.  Some of these ladies have their issues with mothers talking to them about why they don't have children.  From the writing, you can detect a couple women just didn't want to keep talking about their private business.

So I end with this,  just because we all wear some kind of title such as: "Mother, Single Woman, Divorced, Married, Childfree, Childless..." doesn't mean we want to share every personal detail about it or answer every question that someone poses, especially on days when it is simply challenging enough being a woman.

Here's ideas on some alternative conversations that have nothing to do with children unless you redirect the topics back to your children.

1.  So how's things coming along with your job, hobby, craft, business, projects...?

2.  I heard about your spouse/friend/relative how is she/he?

3.  How do you feel?

4.  What have you watched lately on television?  Which shows are your favorite?

5.  Do you have any favorite songs, musicians?

6.  Where did you go recently to unwind or where are you thinking of going?

7.  Do you have any personal plans for the upcoming holiday?

8.  When was the last time you visited the mall?  Did you buy anything?

9.  What do you think of the (mention something that happened in the news)?  You didn't see it?  Let me catch you up to date?

10.  Have you been to (fill in the blank)?  If you would like to go, I'm free on....

Mom will thank you for the good conversation and getting away from the children sooner or later. God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight about relationship, spirituality, family, business and more here.

The Disrespectful Attitudes of Children and Their Parents

"The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree," so the old saying goes, such is the case with disrespectful children and their foolish parents.


Everything that a child does isn't cute or funny, I said this awhile back when my children were babies.  I didn't approve of the smart mouth comments when they started talking and I still don't find them entertaining now that they are older.  Sometimes they get carried away with their joking, but the minute it happens, I warn them.  They didn't see me act like a fool with others and so I don't permit them to behave that way in or out of public and then laugh about it.  They are expected to say, "Please, Thank you, Yes, No, Mr. and Ms." and so on.   


If we train our children at home about how to behave with us and other adults, then we don't look like fools in public.  Some parents invite disrespect into their homes, because they aren't very respectful of themselves.  They want to be called by first names.  They dress like school-aged kids.  They allow children to watch nasty things on the Internet and on TV.  They dress provocatively around children at home and don't care much to censor sexual activity with partner(s).   Look at the sheer number of parents who make media headlines because they did or said something offensive and a child became a part of the mayhem.  Meanwhile, children are off to foster care programs or worse headed to juvenile detention centers after following in mom or dad's footsteps.


There are those adults who frown at those who call them out on their negative tone of voice they use when asking for something.  They get an instant attitude when questioned about the way they respond to a request.  Standing nearby is usually an observant child who takes the parent's nasty ways all in--studying what mom or dad is doing and watching for results.


When we permit people to act disrespectful toward us and dismiss it as "nothing," "no big deal" then when is it considered something worth commenting on?  When do you say, "Pardon me, but I will not be treated this way, where is your manager?  or Excuse me, but watch your tone of voice with me."


I shudder at the sheer number of mean-spirited children raised by, nonchalant, self-absorbed, evil-speaking parents.  I can only wonder what might the future look like as we remove more and more rules from language, conduct, dress, and other things that have long kept members of society in control.


Nicholl McGuire

Challenge of Getting Children Ready in the Morning

Most moms, who are highly organized, will tell you that the issue of getting children off to school still comes and goes. It all depends on the mood, whether something is ready or not, and if some unexpected issue threw the whole morning off.


A tired child, meddlesome pet, moody spouse, broken household appliance, problematic car, or something else will turn a seemingly good morning into a bad one in an instant!  But if you can recognize the issues and deal with them ahead of time, then you can cut off some issues.


Some things that parents and their children fail to do is get things prepared the night before.  Others will stay up late at night and will not plan to awake earlier to deal with any "just in case" issues.  Some children are doing everything but getting ready in the morning.  Then you have some parents who expect children to do most things while yelling about what has yet to be done.  With so much irresponsibility, blame, and downright foolishness happening in the morning, no wonder people get off to a bad start!


Here are some things to consider before you start yet another morning of misery:


1.  Cut off or remove electronic devices.  There is no good reason why one must use electronics why getting ready.  Although some people will insist on doing this, think for a moment, what would happen if you were in an accident, in a hospital or dead?


2.  Snip hair when it is too long to manage.  Styling long hair takes a huge chunk out of your time.  You ever wonder why some hairstylists often ask, "Would you like to try something different like get your haircut?"  Saves time!  They can get more heads done in a small window of time.


3.  Move belongings closer to the door.  Why is Jane or Joe always running into his or her room at the last minute?


4.  Find items the night before and place them where they belong.  Why is someone often looking for something in the morning?  Aren't socks supposed to be in the sock drawer? 


5.  Is it really necessary to stay up half the night?  This is a clear sign that someone needs to do better managing his or her time during the day.  What tends to happen is the distraction of the unimportant television, Internet surfing, phone gossip, and other things takes up time during the day that when one finally makes time to finish something important, you are staying up late.  Roll back the time.


6.  Spend less time preparing meals.  Sometimes people are more concerned about their picky interests then getting out the door.  Buy things you know everyone likes and limit choices, this way there isn't as much fuss about breakfast.


7.  Lunches.  If it can be made the night before do it!  Otherwise, cut out something in the morning or move more quickly to get your lunch done.


Things like:  showers, ironing, organizing, and similar things can be done the night before.


Think of some things you can do to make your mornings easier.  Look around your environment make adjustments.  Check the refrigerator for quick to eat items.  Notice what your children are doing in the morning and look for ways to make life easier.  Sometimes the complaining and yelling happens in the morning because a parent failed to do his or her part to make things happen, for starters, waking up earlier.


Nicholl McGuire shares insightful tips on a variety of topics at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7  
Get her book, When Mothers Cry.  

When the Kids Question Your Life, Decisions and Why You Do the Things that You Do

I didn't ponder much about what my kids might say to me having a front row seat in the movie I call, "My Life" for some years now.  But in recent years, the questions, comments and concerns have been surfacing from a seven, eight, fourteen and fifteen year old.  They are curious. 


I have been asked questions from, why years ago I wasn't married when I was pregnant to "Do you love my dad?"  I was also questioned about why parents allow their daughters to dress "ratchet (terrible) with booties (backsides) showing?"  I guess I am supposed to speak for them too.


The questions kept coming about things like: why God did the things he did in the Bible--like let people die, what did I do when I was their age back in the day, could I let them see a photo when I was a kid, and even comments about things they didn't like about other relatives.  I had to agree with most of what they said when it came to relatives. 


Children are observant and they know who is friend and who is foe in one's family.  They also know when parents have "issues" with one another.  They also don't like when relatives say things like, "Do what I say, not as I do."  One child made a comment like, "Aren't they supposed to be teaching us?"


They also know when they are being taken advantage of and don't mind speaking up when they see lazy adults not doing their share.  They know when they are being short-changed funds too.  One son told me, "(Unnamed) said he was going to give me more money than he gave me for doing some work."  He wasn't too happy.


Children remember what we say and do.  They are shocked when we start revealing that we made mistakes "back in the day..."  They are impressed when you make smart decisions and their eyes get big when you tell them things like:  when you fought someone and won, went somewhere fun, and when you got a lot of money and bought things that you always wanted.


The conversations can go from simple to intense in a matter of moments.  I found myself having to censor some things about my life, simply because, like them, I have my privacy and  I didn't want them using what they knew to excuse their own bad decisions.  "Well mom did it, so it's okay."  Some things are just not right no matter what kind of spin we put on them and children will call you out on them sooner or later usually when they are having one of their rebellious moments.


I am honestly happy that I have curious children who question me deeply at times and feel comfortable enough to talk to me about what their friends say and do.  I just keep them in prayer and continue to maintain a safe relationship and environment where they don't have to walk on egg shells, worry, fight, lie, and do other things to survive.


Nicholl McGuire wrote When Mothers Cry.  Get your copy here.  

Angry with an Abusive Partner, a Child Suffers

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Angry with Partner, a Child Suffers: A father didn't anticipate having a child with a woman he once loved, but now considers crazy.  A mother cried many tears for failing t...