Presevering through the storms - book excerpt from When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

Storm clouds will always come in relationships, but it is up to all of us to prepare for the pending storm by taking care of self first. Where are your hat, raincoat, boots, and umbrella? If you are a Christian, where is your spiritual body armor? Did you leave them at home in the back of the closet or on a shelf collecting dust? This is what we do as mothers. We make sure everyone else has their protection but us! Meanwhile, we go into storms with our partner, children, and relatives without a covering. This may be why many mothers end up with children in the first place. They go into physical relationships without protection for their heart or vagina. I will be the first to admit that is how most of my children came about and when I did get protection for one of them it was ineffective!

We think we have to be strong for everyone, but when we are down whose holding us up? If you don't have a faith or something or someone to help you when you are down then you are in trouble.

Our relationships will always be tested. From in-laws to money woes, everyone needs a plan for when the trials and tribulations come. Some mothers who don't pray any other time or only pray for certain things like money and protection will holler, "Help! Pray for me church!"

In every past relationship, I have always asked my partner questions about situations before we entered them particularly where in-laws are involved. I want to know what to say or do beforehand so that I am not the one offending or coming home stressed about them too. In my experience, when it comes to men in relationships, I find that they can put on special glasses when it comes to family and friends making it hard for some of these momma's boys to see the truth...What is the truth you may ask? It could be a number of things from how an in-law "really" feels about you and the children to how they treat your side of the family. You may recall experiences where your partner's relative or friend said or done something to you or your children and you went to your partner expecting him to handle the matter, comfort you, and take up for you and the children, but instead he tried to convince you that what you saw "really" wasn't what you saw, what you heard wasn't "really" what they meant, or what they did. You argue your point you tell him the truth about the family member or friend and he acts as if he doesn't care about your feelings. There are many mothers that are weeping inside presently about this issue...

I don't understand why so many mothers who are prone to getting their feelings hurt by the same people at family gatherings will continue to attend them only to experience the same problems year after year?...

At some point you would think that a mother will see that the tensed environment she keeps taking her children into is not good for them. Eventually, your little toddler will become a teen and will ask, "Why do we go to these things Mom, because you know all you are going to do is get mad at everybody?"

By the time your child becomes a man or woman, he or she will have heard or saw so much negativity from you that he or she will most likely avoid the drama altogether. So don't bother to ask, "Why don't you ever come to the get-togethers?" If your son or daughter grows up not to be fearful of hurting your feelings, he or she will probably say (or may have already said,) "I don't enjoy being around certain family members and I am not going to force myself to like being around people that don't like you or me." If this is ever said or something similar, accept it coming from your son or daughter. Don't try to force them to go to a family event that they wouldn't enjoy no matter how important it means to you.

Sometimes sons and daughters can be great counselors for parents in crisis because they talk about issues that we, as parents, try to avoid. Maybe your son or daughter has a point. It would be wise to listen and respect their opinions.

Get the book wherever books are sold online and if you don't see this book, recommend it to the store.  Nicholl McGuire is also the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other self improvement nonfiction books.