Cherish Those Days When You Feel Good...

You ever wake up one day and notice that you feel good all over. Its a blessing in disguise! You go through the day picking up things, cleaning stuff, organizing old things, and talking about a little of this and that with family and friends. You just feel good! Well what if we could feel like that all the time? That's where the Bible, self-improvement books, blogs, radio talk shows, and the neighbor down the street come in, we all have tips to share about feeling good. But the truth is that it can be a challenge to utilize everybody's advice in the face of difficulties.

I will be the first to admit that inadequate sleep will affect my mood before any person or situation does. Sometimes I am aware and other times I am not. On the days I have awaken feeling good about life I must say a good night rest had alot to do with it. Now as the day grows old things will affect my mood, but at least I did one very important thing and that was scale back my bedtime.

The next I try to do is break for a meal. Now I know that if I don't eat I will get an attitude about the littlest of things. Sometimes we think that by skipping meals we are making head way, but eventually it catches up to us. Its like the guy who is driving real fast along a street, passes you by, and then when he gets in front of you he has to wait for a stoplight. You catch up to him, he takes off again, and then he has to wait for another stoplight. What's with the big rush and endangering people's lives in the process? Meanwhile, he gets to his destination and chances are he didn't miss anything worthwhile. We do the same thing, we put in the time to get it all done while hurting those we love in the process, is it really worth it?

I am learning daily that the best way to combat the angry, frustrating feelings that creep up on me during the day due to surprises, shocking information, blood sugar and hormones, and the way others treat me is to shorten my reaction to it. In other words, don't think, talk or be around it for too long. Take the needed walk, pill or meal I need to bring the hormones back in balance.

Sometimes we are very good about making sure the children and the man are fed and get to bed at a decent hour, but what about us? Then we get angry with everyone else for how they treat us when we are not caring for ourselves like we should. The doctor says exercise, take this pill, eat this food, and what do we do? Get caught up in our daily responsibilities and forget about what we need to do to feel good about ourselves.

Have you ever noticed how many parenting guides encourage parents to use time outs on children misbehaving? Well, as parents, sometimes we need to go to time out for our misbehaving. Did we go off on our partner today? Time out! Did we curse at the children? Time out! Did we tell the sales clerk off? Time out! Did we lie to the boss because we didn't feel like doing something? Time out! When we get bombarded with lots of negativity that cause problems for others or things that people do to us, take a time out.

Uh oh...while I am typing, I forgot to take my vitamins, better do that...don't need a time out on my back!

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

How to Overcome Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy is important to all healthy relationships. Jealousy usually stems from feelings of inadequacy in the person experiencing the emotion. While there are, of course, times when people are certainly justified in feeling jealous a good portion of the time there is not valid cause.

It's usually necessary to look to one's self-esteem to pinpoint exactly why you are feeling jealous, as the problem 90% of the time is with yourself. That's actually good news, though - it means it can be fixed and you can stop feeling miserable.

The Root of the Evil

The green-eyed monster is generally a symptom of other deep-rooted problems within people. The less self confidence a person has and the more their self image needs improvement the more easily feelings of jealousy creep in even in innocuous situations. This happens because people will feel that they do not deserve the other person, the position at work, the praise, etc. While there will always be some times where feelings of envy are justified, you can fight the feelings when they are unjustified.

Keep a Cool Head

Whether you are experiencing feelings of jealousy in a personal or professional setting, losing your cool will not help the situation. If something happens that begins to churn up those emotions, wait. Step back outside of yourself for just a moment. Look at the situation after allowing some time to breathe.

Did someone at work get a promotion based on your work or did your husband come home with lipstick on his shirt? Then allow the feelings. They are totally justified! However, if a coworker actually deserves their promotion based on their merit, or your husband mentions that an unattainable actress is pretty, then breathe deeply and let it pass.

Communicate Effectively

When you are consistently feeling jealous, and have already checked to be sure that you are maintaining a clear and accurate view of the situation, then perhaps the thing making you jealous may need to be addressed. Chances are that your emotions are not being played with and that perhaps the other person simply is not aware of how you are reacting. Talk to them in a calm manner and not at a time when you are actually feeling jealous. Explain, without blaming, how certain actions or words make you feel. Offer a solution, "If you were to do/say X rather than Y, I would feel differently." Be open to feedback from the other person!

Eyes on Yourself

The more you focus on creating your own sense of self worth and strengthening all of your personal characteristics, the more you will find that jealousy will fall by the wayside. When you develop a healthy self respect, it can perform wonders in your life. You will not tolerate situations where jealousy is actually valid; you will remove yourself from the situation. You will know that your abilities and merits are worthy of thought and consideration from others and that your own self confidence will inspire them to treat you with respect. You will soon learn to disregard that which is petty and not let it have an effect on how you feel.

Reinforcements

All that you need to overcome jealousy is inside of you. It is not an external factor that will change your perception-a new dress does not make you feel less jealous of an inattentive spouse! The more strength you have, the weaker feelings of jealousy will be. Focus your thoughts and actions on building your own positivity and it will be no more difficult to overcome feelings of weakness and jealousy than it would be to overcome a battalion of toy soldiers.

Zoltan Roth is a native Hungarian teacher who resides in the United States. His passion is to help people around the globe to discover their enormous mental potential to create a happy, peaceful life we all deserve. For more information please visit his website at http://www.selfesteem2go.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zoltan_Roth

The Bad Mother

For reporters, the bad mother is a staple of feature story writing. I've interviewed some bad mothers in my time: there was the one who prostituted herself in front of her children; one who pimped her own twelve year-old daughter; the one who beat her son so badly that the sheet rock was marked with the impressions from his head hitting the wall. Bad mothers, the iconic story goes, either destroy their children – or create criminals. There was one young criminal I remember well – a gang member who had taken part in drive-bys and had himself been on the receiving end of a bullet or two. Here’s how he described his childhood: “My Mom - every night - Uncle Mike, Uncle Bill, Uncle Bob – I mean, I love her, but fuck her too.” And then he told me how he had shot a neighborhood kid who once made fun of him for being the son of a whore.

He was twenty years younger than I, and packed a sawed off shotgun in his jeans, while I carried only a pen. But I identified with him immediately. I recognized that mixture of anger and love. I understood how he might have felt so compelled to defend an indefensible mother. Because I have spent no small amount of time defending my own indefensible mother.

In my late forties, married; and commuting between Boston and New York as I began a teaching job at Columbia University. I once asked Mom could I stay with her for a week or so. She was wary; her husband, an actor, was just learning his lines for a new Broadway show. I promised I would stay out of the way, stay in the back room. Even so, after eight days she suddenly appeared at my bedroom door, her face a mask of determination. "How much longer are you going to be here?" she wanted to know. I was in the way. It was too hard for her to live with another grown woman in the same house. She said my presence was "disruptive" to the rhythm of their lives.

I went to class, then came home and packed my bags. As I was going out the door, Mom hugged and kissed me, apologizing for not being able to let me stay longer. She had to put her husband first.

That's the way it was, the way it had always been, with my Mom. She hadn’t raised any of her three children – we’d all been farmed out to foster homes, visiting when it was convenient for her. I learned to live under the conditions of her love. Ours was a complicated relationship not just because she was an erratic parent, but because she was white and I, her youngest offspring, was the daughter of a black man, an entertainer named Stump Cross who’d been popular during the forties. I wouldn't meet my dad till I was nearly thirty, and, then, when I made a film about the whole experience, Mom and I made the rounds of the talk shows. I always identified myself as African American, but one caller accused me of being so happy to have a white woman’s love that I would endure anything. Something about that barb struck home. For a long time afterward, I wondered whether I was indeed longed to be accepted by whites so badly that I would put up with anything. Maybe that explained why I was so often the only black person in my workplaces, why I befriended those with whom I disagreed vehemently even while I stuffed feelings of anger and worthlessness that led to depression and drinking binges.

But I don’t think it was because Mom was white that I put up with all this.

It was because she was my Mom.


June Cross makes documentary films and teaches broadcast journalism at Columbia University. June authored her first book, a memoir, "Secret Daughter," after releasing the Emmy Award Wining Documentary of the same title. For more information on the book, and June's story, please visit: Secret Daughter.com

New Book Release: When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

It's been a long journey recalling experiences that brought me to tears as well as others. But it has also been rewarding writing the book entitled, When Mothers Cry. You will find many thought-provoking experiences, opinions, and societal views of motherhood and how we are preconditioned to become a mother whether we wanted to or not. Then once the children arrive we find out that there are struggles we face raising children, being married, relating to in-laws, and other issues that leave us crying!

When Mothers Cry is a book for those women who are looking for someone or something that relates to them when they aren't always the happy, smiling, fulfilled mother who greets her children with cookies and kisses her husband on the cheek. She may not always pray, find time with her children or anyone else's, and she may wish secretly she was anything but a mother. Whatever her issue is within, the bottomline, she just wants someone she can feel free to talk to without being judged, admonished, or belittled for feeling the way that she does. She may not feel this way tomorrow, next week, or for years, but for now she is unhappy and she is seeking a bit of information to uplift her and help her be content with her role as mother. When Mothers Cry, the book, won't you buy it today for you or someone you know who is seeking a change of heart? To order click the following link: When Mothers Cry

Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer

Jealous Parents, Relatives & Friends

You have been around the world, seen more things then most people could ever imagine, speak three languages maybe more, and received numerous accolades for school, college and work performance. People call you blessed; others say you’re talented, while some just look at you and smile. Yet, you see something behind some of those smiles. You notice their demeanor seems to be sad. They walk away from you with nothing to say. You may expect this kind of behavior from your friends, but your mother, father or sibling? How does one cope with a jealous relative who still wallows in past successes and has nothing recent to show for his or her work?

One. Don’t brag or rub your accomplishments in their face.

This point is obvious but some overachievers are tempted to tell everyone about their accomplishments, to the point that they are overwhelming listeners. However, jealous people who don’t respond well to others doing things they always wanted to do or are not disciplined enough to follow their own dreams will respond with, “I always wanted to do that…you are always doing something good…you think you are better than the rest of us!” Notice they don’t bother to compliment you.

Two. Avoid talking with them too long about your plans.

Some accomplished people will spend a lot of time outlining what project they are working on, who they will be working with (in other words name dropping) and why they are doing it even when no one has asked them for that much information. A jealous person will take everything he or she has just learned and either help the successful relative or friend for a season just to learn more about the project or start one similar. They may also hurt your efforts by bad-mouthing you to others.

Three. Ask them for input only if you think they are qualified enough to contribute.

When you know someone is jealous of you, be cautious. You don’t want their opinion, money, or skill if they have bad feelings about you. It is best to find someone who is more secure in their own achievements to help.

Four. Listen to what other relatives tell them about you.

There will be relatives that will tell you something about the jealous individual that they don’t want getting around, so they will ask that “you not say anything.” If what they are saying can be proved without naming them, then consider their warning and don’t get the jealous person involved with your business endeavors.

Five. Don’t force them into a conversation they know nothing about.

You never want to use words they are unfamiliar with, share information they have never learned, or do something that is foreign or strange and ask them for assistance. A jealous person may also feel small, if they don't like what you are saying or talk in a tone that bothers them. No one wants to feel like they are being talked down to or made to look like a fool. Both of which you will be accused of if you let this jealous person in your life.

Six. Change your thinking when you feel tempted to show them up.

Jealous people will usually let their emotions take center age for the entire world to see. They will make a big deal out of small matters. What you may feel tempted to do is use your knowledge to give them a good whipping. Whatever you do don’t do it, because if everyone else hears about what you did, you may cause problems for yourself and others may judge you as “arrogant, conceited, a know-it-all, and/or rude!”

Seven. When they are disrespectful, keep any and all future news about your successes to yourself.

A jealous person can easily say things to offend you because they know enough about your interests to use them against you. Once they have disrespected you with one of their insults, learn from the confrontation to never share anything else and ask others to direct the jealous person to you if he or she has any future questions, concerns, or suggestions.

Eight. If you are in a creative field, don’t let them listen, read, watch, or assist with your work before it's released to the public.

You don’t want a jealous person’s input on what you do, because you will find yourself rearranging and possibly throwing away your hard work. Secretly that’s what a jealous person wants is for you to not accomplish anything. They may even disrupt you a lot while your working hoping that you are frustrated and will give your project up!

Nine. Don’t gossip about them to other family members.

As much as you would like to expose this envious man or woman don’t, especially if he or she is a relative. Exposing jealous family members has a way of backfiring on you and then others may turn your observation around and accuse you of being jealous of them. Don’t even allow others to get you to talk about your enemy.

Ten. If you have a faith, pray for your enemy.

You can use your faith to secretly fight against them. Since jealousy is nothing more than a spirit that inhabits the body due to allowing bad feelings to manifest. You can combat this snake by cutting its head off! In other words, when the jealous person is around don’t feed into his or her comments, be too busy for conversation, don’t invite them to your events, and never share your ideas with them.

Jealous parents and relatives may not do all they can to help their children for fear of what they may become which is better than them. A mother may sabotage a relative's plans to invest in your future by bad mouthing you. A father may avoid helping you by not doing anything to invest in a dream that he once had and now you have. A relative may stop talking to you and start talking to your siblings because she is jealous of the success and exposure you are getting that she could never get due to her attitude. These people who claim they love you are usually jealous because you are doing things in your life that they know they should have been doing long ago, so they push you harder than they need to.

Some researchers say that usually a child will only go as far as the parents will go in education. So if your parent dropped out of high school or college the probability of you doing the same increases. There are many children who defy the odds and do far better than their parents. Children learn by example which is often preached by early childhood experts. Parents who never seek the help they need to become better people than their parents will only pass on their failures to their own children.


Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Mother Blessed and Cursed All Six of Her Children

I asked her quite boldly one day, "Why is it that you prayed so much in your younger years and attended church when your children were small and then when they became adults none of them did much in their lives but cause you pain?" She said she was trying to figure that out herself. A mother nearing 90 years old and she couldn't fathom why her prayers made no impact on her children! When I pressed her for a possible reason, she blamed the people who they chose to socialize with over the years negatively influencing them -- I recalled other mothers like her saying the same thing, "My kids act this way because of their no good friends!" Well, I have never been one to just sit back, accept an answer, or act ignorant right along with people, so I did a little research and interviewed a couple of her misguided adult children not caring if they went back and told her what we had talked about.

It seems that this mother who blessed her children with the same mouth cursed them too, according to her children! She used words that "d*mned" her children "to hell," and if they stepped out of line with their mouthes, they were told they "would eat soup." She didn't hesitate to call them simple, fool, heifer, or any word that degraded who they were as human beings. The children went on to say she was often mean and that her mood swings may have been due to being abused by their father and going through menopause. She was in an unhappy marriage and as the children added, "She lived her life through us." They also shared that as children they heard her husband tell her, "You love the children more than me!" He too cursed them as well and worse beat them with a belt while she beat them with whatever she could find! Between all the cursing, fighting, and church going, I couldn't help but understand why the mother and father's children grew up to curse their own children, fight with their mates physically, divorce, cheat, lie, spend some time in jail, etc. and didn't have no interest in spirituality despite her taking them to church and joining support groups.

When I personally prayed about the cursing that can easily come from lips who say they "love their children" and asked God to keep me from saying such things as well and to use my speech to bless my own children, I heard him tell me in the spirit, "You can't bless and curse your children from the same mouth. The curse will override the blessing especially if your children do not accept Jesus as adults." It made sense, if she had spoke positively over them, it wouldn't have kept them out of all trouble, but it would have given them a self-love rather than a self-hate irregardless of whatever obstacle they faced.

I must admit my mother spoke more positive over my life than she ever spoke negative and I suppose that is why I rebound as fast as I do out of bad situations. The spirit within me that I accepted as my personal Saviour in 1997 has sustained me through all my trials. Now I know there are those reading this that don't acknowledge anything remotely close to God, Allah, Jehovah or any other spiritual entity and that is okay for you, but it's not okay for me. Will I tell you that you are a fool, stupid, crazy, for not believing, I bet you thought I would but no because to do that I would be cursing you, now wouldn't I? God has that kind of power. But how many times do people say those kinds of things to their children because the children disagree with what they are telling them even if it is correct information?

Back to the mother who spent many years cursing her children who are now 50 plus, to this day if they don't do what she asks, she will "cuss them out." Meanwhile, if they are ill or sad about something she will pray for them and ask others to do the same. One of her children approached her with a concern similar to the subject matter in this article and to that she said, "I don't know how I have hurt you?" Her child provided examples and she still acted as if she didn't know what she was talking about and at times blatantly denied things she said and did that hurt her child. Some people no matter what evidence is in front of them they will not acknowledge that they are wrong.

So what should we all take from this article, we should remind ourselves that when our children "get on that last nerve" as one woman told me her children do to her, let us have self-control over our mouths and thoughts. If we think our child is simple, fool, stupid, crazy, or some other negative word then most likely the child will feel our anger and act in a way that will enrage us later. However, what if we said, "I don't like what you did and people who act like that are viewed as being fools, simple, crazy, etc." The child can easily see what we are saying without walking away feeling like we have insulted him or her personally. We must also put people in their place when they say, "Your child is going to grow up and give you heartache...your son is acting like a fool now I can only imagine how he will be when he is older...you better watch out your daughter is going to end up pregnant young..." Although these people think that what they are saying is okay, it isn't. They should be rebuked for saying these things, I personally told a woman the other day, "My child will not be what you say. He will be victorious. He will have a good family and job. He will do great things in life..." As I went on for almost a minute, it shut her up. I didn't care if she thought I was "one of those kind of parents" who glorified my children. The truth was I was combating against her curses and declaring blessings on my son. Whatever your strategy is to keep negative statements off your children, do it! It will make a difference in their lives!

Nicholl McGuire
http://gamesactivities.blogspot.com/

Note: Some details in this blog were changed to protect the woman and her children's identities and names were left out on purpose.

Distraction: The Worst Enemy of All

Whether you are trying to fix something that has broken, make a fabulous meal, help your partner out with a task, study for a very important test, or watch a great movie scene, what usually happens while you are doing any of these things? You guessed it, your child or your adult son or daughter comes over with a request.

It seemed that every time I needed to focus on a phone call or write down something important, the crying starts, the tapping followed with "Momma...", the arguing, or the volume that was low from the television or radio is now louder than I can think! "Help..." One day I stormed into the rooms where the noises were coming from, two boys in one room and another two in the next. "Be quiet...if I have to tell you to stop all this noise one more time..." I guess from the look on my face they knew we weren't going to sit down and talk about why we need to respect each other's quiet time.

I think by far this is the worst thing I hate about parenting, heck about life! Distractions! They never come when you could careless. They are always there when you need to meet a deadline and when you need to get something done that you have put off for so long! I personally think my parents are paying me back since I have been on this sabbatical away from the children. The music is loud, the nosiest yard tools come on right when I have a sudden revelation, the knocking at the door while I'm typing..."I get it mom, you can quit with your distractions. Alright, dad I know you are paying me back for all the times I didn't let you sleep...but does the surround sound have to be on while you are watching the news?"

I am learning daily that come hell or high water, I will not be moved. Whoever or whatever feels like they can stop my mission in life to bury negativity and uproot positivity will most likely have to kill me first and sometimes I think that is what he, she, or it's intentions are, but by the grace of God and in Jesus Name I will prevail as the Christian and believers in my circle say and so I believe!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Yelling, Spankings, Cursing, & Fighting? What to do About It!

How many times do we have to agree to disagree with our partner about the very simplest of issues? Oh, we tell him that we understand even act like we are okay with what he told us, but are we? You see, he may have noticed you are become increasingly more irritated with him and the children. You probably have spanked them when you would have ordinarily put them in time out. You may have been caught yelling at the dog or cat for no good reason. He may have walked in on you bad mouthing someone on the phone. And yes even for some mothers who would like to consider themselves mature, they have been scolded for acting inappropriately at the workplace, store, a group meeting, and even a church! "She's lucky we are not in highschool because I would...She better be glad I'm in church...He doesn't know who he is messing with..." Get my point?

Anyway, when so many things are coming at you all at once, it's time to put your hands up and take that much needed walk, bathroom break, nap, or long vacation. Let's face it, we are mothers not God and if you have no faith then attempt to believe in something that will help you achieve the peace you need before you explode!

It has been almost four months since I stepped away from my family to recover from my episodes I described in previous blog postings and I can tell you I feel wonderful! The book I am writing looks like it may be completed before September and I have done just about everything I said I wanted to do since visiting with parents on the east coast (the children are on the west coast with dad.)

Whoever told us that as mothers we shouldn't leave our children and stay at home and fight the good fight is probably in a mental ward somewhere. When you have had enough of the obstacles coming at you from the comment postings on your social networking sites to the noisy toys your children (and maybe even your partner) play with, it's time to take a long bubble bath, read a book when the house is quiet, or just simply sit down and do nothing.

You see, when people tell us things similar to what I am saying, right away a mother screams, "I don't have time!" If you can make time to talk on the phone, you can make time to sit down somewhere and just shut out the world including the voice in your head! I use to think the same thing when someone told me to take some "me time" I almost felt offended, "I don't have time. I have four sons, a small business, and I am responsible for the upkeep of our home...blah, blah, blah!" Then one day I noticed that two hours had passed by and I had been on the phone and then another two hours had passed by and I was clicking around on a social networking site connecting with friends from high school. So if we really pay attention to ourselves, we have time and most things we deem important won't be especially if we end up flat on our backs in a hospital somewhere (remember my stories.)

So please take heed to what I am saying when there is cursing, yelling, fighting, and other crazy things going on in your house know that these are signs of something worse to come! If you know that you are responsible for the majority of the drama that is happening in your home then it's time to step back, regroup, take some time for yourself, then orchestrate a new plan to help you help others!

"God bless you with some serenity!"

Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Seven Points People Fail To Understand When it Comes to Motherhood Trials & Tribulations

Some times the reason why conflict arises between mothers and everyone else, is due to some people not being careful what they say to mothers. They fail to understand a mother's pain, grief, circumstance, and so forth. They assume that they know what they are talking about when in fact they aren't knowledgeable enough to understand a mother's plight. So I thought of seven tips that I hope will help those who don't know any better. All I can say, is may God have mercy on them when their trials come, because THEY WILL COME!


1. The way you may handle parenting issues may not make sense or be feasible to other mothers, so avoid the temptation to think your way is the only or best way, because most likely it isn't.

2. When a mother misses her children, what favors she asks of you, if reasonable, should be granted. Why does she have to explain why she wants to talk or see her children to anyone?

3. Just because a woman is a mother doesn't mean that she will treat her children like you would.

4. Don't falsely assume that because one mother can juggle the following without falling apart: spouse, job, child, activities, and people, other mothers will and can do the same!

5. Don't ever volunteer your explanation for why someone's child was murdered, died, or some other horrible thing! You can't bring the mother's child back, so be careful with your reasoning. Most likely, she has her own thoughts to answer her question of "why" which may bring her peace no matter how absurb, crazy, or irrational her reasoning might be -- don't try to that away from her! Unless you can bring her child back from the grave or can heal him or her physically, listen more!

6. Being a mother isn't a game or competition and shouldn't be treated as such! Don't wish for a relative, friend, neighbor or co-worker's life! Keep away from negative thinking such as telling yourself, "...if you have more children than him or her that you will feel better." Instead, consider that their lives have more trials and tribulations than yours, so don't give any attention to braggarts!

7. Everyone doesn't have a faith; but it doesn't make a woman less than a mother because she chooses not to worship a deity. So avoid the temptation to judge or be critical; rather embrace your sister and pray for her secretly.

Written by Nicholl McGuire, For other articles related to parenting issues, money, relationships, and more, visit www.associated.content.com/nichollmcguire

Standing Up for Your Children

When a child can’t speak for him or herself, a mother comes to her child’s rescue. How dare anyone insult, belittle, abuse, threaten or even murder her child! A mother, who has had a son or daughter go through any one of these issues, is a mother with an angry cry.

May God have mercy on the one who hurt her child! She will come like a raging bull with police, relatives, church members, petitions, lawyers, or weapons whatever it takes to get justice for her child. Why would anyone in their right mind think that they could hurt someone’s child and get away with it?

I remember when a girl back in high school decided she was going to tell some people that she wanted to kill me. I knew she was jealous of me, but not to the point of threatening me behind my back. When word reached my mother’s ears, we practically ran to the school. Within a matter of minutes there was a meeting with the girl, a school counselor and the principal. Notice I didn’t mention her mother, wonder where she was? Word traveled fast, “Nicky’s mother was up at the school.” Now it is very unpopular for a parent to show up at your high school when you are in your teen years. I remember we all tried very hard to keep our parents out of our business, but someone threatening to kill you, is just cause to get everyone involved. The message sent to staff and students after my mother’s visit was “think twice about messing with my child.”

When a person who has wronged you knows that you have “mother” backup, they will try to resolve whatever issue they have with you. It gives the curse word “motherfu…r” a whole new meaning! The sales clerk doesn’t want your elderly mother to have a heart attack on his shift over an incorrect price on your sales receipt. The bank manager doesn’t want your mother to withdraw her life savings, because of a minor issue that could be resolved with one phone call for you. The principal doesn’t want your mother talking about him at the next PTA meeting, so he will clear his calendar for you. The pastor doesn’t want your mother not paying her tithes or spreading gossip, so he may go above and beyond for you. Most of all, your husband or boyfriend will not want your mother to tell you that he is no good for you, so he may not only be nicer to you, but offer to assist your mother too.

There is an experience that one, without a relationship with his or her mother, will never know or ever understand. It is when you are battling an issue or need someone that knows you well to speak on your behalf, a good mother doesn’t have to be asked twice. She will fight for you whether you are guilty or innocent. She will defend you when no one else will. She will stand up for you when everyone else wants to give up on you! She will fight, lie, steal, cheat or beg for you! She will pray for you and God will listen. However, a bad mother won’t do a damn thing for you when you need her! There are mothers reading this that are thinking about the times when their mother just didn’t seem to care when they came to her with a problem. The mother went so far as to ask the devastating question of “What did you do to cause this?” These mothers are crying every time they think about how their mother went against them when they needed her most. They had often wished for someone else to be their mother. Some of these mothers have gone so far as to disown their biological mother and take up a new one.

For a woman to call herself a mother and allow a defenseless child to drown in a mess that her child didn’t cause is a woman without a cry. She is the mother who will read something like this and ask, “What are all these mothers crying about?” She hasn’t allowed herself to experience pain or hasn’t been through enough yet to bring her to the floor in a fit of tears, but as we all know her day is coming. The day when she will not be able to run from her child’s cry or numb the pain with any alcohol, drugs, sex, religion, or ignorance. She will have to open her mouth and speak up for her child even when she rather not. She will have to reach down in her purse, find her wallet, take out some money and pay for something to help her child, even though she can’t afford to, and then she will begin to see what other mothers have been experiencing. What’s it like for a mother to have to do for her child when she doesn’t want to and they don’t deserve her help? It’s like a temporary inconvenience in her daily life. The dishwasher stops working, the lights get cut off, the car breaks down, all temporary problems, but when these things happen too often someone will want to hold someone accountable, dealing with children who have issues works the same way. However, when your child’s problem, becomes someone else’s, society blames no one, but you.

When a mother takes a stand for her child, she is doing something that services her more than anyone else. She is letting the world know that, “This is my child!” She doesn’t take too kindly to someone who doesn’t have children telling her how to raise her children either. To her, that is an insult, “Who does she think she is telling me how to raise my child?” She yells. It doesn’t matter that her child is the cause of the problem, but what matters is that she loves her child unconditionally. A love that is very hard to understand when you are a mother without a cry. Crying is like a flood it washes away whatever is in its path. Pain, guilt, sadness, worry, whatever, it cleanses the emotional poisons within and around us if we allow ourselves to cry. Children remember their mother’s cries and those tears will either force them to change or cause them to run away; however, whatever path they choose, they have learned a new element of pain that is much greater than when they fell and scraped their knees. They know that if mother cries something must be terribly wrong and they may try to comfort her by changing whatever they are doing to make her stop crying.

A mother who cries is a good mother. Crying is not a weakness for her, it is her strength it washes away selfishness, anger, resentment and confusion too. Crying brings clarity, strength, compassion, and a sense of self-worth. It reminds us that we are living, breathing, and only human. While some women will grow stronger mentally and physically as a result of defending their children’s cries, others will grow weak from the guilt of wishing they had done something, anything to help their children.

Written by Nicholl McGuire

Mothers Who Feel Guilty

“I could have…, should have…, would have...” Mothers are crying for the things they could have done for their families, but chose not or could not for whatever reason. They cry now because their children in the past looked up at them with tears in their eyes and said, “Help!” And they walked away.

Now I believe in tough love, and it can reap great life lessons that benefit the children in both the short and long term. However, tough love without a starting and ending point becomes crazy love. When one’s child is demonstrating that he or she has learned from his or her life lessons it isn’t necessary to keep punishing them. Why is it that some mothers reach a place in their heart where they are so cold? Is it because their children have hurt them so much emotionally to the point that they become numb? Does anyone bother to explain to these mothers, what is the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship with their children? Maybe some of these mothers just don’t realize it until it’s too late that they are walking in a bubble when it comes to relating to their children. If no one is there to say, “Hey Jane Doe you are being abusive to your children when you say that or do that,” then how does she really know whether she is being good to her children or not?

I was told that I didn’t hug my children enough by my former spouse who reflected on how much his mother hugged him. Although I felt I hugged them plenty, I began to pay closer attention and found that I really wasn’t hugging them as often as I thought. I could actually count on one hand how many times I hugged them in a week. Now would I go so far as to say that too little hugging or too much hugging can cause them to be this way or that way when they become older, no, but what I would say is that hugs do make a difference. Family and friends who have spoken to me about this topic of hugging have admitted that they do have problems with intimacy resulting from their parent’s lack of affection. One family member made this statement, “I wonder had we turned out any different if our daddy would have hugged us?” That question brought tears to my eyes. We are kidding ourselves as mothers if we think our children can escape dysfunction without being talked or listened to, hugged, kissed or made to feel loved and appreciated.

Children need it all! No, we can’t do it all, but we can give them the great allusion as if we have done it all! Creating a plan and tapping into the resources around us to help our children is all we need to be guilt free parents. Keep in mind that some family, friends, and strangers will come with their motherhood stories and advice to make them feel better about their selves while attempting to put other mothers down. Some mothers make the mistake of encouraging these self-righteous advisors by asking questions and taking what they say personal, then later beating themselves up with their negative statements. When handling criticism, one mother told me, “I take what others say go in one ear and out the other.” Another mother said, “When I leave this world I won’t have any regrets, because I know I was a good mother to all my children.” One common trait that I noticed with “guilt free” mothers is that they at least make an attempt to be there for their children, come hell or high water! From remembering birthdays for their adult children that were missed when they were younger to spending quality time with their children when they couldn’t be there for them. They are trying to resolve past issues so why bother to criticize them for their efforts?

Written by Nicholl McGuire, For more articles by this writer Click Here!