Mentally Disturbed Due to a Spouse, Partner Cheating [infidelity, adultery]

Severe Mental Illness - Mother Mental Health Toolkit

6 Things You Can Do When a Mother is Mentally Troubled

Raising her children is something she just doesn't want to do lately, no one really knows why, but the mother is acting quite strangely around the children.  She use to make sure they were bathed, fed, the house clean, their in school, and relatives got to see them, but not anymore.  The mother acts depressed, uncaring, rude, or sometimes abusive to family, friends and her own children.


Gossiping about the mother's issues is not going to keep the children safe.  Threatening to violently attack the poor mom is not the way to go either.  Put aside personal beliefs, emotions, and ridiculous statements and stick to what matters, the mother's well-being and the safety of the children.


Some things people can do when faced with a situation where a mother is simply not acting like herself and the children look like they are being neglected:


1.  Make the time to talk with her away from the children.


Ask questions gently.  Avoid arguing.  Find out what or who is causing her stress lately.  Offer to assist her with her problem(s) if you can or direct her to some help.


2.  Converse with children in front of mom and also when she isn't present.


Notice any changes in their demeanor.  Do they appear comfortable with her?  Do they act afraid, worried or nervous whether in her presence or away from her?  Do they wish to be away from her?


3.  Speak with concerned loved ones.


Tell them what you know, but be selective on what you say, because you don't know if there is a relative who secretly wants her children.  Ask them to assist with whatever tasks the mother is having trouble keeping up with until she appears to be mentally/physically strong again.


4.  Note your findings.  Check for patterns in odd behavior discuss with a nurse and schedule a doctor's appointment if necessary.


Sometimes a serious illness may be ongoing, so you may want to exercise caution.  Be sure the environment is safe.  Protect yourself.


5.  Assist with cooking, cleaning and caring for children.


As much as some people like to avoid these things, when someone is obviously in trouble, now is not the time to make excuses.  Do what you can to help.  Offer to watch children after you have discovered what is causing major upset in the home.


6.  Meet with other relatives and have a family meeting if there is no sign of change.


If after issues have been discussed, services has been provided, appointments have been met, and there is still no change, call a family meeting with a plan that includes temporarily separating mother from children until she can get the help she needs.


Things happen and not every mom is able to care for children all the time.  Keep this in mind before assuming the worse, acting judgmental, or enlisting the help of other critical family members.  Not every mental illness is permanent.  Many moms who once were faced with mental challenges do heal (ie. post-partum depression, PMS, Perimenopause, Menopause, work-related stress, marital conflict, drug and alcohol addictions, etc.)


Nicholl McGuire

New Book Release: When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

It's been a long journey recalling experiences that brought me to tears as well as others. But it has also been rewarding writing the book entitled, When Mothers Cry. You will find many thought-provoking experiences, opinions, and societal views of motherhood and how we are preconditioned to become a mother whether we wanted to or not. Then once the children arrive we find out that there are struggles we face raising children, being married, relating to in-laws, and other issues that leave us crying!

When Mothers Cry is a book for those women who are looking for someone or something that relates to them when they aren't always the happy, smiling, fulfilled mother who greets her children with cookies and kisses her husband on the cheek. She may not always pray, find time with her children or anyone else's, and she may wish secretly she was anything but a mother. Whatever her issue is within, the bottomline, she just wants someone she can feel free to talk to without being judged, admonished, or belittled for feeling the way that she does. She may not feel this way tomorrow, next week, or for years, but for now she is unhappy and she is seeking a bit of information to uplift her and help her be content with her role as mother. When Mothers Cry, the book, won't you buy it today for you or someone you know who is seeking a change of heart? To order click the following link: When Mothers Cry

Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer

Mother Told Her Children, "You are not mine!"

I was stunned at first when I heard the story of a mother denying her adult children after she had abandoned them years ago. When confronted by her children on separate occassions, she was asked, "Why did you leave us?" I don't know if the children were disrespectful to her when they asked. I don't know if she became rude with them. The woman, who I will name Eunice, had been in a very abusive relationship with their father is what I do know. Fearing that he would kill Eunice if she took the children, she left. She was heavy into drugs and alcohol years ago so I have been told as well. For years, no one knew where she went after she left the children! Until one day someone told her ex-husband she had joined a cult and produced a new family with someone else. Meanwhile the father, who had his share of issues with drugs, alcohol, etc. didn't know what to do with the four children (two boys and two girls) so he left them with his mother (their grandmother.) The grandmother wasn't much on raising children herself since she had been a very young parent when she had her own and really didn't want the burden of raising her grandchildren. Needless to say their stay with her was short-lived and eventually they were all placed in foster care homes.

After years of foster care and living on and off with relatives, the children just wanted the opportunity to talk with their mother and find answers to their questions that had been buried within their hearts and minds for years. At first, the meeting with their mother seemed to bring some peace, but in time as they got to learn more about her, they grew not to like her even more! For reasons the extended family is not clear about.

When I think of this story, I can't help but think of the many mothers out there who can't help what they have become, it is obvious that years of drug abuse warped the woman's mind. Although people don't like to use drugs or alcohol as excuses, they do contribute to the breakdown of one's mental capabilities. Why would these adult children assume that they could reason with a woman who would one day tell them quite boldly, "You are not mine!" For a woman to deny her children, she is either upset through the roof at them, herself, life (only God knows her rage,) or she is mentally incapable of handling herself, let alone what has come from her body. Either way, I can't help but think why would the children, now adults, continue to subject themselves to her abuse? Even after they were told this, they still tried to reach out to her often fighting with her rather than making peace with the situation.

I guess what disturbs me the most about this story is that no one really pays close attention to mental illness. Sure you are told that a person is crazy, but when it's one's own mother, that is a hard pill to swallow! She is not forgiven for those times when she was out of her mind, couldn't grab a rail and lift herself up let alone her children...even when her mind is in a state of confusion she is still expected to mother! I think there is a double standard when it comes to mothers and fathers. It's okay to excuse his abusive behavior because he was an alcoholic or on drugs.

When I heard more of this woman's story, it seemed she had some kind of nervous breakdown, because the day she decided to leave she took nothing with her and up to that point she had exhibited signs of suicide. In addition, she wasn't always on drugs or alcohol during motherhood, because she had a thriving career as a model. There was definitely more to her story! In recent years she has still exhibited signs that she isn't mentally well and yet her children do nothing more than curse her. I guess since abuse is familar territory for them, they will take whatever they can get from her whether crippled, blind or crazy, she is still mom.