Mother Told Her Children, "You are not mine!"

I was stunned at first when I heard the story of a mother denying her adult children after she had abandoned them years ago. When confronted by her children on separate occassions, she was asked, "Why did you leave us?" I don't know if the children were disrespectful to her when they asked. I don't know if she became rude with them. The woman, who I will name Eunice, had been in a very abusive relationship with their father is what I do know. Fearing that he would kill Eunice if she took the children, she left. She was heavy into drugs and alcohol years ago so I have been told as well. For years, no one knew where she went after she left the children! Until one day someone told her ex-husband she had joined a cult and produced a new family with someone else. Meanwhile the father, who had his share of issues with drugs, alcohol, etc. didn't know what to do with the four children (two boys and two girls) so he left them with his mother (their grandmother.) The grandmother wasn't much on raising children herself since she had been a very young parent when she had her own and really didn't want the burden of raising her grandchildren. Needless to say their stay with her was short-lived and eventually they were all placed in foster care homes.

After years of foster care and living on and off with relatives, the children just wanted the opportunity to talk with their mother and find answers to their questions that had been buried within their hearts and minds for years. At first, the meeting with their mother seemed to bring some peace, but in time as they got to learn more about her, they grew not to like her even more! For reasons the extended family is not clear about.

When I think of this story, I can't help but think of the many mothers out there who can't help what they have become, it is obvious that years of drug abuse warped the woman's mind. Although people don't like to use drugs or alcohol as excuses, they do contribute to the breakdown of one's mental capabilities. Why would these adult children assume that they could reason with a woman who would one day tell them quite boldly, "You are not mine!" For a woman to deny her children, she is either upset through the roof at them, herself, life (only God knows her rage,) or she is mentally incapable of handling herself, let alone what has come from her body. Either way, I can't help but think why would the children, now adults, continue to subject themselves to her abuse? Even after they were told this, they still tried to reach out to her often fighting with her rather than making peace with the situation.

I guess what disturbs me the most about this story is that no one really pays close attention to mental illness. Sure you are told that a person is crazy, but when it's one's own mother, that is a hard pill to swallow! She is not forgiven for those times when she was out of her mind, couldn't grab a rail and lift herself up let alone her children...even when her mind is in a state of confusion she is still expected to mother! I think there is a double standard when it comes to mothers and fathers. It's okay to excuse his abusive behavior because he was an alcoholic or on drugs.

When I heard more of this woman's story, it seemed she had some kind of nervous breakdown, because the day she decided to leave she took nothing with her and up to that point she had exhibited signs of suicide. In addition, she wasn't always on drugs or alcohol during motherhood, because she had a thriving career as a model. There was definitely more to her story! In recent years she has still exhibited signs that she isn't mentally well and yet her children do nothing more than curse her. I guess since abuse is familar territory for them, they will take whatever they can get from her whether crippled, blind or crazy, she is still mom.