Jordan Peterson: Career vs. motherhood: Are women being lied to? | Big Think

Long Working Hours for New Moms, Retired Moms and Simply Tired Moms? Enough!

Sometimes we just can't work the long hours at various times of our lives.  Those who are closest to us may have seen our moods fluctuate, our bodies do some interesting things, and most of all grow distant from them.  There was a time where 50 to 60 hours a week is what we did, but as we grow older, things change!

Making your family and close friends understand your plight can be a losing battle when they lack understanding and have grown to rely on you to meet their financial needs.  The key here is not to persuade them into believing how tired your mind and body are, but to simply do what you can handle for the time being.  In order to do that, you will gradually spend less money and time on them.  Actions always speak louder than words!  You jump right into your plan after you communicated, "I just can't do what I used to do...so here is the new plan."

Selfish people will find fault, have their temper tantrums, and may not like you very much Mom, so get ready!  But you are weary and stressed out from being all things to everyone.  Is your health worth risking to put a smile on a nonchalant spouse or child's face?  There is nothing you can do once in the grave, so they might as well learn how to get along without you.

Maybe your situation isn't that bad now, but it is headed that way.  You feel something a bit different inside and you can't explain it.  You may have to schedule a doctor's appointment sooner rather than later.  In the meantime, you can do the following when it comes to work:

1)  Be creative in getting tasks done and don't do so many at a time.  Leave the multi-tasking for the young and the stronger.  Delegate responsibilities!

2)  As you start to notice you are getting better, approach your employer about a split-share program.  Simply put, you would like to share your 40 hour shift with a fellow unemployed mother.  This way you are not working eight hours a day, but four.  You can also mention making your current role part-time if there is often not a lot to do or you can finish your work at home.  If your employer doesn't think your suggestions are reasonable, start looking for true part-time employment.  Too many companies start off giving part-time hours for little pay only to turn you into full-time when someone leaves.  Remember your health is more important than long hours and more pay!

3)  Find out if your partner is willing to make extra money working part-time on weekends.

4)  Children 15 years and up can work.  Encourage them to make their own money on or offline.  Stop paying for their extracurricular activities and putting away for college.  Talk with a relative who might be able to help with their college savings account.

5)  If you find out that your health is failing fast, ask about home care or what health plans are offered that you can be able to stay at the hospital for awhile.  Too often ill patients rush to get back home before they are well only to have more complications.  Being at home to recover with family isn't always the best option.

6) Evaluate your debits and credits and find out how you can reduce some costly expenses.  Work smarter not harder!  You can check out a video I created on varied income streams.

7)  If you have a personal faith, pray!  Ask others to pray for you as well.  You can check out my playlist on YouTube with prayers.

Consider your health comes before wealth this new year!

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Spiritual Poems by Nicholl and other books.  She is also the owner of this blog.

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Baby, Career, Husband, and Everything else! When Over-the-Top Mom Wants it All Done Now

When is enough, enough for some moms?  When she has had a nervous breakdown, severe migraine, a death of a child, a divorce, a lost limb, or something far worse!  These mothers will go and go against all sound advice just to meet needs they think are important and need to be tended to right now. 

The baby is crying, the husband is complaining, and the job is demanding, and all the while career moms cry, "I'm okay, No really I'm fine.  I'm not worried...yes I need to go to the doctor, but..."

For some mothers, they will not live long, they just won't.  It doesn't matter whether she is No-name Nancy or A-list Jane, the two will find their spirits removed from their bodies while they walk around looking at what others are doing in a world they no longer belong to.  Why?  Because they believe that everything needs to be completed, dealt with, bought, created, and produced NOW!

Wild parties while parenting troubled children, some moms don't believe they should give up anything, "It's all about me!" Some boast.  If they want to do something as soon as possible, they will gather up everyone and everything to get it done while complaining about the dismal results.  Plans are not well-thought out, consideration of others' time and feelings fall on deaf ears, and unfortunately these extremely busy and wild mommies tend not to be the generous types when it comes to their own family.   Meanwhile, other moms, who may not be so busy but have their share of issues, live lives that if only their families knew, they would be disowned.  What these mothers have in common are: impatience, greed, self-indulgence, and most of all pride.  They love bragging about what they won't tolerate, settle for, deal with, or put up with including children and partners.

Money-loving, greedy mothers who just can't get enough of networking, working long hours away from home, spending much money on meaningless things, and being a part of this thing and that one, miss out on the most meaningful things in life.  What might they be?  Those quiet times where one doesn't need to do, buy, say, or plan anything, just observe.  Sit back and listen to one's Creator, enjoy good times without being the center of attention, and do something good for someone else without repayment.  But this is simply too much to ask of some mothers.  Even their own mothers have warned them, "Slow down.  Stop talking so much.  Stop doing all that.  Take a break.  Do better.  Make wiser decisions."  But stubborn, impatient moms let wisdom go in one ear and out the other.  If it doesn't make her look good, get her excited, and have a price tag on it, she ain't buying it! 

Partners have threatened to leave these over-the-top moms.  Children cry for their mother's attention, but she keeps right on traveling, having fun--just doing what she feels like when she wants.  This obsession with making one's self feel good derives from years and years of disappointments and not having any sense of control of one's own life, so she feels like anyone who comes in contact with her owes her something. 

During their lifetimes, some mothers permitted far too many people to run their lives in their youth, so once they reach an age where they feel in control, they go wild!  They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off!  They want to be the leader, supervisor, creator, producer, wife, mommy for the fifth plus time, and any other title they can get their hands on. 

Although it all seems so good in the beginning when their prayers seem to be getting answered, gradually all the "God did...but I still want...still need" becomes nothing more than a problem.  What the mother once called, "a blessing" becomes "a curse."  She is using far too many bad words to describe how she feels.  The disappointed "I need everything right now" mom finds herself resenting her married life and children.  When tough times present themselves, she wishes to be anywhere that makes her feel in control, fuels her fire, and makes her feel appreciated; hence, the long hours at work for starters.

If you are experiencing something like this or know someone who is, consider creating a plan that permits you to have more free time with those who really matter.  Sometimes the additional activities we get involved in take up so much time that we exhibit many negative feelings that have little to do with the family, and everything to do with the many tasks at hand.

Feel free to check out Nicholl's spiritual insight on a variety of subjects at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
 

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Motherhood and Career - How to Juggle Between the Two

I have been a mother for the last 8 years. I gave up my career to be a full-time mother to my children. Motherhood has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience with its share of vicissitudes. Yes, there were times when my sons threw tantrums when I wanted to escape and run away. There were times when I wanted to sleep but had to stay up putting a cranky baby to bed. There were also times when just a full-throated laughter, a smile, or the smell of my baby's skin could melt my heart and lift my spirits. A roller coaster of emotions, I guess, is part of normal motherhood.

Keeping up the daily routine of being a mother, the one question which was always at the back of my mind, "what about my career?" A well-educated MBA, it always tugged at my heart's strings that years, which could be spent in building my career, were flying by looking after kids. It did hurt me to see batch mates and colleagues climb corporate ladders while I was being a mother.

The pragmatist in me knows how important it was for me to be at home, for one parent to be always around and available for the kids. However, that little thought gnawed at the back of my mind that I was wasting my education. The successful career that I had pursued earlier seemed like a distant dream now. But that niggling thought never went away.

So, what was the way out? What did I do? I worked around the circumstances. I have always had a flair for writing. So, I began writing a blog as a hobby. And, slowly built it into a career of freelance writing. It was not easy; it still is not. And, it will never be easy to juggle career and motherhood. But, I am getting there. I am happy that it is satisfying; and I am doing my own thing.

That point about wasting my education - I realized that education is never wasted. Education has made me the logical, analytical person having the skills that I have today.

So, all the mothers out there who have taken time off their regular work to raise kids -- kudos to you! Remember, there can only be one mother to your children -- you! You have made the right choice. There is a career option waiting for you to pursue in your spare time, or from home. All you have to do is find it, when you feel you are ready for it.

Meanwhile, enjoy the motherhood; career can wait!

Rachna Parmar is a Content Developer, Blogger, Article writer, and owner of her Consultancy Smart Solutions. A passionate reader and a mother of two sons; she loves working out, cooking, blogging, traveling, raising her two sons, and writing. She loves making friends and sharing notes.

Blog: http://rachnasays.blogspot.com/
My website: http://www.smartsol.in