Friday

Was all bright this Xmas?

I hope you had a good Xmas, but if you didn't I hope you are planning now what you will do for the whole year to avoid, fix, change, rearrange, cut off whatever made you angry.

We opted out this year, next year and many years after. After conducting some research online the past weeks and doing some other fun things to release the burden off our shoulders of celebrating Xmas, we realized that what we have been doing the past 10 plus years is ridiculous!

Our story is quite simple we talk about God to the children but we wrap gifts with Santa paper. We tell them there is no Santa, but yet strangers want to make our children believe there is one. We talk about how we don't have any money to buy everything that they want, yet we ask them, "What do you want?" We say, "This is Christ's birthday." When in fact it isn't. We are disappointed year after year with what people buy us as compared to the money we spend on them. We cuss and fuss about all the noise and "you better not break that toy because you won't be getting another one..." only to buy another one. So in summary, we realized we were a bunch of hypocrites and decided something had to be sacrificed and so we cut off the pagan holiday for good.

So what will we do for New Years? Stay home, out of trouble, invite others to our domain, and open up gifts to celebrate the birth of a New Year while praying to the one who made all things possible. We have apologized profusely to God for the years we glorified a baby for we learned the hard way that it never "pays" to go along to get along or jump on the bandwagon. Rather, we are responsible for the truth and it is up to us to tell it.

Be blessed, not stressed.
Nicholl McGuire
Author When Mothers Cry
Digital book available too!

Just in case any of my readers put their account in overdraft for the umpteenth time, you need to check out a video I uploaded on YouTube...click the link

No more bank fees!

Monday

When Mother Knows Best & They Don't

If you have been a mother for any length of time then your intuition concerning your children has been challenged by someone who is either helping you raise your children or occassionally babysitting for you.

He or she may not have verbally said one word about the way you raise your children, but this person may have done some things the total opposite of what you wanted them to just because they are stubborn, jealous, or just don't want to admit that you are right and they are wrong. Whatever the reason, you know your children better than the rest of them and if what you say and do is in their best interest, then by all means stand strong in your beliefs, convictions and so on.

I have been in debates with the fathers of my children over what they thought was the littlest of things. From our young children watching things on television they can't handle to what they have given them to eat. As we all know children can't digest violence without eventually acting it out on their siblings or other children. We also know that if you give a child a certain sweet snack before a meal or before bed time, you are in for some trouble. And most importantly, as mothers, we know that if you don't have a consistent bedtime for your children, they will not perform well in school and their moodiness (from being tired) gets them in trouble with you and everyone else.

The shrug of the shoulders, the eye rolls, and the attitude from bystanders because once again someone has upset you concerning your children is enough to make you want to yell at the top of your lungs, "What are you looking at?! Does anyone understand? Do you know what kind of impression you are making on my child? Who do you think you are!" Some people just don't get it! We must remember we are living in times where evil is considered good and good is considered evil. "It's okay to let our son play the rated M game, it's not that bad. Why are you so angry about him not going to bed on time? What's the big deal about our daughter going over her friend's house every Friday night? What is the problem with the way I discipline the children? You are too strict! Why can't the children listen to that song? They don't know what it means," say some fathers and relatives, but you know what's best.

I have had debates similar to the ones mentioned above and I can tell you that, in the past, I have literally exhausted myself trying to explain why wrestling isn't good for a four and five year old or why we needed to start putting money away for our children's future. If we don't stand up for what we believe is wrong for our children then who will? I put no trust in family, friend, or foe to give me accurate information and be 100% transparent when they are with my child while I am away. The reason for this is because I know that I didn't always provide every single detail to everyone about my own children, so why would I expect differently from people who don't know my children like I do?

Now I understand that when one isn't in the presence of their children due to unfortunate circumstances or is in a position where they have no choice but to let someone else spend 8 to 10 hours a day with their babies, there is a good possibility that he or she doesn't know best, but the caretaker does. How could a parent who is often working or away from their child really know what's going on if they aren't doing the following: taking time out to interview his or her son or daughter, asking specific questions about the child's experience with the caretaker, showing up to parent and teacher meetings, and most of all taking the time to listen to their child when he or she wants to talk.

In conclusion, mother doesn't always know what's best, but when she does, she just wants someone to listen and do what she asks when it comes to the children's mental and physical well-being. Is that too much to ask?


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.myspace.com/howtobooks

Saturday

Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi

One night while preparing the children for bed, one of my sons went over to a cabinet where he stores his books and pulled out one that made me look at my financial woes a little differently. Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi by Bruce Talkington and illustrated by Fernando Guell Cano was the book my son selected for me to read.

The book starts off with “It was the day before Christmas…” right away I was interested given the time period at which my son brought me the book – mind you he is only 3. The story begins with telling us about Mickey’s woes” his coat not warm enough, Christmas tree not large enough, and his pockets were empty. Well by this time I am really into this book, because it is describing similar real life situations I have been in and currently face. But despite all of this Mickey is playing his harmonica.

As Mickey and Pluto stroll down the street, Mickey notices a necklace in a store front window. While I am reading, I am thinking, “The happiness and music just stopped for you Mickey.” But the optimistic mouse’s discovery makes him determined to get this gift to go with Minnie’s watch. Now Mickey is reminded by his empty pockets that he can’t get the necklace, but he tells his dog Pluto that “you and I are going to make lots of tips today…” Meanwhile, Minnie is at home having a problem that is very much the kind we as mothers can relate to and that is a pile of unpaid bills. She tells her cat, “There’s nothing but bills how am I ever going to afford to get Mickey a present?” She quickly realizes Mickey is at the door and rather than bombard him with a list of worries, the book says she “shoved the bills in a drawer and raced into the living room.”

As I read more, Minnie wants to get a case for Mickey’s harmonica because she notices that he wraps it up in an old rag.
Now I am thinking at this point that neither Mickey nor Minnie don’t have children, no fancy car (because he dropped her off at work riding a dog sled – LOL) so why all the bills? They have two jobs between them.

Anyway, Mickey has a hard boss who could care less about the sentiments of Christmas just the money that the Christmas trees bring. Mickey is working very hard and ends up acquiring enough money to get Minnie’s necklace; however just as luck would have it his boss would take his money. He did this because he didn’t like Mickey disrupting his efforts to rip a poor father off by up-selling him on a tree they didn’t want and lying that the expensive trees was all he had. Mickey sold the family a cheaper tree. Mickey’s boss threw him and the dog off his property. However, nothing good comes of the boss and he ended up burning his money and his trees up due to a lit cigar he was smoking. Meanwhile at Minnie’s job, a bonus she was expecting from her boss ended up being a fruitcake.

While the firefighters put out the fire, Mickey played his harmonica. The firefighters heard him because they were due to attend a toy drive and play in the band. Mickey joined them. However, the writer of the story doesn’t write that Mickey receives any money for his efforts – I am thinking, “Isn’t that typical.” Mickey eventually leaves in time to meet the store owner who has the necklace he wants to get for Minnie, so he trades his harmonica for the necklace. Meanwhile, Minnie had traded her watch for a case for Mickey’s harmonica. The story ends with the couple wishing one another a Merry Christmas. The writer adds, “It was a Christmas they’d never forget.”

Can I just remind you this is a children’s book? My three-year-old is just looking at the pictures. He doesn’t know that the book he brought to me spoke into our family’s current situation. The only difference is rather than making trades, we borrowed credit to make the end of our story a Merry Christmas.

What I found rather odd is that although this is a children’s book, in addition to parents and children, this story should be read to childless couples too. From the looks of things the mice have nothing to show for all this debt they acquired and if they had babies, you could only imagine what kind of hours they would be putting in at work! If they were willing to work extra hard just to buy two simple gifts they would be working even harder for their families.

I don’t want to read too deeply into this simple story, but the lesson I learned after re-reading this is the debt the mice acquired most likely came from spoiling one another. We spoil our children, partners and ourselves and then we cry when our backs are up against the wall and can’t pay for anything. Those mice were working hard to give one another everything they needed and wanted and then when it came down to a gift that really mattered to each of them, neither one could help due to all their past debt. The stress of bills will make any mother in over her head cry!

So the moral of the story is when you are in debt, don’t do what Mickey did in the beginning of the story, gaze in the store front window. Ignore the emails, click past the eBay link, throw away the catalogs, and even say no to the needy people on the street when you know you are already obligated to your lenders. Most of all, don’t allow your burdens and other people’s attitudes or cheap giving take your happiness away, like Mickey kept playing his harmonica, you keep on playing yours!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my writings at Triond

Note: Typical Disney why would they title this book like this...Magi? Needless to say, Disney books have been removed off my children's shelves after seeing way too many occult things going on between the pages.

Friday

Cherish Those Days When You Feel Good...

You ever wake up one day and notice that you feel good all over. Its a blessing in disguise! You go through the day picking up things, cleaning stuff, organizing old things, and talking about a little of this and that with family and friends. You just feel good! Well what if we could feel like that all the time? That's where the Bible, self-improvement books, blogs, radio talk shows, and the neighbor down the street come in, we all have tips to share about feeling good. But the truth is that it can be a challenge to utilize everybody's advice in the face of difficulties.

I will be the first to admit that inadequate sleep will affect my mood before any person or situation does. Sometimes I am aware and other times I am not. On the days I have awaken feeling good about life I must say a good night rest had alot to do with it. Now as the day grows old things will affect my mood, but at least I did one very important thing and that was scale back my bedtime.

The next I try to do is break for a meal. Now I know that if I don't eat I will get an attitude about the littlest of things. Sometimes we think that by skipping meals we are making head way, but eventually it catches up to us. Its like the guy who is driving real fast along a street, passes you by, and then when he gets in front of you he has to wait for a stoplight. You catch up to him, he takes off again, and then he has to wait for another stoplight. What's with the big rush and endangering people's lives in the process? Meanwhile, he gets to his destination and chances are he didn't miss anything worthwhile. We do the same thing, we put in the time to get it all done while hurting those we love in the process, is it really worth it?

I am learning daily that the best way to combat the angry, frustrating feelings that creep up on me during the day due to surprises, shocking information, blood sugar and hormones, and the way others treat me is to shorten my reaction to it. In other words, don't think, talk or be around it for too long. Take the needed walk, pill or meal I need to bring the hormones back in balance.

Sometimes we are very good about making sure the children and the man are fed and get to bed at a decent hour, but what about us? Then we get angry with everyone else for how they treat us when we are not caring for ourselves like we should. The doctor says exercise, take this pill, eat this food, and what do we do? Get caught up in our daily responsibilities and forget about what we need to do to feel good about ourselves.

Have you ever noticed how many parenting guides encourage parents to use time outs on children misbehaving? Well, as parents, sometimes we need to go to time out for our misbehaving. Did we go off on our partner today? Time out! Did we curse at the children? Time out! Did we tell the sales clerk off? Time out! Did we lie to the boss because we didn't feel like doing something? Time out! When we get bombarded with lots of negativity that cause problems for others or things that people do to us, take a time out.

Uh oh...while I am typing, I forgot to take my vitamins, better do that...don't need a time out on my back!

Stay blessed.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

Thursday

How to Overcome Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy is important to all healthy relationships. Jealousy usually stems from feelings of inadequacy in the person experiencing the emotion. While there are, of course, times when people are certainly justified in feeling jealous a good portion of the time there is not valid cause.

It's usually necessary to look to one's self-esteem to pinpoint exactly why you are feeling jealous, as the problem 90% of the time is with yourself. That's actually good news, though - it means it can be fixed and you can stop feeling miserable.

The Root of the Evil

The green-eyed monster is generally a symptom of other deep-rooted problems within people. The less self confidence a person has and the more their self image needs improvement the more easily feelings of jealousy creep in even in innocuous situations. This happens because people will feel that they do not deserve the other person, the position at work, the praise, etc. While there will always be some times where feelings of envy are justified, you can fight the feelings when they are unjustified.

Keep a Cool Head

Whether you are experiencing feelings of jealousy in a personal or professional setting, losing your cool will not help the situation. If something happens that begins to churn up those emotions, wait. Step back outside of yourself for just a moment. Look at the situation after allowing some time to breathe.

Did someone at work get a promotion based on your work or did your husband come home with lipstick on his shirt? Then allow the feelings. They are totally justified! However, if a coworker actually deserves their promotion based on their merit, or your husband mentions that an unattainable actress is pretty, then breathe deeply and let it pass.

Communicate Effectively

When you are consistently feeling jealous, and have already checked to be sure that you are maintaining a clear and accurate view of the situation, then perhaps the thing making you jealous may need to be addressed. Chances are that your emotions are not being played with and that perhaps the other person simply is not aware of how you are reacting. Talk to them in a calm manner and not at a time when you are actually feeling jealous. Explain, without blaming, how certain actions or words make you feel. Offer a solution, "If you were to do/say X rather than Y, I would feel differently." Be open to feedback from the other person!

Eyes on Yourself

The more you focus on creating your own sense of self worth and strengthening all of your personal characteristics, the more you will find that jealousy will fall by the wayside. When you develop a healthy self respect, it can perform wonders in your life. You will not tolerate situations where jealousy is actually valid; you will remove yourself from the situation. You will know that your abilities and merits are worthy of thought and consideration from others and that your own self confidence will inspire them to treat you with respect. You will soon learn to disregard that which is petty and not let it have an effect on how you feel.

Reinforcements

All that you need to overcome jealousy is inside of you. It is not an external factor that will change your perception-a new dress does not make you feel less jealous of an inattentive spouse! The more strength you have, the weaker feelings of jealousy will be. Focus your thoughts and actions on building your own positivity and it will be no more difficult to overcome feelings of weakness and jealousy than it would be to overcome a battalion of toy soldiers.

Zoltan Roth is a native Hungarian teacher who resides in the United States. His passion is to help people around the globe to discover their enormous mental potential to create a happy, peaceful life we all deserve. For more information please visit his website at http://www.selfesteem2go.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Zoltan_Roth

Tuesday

Racism: An Ongoing Cry

I have been called the n word repeatedly over the years because I was supposed to sit quietly and not voice my opinion in the classroom, in the newspaper and now on the Internet. There are people who don't like you because you don't look like them. It doesn't matter how successful, pretty, handsome, who you know, in their eyes, you will always be whatever their parents told them to call you.

What makes me shed angry tears, you know the kind that if anyone is near they might get caught with one of your blows or something might go flying, is that my four sons will one day be called the n word too. Born into an evil, weird, scary, and violent world, my innocent children don't know what is ahead -- God they just don't know!

Now I talked to God, I asked him years ago, in fact I pleaded with him to make something happen so that I wouldn't have children, that's a dangerous request isn't it? But a neighbor of mine told me that is what she did and she has no regrets. I talk more about this in my book When Mothers Cry on Amazon.com.

Racism whether bold or covert is an evil designed to belittle, abuse and eventually twist the mind of the hearer so that all they see in the mirror is just what someone calls them.

As a mother and an African American, the journey is long and at times difficult: to win friends, to talk about your woes, to listen to others without wondering if they have a hidden agenda, and on and on.

You may come from a race that is looked down upon as well. Allow the anger that you feel for every time someone gives you that look, writes something insulting, or whispers negatively behind your back that you are everything that they are not, a strong woman who isn't afraid to stand by her beliefs, protective of her children until death, and will not hesitate to fight in court!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Monday

Behind Every Successful Husband...

When I surf the Internet I see many successful entrepreneurs who are primarily male. I also see alot of men writing about women's interests too. So I gathered from seeing these things that behind every one of those men who brag about what they know and how much money they make that there is a wife, girlfriend or ex somewhere in the mix watching the children, cleaning the house, cooking, and working outside the home (and in many cases making more money than he!)

I will be the first to admit that I am not always following biblical principles and I do covet the life of a man on occassion. He usually has enough time in his day to do the things he loves whether it is to perform well at his job (stay late, travel, go to nice restaurants, entertain important people, etc.) However, when you are a mother who spends the majority of time with your children, you don't have the kind of time to be a five star performer, you are lucky that you don't burn the toast because you are trying to multi-task.

Mothers fight for their time. But fathers, most anyway, don't do much fighting, they just turn on the television, hang out around the watercooler on weekdays after 5 p.m. (when they should be thinking about getting home to help his wife), and leave out the home to shop uninterrupted while mom is in the other room tending to the children.

So when these family men boast about all their wonderful accomplishments, I know that behind that successful man is a mother who allowed him the free time to achieve his dreams. I can only hope that he can step out of the limelight long enough to help her with the children, so that she too can be equally successful. However, there is a price to pay for those so-called family men who don't know how to pull away from the computer, leave their jobs at a decent hour, and communicate where they are going for long hours at a time. Putting aside her motherhood role, a woman will get tired of being taken for granted and if a tear shall fall from her eye in the midst of her frustration with her man, she will eventually talk about leaving, if she hasn't already, to pursue her own dreams -- its only a matter of time.

Mothers appreciate a good man when you have him and train the one whose bad. (Training doesn't always mean living with him or talking into the wee hours of the morning either.)

Be blessed.

Nicholl McGuire
http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

8 Reasons Moms Dread Holiday Parties

So now that the holidays are here everyone gets invited to people's houses for parties and gatherings. I dread this every time and usually don't RSVP because I'm scared to commit to going.

First of all..can I even make it on time with both kids?

Second..I have to pack almost everything they sell at Babies R Us if I'm driving far away

Third..again if I'm driving far away..will I have to pull over to feed the baby or change either childs diaper? (Last time I did that a cop knocked on my window and told me it was illegal to do that) I guess next time I should just do it while driving then officer?!

Fourth..is the party at a late time and my kids are expecting a bath and bedtime? If so they probably won't be on their best behavior and childless people may deem them "wild kids"

Fifth..is the place I'm going baby proofed? Usually not and there are almost always some stupid crystal cat collections displayed or tea sets right where my toddler and baby can reach

Sixth..will other kids be there? If not than I know my kids will get bored and into trouble and this probably means the house won't have toys for them to play with either

Seventh...is it even worth it? If I'm going to be chasing after two little ones and constantly saying "no!" and can't hold an adult conversation then why bother

Eight..I'm also not a fan of chasing toddlers in heels, give me back my Juicy Tracksuit!

Why not get a sitter you ask? Because my mom and mother in law are usually invited to the same parties. Ugghh the stress! I'd rather go to the park and call it a day.

Audra Rozen aka Milfy Mom @ http://www.diamondsanddirtydiapers.blogspot.com

Sunday

Poem: an Example of a Loving Mother
Sometimes we forget about the good memories of a mother's love. This poem reminds us of the good times.
Read More

Friday

The Bad Mother

For reporters, the bad mother is a staple of feature story writing. I've interviewed some bad mothers in my time: there was the one who prostituted herself in front of her children; one who pimped her own twelve year-old daughter; the one who beat her son so badly that the sheet rock was marked with the impressions from his head hitting the wall. Bad mothers, the iconic story goes, either destroy their children – or create criminals. There was one young criminal I remember well – a gang member who had taken part in drive-bys and had himself been on the receiving end of a bullet or two. Here’s how he described his childhood: “My Mom - every night - Uncle Mike, Uncle Bill, Uncle Bob – I mean, I love her, but fuck her too.” And then he told me how he had shot a neighborhood kid who once made fun of him for being the son of a whore.

He was twenty years younger than I, and packed a sawed off shotgun in his jeans, while I carried only a pen. But I identified with him immediately. I recognized that mixture of anger and love. I understood how he might have felt so compelled to defend an indefensible mother. Because I have spent no small amount of time defending my own indefensible mother.

In my late forties, married; and commuting between Boston and New York as I began a teaching job at Columbia University. I once asked Mom could I stay with her for a week or so. She was wary; her husband, an actor, was just learning his lines for a new Broadway show. I promised I would stay out of the way, stay in the back room. Even so, after eight days she suddenly appeared at my bedroom door, her face a mask of determination. "How much longer are you going to be here?" she wanted to know. I was in the way. It was too hard for her to live with another grown woman in the same house. She said my presence was "disruptive" to the rhythm of their lives.

I went to class, then came home and packed my bags. As I was going out the door, Mom hugged and kissed me, apologizing for not being able to let me stay longer. She had to put her husband first.

That's the way it was, the way it had always been, with my Mom. She hadn’t raised any of her three children – we’d all been farmed out to foster homes, visiting when it was convenient for her. I learned to live under the conditions of her love. Ours was a complicated relationship not just because she was an erratic parent, but because she was white and I, her youngest offspring, was the daughter of a black man, an entertainer named Stump Cross who’d been popular during the forties. I wouldn't meet my dad till I was nearly thirty, and, then, when I made a film about the whole experience, Mom and I made the rounds of the talk shows. I always identified myself as African American, but one caller accused me of being so happy to have a white woman’s love that I would endure anything. Something about that barb struck home. For a long time afterward, I wondered whether I was indeed longed to be accepted by whites so badly that I would put up with anything. Maybe that explained why I was so often the only black person in my workplaces, why I befriended those with whom I disagreed vehemently even while I stuffed feelings of anger and worthlessness that led to depression and drinking binges.

But I don’t think it was because Mom was white that I put up with all this.

It was because she was my Mom.


June Cross makes documentary films and teaches broadcast journalism at Columbia University. June authored her first book, a memoir, "Secret Daughter," after releasing the Emmy Award Wining Documentary of the same title. For more information on the book, and June's story, please visit: Secret Daughter.com

Thursday

They Take More Than They Give: Our Children

As fast as we make the money, they spend it. As quick as we make the food, they eat it and want more. They are our children and they can get on our nerves!

What goes around does indeed come back around! You probably did it when you were younger, stress your dear parent or guardian out whether with words or noise from time to time. You didn't always mean to, but at times you knew exactly what you were doing. It was a battle of wills! Who would break first? You or they?

# # #

Tis the season and the children are anxiously awaiting what dear ole Santa, I mean... mom and dad will bring. I buried Santa before he got any credit for anything I did! The children have been informed no Santa and possibly no gifts. That's right! Our household got hit in a major way this holiday season due to the recession!

My eldest son was understanding, the second son was crying, the third said "we already have toys!", and the last he just smiled and ran out the room. I was taking it hard myself, but I couldn't let it show. So I prayed about it.

I have always been one of those people who have been outspoken on not borrowing unless you have to and then what did I do? I planned Christmas this year on borrowed money. While I wait for the gifts to arrive, I bought batteries at a local store to spark up the boys old toys again. They were pleased after the bad news.

I personally never experienced what it was like not to celebrate Christmas as a child. Who knows my parents probably did the same thing a time or two we just never knew it?

These days I am doing what I can to pay back what I owe in very, very small amounts. This was my latest mother's cry and hopefully my last at least for awhile anyway.


Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Monday

6 Essential Tips For Working Mothers

"A mother's work is never done" (sigh). Just when you think you're through, you find you've only just begun. You aren’t the only one!

If the pressure of balancing your work and parenting is ultimately leading you to give both your work and family less, it is time to find a new parenting strategy and quick! When a work from home mom decides to set clear boundaries and manage her time effectively she can dramatically reduce parenting stress and boost her parenting joy. So let’s get started.

Six Essential Work Life Survival Parenting Tips for the Work at Home Mom (WAHM)

Your happiness as a work at home mom (WAHM) depends on your commitment to following these six parenting time management tips:

1. Ban your open door policy. Set your work hours and stick with them. Unless your job requires you to answer the phone, answer it only on your schedule. A work at home mom (WAHM) has no time for distractions (especially from your kids and spouse—likely your biggest distractions). This only leads to low productivity. Make certain every member of your household knows the times of day when you are and are not available for interruptions and stick with this schedule.

2. Involve your family in what you do. Talk about what you do, ask your family to help solve work problems (children often find very creative solutions), and let them help you with small jobs like licking envelopes. One work at home mom I know asked her nine year old daughter to answer the business telephone when the receptionist called in sick, on one of their biggest sales days. This boosted her daughter's self-esteem and also helped her appreciate how her mother's work put a roof over her head, food in her mouth and clothes on her back.

3. Consciously make the transition from work to home. When it is family time, focus on the family. Make certain you have cleared the work cobwebs from your head. Write down your to-do list for the next day and ask yourself before you leave your desk, "How can I make my time with my family special?" Then smile and give them a hug when you see them. Too tired? Take a 20 minute cat nap, a quick walk, meditate for a short while or say a little prayer to let go of your day, so you can be all they deserve you to be.

4. Remember it's about quality time, not quantity time. When you are with your family, be with your family. Leave work behind so you can focus on them. "Light up" as soon as they come into the room and find fun ways to do mealtimes, and even clean-up times together. Half an hour of positive can prevent dozens of hours of misbehavior.

5. Solve misbehavior time-wasters. As a family counselor, I regularly hear variations on the complaint, "My kids are driving me crazy, but I'm too crazy to find time to learn how to stop them from driving me crazy." There are simple ways to motivate your children to want to be well behaved. Invest the time now, so you don't spend more time and frustration later on (which of course takes away from time you can devote to your work).

6. Schedule your self-care time. The most critical key to your WAHM success is to nurture some of your needs so you can continually renew your passion for parenting. You need time to replenish your energy so you can be more efficient, productive and happy. With so much on your plate it is essential that you schedule a minimum of 20 minutes a day for you. Before or after the kids are in bed is generally the easiest to stick with.

By the way, if putting your self-care needs first makes you feel guilty and selfish, then don't do it for you—do it for your family. It is time that your self-care became a necessity, not a luxury so you can give more to all you do—at both work and home. Remember that if you are emotionally and physically healthy, you will be able to give more quality time to your family.

The six parenting time-management tips above will allow even the busiest work at home mom to finally have her cake and eat it too. By successfully balancing work and family, you will model for your children a fulfilled and healthy woman and your family will no longer have to deal with a "burnout-mom" but a happy one!


Kelly Nault-Matzen, M.A., is a corporate spokesperson, mother and wife, family counselor and founder of http://UltimateParent.Com —a company that provides parenting resources such as the Mommy Moments online parenting course. To gain access to more parenting tools visit http://www.ultimateparenting.com

Friday

You Are Not Just A Mother, You Are You First!

Mothers face many challenges in today’s world. They carry the responsibility of many roles. Through these roles we become different things to different people. Sometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question “Who am I?” even harder to answer.

It grows harder because mothers see this little person that looks up at them with innocent trusting eyes, mommy is everything to that little one. She makes the hurt from boo-boos go away with a kiss, chases the monsters from under the bed away, and rocks them after a bad dream. Every mother takes that responsibility and carries it with her no matter where she goes. It is an awesome responsibility of caring for this wonderful little person and being mom is always on the mind. As much as it is wonderful to revel in mommyhood, we still need to remember that being a mother is just one part of us, the more we allow ourselves to see who we are the better examples we can set for our children to leading a balanced life.

As a mother, I have struggled to find my own identity. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a business owner, a sister, a friend…..but who am I? It is easy to define yourself by what you do and what you mean to other people. As we take on these different roles our own identity gets blurred. It is harder to make the distinction. Who am I if I am not Logan’s mom or Ben’s wife?

Who are you? A wife, a mother, an employee, they are all a part of who we are, but they do not define you. We are the only ones that are able to define who we are. When are we just women? Women that have our own values, ideas, and philosophies, women that are able to embrace their different roles in life, but still are able to maintain there sense of “self”.

The importance of women defining who they are is giving them a chance to grow as women. To recognize that they need to take off all the different hats that they wear during the day and take time to honor who they are.

The problem is that because they are in so many different roles that they stop seeing themselves separate from them. They stop taking time for themselves, because they are giving so much to everyone else. Does this sound familiar? Have you lost your identity among the different jobs that you do everyday? How do you see yourself?

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you are defining yourself by what you do instead of who you are:

Do you spend at least an hour a day doing the things that you want to do? (Reading, participating in hobbies, watching your favorite TV program, etc)

When asked to describe yourself do you start with “I enjoy…” or “I am a woman that believe/feel….”? Or do you say, “I am a mother…” or “I am a nurse…”

Are you able to say “no” to things that interfere with the things that you want to do? Or that you do not have time for?

Do you feel that your life is in balance? Which means that you get enough time to pursue your own interest instead of just the interest of your children or significant other?

Do you feel that you spend time equally on yourself as you do on others?

If you answered “no” to any of the questions it is time to get back in touch with yourself. You need to not only stop defining yourself by what you do but you need to spend sometime getting to know who you are.

Here are some tips for you to get in touch with the forgotten woman inside.

Make sure that you spend time perusing your own interests. The problem with defining yourself by what you do is that you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do; your time is spent doing for others. Do something that you have always wanted to do; take a class, start a book club, anything that gives you some time to just do your own thing. Above all make the time to do it! It’s ok to do something for yourself.

Say “NO” frequently! Just because you take on different roles does not mean that you have to do everything for everybody. Recognize when there is something that others could really do for themselves. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of! REMEMBER it is just as much of a benefit for others to learn how to do for themselves as it is to you.

Make sure that you have OFF DUTY time! Just like a conventional job, make sure there is a time of day when you are done. Don’t work right up until you go to bed. Give yourself time to unwind, distress, and relax. Wait until the kids are in bed and take a long hot bubble bath. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book. Meditate or do yoga. Do whatever relaxes you. You need this time to maintain some balance. Because of you multiple roles you are “on the clock” the majority of the time. You have to have time to distress! Without it you are going to “burn out”. Visualize your bank account if you keep making withdraws without making a deposit, eventually you are going to just run out of resources. Make sure to take time to revitalize yourself.

I have found that by maintaining my own identity that I am a better mother, wife, daughter, business owner, sister, and friend. It maintains balance in my life because I know that even though I am different things to different people; I know what it means to just be me.


Tonya Ramsey is a writer, speaker, life coach, and owner of LifeDesignSite.com She specializes in helping women improve their foundation of self in order to bring prosperity into their lives. Her passion is to assist women in empowering themselves.

Thursday

What to Expect When the Overachiever, Career Driven Woman Discovers She is a Mother
Prior to becoming a mother, your life was simple, but now with marriage and children things have changed. This audio is a glimpse at what a new mother goes through after discovering she is with child. For information about the book, visit http://whenmotherscry.blogspot.com
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Wednesday

Holidays are Coming: What Will You Cry About?

Holidays a time of celebration. Families gather around eat, drink and be merry at least that's what they are supposed to do, but a mother with a cry knows that isn't all that happens.

Instead, she is faced with inlaws who don't like nor respect her. Children who are never satisfied with the presents she has worked so hard to buy. Most of all, a partner who could careless. He doesn't care about the holidays, because he isn't spending much if any money on them. He isn't interested in his partner's feelings about his mother or siblings or what they say or do. He just wants to be left alone with a can or bottle to lull him to sleep after hours of watching the game.

Mothers everywhere are happy intially about the holidays. They fall head over heels in love with their dedication to them until something goes wrong, the money is funny, the inlaws are rude, the husband is mean, and the children are ungrateful. Like an earthquake tremor the cracks begin to show in the foundation of her walls. She is stressed. She can't find something, buy something, and no one understands.

Shall we cry about the madness or do something about it this year -- what would you say if someone told you, "Do nothing!" That's right do nothing. Your past due bills are screaming, "Pay me!" The family, well what about them? When will cooking, cleaning, maintaining household, paying off existing items, and the occassional email or phone call be comsidered a gift?

Any wise mother knows she can't do it all and she won't do it all. She has been in this movie of her life before and she almost lost her life trying to appease, but not again. She will not allow others to stress her. If the inlaws don't like her, she doesn't break bread with them. If her children are spoiled brats, she limits what she gives them or doesn't give them at all. If the ex-partner or current partner doesn't careless, neither does she. As long as their is food over her head and a place to lay her head -- she accepts her life the way it is until her God blesses her. That's right she has a faith. She believes that "All things works together for good to them that love God and to them who are called according to his purpose." -- Romans 8:28.

We mothers know that we make the rules in our house. We know that if we don't get the job done nothing gets done. That's why we have to prioritize. Look around your own home. What is important this holiday season to you. What really matters when your lying on your back, taking your last breath. Will you be thinking about the turkey you haven't cooked, the ham that you missed buying when there was a sale at your local supermarket, or the inlaws you couldn't impress? Go ahead have a meal, but don't lose your cool. Go ahead buy a gift or two, but pay cash. Go ahead sit back on the couch and toast your partner for not caring less! You owe it to yourself to go into this holiday season, smiling and being grateful that you are alive!

Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Tuesday

Motherhood Changes The Body-Does It Change The Brain?

Motherhood changes the body—but does it change the brain? Sleep deprived new mothers can argue that they seem too exhausted to think. Brain researchers Kelly Lambert with Randolph-Macon College and collaborator Craig Kinsley with the University of Richmond wrote in Scientific American, January, 2006 that having a baby can actually make a mother’s brain sharper. What?—you might exclaim—I feel so exhausted, how can having a baby make my brain sharper?

Lambert and Kinsley observed the behavior of new mother rats and found that they not only out performed non-mother rats at searching for food but were also bolder in their strategies.

Coping day and night with the demands of a new baby may change the brain and behavior in ways that go beyond just nursing and nurturing. “From what we’ve seen, having a whole different being to take care of requires a whole new set of skills and a lot more awareness, cognitive awareness and multi-tasking,” explains professor Lambert. Lambert, Kinsley and others have shown that some brain changes are triggered by the surges of hormones that accompany motherhood. However, it is hormones and behavior which create an enriching experience for the brain. This enrichment lasts into old age. So who is to say that parenting is just a ‘thankless job.’

Now I know that my statement, “My daughter and son made me into the woman I am today,” made long-ago, has validity. Thank you dear daughter and son—You are my inspiration, my admiration and myself.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, international speaker and seminar leader specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/ Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net

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Wednesday

6 Traps Misguided Children Will Set for Your Kid If They Don't Like Him or Her
Sometimes parents forget about how vicious other children can be; therefore, they don't properly prepare their own children for the traps that their child's fake friends will set for them. Article addresses some of their schemes.
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How Do I Find Myself?
Lost in the madness of being a student, girlfriend, wife, or mother? Wondering these days who are you? It's time to solve the answer to this riddle.
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Monday

New Book Release: When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire


It's been a long journey recalling experiences that brought me to tears as well as others. But it has also been rewarding writing the book entitled, When Mothers Cry. You will find many thought-provoking experiences, opinions, and societal views of motherhood and how we are preconditioned to become a mother whether we wanted to or not. Then once the children arrive we find out that there are struggles we face raising children, being married, relating to in-laws, and other issues that leave us crying!

When Mothers Cry is a book for those women who are looking for someone or something that relates to them when they aren't always the happy, smiling, fulfilled mother who greets her children with cookies and kisses her husband on the cheek. She may not always pray, find time with her children or anyone else's, and she may wish secretly she was anything but a mother. Whatever her issue is within, the bottomline, she just wants someone she can feel free to talk to without being judged, admonished, or belittled for feeling the way that she does. She may not feel this way tomorrow, next week, or for years, but for now she is unhappy and she is seeking a bit of information to uplift her and help her be content with her role as mother. When Mothers Cry, the book, won't you buy it today for you or someone you know who is seeking a change of heart? To order click the following link: When Mothers Cry

Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer

Sunday

Top 7 Parenting Tips For Good Parenting: Bring Out The Best In You And Your Kids!

Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!

Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.

Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.

Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!

One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.

Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!

Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!

Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children

No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.

Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!

Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called "How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling". Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.

Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t

If children aren't being appreciated and aren't getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they're doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.

Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return

Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!

Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!

Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.

These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.


Kelly Nault-Matzen, MA, family counselor, corporate parenting spokesperson and award winning parenting author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! To gain access to more parenting tools and to access your free online parenting course visit http://www.ultimateparenting.com

Tips Of Positive Parenting Skills - Parenting Guidelines For Single Mothers

Raising children as a single mother is a challenge. There are moments when you find that your life is in complete disarray and your house is in complete chaos. This is the time when you feel that you lack essential parenting tips as a single mother. It is better to have such arsenal at your disposal before you land in such a situation.

There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.

Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all "The Well Trained Mind" is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.

A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.

If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.


by Jennifer A. Gardner

Discover ways to get help from single parenting support group and resource on single mother support when you visit http://www.singleparentingfordummy.com, the online single parenting support resources for dummy.

Monday

Ghost Mothers: How to Heal Abandonment and Neglect, and Find Forgiveness

The following article appeared on a free article site back in 2006, I thought it is very relevant to this site, please read.

Mothers who are neglectful, selfish, and abandoning do not set out to do these things, they are a result of their own problems, their own pain, and maybe even mental illness. It is hard for us as her child to see this fully, or to forgive it.

So many women talk about their relationships with their mothers--no matter how old they are. For some, their mother, from whom they have supposedly separated long ago, still occupies a central place in the psyche. She’s too close, she’s too much. She has advice, is nosy, and interferes. The daughter wants time away, she wants boundaries, and fights for her separation from her mother.

For others, the mother still occupies the psyche, but with a wrenching kind of longing--a mother that is biological and even sometimes present, but also a mother who is so self-involved as to be emotionally absent, or literally out of the picture. This kind of mother takes up space and energy as a nagging, missing piece, a ghost. Her image hovers, her memory, or perhaps a dream of how it could have been, should have been, but never is.

Which kind of mother do you have?

My mother was a dream. I realize now, 10 years after her death, that I was always trying to get the dream to come true--to have her be warm and huggy, to have her want to know me, to visit me in my house, to know my children. To know me. It never happened. It left a yearning that I played out with men, it left a hole that I tried to fill in many ways.

When I was little, she left me when I was four years old, and once a year appeared in the landscape of my life--I lived with her mother--only to disappear too soon and in a flurry of anger at her own mother, without seeming to notice how hard it was for me.

So many people--men and women--struggle with this kind of emptiness, the burn of anger in the pit of the stomach, the unanswered questions that can’t be asked--why are you like this?

Mothers who are neglectful, selfish, and abandoning do not set out to do these things, they are a result of her own problems, her own pain, and maybe even mental illness. It is hard for us as her child to see this fully, or to forgive it.

How to help to heal the Ghost Mother wound:

1. Learn about your mother’s life--how she became the way she is--through talking with relatives, if she won’t talk to you directly, or by sitting down and hashing through history shown in photos and family albums.

2. Find adoptive mothers who will nurture you, and friends who understand your story.

3. Learn to mother yourself--through therapy, through having children of your own. They will teach you.

4. Write your story. Tell your story. Having witnesses to your story is a part of healing. Seeing compassion in the eyes of others shows you that you are worthy of it, and deserve it.

5. Learn to forgive. Work on it. Work on being yourself and having a life you like and enjoy.

6. Learn to surround yourself with who you like, people who love and like you, and beauty that makes you feel part of the web of life.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Linda Joy Myers, Ph. D., prize winning author of Becoming Whole: Writing Your Healing Story, is a Marriage and Family therapist and teaches memoir-as-healing workshops in the San Francisco Bay Area and nationally. Linda’s work has been praised by reviewers, healers, and radio and television interviewers.
You can post your comments on her blog at http://lindajoymyers.typepad.com/my_weblog/

I Cried Like a Child Receiving a Spanking in Church!

I don't know what came over me last Sunday in church, but I cried like a child getting a spanking from his or her parent -- I kid you not! It was the kind of cry where the mouth is wide, the yelling is loud and the tears are streaming out one's eyes like a waterfall! I was so overwhelmed with grief that I just dropped to the floor. I couldn't help myself. There was something about that song the choir sung, "God is here in this place..." Well I tell you with all the stress I have been under lately I needed God. Sorry to those of you who are unbelievers, but when I can't get help from man or woman, I have to go above and beyond!

You see, my issues are like every one else's -- too much to do with too little cash. Everything I have worked on over the years has been challenging and just when I would get some kind of a breakthrough with one of my endeavors, something strange would happen and then the ideas like Dominoes would just all fall down. Well I got tired of being defeated by unexplainable occurrences and so that is why I decided to take some people up on their promises that "God will work it out if only you would do this...and do that..." Well I knew what this and that meant, I would have to pray, associate with like-minded believers, take God at his word, etc. I started getting serious about what the word and the people around me were saying and now things are looking up! I wouldn't lie to you readers and I wouldn't sugarcoat the truth!

I also would like to mention that those who I thought would be supportive like family and friends have been my worst enemies. They have smiled in my face, but thought I wasn't paying attention and then I would see a few eye rolls behind my back. Little did they know that I wasn't the only one who saw the envy, the bitterness and the negativity be lashed in my direction, God saw it too! And that's why people who think they are going to capitalize off of me in the future I won't know! As I have told family and friends in the past, be with me in the bad times as well as the good, some of them just don't seem to get it -- too bad!

You see as mothers we have enough stuff to do and then when you have adults who stand around you and act like children too, it can be simply too much to bear! I guess my heavy crying in church was for me and everyone and everything that is in my path. Although I don't believe that God was spanking me spiritually, I do believe he was dealing with me on some of my weaknesses that day, because when I left the church I felt strong!

I don't know what you need in this life that will make you feel better where you are, but what I can assure you is that kneeling down on your knees every now and then doesn't hurt (that is of course if you have bad knees -- then sit down.) Take a moment to really release all the things that are hindering you from getting your priorities in life accomplished! You will have to let go of some things, because life my friend is too short!

I guess sometimes we just have to figuratively lift up a partner, children, family and friends and tell this magnificent God, "I can't do this anymore, you deal with them," then somehow he gives you the strength to get back in there and fight again! If you need some powerful prayers to read over your children purchase A Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. I don't know her and as of this writing, I am getting nothing for mentioning her on this blog.

Well, I will close this blog with...
May you win every battle that is set before you from now and until the day you die!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Update on When Mothers Cry The Book...

Well 324 pages later and we have a book! It has been over a year since I first announced I was writing a book about motherhood issues --the good, the bad and the ugly! So where is the book at this point over with the folks at Amazon.com. The actual release date is undetermined yet since I am awaiting for the final proof. However, I will have a link on this blog or you can periodically check Amazon between now and the beginning of October (o9) if you haven't heard from me. It will be listed under When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire.

In other news...
I am also including additional writers to this blog who will periodically offer their insight on the joys and tears of parenting. Feel free to leave comments and visit their sites as well.

Well, thank you for your continued support and you will still continue to see some of my latest work here and there on the Internet -- be blessed and not stressed!

Nicholl McGuire
associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Wednesday

Basic Tips on Getting Motivated to Find a Job and Housing Assistance
Need help looking for a job and housing assistance? Article helps you get motivated and provides tips on not only how to get a job quickly, but how to make money online too!
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/2109393/basic_tips_on_getting_motivated_to.html

Praying for Our Children’s Safety

Some parents pray about money, health, and even other people when they are ill, but when it comes to prayers of protection from all harm and danger, they forget. Although these prayers don’t keep everyone out of trouble all the time, it doesn’t hurt to have a little faith.

Monday

In Remembrance of New Mothers…

No one knows a mother like another mother; however, there is very little empathy given from the “know-it-all” type of mother. The one who thinks she has motherhood figured all out, when behind closed doors she suffers like the rest of us.

Comments like “why would she do that to her children” and “I would never do that to mine” fall quickly from mother’s lips when they don’t bother to understand, nor reach out to help their sister in need.

From mental illness to poverty, young, old and new mothers everywhere try to make sense of their relationships with loved ones, financial issues, and other challenges while trying to appear as if they are really happy with their lives to avoid public scrutiny.

A decision to give her cheating husband just one more chance, because he is the baby’s father only to find out he has cheated yet again has contributed to many mothers losing it! The idea that he has abused her trust yet again can be too much for any woman’s mindset.

Sometimes you have to stop and think about that woman passing you by with her whining children in tote. Does she have a man in her life who has done something to her that affected her mental well-being why she suddenly snaps out on her child, throws him in the car seat and speeds out the parking lot like a raging bull?

After carrying a child for nine months, some new mothers find out that their husbands aren't interested in being fathers --just one more thing to add to the symptoms new mothers feel during postpartum depression. Then there is the menopausal mother over 40 with 20 plus years of marriage behind her who finds out that her once loving mate is no longer interested in her or the children, because he is having a midlife crisis of his own.

These situations are real and they can send any woman over the edge. If you have ever wondered why the children end up drowned in the bathtub, left in a garbage dump, or dropped off at someone’s doorstep, consider this, the mother’s mind has retired, it's no longer in service.

She didn’t just check out the day the children were crying and fighting too much. She exhibited signs of losing control way before she did something to her children. Check her paper trail. She was mentally drained from her unhappy life when she called her friend sobbing uncontrollably.

She complained that her children’s father was never home. Her anger was brewing when she tried to get someone to watch her children, but her husband used manipulative tactics to make her feel guilty about leaving the house to get a job, go to church, take some time for herself, or go out with her friends.

So is abusing or murdering a child an excuse for a mother burdened by life? Of course not! However, when organizations tell women not to murder their unborn child, these same organizations are not their on the postpartum depression floors of every hospital in America. They are not escorting these women home and assisting them around the house for a week or more until the blues passes.

There are challenges awaiting at home when the new mother leaves the hospital: a disgruntled husband or boyfriend, an elderly relative who can’t handle baby cries, more children, an unclean home, and unpaid bills, are all issues that a new mother is still expected to handle while being bent over from a C-section operation or struggling from a vaginal delivery.

My sisters, where is the refrigerator magnet with the 1800# included with her free diaper bag that says, “Call us when you are feeling like you want to hurt your child?” It would be nice to see a pretty colored envelope with a letter inside stating, “We understand the crying at times will get on your nerves, call us and we will get someone to come to your home right away!”

So consider all of these things the next time you see a new mother walking by you with her belly stuck out ready to deliver any day now, or being pushed in a wheelchair with a new baby in her arms...please say a prayer for her, she will need it!


Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Friday

Jealous Parents, Relatives & Friends

You have been around the world, seen more things then most people could ever imagine, speak three languages maybe more, and received numerous accolades for school, college and work performance. People call you blessed; others say you’re talented, while some just look at you and smile. Yet, you see something behind some of those smiles. You notice their demeanor seems to be sad. They walk away from you with nothing to say. You may expect this kind of behavior from your friends, but your mother, father or sibling? How does one cope with a jealous relative who still wallows in past successes and has nothing recent to show for his or her work?

One. Don’t brag or rub your accomplishments in their face.

This point is obvious but some overachievers are tempted to tell everyone about their accomplishments, to the point that they are overwhelming listeners. However, jealous people who don’t respond well to others doing things they always wanted to do or are not disciplined enough to follow their own dreams will respond with, “I always wanted to do that…you are always doing something good…you think you are better than the rest of us!” Notice they don’t bother to compliment you.

Two. Avoid talking with them too long about your plans.

Some accomplished people will spend a lot of time outlining what project they are working on, who they will be working with (in other words name dropping) and why they are doing it even when no one has asked them for that much information. A jealous person will take everything he or she has just learned and either help the successful relative or friend for a season just to learn more about the project or start one similar. They may also hurt your efforts by bad-mouthing you to others.

Three. Ask them for input only if you think they are qualified enough to contribute.

When you know someone is jealous of you, be cautious. You don’t want their opinion, money, or skill if they have bad feelings about you. It is best to find someone who is more secure in their own achievements to help.

Four. Listen to what other relatives tell them about you.

There will be relatives that will tell you something about the jealous individual that they don’t want getting around, so they will ask that “you not say anything.” If what they are saying can be proved without naming them, then consider their warning and don’t get the jealous person involved with your business endeavors.

Five. Don’t force them into a conversation they know nothing about.

You never want to use words they are unfamiliar with, share information they have never learned, or do something that is foreign or strange and ask them for assistance. A jealous person may also feel small, if they don't like what you are saying or talk in a tone that bothers them. No one wants to feel like they are being talked down to or made to look like a fool. Both of which you will be accused of if you let this jealous person in your life.

Six. Change your thinking when you feel tempted to show them up.

Jealous people will usually let their emotions take center age for the entire world to see. They will make a big deal out of small matters. What you may feel tempted to do is use your knowledge to give them a good whipping. Whatever you do don’t do it, because if everyone else hears about what you did, you may cause problems for yourself and others may judge you as “arrogant, conceited, a know-it-all, and/or rude!”

Seven. When they are disrespectful, keep any and all future news about your successes to yourself.

A jealous person can easily say things to offend you because they know enough about your interests to use them against you. Once they have disrespected you with one of their insults, learn from the confrontation to never share anything else and ask others to direct the jealous person to you if he or she has any future questions, concerns, or suggestions.

Eight. If you are in a creative field, don’t let them listen, read, watch, or assist with your work before it's released to the public.

You don’t want a jealous person’s input on what you do, because you will find yourself rearranging and possibly throwing away your hard work. Secretly that’s what a jealous person wants is for you to not accomplish anything. They may even disrupt you a lot while your working hoping that you are frustrated and will give your project up!

Nine. Don’t gossip about them to other family members.

As much as you would like to expose this envious man or woman don’t, especially if he or she is a relative. Exposing jealous family members has a way of backfiring on you and then others may turn your observation around and accuse you of being jealous of them. Don’t even allow others to get you to talk about your enemy.

Ten. If you have a faith, pray for your enemy.

You can use your faith to secretly fight against them. Since jealousy is nothing more than a spirit that inhabits the body due to allowing bad feelings to manifest. You can combat this snake by cutting its head off! In other words, when the jealous person is around don’t feed into his or her comments, be too busy for conversation, don’t invite them to your events, and never share your ideas with them.

Jealous parents and relatives may not do all they can to help their children for fear of what they may become which is better than them. A mother may sabotage a relative's plans to invest in your future by bad mouthing you. A father may avoid helping you by not doing anything to invest in a dream that he once had and now you have. A relative may stop talking to you and start talking to your siblings because she is jealous of the success and exposure you are getting that she could never get due to her attitude. These people who claim they love you are usually jealous because you are doing things in your life that they know they should have been doing long ago, so they push you harder than they need to.

Some researchers say that usually a child will only go as far as the parents will go in education. So if your parent dropped out of high school or college the probability of you doing the same increases. There are many children who defy the odds and do far better than their parents. Children learn by example which is often preached by early childhood experts. Parents who never seek the help they need to become better people than their parents will only pass on their failures to their own children.


Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Wednesday

A Little Encouragement for a New Mother excerpt from When Mother's Cry The Book

There is no class for mothers that will provide you with enough information for those shocks that come to you when life throws you an unexpected curve ball. There will be times you will be disappointed to find you just didn’t know enough to handle upcoming childbirth, child rearing, child education, child custody, childhood, and anything else that involved your child.

Don’t be angry with yourself, these things will happen. You will want to remain focus on a solution to overcome the obstacle. For example, if you feel you can be a better cook, then step out of your comfort zone and find new recipes to try. Maybe you struggle with how to effectively discipline your children. If so, it wouldn’t hurt to start implementing what you learn from books, Cds, and/or the Internet.

There are some mothers, who have already overcome the growing pains of child rearing, but they aren’t providing valuable wisdom to the young women coming after them; instead, they are being critical and gossipping about them. Older mothers need to welcome the new mothers with a warm embrace, so that they may return it.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Monday

Mother Blessed and Cursed All Six of Her Children

I asked her quite boldly one day, "Why is it that you prayed so much in your younger years and attended church when your children were small and then when they became adults none of them did much in their lives but cause you pain?" She said she was trying to figure that out herself. A mother nearing 90 years old and she couldn't fathom why her prayers made no impact on her children! When I pressed her for a possible reason, she blamed the people who they chose to socialize with over the years negatively influencing them -- I recalled other mothers like her saying the same thing, "My kids act this way because of their no good friends!" Well, I have never been one to just sit back, accept an answer, or act ignorant right along with people, so I did a little research and interviewed a couple of her misguided adult children not caring if they went back and told her what we had talked about.

It seems that this mother who blessed her children with the same mouth cursed them too, according to her children! She used words that "d*mned" her children "to hell," and if they stepped out of line with their mouthes, they were told they "would eat soup." She didn't hesitate to call them simple, fool, heifer, or any word that degraded who they were as human beings. The children went on to say she was often mean and that her mood swings may have been due to being abused by their father and going through menopause. She was in an unhappy marriage and as the children added, "She lived her life through us." They also shared that as children they heard her husband tell her, "You love the children more than me!" He too cursed them as well and worse beat them with a belt while she beat them with whatever she could find! Between all the cursing, fighting, and church going, I couldn't help but understand why the mother and father's children grew up to curse their own children, fight with their mates physically, divorce, cheat, lie, spend some time in jail, etc. and didn't have no interest in spirituality despite her taking them to church and joining support groups.

When I personally prayed about the cursing that can easily come from lips who say they "love their children" and asked God to keep me from saying such things as well and to use my speech to bless my own children, I heard him tell me in the spirit, "You can't bless and curse your children from the same mouth. The curse will override the blessing especially if your children do not accept Jesus as adults." It made sense, if she had spoke positively over them, it wouldn't have kept them out of all trouble, but it would have given them a self-love rather than a self-hate irregardless of whatever obstacle they faced.

I must admit my mother spoke more positive over my life than she ever spoke negative and I suppose that is why I rebound as fast as I do out of bad situations. The spirit within me that I accepted as my personal Saviour in 1997 has sustained me through all my trials. Now I know there are those reading this that don't acknowledge anything remotely close to God, Allah, Jehovah or any other spiritual entity and that is okay for you, but it's not okay for me. Will I tell you that you are a fool, stupid, crazy, for not believing, I bet you thought I would but no because to do that I would be cursing you, now wouldn't I? God has that kind of power. But how many times do people say those kinds of things to their children because the children disagree with what they are telling them even if it is correct information?

Back to the mother who spent many years cursing her children who are now 50 plus, to this day if they don't do what she asks, she will "cuss them out." Meanwhile, if they are ill or sad about something she will pray for them and ask others to do the same. One of her children approached her with a concern similar to the subject matter in this article and to that she said, "I don't know how I have hurt you?" Her child provided examples and she still acted as if she didn't know what she was talking about and at times blatantly denied things she said and did that hurt her child. Some people no matter what evidence is in front of them they will not acknowledge that they are wrong.

So what should we all take from this article, we should remind ourselves that when our children "get on that last nerve" as one woman told me her children do to her, let us have self-control over our mouths and thoughts. If we think our child is simple, fool, stupid, crazy, or some other negative word then most likely the child will feel our anger and act in a way that will enrage us later. However, what if we said, "I don't like what you did and people who act like that are viewed as being fools, simple, crazy, etc." The child can easily see what we are saying without walking away feeling like we have insulted him or her personally. We must also put people in their place when they say, "Your child is going to grow up and give you heartache...your son is acting like a fool now I can only imagine how he will be when he is older...you better watch out your daughter is going to end up pregnant young..." Although these people think that what they are saying is okay, it isn't. They should be rebuked for saying these things, I personally told a woman the other day, "My child will not be what you say. He will be victorious. He will have a good family and job. He will do great things in life..." As I went on for almost a minute, it shut her up. I didn't care if she thought I was "one of those kind of parents" who glorified my children. The truth was I was combating against her curses and declaring blessings on my son. Whatever your strategy is to keep negative statements off your children, do it! It will make a difference in their lives!

Nicholl McGuire
http://gamesactivities.blogspot.com/

Note: Some details in this blog were changed to protect the woman and her children's identities and names were left out on purpose.

Distraction: The Worst Enemy of All

Whether you are trying to fix something that has broken, make a fabulous meal, help your partner out with a task, study for a very important test, or watch a great movie scene, what usually happens while you are doing any of these things? You guessed it, your child or your adult son or daughter comes over with a request.

It seemed that every time I needed to focus on a phone call or write down something important, the crying starts, the tapping followed with "Momma...", the arguing, or the volume that was low from the television or radio is now louder than I can think! "Help..." One day I stormed into the rooms where the noises were coming from, two boys in one room and another two in the next. "Be quiet...if I have to tell you to stop all this noise one more time..." I guess from the look on my face they knew we weren't going to sit down and talk about why we need to respect each other's quiet time.

I think by far this is the worst thing I hate about parenting, heck about life! Distractions! They never come when you could careless. They are always there when you need to meet a deadline and when you need to get something done that you have put off for so long! I personally think my parents are paying me back since I have been on this sabbatical away from the children. The music is loud, the nosiest yard tools come on right when I have a sudden revelation, the knocking at the door while I'm typing..."I get it mom, you can quit with your distractions. Alright, dad I know you are paying me back for all the times I didn't let you sleep...but does the surround sound have to be on while you are watching the news?"

I am learning daily that come hell or high water, I will not be moved. Whoever or whatever feels like they can stop my mission in life to bury negativity and uproot positivity will most likely have to kill me first and sometimes I think that is what he, she, or it's intentions are, but by the grace of God and in Jesus Name I will prevail as the Christian and believers in my circle say and so I believe!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Sunday

Depressed? Wondering if you can still be a good mom?

Mothers have their good and bad days just like anyone else. However, what if you are a mom who secretly feels like you will never get better or you just can''t seem to do right by your husband, family, co-workers, and others -- what then? Do you call everyone you know about your problems? Load up on medications? Turn into a religious freak? Although all of these statements are a bit extreme, there are women who do just that! They go above and beyond seeking help for themselves to the point that all the help drives them mad! If this is you, stop! Take a pause for a moment and deliver yourself from people, places, and things that are beginning to make you feel crazy with all their tips.

Sometimes all mothers need is what I like to tell my children they need from time-to-time a "do nothing" time. That's right, do nothing! Give yourself permission to do nothing! Whenever the opportunity arises to say goodbye to the children, your partner, and opt out of duties -- do it! As you and I know free time doesn't come often, so take advantage of it while you can! You may need to pre-announce your "do nothing" time to those who may be affected by your inaction. What you say and how you say it I will leave all up to you! But whatever you do, do nothing!

I hope this helps some of you mothers who are having a stretch of "bad luck" as some will say in your life. It's okay to feel bad once in awhile just remember that it's your choice when you want to feel good again and how long you stay that way rests on your shoulders and no one else! We are responsible for our own happiness! We must make up in our minds how long we are going to feel frustrated, depressed, bitter, angry, and whatever else concerning our motherhood issues.

I think in 2010 the sad face on this site will be a happy one at least for a half a year! LOL...

Friday

10 Things Some Stay at Home Mothers Neglect
Not happy with being a stay-at-home mother or homemaker lately, could it be that you are neglecting some very important things that you once took pride in? Article provides tips.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1955804/10_things_some_stay_at_home_mothers.html

Saturday

Disgruntled Mother-in-Law

Everyone has advice to share about motherhood including people who never had their own children! It’s easy for someone to talk, but it’s often a challenge for them to help. The worse of them is a disgruntled mother-in-law. She never liked her daughter-in-law and on top of that "the despised" has created a child with her son. A jealous mother-in-law is like a poisonous snake waiting for the right time to strike with her unsolicited advice. Whenever possible don't let her (or any other mother's) snide remarks, know-it-all attitude and other negative personality disorders get the best of you!

Wednesday

Fathers & Newborns: A Different Kind of Relationship

Fathers aren’t in love with newborns like mothers. For example, while mother is sleeping and father is restless he may continue to lie in the bed hoping the baby will wake up the mother so that he doesn’t have to tend to him or her. Mothers will do the same. A silent war between the couple ensues – no one wants to care for the baby for the millionth time!

Fathers know how to turn a deaf ear to not only their baby’s cries, but the mothers too! Just as they will act as if they don’t hear the baby in the middle of the night, they will pretend not to notice the mother’s post-partum cries. They know that eventually the mother will tend to the baby's needs while calling up her own mother for support.

Tuesday

When The Baby Cries...

The sweet, peaceful baby that everyone coddles over can turn into a crying nightmare in the blink of an eye! His or her mother may have received praises for how wonderful she takes care of her baby while he or she is quiet, but would she still get the same compliments if witnesses saw how she reacted when the baby cries?

I remember many days when my children’s cries were louder than mine! No matter what I did on some days to ease their discomfort it was never good enough and they would continue to cry. I noticed that I had a large support system when my babies were cute and calm, but no one was available when they were ugly and fussy.

Saturday

Spoiled Mothers, Spoiled Children

It is better to be a wise mother than a rich one. I have noticed that most mothers are neither. I have seen mothers give their children everything they ever wanted and what thanks do they get back? The spoiled child usually grows up to become a spoiled adult – ungrateful, dissatisfied, and expects the world to bow down to him or her. The few mothers, who are praised for being wise that I have met in my lifetime hide behind strict masks not allowing their children to move left, right, up or down. Notice mothers who are in control possess power. Don't let your child control you!

Crazy Mother on Board!

I know at times I can be a crazy mother. I can go from being the sweetest mom on earth to being an angry mother in sixty seconds flat especially if one of my children does something foolish! I have read many parenting guides on how to communicate with children and it is easier said than done when your child has found your trigger button and pushed with all his or her might. You may have counted to ten and walked away the last few times, but at some point you will, “Go there…” but the key is to come back. Don’t "go there" so often that you don’t know your way back home!

Your mind may break down if you are out there too long and your children may be visiting you at a mental hospital one day! I can tell you from experience, I had a nervous breakdown with all the hyperventilating and convulsions to match. It ain’t pretty! Picture this, one day you are upset with your children and the next you are on the floor wishing you would die rather than look like a fool in front of your family and the paramedics while thinking if you have to be transported to the hospital, how will you manage to pay yet another bill?

Sunday

Our Mothers Influence How We Mother Whether They are With Us or Not

Can I tell you that I haven’t always been content with how my mother communicated with me or her mother (my grandmother) treated me and I am sure they would agree that they haven’t always liked the way I dealt with them. But one thing I have learned through my life’s journey is that they still love me anyway and I still love them just the same. I will admit that part of my struggle with being a mother comes from the influences around me. Life hasn’t been a walk in the park for neither my mother or grandmother, they have their faults and some of those faults rubbed off on me. However, some of their strengths are also a part of my being as well.

When we get to a place when we stop fighting our mothers in hearts and minds and just accept them for who they are we will be able to walk in peace. Acceptance doesn’t mean you are now obligated to break bread with your mother and grandmother and take every feeling you have about them and bury it -- for someone to require you to do that they are not wise. Forgiveness doesn’t come overnight and sometimes forgiving someone has nothing to do with just not liking them. I think many are misguided on the issue of forgiveness but I digress.

Accepting mother and grandmother simply means that you are at peace within concerning them it doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with the things they say and do. You have realized that you are no longer going to fight with them about trying to get them to change anymore whether it is their lifestyle or what they say. The way I see it if you had a mother who was a lesbian, a preacher, a liar, a prostitute, a rock star, or a housekeeper and that was the life she chose as long as it doesn’t come into your home and strangle you, why fight with her? If there is one thing I want in this life for myself and children is to walk in peace. And if having peace means distancing oneself, well then by all means do what you must! Feel free to be who you are and forget about those who try to play psychological games to get you to conform. Acceptance must work on her end, she isn’t trying to change you and you aren’t trying to change her. Worrying about your own life is stressful enough!
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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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