Better Dad than Partner?

Give it some time, he just might turn out to be a good dad.

When you're in doubt about that guy who suddenly doesn't

seem like you and he will make a great pair, now a baby is on the way.

When Mothers Cry
by Nicholl McGuire

About Foolish Partners

You may have been in a relationship with one of those foolish types (hopefully in the past and not in the present LOL.) Anyway, he is the type who supposedly knows more than you, makes more money and thinks that he can do what he wants when he wants without repercussions.

I was once in a relationship with not just one, but a few men like this. They think that because you are not the top earner in the household, you have no say so on how the household is run and how money should be spent.

A mother cries periodically on the outside after a heated argument, but cries often on the inside vowing that when she gets on her feet again, she will leave him in the dust.

What makes these men act so foolishly especially with money? Is it because they are trying to keep up with friends or is it far more deeper than that? Do they convince themselves that they can handle all the holes they have dug themselves into such as: "I will pay my friend back. I will invest one day. I will have enough money for a rainy day..." only to be ill-prepared when life throws these foolish men curve balls.

As women and mothers we must not lose the fight when we see our household is spiraling downward, we can no longer allow ourselves to trust that the men will do the right thing for family when they have proven over and over again that they don't care nor see the future as we see it. If it means that some of us have to get a job or two, remove ourselves from the home front with children in tote, get a babysitter, or make some investments privately then by all means, do it!

I use to discourage women and mothers from putting money aside secretly, but for many of you that is just what you will have to do, because as long as he knows everything you make, he will look to you to solve his foolish mistakes.

I know some women who actually share bank accounts with men who have repeatedly withdrawn money out of the shared account (without consulting with her) and left them not only with an empty gas tank, but overdraft fees. "It was the rent money!" She screams. "Don't worry about it! I'll pay it, I promise!" The foolish man says. The day comes and he is short of cash. Now the family has to suddenly move. The downtrodden mother brings her problem man with her and the cycle continues.

Take a stand if not for yourself women who are with foolish partners, but for your innocent children too! They shouldn't have to worry over not having milk for their cereal, shoes for their feet, and money for their lunches.

May 2010 be a year that some mothers and women will rid themselves of toxic partners!
Nicholl McGuire

You Can't Seem to Do Anything Right: Ungrateful Partners & Spoiled Children

You can't seem to do anything right! He is seated on the couch looking at you wondering what is wrong with you. You are seated in a chair across from him wondering what is wrong with him. You may be the first to ask the question, "What's wrong?" Somehow a simple question ends up with you yelling, crying or both trying to explain to him why he doesn't understand how you feel.

You see there are those fathers out there that really don't understand the demands placed on mothers. You are supposed to know where everything is, step up to the plate when the children are out of control, be available even when your partner says nothing (mind read,) remind him and the children of appointments, errands, etc. and the simple thanks you want is not another dollar placed in your hands (although that would be nice coming from the man of the house) but a hug and a kiss! Then they wonder why you don't treat them like you did back in the early days. "You aren't as nice as you once were," they may say. And neither were they, they changed too, because after the dog and pony show and the two of you got married and had babies, he sat on the couch with remote control in hand, feet up, and he felt he was done trying to win you over or hold you close while whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and telling you how much he loved you. Supposedly you are expected to just know it!

If you haven't noticed I have had my share of experiences with men and I have heard some awful stories of men who don't have a clue as to what their role as husband or father is and somehow it is left up to the woman to show him. Then when she attempts to do just that he becomes angry telling her, "I don't need you to tell me what I am supposed to do, I'm doing it already." Yeah okay!? So I sit here in front of my computer typing these words, because I know someone out there in cyberworld knows about this place in my spirit I am writing from, because you are in it right now as I type.

You are frustrated to the point of tears often because your husband wants you to be his mother too. He expects you to cook, clean, shop, wash clothes, organize, and do everything else that his mother either did for him or never did. Then after you have fulfilled all of his requests or slacked one day after a proven history of being on top of things, he has the nerve to walk around the house with an attitude. He wants to punish you by stepping aside when you walk by him hoping that you don't touch him and he doesn't touch you. He wants to stay to himself and barely say anything to you unless you talk to him first. The little time he spends with the children, he thinks you are supposed to be there to help him when he is struggling. Then when you do he has a problem with that too!

When mothers cry about issues like these it comes from a hurt place in their spirit that has been everything to everyone else, but herself and no matter what she does it is never good enough! She comes to her partner with a complaint about the way he has been treating her and he wants to use her time as a platform to list his complaints about her, mind you, issues he didn't have until she approached him first. These mental games, that some men play, has been responsible for sending some women away in straight jackets. To make my point more clearer, say you clean up your home, get the children ready for bed, and take the time to sit back and relax with a book in hand. Along comes your mate who has an issue with how soon you put the children to bed or is bothered that you are reading a book rather then sitting in the room watching television with him, what is wrong with that picture? Everything! Because he isn't respecting the time you need to yourself. Everyone needs some time in their day to sit back and just breathe. They shouldn't have to be concerned about what else do they need to do or is there going to be a supervisor on the homefront checking over their job, calling them in the office, and disciplining them for not getting the task done right. Like birds who have nests that they retire in for the night, humans have a home where they should feel safe and at peace from the havoc that is going on outside of the home. If a partner keeps repeating this pattern of what I call "mental abuse" long enough, the woman will begin to either succumb to his every need including the ones that would make most of us cringe, feel less important than who she is or unfortunately take her frustrations out on the wrong people. There are other results that could happen as well, but listing those would make this post too long so I'll quit right there.

I also would like to describe this frustration that a mother feels by using an analogy between two siblings. The older sibling goes to the younger sibling and says, "Give me a hug." So she attempts to and then the older sibling pushes her away and says, "No I don't want a hug." Once again the older sibling says, "Give me a hug." The younger sibling attempts to hug her again and then she says, "No I don't want a hug." This sick game continues until finally the younger sibling says, "I'm not giving you a hug!" Sometimes I see this happening in relationships between mothers and children and mothers and fathers. Everyone wants a hug, but when arms are open wide and the attempt is being made he or she resists, it's a sick game and there are some mothers that are in it and don't know what to do.

So here's what can be done. Move on with your life! Now I'm not saying run from your situation. But what I am saying is, you did all that you could for your household it's time to give yourself a vacation and make those around you appreciate you more rather than take you for granted. If it means visiting a new location in your city and staying overnight in a hotel do it! Start scheduling more time for yourself! Organize your home in such a way that it is self sufficient. Your partner can no longer rely on you for things he can do himself. Your children will have to learn to do more for themselves even if you have a two-year-old who has a habit of leaving messes behind, teach him or her to clean them up!

Listen, when more and more mothers find ways to dry those tears of frustration when it comes to their incompetent partners and spoiled children, these folks will have no choice but to turn to you and ask you, "Can I have a hug?" Now the power is in your hands, you can hug them back or walk away, your choice!