Imperfect Mother, No Perfect Children - book excerpt Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

The dedicated daughter or son who tried over the years to be perfect in the eyes of her imperfect mother is desperate for compliments, adoration and other similar things, because these children got either too much praise from their self-righteous mothers or too little. These grown children hope, expect, and appreciate people showering their mother's with admiration. However, there is a side effect to all the outside attention that they don't like and don't want to put up with and that is the comparison statements that come afterward. “Everyone else thinks I'm a good mother... why don't you all?  Your friends appreciate me more than you!”

Connecting with your own stressed out mother can cause stress for you and your baby.

Her need of attention isn't worth a miscarriage.

Mrs. Perfect plays victim and the “My own children don't love me” card to guilt them. She felt disrespected, unappreciated, and didn’t feel she had a voice with her own mother, so now she expects her children to fill the void. She prides herself on her self-righteous act that is enabled through community involvement, job performance, degrees, and accolades. With so much going on with her, you can't tell her she can't do any wrong, but she can and she will. If only she could be honest with herself and those around her, the perfect act would be unnecessary. These women work far too much to build reputations and even harder to keep those around them in line. Too much work for such a short time to live on planet earth.

Try this simple exercise. Say, “I’m not perfect.” Now say it again. Say it like you mean it. What is happening on the inside every time you say this? If you are sincere, there should be a weight coming off of you. If not, and you still carry affirmations within that sound like you believe yourself to be right, perfect, always honest, and other similar thoughts, then not only did you read about someone you know, you just might be the one described previously dumping your false sense of self on to your children.

The next time someone points out one of your faults, notice how you feel on the inside, listen to the words that come out of your mouth, and watch how you and the individual react to one another. Those who look to be validated on their perfection, praised for their actions, wish to be the center of attention, and other related things, will defend, argue, act vengeful, and cause the one who is pointing out their flaws some degree of discomfort. Just like the mother who thought her self to be perfect, so to her daughter and son can’t stand to be wrong.

“You know you were wrong when you said…I disagreed with that part about…You might want to think twice about…You really hurt my feelings,” the wounded perfect mom will fight even when there is no fight with others. She will act as if she knew someone’s intentions when she really didn’t. “What did you mean when you said…? I’m not wrong, you are! What about that time when you…Don’t judge me!” Rather than simply correct the wrong, she makes a scene, lies or exaggerates, argues with people, talks badly about them, points out your faults, and anything else that will make her appear to be right. Didn’t her mother do those things to her when she pointed out her flaws? History has a way of repeating itself and not for the good either! Then when she realizes she is behaving just like her mother, the woman might humble her self and work toward change or keep up her act of perfectionism until someone calls her out.

Get your copy today, Tell Me Mother You're Sorry (eBook) by Nicholl McGuire

Printed version of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry here

They Say You Should Be Blessed

I have received my share of comments about " You should be blessed to have children..." and I appreciate those people who choose to attempt to encourage myself and other mothers with positive statements, cliches and the rest. Sometimes these comments are followed with, "I lost my daughter. If only I had children. Be grateful for what you have because there are so many women who could only wish to be in your shoes." Well although these comments are meant to be nice, friendly, etc. these statements don't sit well with me. Instead, I smell a hidden jealousy, surrounded by flattery, with a hint of unsolicited advice used moreso to gratify oneself or kick a mother when she is down. The truth is if the parent who hadn't lost their child was able to see them each and everyday the way we do our children, they would be all over the Internet researching for some help, buying books, or chatting up a storm on the phone about their frustrations with being a parent to someone while being critical of their partner's parenting style! So as the street says, "Stop your hatin'!"

As I put on my header on this blog, this site is for frustrated mothers! But to those mothers who love motherhood, lost a child, fear saying anything negative because later they might feel guilty, or others who wouldn't dare share their struggles with others need not read this blog!! Of course, if you fall into these areas you don't need to read about being a frustrated mother anyway; rather, you need to find blogs related to your own experience. I guess what adds to my frustration about motherhood is with self-righteous, ignorant mothers who want me to feel happy all the time, to smile all the time, to feel blessed all the time, and to talk sweet all the time, well it's not going to happen all the time!

What I don't want is a friend who is going to try to make me feel good by talking about someone else's dilemma, "Just think of all those women who don't have any children..." well catch me on the wrong day and I might tell you, "Well go out and get me one who doesn't mind watching my children once or twice a week." Listen, I know I'm blessed, I'm grateful and I appreciate the fact that they are wonderful, handsome, and well-behaved on most days, but when I am having a down moment in my day, I would like someone to hug me and just shut up! I can't help but think maybe that is why so many men leave their wives, because of their big know-it-all mouths! Who knows that could have been included on my ex's list of things he didn't like about me LOL! "Just think of all the men that aren't so fortunate to have a wife that will cook, clean, shop..." You see, if women are talking to their partners in the same way they are talking to their friends, then I can't help but agree, "He would be better off without her."

Everyone finds their healing in so many different ways. Some people refuse to talk about their issues and get along just fine. Others choose to worship God to get over their frustrations and that's great. Some mothers enjoy a cup of coffee and some time with a good friend to talk about all their pain. Then of course their are mothers who do all of the above and then some. Well now there is a blog that you can read frustrated mother and say, "I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that way!" And, like I said before to those self-righteous mothers or "I wish I was still a mother" types, envious mothers or some other issue kind of mother, read someone else's blog about your experience and leave us frustrated mothers to deal with our issues in our own way and if you must need assurance that we will be okay, let me be the first to tell you that God, Jesus, Jehovah, Allah, Yoga, coffee, friends, relatives, hobbies, money, perscription meds, and anything else we need will help us get through until the next crisis, but you won't! As the Bible says, "This too shall pass!"