Nice Girls, Strong Women

A nice girl can be misled, used and/or abused all for the sake of being nice.  Walk in your strength, rise above your circumstance, and don't be anyone's doormat.  Teach your daughters to do the same.

The Year of the Woman circa 1992-1993

I was watching an old television episode from a show that use to come on the NBC network years ago after the Cosby show would come on entitled, A Different World. This particular episode dealt with the struggles women have had over the years living in "a man's world." You know, the double standards we have all had to face at one time or another when it comes to leadership roles, politics, intimate relationships, parenting, etc. But what I had come away with from watching this particular episode (which also had some funny moments related to the Clinton campaign back then, Ross Perot and other political issues) was the emphasis placed on independent, strong women.

Well, I for one, came out of what I would like to call "a 90s feminist movement." One that practically brainwashed young women to live our dreams, yet frowned on things like being a wife and mother until long after you have established your career or anything else you wanted out of life including: dating as many men as you want, traveling wherever you want (without children mind you,) obtaining as many degrees as you can, and anything else that was all about you!

Now fast forward to the thirty-something group of women today who had been indoctrinated by the year of the women 1990s campaigning and you have yourself a bunch of women who are experiencing the following: disappointed that their dreams didn't pan out as promised by relatives, friends, counselors and the like. You have another group of women who have post-poned marriage and family so long to the point that they are hoping and praying that their eggs won't be defective. Then there is another group of women who have families but deep down inside resent them, because all they did was set them back to the 1950s (their grandmother's and mother's eras.) Amongst all theses groups are women who have either just gave up the 90s independent women brainwashing and settled with being a wife and mom or figured out a way to balance many roles (including acting like the man of the house) but not without a lot of stress trying to be everything to everyone.

She is not only the woman in her relationship, but the man too. She is expected to work (she has no choice anymore on whether she wants to stay at home and raise the children.) She is expected to continue her duties (just like in the past) clean her household, cook, teach children, run errands (because many drive unlike yesteryear), and do anything else that is required of her while the man's role in many relationships hasn't changed much. Sure, he may pick up a dish or two and put it in the dishwasher. He might even run the vacuum or dust, but he isn't going to do chores as much as he will sit on his behind and watch TV! So what happens? The overworked career mom who is shuffling children around and maintaining household burns out! She realizes that she better lighten her load and fast otherwise her only peace will be six feet deep! So she makes up in her mind to relieve herself of some duties including an unappreciative spouse and whiny children. Be it right or wrong, that's what she does. The independent 90s woman is not conditioned to be a wife or mom. She is programmed to be one thing and one thing only--a money machine! She is to stimulate the economy by making money and then spending it on any and everything. If she is at home being a parent, she isn't making any money. If she is working a part-time job, she isn't spending as much. If she is tending to an ill relative, she isn't out working. The 90s independent woman was to cheer for career and boo wife and motherhood!

So why would I think back to the 90s? Because after seeing that front page story on Yahoo about the mother who decided to quit motherhood and work in Hiroshima and other mothers like her, I realized that the 90s programming has long been manifesting, but the women have suppressed their true desires and went along to believe the hype! She saw independent Barbie growing up. She saw the poster with the woman flexing a muscle and wearing a scarf on her head from the feminist movement. She liked the freedom that men have always had to be who they want to be--and she wanted it too!

By the time these 90 independent thinking women reached middle-age, they are burn-out with everything (career and family) and the only way to survive is to lighten the load! The careers with all their financial benefits don't get thrown overboard, because it wouldn't make sense to toss the thing out that is keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly. Rather, it's the man, the children, the in-laws, her parents and anything else that prevents her from continuing to be that independent 90s woman she was indoctrinated to be! So while some of my sisters could care less about God, country and family all the while believing that they were making their own choices in life, the media, government, college textbooks and other teaching tools was pushing us to become what they felt would be best for the economy not best mentally, spiritually or physically! The bottom line: the almighty dollar.

The 70s feminist movement hasn't left, the 90s independent woman thinking hasn't gone away, it keeps coming up year after year in television PROGRAMMING. It shows up on the front page of Yahoo. It comes out over the radio airwaves and we fall for it hook, line and sinker--we fall for it! We tell little girls especially when we have been jilted by men, "Go girl! Make that money! Don't depend on any man..." Some girls take our talks to the extreme and before long they are dating Paula and not Paul. We tell her, "Go play ball...you can do whatever a boy can do!" While ignoring her PMS issues, menstrual cycle, and overall femininity. We make a boy out of her! We cause debates with the opposite sex because we are spending far too much time concerning ourselves with every issue, but the ones that can better us as wives and mothers! Who cares about how great a sports athlete is? What about your son or daughter who has been calling you to come to see what they are doing? Who gives a d*mn about some sitcom on TV when your relationship is in trouble? But we argue don't we? Over the littlest of things. Because we are strong women, who have to make our point! Meanwhile, that man you say you love is fantasizing about a woman with a little less mouth and a whole lot of body! lol

As much as I consider myself an independent, strong woman (who took a hiatus from family sometime ago, you remember if you have been following this blog,) spiritually I had to come back. I had to strip myself from the 90s programming and come back to what matters at the end of the day, family. Money comes, and money goes, but your love for family always remains. Suppress your feelings all you want...Welcome home, sister!

Nicholl