Enlightened but Not Crazy - When Talking to Partner About Bad News Concerning Children

You didn't anticipate that some unflattering news about your children was going to lead to a full blown argument with their father, but depending on the kind of person he is, it most always will.  Prideful, self-absorbed fathers don't want to hear anything that might make them look bad.  This is why many dads are quick t shut out conversation about their unruly offspring.

You are made aware of some things about your child or children you don't like, but as a mother your job is to handle all issues whether father is around or not.  You want details about your child, who was there, what happened, and more.  After obtaining as much as you can about a situation, you are interviewing people like a reporter.  You separate truth from fiction and now you are ready to provide your partner with your findings.

Now some fathers could care less about negative events since they are not proactive in their children's lives and others are over-the-top almost sounding like they are punishing you for not doing what they feel was a good enough job. 

Critical partners will say many negative things to the point that you feel like you are going crazy!  However, you are not.  Sometimes fake concern from an ineffective Dad or crazy concern from a demanding father can push not only children, but you too over the edge.  Yet, you know full well you did what you could to remedy a situation between your children and others.

Always keep in mind that it is indeed a battle being a good mother when a partner is not doing his or her part.  It can be a struggle parenting children in a poor relationship, but press on anyway!  Even if that one you created or adopted a child with never shows any appreciation for all that you do concerning your children, just remember your son(s) and daughter(s) will one day thank you!

Nicholl McGuire has been through the fire but came out like the three Hebrew boys.  Stay strong Mom, the best is still yet to come!  Check out another blog by this blogger Everything You Need to Know About Parents, Babies and Children 

On Putting Up and Giving Up for the Sake of Family

I wanted to be a career mother, but the kind that wasn't going to stay in the old town that I grew up in. As much as I thought that this was a good decision at the time, now that the children are older, it seems like going back somewhere close to the old hometown might be a wise thing.

I followed my former husband's Calfornia dreamin' and like so many women who do just that, I got burned. The relationship ended with him spending quality time and conversation with my replacement. While going through that difficult period of my life, being 3000 miles away from family and friends, I met my share of military moms in San Diego and I was often saddened to see for months on end, young women raising children alone. They too, were being supportive wives.

I don't know about you, who are reading this, but sometimes we moms need to sit back and establish boundaries on how much are we going to give up and put up with for the sake of family. You might have been asked by your husband or live-in partner to relocate, to pack up the children and move away from parents, and you may have been told to quit your job and stay at home. It all seems so nice on the surface until the inside of you begins to experience fear, resentment, anger and other negative emotions.

Before you know it, one day you are looking in the mirror and realize just how much you have aged due to being sick and tired of giving up and putting up with everything that doesn't support your needs. Maybe you need mom and dad around to help you raise your children. Maybe you need your job to give you a sense of belonging and independence. Maybe you need your girl's night out. Maybe you need your faith to keep you strong. Whatever your need, that thing that keeps your sanity, keep it! Now I'm not advocating abusing or even using drugs, cigarettes and alcohol to keep you sane. If I knew any of these things used on a continuous basis would benefit people, I would be in support of every one, but I know better. If anything, abused substances, rob people of their youth, intelligence, and physical strength.

So I close with this, don't allow anyone or anything to disturb your peace of mind. If you must go along with someone else's program temporarily, at least orchestrate a means of escape in case what you are putting up with and giving up seems a bit too much.

According to the Holy Scriptures, "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you." So take the time to pray a long prayer today to your God about everything that is bothering you.

Nicholl McGuire

You Can't Seem to Do Anything Right: Ungrateful Partners & Spoiled Children

You can't seem to do anything right! He is seated on the couch looking at you wondering what is wrong with you. You are seated in a chair across from him wondering what is wrong with him. You may be the first to ask the question, "What's wrong?" Somehow a simple question ends up with you yelling, crying or both trying to explain to him why he doesn't understand how you feel.

You see there are those fathers out there that really don't understand the demands placed on mothers. You are supposed to know where everything is, step up to the plate when the children are out of control, be available even when your partner says nothing (mind read,) remind him and the children of appointments, errands, etc. and the simple thanks you want is not another dollar placed in your hands (although that would be nice coming from the man of the house) but a hug and a kiss! Then they wonder why you don't treat them like you did back in the early days. "You aren't as nice as you once were," they may say. And neither were they, they changed too, because after the dog and pony show and the two of you got married and had babies, he sat on the couch with remote control in hand, feet up, and he felt he was done trying to win you over or hold you close while whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and telling you how much he loved you. Supposedly you are expected to just know it!

If you haven't noticed I have had my share of experiences with men and I have heard some awful stories of men who don't have a clue as to what their role as husband or father is and somehow it is left up to the woman to show him. Then when she attempts to do just that he becomes angry telling her, "I don't need you to tell me what I am supposed to do, I'm doing it already." Yeah okay!? So I sit here in front of my computer typing these words, because I know someone out there in cyberworld knows about this place in my spirit I am writing from, because you are in it right now as I type.

You are frustrated to the point of tears often because your husband wants you to be his mother too. He expects you to cook, clean, shop, wash clothes, organize, and do everything else that his mother either did for him or never did. Then after you have fulfilled all of his requests or slacked one day after a proven history of being on top of things, he has the nerve to walk around the house with an attitude. He wants to punish you by stepping aside when you walk by him hoping that you don't touch him and he doesn't touch you. He wants to stay to himself and barely say anything to you unless you talk to him first. The little time he spends with the children, he thinks you are supposed to be there to help him when he is struggling. Then when you do he has a problem with that too!

When mothers cry about issues like these it comes from a hurt place in their spirit that has been everything to everyone else, but herself and no matter what she does it is never good enough! She comes to her partner with a complaint about the way he has been treating her and he wants to use her time as a platform to list his complaints about her, mind you, issues he didn't have until she approached him first. These mental games, that some men play, has been responsible for sending some women away in straight jackets. To make my point more clearer, say you clean up your home, get the children ready for bed, and take the time to sit back and relax with a book in hand. Along comes your mate who has an issue with how soon you put the children to bed or is bothered that you are reading a book rather then sitting in the room watching television with him, what is wrong with that picture? Everything! Because he isn't respecting the time you need to yourself. Everyone needs some time in their day to sit back and just breathe. They shouldn't have to be concerned about what else do they need to do or is there going to be a supervisor on the homefront checking over their job, calling them in the office, and disciplining them for not getting the task done right. Like birds who have nests that they retire in for the night, humans have a home where they should feel safe and at peace from the havoc that is going on outside of the home. If a partner keeps repeating this pattern of what I call "mental abuse" long enough, the woman will begin to either succumb to his every need including the ones that would make most of us cringe, feel less important than who she is or unfortunately take her frustrations out on the wrong people. There are other results that could happen as well, but listing those would make this post too long so I'll quit right there.

I also would like to describe this frustration that a mother feels by using an analogy between two siblings. The older sibling goes to the younger sibling and says, "Give me a hug." So she attempts to and then the older sibling pushes her away and says, "No I don't want a hug." Once again the older sibling says, "Give me a hug." The younger sibling attempts to hug her again and then she says, "No I don't want a hug." This sick game continues until finally the younger sibling says, "I'm not giving you a hug!" Sometimes I see this happening in relationships between mothers and children and mothers and fathers. Everyone wants a hug, but when arms are open wide and the attempt is being made he or she resists, it's a sick game and there are some mothers that are in it and don't know what to do.

So here's what can be done. Move on with your life! Now I'm not saying run from your situation. But what I am saying is, you did all that you could for your household it's time to give yourself a vacation and make those around you appreciate you more rather than take you for granted. If it means visiting a new location in your city and staying overnight in a hotel do it! Start scheduling more time for yourself! Organize your home in such a way that it is self sufficient. Your partner can no longer rely on you for things he can do himself. Your children will have to learn to do more for themselves even if you have a two-year-old who has a habit of leaving messes behind, teach him or her to clean them up!

Listen, when more and more mothers find ways to dry those tears of frustration when it comes to their incompetent partners and spoiled children, these folks will have no choice but to turn to you and ask you, "Can I have a hug?" Now the power is in your hands, you can hug them back or walk away, your choice!