10 Reasons a Stressed Mother Needs to Separate from Children

Tired of having to put up with issues dealing with children?  Often worried that they may be taken from you?  Scared that someone might find out about your secrets through your children?  Whatever the issue, things only get worse, the more you drag children into your mess.  You will know when you need to make temporary arrangements with an individual or group to care for your children.

1.  You have no income coming in and no way to keep a roof over you and your children's heads on a consistent basis.

2.  You find yourself lying often about how you feel about your children.

3.  You can't control the rage within when they start crying, whining, fighting with one another, or having fits about doing something you asked them to do.

4.  You told someone something like, "If I ever catch my children doing XYZ again, I'm going to kill them."  Although they thought you were just venting, deep inside you meant what you said.

5.  You argue far too much with the father or fathers about the children living with him/them.  Why make threats?  Just let these guys deal with them since they think they know so much.

6.  You miss work so often to the point that you are going to lose yet another job as a result of child-related issues.

7.  The police have repeatedly visited your home because your children or someone in the neighborhood keeps calling them on you.

8.  You encourage your children to lie about abusive things you say and do to them.

9.  You are in a relationship with an emotionally and/or physically abusive man.  You make excuses for this person and refuse to let him go.

10.  Family and friends have warned you about the way you behave with your children and have offered their assistance--take it!

If you or someone you know sees all these signs and more that one should separate from children, why are you ignoring the warnings?  Sooner or later, whether willing or not, someone or some incident just might permanently separate a parent from children.

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire, see more by this writer on YouTube.


Another Burden to Remove

Kids can make you cry.
I don't know why,
but sometimes I cry.

Overwhelmed with duties,
far too many responsibilities,
they make me cry,
I guess I do know why.

Thought about how much I went through,
carried babies and still had much to do.

Talked with other women,
troubled due to men.
They sought their peace,
got a separate lease.

This too made me cry,
Yes, I do know why.

There is nothing easy about family life.
You have to know how to organize strife.

Take what you can,
share tough times with a man,
and then come up with a better plan.

The key is not to let others script your life,
and let God's words cut you like a knife.

Then when the many tears fall,
avoid spending time at a mall.
Instead, learn to live within your means,
and dump luxury scenes.

Worry, anger and resentment,
distract and lead to disappointment.

Envy, lies, and pretending,
take away the love God was sending.

Yes, I know why you cry,
the little things make you
want to die.

Yes, I know why at times you cry,
there is yet another thing in your eye.

Nicholl McGuire


For the Love of the Children: Why Mothers Stay with Controlling Partners

It isn't easy being in a relationship much less one built on lies, exaggerations and promises.  Controlling men who believe that in order to keep women in their places, they must do the kind of things that don't uplift them, but keep them under their thumbs.

The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.

She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does.  She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night.  She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.

Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children.  Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like.  Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home.  The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension.  "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say.  It isn't for you to understand.

There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian.  Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up.  No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond.  This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.

Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following:  some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime.  Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date.  This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice.  A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs.  Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right.  But far too often, they don't.  Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.

So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children.  Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"

Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7


Parent Teacher Conference - A Litmus Test on Whether You are Doing a Good Job Parenting Your Child

What parent wants to sit in a room and listen to a teacher talk about his or her child especially if the son or daughter is the talker, the bully, the wild one, or the shy one?  Yet, we go to the parent teacher conference anyway only to find something in the conversation with the teacher we don't like.

We attempt to filter personality issues from the man or woman seated in front of us just doing his or her job.  Yet, we are well-aware of personal bias, discrimination, ignorance, teacher burn-out and a know-it-all mentality that some have.   But sometimes, the gut feeling kicks in and you suspect that there is more going on than the teacher cares to mention.  So you try to get to the bottom of things and before long, you wish you hadn't.  Now you find yourself talking about, "When I was a child and how I use to..." but the teacher looks at the clock, attention span gone, and on to the next parent.

Speaking of attention span, can I just say that the classroom atmosphere is busy.  With so much stuff to look at, no wonder kids are bouncing, looking around, and excited.  And what about these new programs, teaching strategies and the like, sounds like more stuff to stifle the creativity of our children and get them ready to be future employees of companies owned by the wealthy.  I don't envision that the big name companies will be out of business by the time our kids are grown--competition is none if all a child has is college debt and a delusional vision to be something that he or she was never properly prepared to be, but I digress.

The parent teacher conference, why bother?  I tell you, because someone needs to know that you are one of those parents that cares about your child come hell or high water!  Even though you hate the criticism and those little chairs you sit in even more, your presence speaks volumes.  You don't have to say too much about your kid at the conference just nod or shake your head since the teacher is use to having an audience sit back and observe--evaluate her/him.  Think about what your child might feel each day looking at this person and why he or she might rebel when it comes to receiving instruction from his or her teacher. 

Watch the teacher's mannerisms, examine the hand-picked worksheets he or she puts in front of you and look at the score sheet she has prepared--does any of it make sense?  Question it even if you don't have a clue what you are questioning. 

The issues will come up, "Jack talks too much...Annie plays with her hair...Bill interrupts and doesn't raise his hand...Penny likes to tease..." it sounds personal, doesn't it?  But you know your child and you can always ask the teacher, "Well what do you do when these issues arise?  I handle them at home, can't do much when they are in school." 

To all the parents, as tempting as it can be not to care what the teacher says or what your child does or to spread your hate for school, and your anger toward the teacher with 20 plus students, take a breath.  Do what you can in your setting and hope for the best!

Nicholl McGuire


Mom, Why Did I Have Children? Those Feelings of Regret

This isn't the time for a speech on loving one's children.  This isn't a time for anyone to brag on how grateful they are when it comes to being a parent.  A woman somewhere in this world is having an emotional breakdown due to the anxiety she feels about being a parent.  She is weary of children who misbehave, who are favored by partners, and spoiled rotten by grandparents.  She is angry that no one seems to listen after giving birth to yet another child.  She is frustrated when no one wants to take her children for awhile so she can just think--get her mind back.

"Mom, why did I have children?" the downtrodden mother asks anyone who listens including her self.  "You really didn't mean to say it in the way that you did, but hey it's out now," says a concerned voice. 

Your real feelings about parenting are out in the open--now deal with them.  No judges are in the room.  No prideful moms and self-righteous partners.  Let's be honest, you worry too much about yourself, your children and everything else in between.  You might have lied for sons and daughters in need of your help.  You might have promised your children the sun, moon and stars, so to speak.  It is your hope that your children will be good citizens, great partners, educated, successful, winners...yes, we all want the same.  But mom is tired!  She has been fighting the good fight lately--making sacrifices and her patience has been worn thin.  She has been understanding, warm, kind, and caring to all she has encountered in the past, but her kindness has been taken for weakness.  With so much going on (or maybe not enough,) mom is bitter about quite a few things and those who supposedly know her, don't seem to get it.  This is when things can become dangerous for moms who are headed on that path of no return where something or someone has disturbed them mentally--you don't want to wallow too deeply in your frustration with your children.  Look for something that makes you happy when it comes to parenting.  Find something that makes you feel whole again that has nothing to do with children.  Think of ways to snap back to your content self.  When was the last time you were away from children?  What might you need to do differently in your daily schedule?  What do you need to cut out?  Who might you start enlisting to help you?

Busy people with problems aren't interested in mom's issues.  Men who are busy making money don't want to think too deeply about what mom is saying/confessing/screaming.  Crying children don't hear mom.  You know the rest.  You most likely are the mom who has been keeping much inside while you smile at other moms and wonder, "Does she ever wish she didn't get pregnant?  I wonder if she ever tires of her children?  Is there something wrong with me that I just wish I would have been anything but a mom?"

Feelings of regret happen to not only the poor, sad moms of this world, but the best, brightest, most successful moms too that take a pause every now and then to ask their Heavenly Creator, "Why?"  But the real question is, "Why not?"  Why not be taught how to love beyond self?  Why not learn patience and virtue through the most unlikeliest sources?  Why not experience the hand of God through a child?  Why not share what you know with one who is an extension of you--a second chance at creating a newer and improved you?

Why not?

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.



Mothers - A Needed Change in Finances, Relationships

Have you ever looked at your billing statement from a creditor and sighed, wishing yet again you didn't put so much on your credit card for children?  Was there ever a time that you looked at your husband/partner and wished that you could receive the same kind of hug from him or her that was given to the children?  Do you wish to do something better in your life, but lack resources, education, and motivation to get it done?  If you have ever felt this way, then know that you are not alone!  There are plenty of mothers on this site and others who wanted change in their lives from finances to relationships, but did nothing.  You are different and you will do something, because you want to!

When mothers let themselves cry to the point that they are sick and tired, things change!  A mother who is sincerely fed up with the credit card debt will cut it up and will not use it again. She remembers how she missed out on getting things done, because she spent hundreds on stuff for the kids once again.  A mother who is bitter about how a partner treats children better than her will make up in her mind to either reach out for affection or move on with her life.  She will welcome someone into her life who will show her the love she craves (of course not before handling her past, so that she can have a future).  And a mother who wants very much to accomplish dreams will go after them, while cutting back or off those things that keep hindering her.  From Internet surfing to finding a caretaker for her child, she no longer makes excuses--she just does what is needed!

You don't need a step-by-step guide on motivating yourself to do some things differently in your life.  All you really need is the passion to put what it is you sincerely want to do in your life in front of you each day and work at it.  Think of that thing you want to do most.  Now if it is like a need to go to the bathroom, you would just get up and do it without thinking, right?  Well, you have to treat that task like it is important and do it without pondering deeply on it or you will talk yourself out of getting that thing accomplished. 

"When?" says Self.
"Now. I need to do it."
"How?" says Self. 
"Create a plan.  Do it."
"What will people think?" says Self. 
"Not your concern. Do it."
"Who will help?" says Self.
 "Is it really necessary to get anyone else involved at this point?  Just do it!"

Let your cry be the motivation to get what you desire most, done!

Nicholl McGuire also shares information on all related things about organizing here. 


Mom is Aging, Impatient, Rude and Forgetful

The older we get, the worse we could potentially come depending on how our body feels, the support system or lack thereof around us, and financial challenges.  A mom shared that her mom was aging, struggling with Alzheimer's and she just couldn't take it anymore.  So she looked to outside help.

You know you better than anyone, so if you are dealing with an aging parent and all that comes with her, you will have to do whatever it takes to be at peace and ensure the parent's safety.  Unfortunately, for those who prefer to fight with Mom, rather than do what is in the best interest of her while keeping your sanity, here are some tips.

1.  List her mental and physical issues and start seeking out the support groups in your area to help.  There are various non-profit organizations that key in on certain issues while there are churches who have an extensive resource list of available help.

2.  Talk to mom about your concerns when things aren't so tense.  Not everyday is an awful day for mom even though she might claim otherwise.  When she is less nervous, argumentative, stressed, etc.  speak truth and watch how you talk to her.  Leave name-calling and yelling out of the conversation.  If you can't do it, converse with a sibling who might be better equipped to have a heart-to-heart with mom.

3.  Find the time to visit Mom only when you are up to it and don't always bring your children.  Some mothers are battling with PMDD, post-partum, menopause and other health issues, so the last thing you want to do is be in stuck in the room with a miserable Mom who is still angry about someone or something.  Watch your calendar and plan conversations and visits with Mom when you are less stressed.  When a Mom is going through much difficulty, the last thing you want to do is put your children in the line of fire or witness the two of you go at it.  Limit the amount of time you spend with your mother and if you aren't in the mood to cook, clean, or do whatever else needs to be done, enlist some help without causing problems between siblings and others.  If they don't want to help, so be it, they have a right to feel the way they do.  Find other sources.

4.  Ignore Mom's negative attitude and mean-spirited behavior when you know she is mentally-ill.  What will arguing with her resolve?  Remind yourself, "One day Mom is going to die and I don't want to have any regrets...I did the best I could."

5.  If you have already been angry, ugly, and crazy acting with Mom, forgive yourself, apologize to Mom, but move on.  Pay closer attention to your emotions and create some space between you and your Mom so that you won't dishonor her again.  But if you should, make peace and ask your Creator for guidance.

One of the saddest cries that any son or daughter can have is when Mom is gone.  Live your best life with Mom now, so that you will be at peace when she is no more.

Nicholl McGuire
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