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Monday

Children Can Hinder You From Goals If You Let Them

Distraction.  It comes it so many forms to keep one off track, running in circles and lost in the midst of confusion.  Children can be a hindrance.  Keeping you from the dreams, goals and visions you set out to accomplish.  As mothers, we love our children will do almost anything for them, but what we can't afford is to be knocked off course.  The household still needs our attention despite Suzie's cries, money needs to be earned even if the baby is only weeks old, our health must be checked sooner or later even though our children have been to the doctor's office more than enough times this year, business must be profitable which will require long hours at times no matter how much they need us...so when children show up with yet another demand, watch out or you just might get caught in the maze of distraction with no way out!

I got a firsthand look at this when I wasn't a mother and then later had to fight through all the distractions once I had four of my own (all boys).  I watched how women would start off doing something only to be tapped, pulled, pushed, or yelled at by children.  They would forget what they were talking about, didn't follow up on promised phone calls, and missed out on opportunities because of their children.  The same little people who could love mom today for yet another thing she bought turned right around and hated her the next day because they didn't get what they wanted.

Many moms spoil their children and the fathers too.  Some well-meaning advisers will either caution about spoiling kids or aid in the destruction.  For instance, while Mom is coddling her son once again, she is distracted from what is going on with her husband.  He is impatient, moody and frequently tells her, "Stop with the Momma's boy stuff...let him be a man!" 

Some mothers push people away whether they know it or not, because of their children's many wants (noticed I didn't say needs).  These stressed mommies, who over indulge selfish sons and daughters, simply have no time or room for anyone else.  "Come see my child play...my child's birthday is coming up...I can't donate anything, I give my kids my funds...I wish I could help but I  am busy with my kids, but I could really use you to..." 

For those who have a faith, some would say the devil uses children just as much as he uses adults.  I would have to agree.  Children are vulnerable, easy targets to manipulate.  They lie, steal, and do other things that leave many scratching their heads, "Now what would possess them to do that?"  Exactly, what would possess them.  Sons and daughters can be used to attack and distract.  Who would suspect that a cute little child is a walking time bomb?  Who would even think twice about a teen destroying a marriage?  Who would ever figure out that children (or maybe a spouse putting children up to something) doesn't want mom going back to school or working outside the home?

If you ever find yourself battling to get out the door, complete your work, or do other things and every time you set out to do them, your child/children is in the way, you know what to do, press through the madness!

 You love your child, but don't be any fool for him or her.


Nicholl McGuire   

Saturday

On Acting Like Your Difficult Mother - No Wonder the Children Act Like They Do

The things you don't want to see in your children show up and show out.  Your children act a lot like you when you were younger, don't they? 

Your children might have inherited certain personality traits from you or other relatives that you don't like or want to talk about with others for fear that what they say and do will reveal a lot about you. 

Why get angry act them for the same things you are guilty of, demand respect when you aren't one for being kind or loving to others, or talk ugly about their ways to kinfolk when you know what you do with others?  Upon closer inspection, one can see how you behave with parents and/or grandparents.  Maybe the way you have acted over the years is not as bad, but there are some commonalities.  Take for instance when you get angry at your child, did your parent act like that too?  What about when you expect your children to act in certain ways with you, did your mother want the same? 

As much as we might think we don't act like or as bad as a parent, at times we do.  Sometimes the pain of the past, undiagnosed personality disorders, generational health woes and curses, and more play a part in the present, because we continue to aid dysfunctional behaviors. 

Take a look at Tell Me Mother You're Sorry, are you acting a lot like a difficult mother?  What might your relationship with your children look like 10, 15 or even 20 years from now?  If it is in your power to stop a potential cycle of mental manipulation, power and/or control, do it now, before it's too late.

Tell Me Mother You're Sorry by Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

School Year Blues - Don't Worry, Pick Your Battles

The school year is just too long to be worried about the little things.  We jump to conclusions sometimes when teachers talk to our children about their faults.  We assume the worst if they should participate in an activity or accept an invite that is out the norm.  We are parents with stresses that are sometimes induced because we don't know what else to do or think.  When situations are beyond our control, it is very tempting to lose control, but don't!

With four sons, I have learned that everything they say and do or what is said or done to them doesn't need my involvement.  Some things they have to solve for themselves especially homework.  I sometimes think, "If I wasn't around, what would they do?"  Check the Internet, call a friend, ask a relative, etc. 

Challenges make our children stronger, but sometimes we want to shield them from the pain only to cause ourselves blues.  Meanwhile, they look at us like, "What is so serious...Why is mom acting like that...I thought she taught us to..."  We can easily lose our children's respect and trust when we are over-the-top about every little thing.  Instead, they start to think we are crazy.  In time, they begin to distance themselves from crae- crae (slang term means crazy).

So with the start of a new school year, you might as well be prepared for the highs and lows and take them all in stride.  Even if the worst possible scenario does take place (but we pray it doesn't) at least we know that our children are survivors!  They will overcome! We did!

Pick your battles, my sisters, because if you don't you just might not be around to help your children by the time they graduate college.  Think about it.

Nicholl McGuire

Saturday

Expectant - Mom Know What is Ahead

The best thing a new mother can do for herself is be in the know when it comes to motherhood challenges.  This was one of many reasons why I penned When Mothers Cry.  I wanted women as well as their partners to fully understand that there is more than just caring for self and children when it comes to motherhood.  Being a mother has many different dynamics and they all aren't so "great, wonderful and special."

When you know that you are personally or professionally going through much as it relates to your pregnancy, don't be fearful of speaking up or worried about your job title.  You have a lot to be concerned about and that is bringing a healthy baby into this world.

Partners, family, friends, employers and more will frustrate you at times especially when you react to them in off-putting ways due to raging hormones.  Don't worry about saying, "I'm hungry...I need food.  I want to be left alone right now.  I don't feel like or want to do anything but relax.  I am not my best today, so I will need to take the day off...get off the phone." 

Whether a person understands or not is irrelevant, if you don't look out for you, who will?

Nicholl McGuire
Get When Mothers Cry a nonfiction guide on those not-so nice things that come with being a mom.

Mommy isn't Perfect So Why Try?

Your mother wasn't perfect and neither were the women who came before her.  They lied, stole, or did other things that they secretly didn't want anyone to ever find out about. 

Mothers critical of other mothers--you got a lot of nerve, right?  Hope and pray that judgment won't fall on you and your family.

What mothers should and shouldn't do...you might have read a few articles, books, and more about motherhood guidance.  However, I can tell you being a wife and mother of four boys and an author and speaker you will never get it all right.  You might think you did a good job in one area and then discover when you are seated across the table with a teacher/relative/friend that you dropped the ball in your parenting skills in another area.

As mothers we have a limited amount of time to get things right with our children as well as a limit on our patience too.  However, God (whether you believe in Him or not) is so generous with his mercy and his time with us.  You might consider yourself to be perfect, but those around you know better.

If you have repeatedly went to him humble and asking for forgiveness of sin and all-too-willing to do what's right for yourself and children, he hears your prayers.  But woe to that conceited, bitter, or manipulative mother, she will reap what she has sown while pointing the fingers at others. 

So many years gone by, children who are misguided and lost due to the ignorance and misdeeds of prideful moms.  Knowing full well they could do better and change from their evil ways, they don't and rather redirect their stubborn ways, pain and mental illness onto spouses, children and others.  For the mother who thinks herself to be perfect, better than most, ends up losing in the end much (marriages, wealth, health, friendships, etc.)  Her children don't bother with her.  Her husband secretly regrets ever meeting her.  Her family and former friends caution others about her.  The world doesn't like her perfect type.  She often feels alone.

If you have a faith, use it and if you think you can do better, just do it.  You won't ever be perfect, so why try?  Rather strive for doing what's right even when you or someone else is in the wrong.  Believers put their trust in God.  Take a moment to pray today and turn those burdens over to God, He's listening.  Salvation Prayer.

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

Too Many Kids - Yours and Theirs - Just Say No

They have their kids, you have yours.  Whether you are dating, in a marriage, visiting family members or a place with a lot of children and their nonchalant parents, chances are you are not looking forward to the added stress.  I will be the first to admit that I am not always comfortable or content being around large groups especially when children are running all over the place during holiday celebrations.  However, there are those moments where I don't think too deeply and go out anyway while hoping all will go smoothly.

You know yourself better than anyone else and when you know you aren't in the mood to deal with your family and others no matter if it is a holiday or not, don't make yourself!  At gatherings, you can see the dismal looks on many faces of parents who are making themselves do something they rather not.  Then if an issue arises involving their child, they are saying or doing something that just might set a parent, who already didn't want to be there in the first place, off!

When choosing to do something with your family during a heavy season of travel, celebrating, etc., consider the following:

1.  Will alcoholic beverages be served?  Some people do not do well under the influence.  Unruly children will easily set off a situation that might cause emotional and/or physical abuse if people are not mindful of a drunken people.

2.  How long do you plan on staying at the event?  Don't just think about the kids having fun, but how long can you put up with the noise, crowds and more?

3.  Will you be spending money and how much are you willing to distribute?  Some events require much money and if you know that you don't have much, why go?  You will only further aggravate and already financially challenging situation by spending money you simply don't have.

4.  Are you responsible for just your children or others too?  Check your mindset, body, and other things before agreeing to watch your children and theirs.  If you should feel overwhelmed you might say or do something with someone else's child that might cause future problems for you.  Know your stress levels and say "No" when you just aren't in the mood to help.

As you sit back and think about the day's events, keep in mind that most people simply want to have a good time and if you know that you have a lot going on and don't want to be bothered with children then do what's best for you, stay home!

Nicholl McGuire

Monday

The Aftermath of Trauma - Your Child Has Triggers - Emotional and Physical

You thought you went through much growing up or during adulthood and then along comes your child who experiences some very emotionally and/or physically challenging circumstances.  Your heart cries out for your child.  You don't have a clue just how bad your offspring has been negatively impacted by others who do things like: abuse, ridicule, show resentment, rejection, control, and more.  He or she may have been a witness to your abuse and now carries much confusion and pain in one's mind and body.

You might have viewed your son or daughter in a way that you have never seen him or her before during an emotional tantrum, a moment of trial, or someone speaking softly or loudly to him or her.  You saw scars on one's body possibly, but what you didn't see was the pain left behind on one's mind and heart.  The kind of trauma that doesn't heal from a thought-provoking speech, generosity, or a new place to stay.   You might have meant well and even gave up on helping your child, because you couldn't stand to be reminded of what you or someone else put your child through.  Your son or daughter's triggers were too many, too long, and too much for you to deal with.  If you have yet to seek help or feel powerless, it is always best to let go and let God rather than scold, use or abuse someone who has already suffered enough.  Direct he or she toward some help or take them by the hand and drop them off where you know someone has the resources and patience to assist your child.

Everyday situations can turn completely upside down for the one who has been traumatized.  A simple memory, a phrase, the smell of something, or a familiar face can send any one of us back to a time in our lives that we rather run away from.  Take for instance, a runaway child who only wants to feel safe and comforted only to end up with someone who does or says something that reminds him or her of past abuse.

The aftermath of trauma can happen for years and sometimes one never learns or grows from the trials.  Childhood triggers, too many responsibilities, unsuccessful programs, failed relationships, childbirth, substance abuse, etc. can all hinder a person and keep them mentally bound and socially frustrated.

If you are a parent of an emotional child with a long history of behaviors that left you scratching your head, understand that whatever you think you might know about the child is not going to solve what he or she still has buried within.  An unstable mind after trauma is unable to stay focused long enough to heal especially without assistance.  A somewhat stable mind might be okay for awhile before it becomes an enemy of self or abuses others.  A healthy mind may appear to have everything under control for a time, but even he or she has personal challenges.

Trauma from many years or even days ago doesn't heal itself nor does it favor anyone or anything.  An individual who connects with one after trauma will bear witness to the struggle to obtain or maintain one's sanity.  For some witnesses, they just can't deal with victims and so they send or push children as well as others away.  Of course, this kind of behavior doesn't help matters, and only adds to the trauma.  If one is going to rid his or herself of the responsibility of being a parent to old or young children at least direct the person to proper treatment if you see that he or she is out of control, grieving heavily, abusing others, suicidal, depressed, etc. rather than complaining to others about him or her and disrespecting the victim. 

There must be a healthy process that takes places for the one who has been traumatized with an end result that teaches the victim and/or survivor how to manage triggers as they come.  Without it, one will only suffer over and over again with each trial.  Marriages will come and end in divorce.  Children will be born into yet another dysfunctional environment.  Society might ostracize, arrest, abuse, or kill the misunderstood.

Think deeply about the things you have experienced with your own child or someone else's.  Identify the triggers. Why do emotions continue to happen and what might be done to help the person?  And most of all, keep praying for your children and others.

Nicholl McGuire
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About Me

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This freelance writer, author, wife, and mother of four has been writing for almost 20 years about a wide variety of topics ranging from spiritual experiences to self-improvement products. Nicholl has also been a leasing consultant for multi-family dwelling complexes and an events planner in Euclid OH. During 2004 she relocated to San Diego CA and continued leasing apartments to singles and families. In 2006, she became a community manager at an elderly housing complex in downtown Los Angeles. Since then she has been working as a writer from home. Nicholl self-published her first book entitled, "Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate." For more information about the book visit Amazon.com She has another book also on Amazon, entitled, "When Mothers Cry" as well as other books. For more of her work, feel free to stop by Blurb.com. There she has creative photo and journal books. If you have benefited in any way from Nicholl's writing, please do take a moment to show support, buy any one of her books, share her posts, subscribe or comment. Be blessed!

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