When Mothers Cry About the Evolution of Their Once Favorite People

Something I didn't cover in the When Mothers Cry book, personal life changes among family and friends that were once so near and dear.  Mothers cry about their loved ones personal changes that impact their relationships with them.  From new marriages to new jobs and everything else in between, life changes will change your favorites!  Sooner or later the reality that people have emotionally and/or physically changed whether for good or evil, it is an experience that is painful to watch or listen to at times.

Just imagine your mother is no longer behaving in ways that you once were accustomed to.  Your children are no longer as sweet and innocent as they once were.  Old friends are busy with their lives and gradually stop calling or coming around.  Your spouse doesn't love and respect you in ways that he or she once did.  Yes, change is inevitable due to many factors and not all mothers cope with the subtle or bold changes that are occurring in their favorite people's lives rationally or mature.  Examples of life changes that may severely impact your loved ones in the short or long term that you may not have thought about and may also affect your relationship to them might include:

1) Appearance enhancement or surgery due to accident
2) Conversation no longer what it used to be due to controlling partner, busy work schedule...
3) Aging they are not coping with it well i.e. midlife crisis.
4) Illness some days are worst than others, they simply don't want to be bothered.
5) Personality Disorder may have been trauma induced or was there all along you just didn't notice.
6) New marriage that comes with it's share of struggles that they don't want to discuss.
7) Birth of new baby--need we say more? i.e. post-partum.
8) Relocation is expensive, time-consuming and most people don't offer to help in anyway other than to call and ask questions.
9) Grieving over the death of a loved one - no they don't want to call or come around for a time or forever.
10) Children leaving the home (empty nest).  It's tough to detach from children, they are coping.

When I noticed that I had a personality change to those who observed me it was after my first child.  I had family members and friends who talked about how I didn't call like I used to asking them about how they were.  I was "too busy" and "you don't stay on the phone..." they complained.  Yes, I was busy with my newborn and yes I had changed.  Bringing life into the world is a traumatic experience for many mothers and my brain just doesn't operate in the same way it once did prior to having no children and no man, thank you very much!  Yet, I wasn't ready for some changes that were happening with some of my favorite people.  I was shook to see relatives moving slower, hair getting grayer, and voices repeating the same story twice or more--what!?  I was shocked by a few sudden deaths, but then I wasn't, I had been prepared when I sat down long enough with my Creator to get some understanding.  However, I didn't anticipate that some people would grow so distant so fast, but they did.

What I have learned is to ride the waves of change.  After tears, fears, and much prayer, I couldn't keep thinking about what once was, I had to move pass the past and get on with my life.  No matter how much I wanted people, places and things to stay the same, they just weren't.  Some people had to mature, others had to work long hours, and like me, they had marriages and children to tend to.  I realized when you accept change it is much easier to live this life without personal expectations, worries and stresses placed on others.  They also are more likely to call and come around when they know that you are good with their evolution of change!  But when you are not, they mark you as toxic.

So be okay with someone else's personal journey of discovery dear Mother and know that someone was good with yours otherwise you wouldn't be who you are today!

Nicholl McGuire is the blog owner and author of a variety of helpful journals to help keep your thoughts organized the old school way: pen and paper.  See here.