The Struggle is Real with Motherhood But We Survive

No one understood my challenges regarding being a mom as much as my grandmother who passed away May 2015.  This woman who had raised four boys and a girl with little money and a cheating spouse did the best she could with a limited education.  She cooked, cleaned, and did other practical things to obtain an income.  As her granddaughter, I was very empathetic of her lifelong struggle and tried my best when in her presence not to give her grief.

Now that I am older, I realize the value of those connections one makes with a mother who has been through far more than you.  Sure, we have our moments where we feel good about being mothers, but we also have those times when we "feel down in the pits," as Grandma described her state of mind one day.  It helps to get around people who can relate to what you may be going through while providing you with a bit of wisdom.

Whatever you do, don't close yourself off to the world.  So many mothers do that once children are born.  They act as if there is no one or nothing but spouse and/or children that complete them and that is just not true!  Children grow up and move on with their lives if they have been raised by functional parents.  Husbands and wives have been known to divorce one another.  You are more than just a mom, you are a woman with a heartbeat, a soul, emotions, etc.  Take care of you!

Grandma reminded me often to check in with how I feel and to look in the mirror and say, "I love you, Nicky."  She didn't mind telling you what you looked like when you were in her presence.  If she felt you were abandoning self by letting one's appearance decline, she told you so.  "Don't let that man ruin you...Don't let those children run you ragged!"  Her eyes meant business and she had every right to scold us, moms, because that's just what we were doing at times.

So if you are that mom who is down in the dumps and just feel plain bad, muster up all the strength in you to snap back.  Life is too short to let others bring you down.

Be encouraged this day!

All the best and many blessings to you,

Nicholl, Blog Manager and Owner

Am I Getting OLD?!? (Funny Clinique Ad)

When Mothers Cry - Too Much Activity, Slow Down

Something is happening with many mothers all across our land.  The school year hasn't long been underway and yet they are tired, impatient, and easily angered.  They have hot flashes, mood swings, headaches, and other pain.  Partners are bewildered.  Children stare from a distance.  "There is something wrong with Mommy," they think.  But no one cares too much after the tears, yells, and door slamming.  An hour or two later someone will be asking poor mom, "Where did you put my....and what are we having for dinner?  I need your help with..."  The family doesn't seem to care too much.  Life goes on.

Health issues will arise as a mother ages whether she is currently young or mature and one day she will be unable to put her medical conditions off any longer.  Not that long ago, I had a dream where myself and a young lady were in a hospital room together.  I felt like we were there for surgeries.  Neither of us were pregnant.  It was obvious to me that we were waiting on doctors to fix our situations which we didn't talk about in the dream.  This sort of thing happens in our waking life, we know we have our share of challenges, but making the time to deal with them is a fight especially when people seem not to care.

A relative once told me that if you don't care about you, who will?  So true.  The warning signs are there as our bodies transition and so too are the supplements, prescriptions, healthy food, exercise, and more that we need to ease many of our symptoms.  But what also has to occur for stressed out mothers to get back on the fast track toward healing is needed peace and quiet.  Rest is essential.  If it means you have to take a personal day off from work, save money to enlist the help of a babysitter or relative or scale down on those extracurricular activities, you will need to do it, if not for you, for those who are troubled by your fluctuating emotions.  I know for a fact doing these things has helped me and others that I know.  I am a strong advocate for doing less to alleviate stress.

1.  Walk more--no matter your size.
2.  Watch your portion sizes and eat healthy meals.  Look up some recipe ideas.
3.  Stretch especially after a meal.
4.  Listen to calming music.
5.  Create a schedule for yourself that includes time away from partner and children.
6.  Meditate about positive and inspiring things.
7.  Pray and get in touch with your Creator.  Ask Him to show you things about yourself and provide healing for your troubled soul.

As mothers, we can easily fall into the trap of "I care" to the point that you are acting ugly toward others.  Some moms are competitive about there so called, "I care" statements.  Witnesses usually see selfishness and greed show up with many of these women.  It isn't that they care so much, but they have a drive to be on top of everything and everyone.  They eventually burn out or worse end up in hospitals like what I saw in my dream.  Here we were an older and younger woman, both attractive, and attempting to smile through our pain and neither of us would dare share what our weaknesses were with the other.  We were waiting for the doctors to fix us.

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books, maintains useful blogs, and has been inspiring people on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 since 2008.

Superhero Mothers, Mother-in-laws and Stepmothers Cause More Problems than Create Solutions

She believes she is doing a service to humanity by buying things for all, working long hours, organizing home, planning special events, volunteering cooking almost daily, helping in-laws, and babysitting her mate's children and possibly grandchildren.  Look it isn't a bird or a plane...it's Superhero Mom who thinks she can leap over tall buildings in a single bound!

As much as some believe that they can do all things and that nothing is lacking, needing attention, or minor improvements, the truth is the more a mom adds to an already full schedule the likelihood that she fails at something increases.  For example, more focus on parenting and less on activities will help quell angry outbursts from tweens and teens. 

From being tardy to most appointments to forgetting to do essential things, Mother's excuses begin to fall on deaf ears and in time she is viewed as Super Trouble.  People don't want to spend much time with a stressed mother, in-law or stepmother who is overwhelmed with activities and responsibilities.  They distance themselves when she is often tired and saying things she has no business.  They begin to lose faith and trust in her.  Is it really necessary to fill one's day with so much to the point that children's health care needs are overlooked, a husband can't get a decent meal, and a household is often left in disarray?

Children usually are talked into or forced to participate in extracurricular activities by adults, but typically they aren't much interested as we would like to think if you were to overhear their conversations or read their messages online about what their parents want them to do; rather than what they truly enjoy.  They are persuaded to get pets and told to attend special events because friends will be there.  They are lured into volunteering for projects and fundraisers with a promise of a cool reward if they do well.  Some mothers operate just like children, "Okay, I'll do it...Will I get that freebie, my name on a plaque, a cool toy, a pat on my back from my husband and children...?  Sure, mark my name down." 

Running around like chickens with their heads cut off, many of these busy mothers aren't sincerely engaging with anyone.  It is more about recruitment, networking, being a busybody, etc.  They look through you, over you or around you when they talk.  They aren't truly listening before advising.  Their minds are racing and so are their hearts.  In time, someone is lying on her back taking selfies on her phone asking her social network, "Please pray for me."

Now I don't mean to sound cold, but what I am about to say is convicting and may irritate a few moms, but the truth is when the writing is on the wall for you to slow down, just take a look in the mirror at yourself and do it!  Offensive things that you wouldn't ordinarily say or do slip out when you are doing too much.  Your body weight increases because you aren't watching portion sizes, exercising, eating at consistent times, and popping unhealthy things in your mouth like you are a teenager again.  "I'm okay," they say.  There are those moms who are starving themselves to death.  You can see the veins protrude out of their necks and their legs look weak as if they can barely keep their bodies up.  "Well, I'm healthy," the mom says defensively often in a rush.  Meanwhile, her friend cries out, "I'm fine too" while she eats everything she shouldn't before noon. Tell that to the steadily widening face, arms, ankles, thighs, and more she likes to sit down and rest on for hours.  Explain these things to one's lungs who are trying to fill with air while they carry far too much weight than they can handle, or the excuses a skinny woman makes who often complains about being so weak and cold.  Your body is talking, but are you listening?  Most likely not--no more than you did when a parent wanted to share a story with you while you ignored her and watched your child performing.

I think of some deceased, conceited mothers who thought that they were so special, very important and needed to be honored because they just had so much going on and did so much for everyone, but notice I said they are deceased and as I indicated in my book, When Mothers Cry, years ago, most of their partners have outlived them.  Something to think about. 

Is it really necessary to have weekly, monthly or annual events and then cry broke afterward or curse others because they don't have the time or energy to dedicate to one's grandiose ideas?  Do you really need to buy gifts for your family, the teacher, the preacher, etc. every single holiday and then fuss with your husband and others about finances yet again?  Does one's child have to be a part of every activity that comes up?  Do you have to participate in every civic group event dragging your family along even when they don't want to go, then on the way back to the car (after the service) you act ugly toward them?  Are you really making life worth living when you are often stressed, and dare I say it, controlling around your family? 

For some mothers, in-laws and stepmothers, the truth is some of your kinfolk is sick of you and you probably heard it through the grapevine.  They talk badly about you, because you have spent years boasting, exaggerating, talking too much about you and your family, money, new purchases, investments, etc.  They don't like you very much, not because they are haters, but because you have showed them far too often your tired, emotional, angry, and/or impatient dark side by making flippant comments and displaying a prideful posture around them.  Pride isn't cute, cursing to people's faces or behind their backs or giving people intimidating stares isn't kind either.  Watch what you are teaching children, Mothers!  People get tired of the foolishness! 

So prepare yourself mentally and get your adequate rest because you are going to do what you always want to do anyway and then end up crying about all that you do later, argue with your spouse and do other mean-spirited things while your family just eye rolls, pouts and deep sighs once again.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Tell Me Mother You're Sorry and other books.

    

 

Feeling Tired, Miserable? Make this Your First and Last Event You Host

Those mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, who can make 10 pies, several sheet cakes, a huge holiday spread with four plus sides and a few too many meats to choose from, are typically skilled at their crafts when it comes to cooking.  These ladies can also wear smiles while doing it, act polite, and tend to their guests' needs.  Their homes are clean and everyone feels welcome.  However, not every woman can pull this off.

Some mothers will try, God bless them.  Yet, something usually lacks whether it is the taste of food, the uncleanliness of the household, unruly children, or something else, holiday preparation is just too much for some people.  They will want their visitors to be kind, understanding, polite, etc. about their short-comings.  But when you are dealing with family and close friends, they will offer constructive criticism and will advise against hosting if you miserably fail--be it right or wrong, truth is truth. 

Hosts that are not use to being hospitable, preparing large meals, decorating homes, and disciplining children will have a hard time receiving feedback.  The best thing any person, who has took on such a feat can do, is either learn from the experience and plan better next time or make the holiday event your first and last.  Sometimes partners will advise against wives/girlfriends doing such things from the start, not just because event planning is costly, but also because they know their women aren't good at it and so the men too become tired and miserable listening to all the negativity that comes with holiday prepping.  Unfortunately, some marriages are severely tested because women want to play the role of Superwoman, but only end up being worn-out and cranky women.

Depending on the type of personalities your visitors have will determine just how supportive they really are.  Those guests, who mean well, will offer to pitch in and help even though some stubborn hosts will refuse their service--they should take it.  Others will sit back and watch the movie, so to speak.  If it ends well, so be it, but if not, they will come away from the event with much to talk about including the negative attitude of the host, her unsupportive mate, and her disrespectful or wild children.

When one feels tired and miserable due to holiday planning and all that comes with it, know that others see this.  It would be best to learn early on to delegate responsibility if you should plan to do this annually or for each holiday.  Otherwise, you will burnout before the holiday season really gets underway and no one wants to see a crying mother during a time that is supposed to be heart-warming.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

When Mothers Cry about Love

Too little love, no love or desperate to find love, the mother cries at night.  She regrets her past decisions while hoping her present and future will look brighter.  What did she do to come so far, yet fall so backward in her love life?

My name is Nicholl, the author of When Mothers Cry.  There are so many mothers who are so focused on children that when they finally have some time to review their life's decisions, they realize that while children are happy and have moved on with their lives, they are asking, "Now when will I be happy, in love, and ready to begin my life?"

One must earn her place in the world, so we have learned from our wiser, elder moms.  Many sacrifices have been made by mature mothers in an effort to reach the good life, if there is such a thing, a time where one can sit on one's behind and watch television for as long as she wants, visit places at her leisure, and walk around in the nude anytime she dares.  Widows live this life, retirees, the divorced, and other senior mothers, and most don't complain much about spouses, seeing grandchildren, cooking, cleaning, etc. because they lived it for many, many years in a past life. 

The women, who have been there and done that, are content with just loving self, even if no one else, acts like they love them much.  Aging spouses, busy adult sons and daughters, and others may not show love, but they know that Mom is still around.  But Moms need love too!

There are moms that would love a moment with a partner that says, "I simply want to be with you...I love you!"  There are moms who would love for their children to do something nice for them without being prompted by a holiday or because they want something from them. 

If you are a mother, pray for yourself and others who need love.  Life is simply too short to forget to show and receive love!  If you are not a mother, then take a moment to show a mom some love today. 

Nicholl McGuire
 

My Four Boys & I: When Things Are Good, There Good

When things are good in my household, they are good, but when they are bad, they are baaaddd! Four active boys can keep you on your toes! Now that the new year has begun, the accidents, the tantrums, the time-outs, the threats, the anger outbursts, you name it we have done it all and we aren't even a month old in the new year!

I personally think that children don't need school vacations throughout the year (just pick a seasn and a couple of weeks and be done!LOL) especially if they are not doing well. For example, I asked one of my sons who isn't doing so well in school, why isn't he stepping up, completing his lessons, focusing, etc. He said, "I don't know." So I attempt to dig deeper and he blames other people. Well we spent Winter Break hitting books! From 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekdays with a couple shortbreaks in between, my two oldest sons were completing workbooks and worksheets as well as arts and crafts. My youngest two were being taught using flashcards, games, and videos. We all helped the little ones.

Needless to say, there were times when I had to step out the room and take a timeout myself! The questions, bickering, disruptions, and loud noises at times made me feel like I was in over my head! How much do I have to do to keep these boys busy!? When 5 p.m. shows on the clock at my house, things get loud quickly. The TV is turned up, the children are running from room to room and someone eventually yells or cries, "I'm tellin'" The next thing I know, from the smallest (who is now 2) to the oldest (who is now 10,) there is a question, concern, or complaint for me. "He hit me...He took my toy...He broke my toy...When is dinner ready?" I don't know what happens to me by 5 p.m. but I think some ugly devil of sorts mounts on my shoulders and I am ready to breathe fire on someone, "If you don't get out my face...don't you see I'm cooking? Give your brother his toy back. Stop running. Pick that stuff up. Did you take out the trash? What's that smell? Did anyone think about helping your little brother who obviously can't get that on his own? Who was in my stuff?"

In case you didn't know, I am not a single mom, but almost 9 sometimes 10 hours a day with these four, I feel like one! Thank God Winter Break is almost over! Two down and what do I do with the other two with no money for daycare and no family nearby? UGH!


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

When Mother Knows Best & They Don't

If you have been a mother for any length of time then your intuition concerning your children has been challenged by someone who is either helping you raise your children or occassionally babysitting for you.

He or she may not have verbally said one word about the way you raise your children, but this person may have done some things the total opposite of what you wanted them to just because they are stubborn, jealous, or just don't want to admit that you are right and they are wrong. Whatever the reason, you know your children better than the rest of them and if what you say and do is in their best interest, then by all means stand strong in your beliefs, convictions and so on.

I have been in debates with the fathers of my children over what they thought was the littlest of things. From our young children watching things on television they can't handle to what they have given them to eat. As we all know children can't digest violence without eventually acting it out on their siblings or other children. We also know that if you give a child a certain sweet snack before a meal or before bed time, you are in for some trouble. And most importantly, as mothers, we know that if you don't have a consistent bedtime for your children, they will not perform well in school and their moodiness (from being tired) gets them in trouble with you and everyone else.

The shrug of the shoulders, the eye rolls, and the attitude from bystanders because once again someone has upset you concerning your children is enough to make you want to yell at the top of your lungs, "What are you looking at?! Does anyone understand? Do you know what kind of impression you are making on my child? Who do you think you are!" Some people just don't get it! We must remember we are living in times where evil is considered good and good is considered evil. "It's okay to let our son play the rated M game, it's not that bad. Why are you so angry about him not going to bed on time? What's the big deal about our daughter going over her friend's house every Friday night? What is the problem with the way I discipline the children? You are too strict! Why can't the children listen to that song? They don't know what it means," say some fathers and relatives, but you know what's best.

I have had debates similar to the ones mentioned above and I can tell you that, in the past, I have literally exhausted myself trying to explain why wrestling isn't good for a four and five year old or why we needed to start putting money away for our children's future. If we don't stand up for what we believe is wrong for our children then who will? I put no trust in family, friend, or foe to give me accurate information and be 100% transparent when they are with my child while I am away. The reason for this is because I know that I didn't always provide every single detail to everyone about my own children, so why would I expect differently from people who don't know my children like I do?

Now I understand that when one isn't in the presence of their children due to unfortunate circumstances or is in a position where they have no choice but to let someone else spend 8 to 10 hours a day with their babies, there is a good possibility that he or she doesn't know best, but the caretaker does. How could a parent who is often working or away from their child really know what's going on if they aren't doing the following: taking time out to interview his or her son or daughter, asking specific questions about the child's experience with the caretaker, showing up to parent and teacher meetings, and most of all taking the time to listen to their child when he or she wants to talk.

In conclusion, mother doesn't always know what's best, but when she does, she just wants someone to listen and do what she asks when it comes to the children's mental and physical well-being. Is that too much to ask?


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.myspace.com/howtobooks

Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi

One night while preparing the children for bed, one of my sons went over to a cabinet where he stores his books and pulled out one that made me look at my financial woes a little differently. Disney’s Mickey & Minnie’s Gift of the Magi by Bruce Talkington and illustrated by Fernando Guell Cano was the book my son selected for me to read.

The book starts off with “It was the day before Christmas…” right away I was interested given the time period at which my son brought me the book – mind you he is only 3. The story begins with telling us about Mickey’s woes” his coat not warm enough, Christmas tree not large enough, and his pockets were empty. Well by this time I am really into this book, because it is describing similar real life situations I have been in and currently face. But despite all of this Mickey is playing his harmonica.

As Mickey and Pluto stroll down the street, Mickey notices a necklace in a store front window. While I am reading, I am thinking, “The happiness and music just stopped for you Mickey.” But the optimistic mouse’s discovery makes him determined to get this gift to go with Minnie’s watch. Now Mickey is reminded by his empty pockets that he can’t get the necklace, but he tells his dog Pluto that “you and I are going to make lots of tips today…” Meanwhile, Minnie is at home having a problem that is very much the kind we as mothers can relate to and that is a pile of unpaid bills. She tells her cat, “There’s nothing but bills how am I ever going to afford to get Mickey a present?” She quickly realizes Mickey is at the door and rather than bombard him with a list of worries, the book says she “shoved the bills in a drawer and raced into the living room.”

As I read more, Minnie wants to get a case for Mickey’s harmonica because she notices that he wraps it up in an old rag.
Now I am thinking at this point that neither Mickey nor Minnie don’t have children, no fancy car (because he dropped her off at work riding a dog sled – LOL) so why all the bills? They have two jobs between them.

Anyway, Mickey has a hard boss who could care less about the sentiments of Christmas just the money that the Christmas trees bring. Mickey is working very hard and ends up acquiring enough money to get Minnie’s necklace; however just as luck would have it his boss would take his money. He did this because he didn’t like Mickey disrupting his efforts to rip a poor father off by up-selling him on a tree they didn’t want and lying that the expensive trees was all he had. Mickey sold the family a cheaper tree. Mickey’s boss threw him and the dog off his property. However, nothing good comes of the boss and he ended up burning his money and his trees up due to a lit cigar he was smoking. Meanwhile at Minnie’s job, a bonus she was expecting from her boss ended up being a fruitcake.

While the firefighters put out the fire, Mickey played his harmonica. The firefighters heard him because they were due to attend a toy drive and play in the band. Mickey joined them. However, the writer of the story doesn’t write that Mickey receives any money for his efforts – I am thinking, “Isn’t that typical.” Mickey eventually leaves in time to meet the store owner who has the necklace he wants to get for Minnie, so he trades his harmonica for the necklace. Meanwhile, Minnie had traded her watch for a case for Mickey’s harmonica. The story ends with the couple wishing one another a Merry Christmas. The writer adds, “It was a Christmas they’d never forget.”

Can I just remind you this is a children’s book? My three-year-old is just looking at the pictures. He doesn’t know that the book he brought to me spoke into our family’s current situation. The only difference is rather than making trades, we borrowed credit to make the end of our story a Merry Christmas.

What I found rather odd is that although this is a children’s book, in addition to parents and children, this story should be read to childless couples too. From the looks of things the mice have nothing to show for all this debt they acquired and if they had babies, you could only imagine what kind of hours they would be putting in at work! If they were willing to work extra hard just to buy two simple gifts they would be working even harder for their families.

I don’t want to read too deeply into this simple story, but the lesson I learned after re-reading this is the debt the mice acquired most likely came from spoiling one another. We spoil our children, partners and ourselves and then we cry when our backs are up against the wall and can’t pay for anything. Those mice were working hard to give one another everything they needed and wanted and then when it came down to a gift that really mattered to each of them, neither one could help due to all their past debt. The stress of bills will make any mother in over her head cry!

So the moral of the story is when you are in debt, don’t do what Mickey did in the beginning of the story, gaze in the store front window. Ignore the emails, click past the eBay link, throw away the catalogs, and even say no to the needy people on the street when you know you are already obligated to your lenders. Most of all, don’t allow your burdens and other people’s attitudes or cheap giving take your happiness away, like Mickey kept playing his harmonica, you keep on playing yours!

God bless.

Nicholl McGuire
Check out my writings at Triond

Note: Typical Disney why would they title this book like this...Magi? Needless to say, Disney books have been removed off my children's shelves after seeing way too many occult things going on between the pages.

8 Reasons Moms Dread Holiday Parties

So now that the holidays are here everyone gets invited to people's houses for parties and gatherings. I dread this every time and usually don't RSVP because I'm scared to commit to going.

First of all..can I even make it on time with both kids?

Second..I have to pack almost everything they sell at Babies R Us if I'm driving far away

Third..again if I'm driving far away..will I have to pull over to feed the baby or change either childs diaper? (Last time I did that a cop knocked on my window and told me it was illegal to do that) I guess next time I should just do it while driving then officer?!

Fourth..is the party at a late time and my kids are expecting a bath and bedtime? If so they probably won't be on their best behavior and childless people may deem them "wild kids"

Fifth..is the place I'm going baby proofed? Usually not and there are almost always some stupid crystal cat collections displayed or tea sets right where my toddler and baby can reach

Sixth..will other kids be there? If not than I know my kids will get bored and into trouble and this probably means the house won't have toys for them to play with either

Seventh...is it even worth it? If I'm going to be chasing after two little ones and constantly saying "no!" and can't hold an adult conversation then why bother

Eight..I'm also not a fan of chasing toddlers in heels, give me back my Juicy Tracksuit!

Why not get a sitter you ask? Because my mom and mother in law are usually invited to the same parties. Ugghh the stress! I'd rather go to the park and call it a day.

Audra Rozen aka Milfy Mom @ http://www.diamondsanddirtydiapers.blogspot.com

You Are Not Just A Mother, You Are You First!

Mothers face many challenges in today’s world. They carry the responsibility of many roles. Through these roles we become different things to different people. Sometimes we get divided over having a career and having a families or find conflict between the different jobs that we try to do. Making the question “Who am I?” even harder to answer.

It grows harder because mothers see this little person that looks up at them with innocent trusting eyes, mommy is everything to that little one. She makes the hurt from boo-boos go away with a kiss, chases the monsters from under the bed away, and rocks them after a bad dream. Every mother takes that responsibility and carries it with her no matter where she goes. It is an awesome responsibility of caring for this wonderful little person and being mom is always on the mind. As much as it is wonderful to revel in mommyhood, we still need to remember that being a mother is just one part of us, the more we allow ourselves to see who we are the better examples we can set for our children to leading a balanced life.

As a mother, I have struggled to find my own identity. I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a business owner, a sister, a friend…..but who am I? It is easy to define yourself by what you do and what you mean to other people. As we take on these different roles our own identity gets blurred. It is harder to make the distinction. Who am I if I am not Logan’s mom or Ben’s wife?

Who are you? A wife, a mother, an employee, they are all a part of who we are, but they do not define you. We are the only ones that are able to define who we are. When are we just women? Women that have our own values, ideas, and philosophies, women that are able to embrace their different roles in life, but still are able to maintain there sense of “self”.

The importance of women defining who they are is giving them a chance to grow as women. To recognize that they need to take off all the different hats that they wear during the day and take time to honor who they are.

The problem is that because they are in so many different roles that they stop seeing themselves separate from them. They stop taking time for themselves, because they are giving so much to everyone else. Does this sound familiar? Have you lost your identity among the different jobs that you do everyday? How do you see yourself?

Here are a few questions that can help you determine if you are defining yourself by what you do instead of who you are:

Do you spend at least an hour a day doing the things that you want to do? (Reading, participating in hobbies, watching your favorite TV program, etc)

When asked to describe yourself do you start with “I enjoy…” or “I am a woman that believe/feel….”? Or do you say, “I am a mother…” or “I am a nurse…”

Are you able to say “no” to things that interfere with the things that you want to do? Or that you do not have time for?

Do you feel that your life is in balance? Which means that you get enough time to pursue your own interest instead of just the interest of your children or significant other?

Do you feel that you spend time equally on yourself as you do on others?

If you answered “no” to any of the questions it is time to get back in touch with yourself. You need to not only stop defining yourself by what you do but you need to spend sometime getting to know who you are.

Here are some tips for you to get in touch with the forgotten woman inside.

Make sure that you spend time perusing your own interests. The problem with defining yourself by what you do is that you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do; your time is spent doing for others. Do something that you have always wanted to do; take a class, start a book club, anything that gives you some time to just do your own thing. Above all make the time to do it! It’s ok to do something for yourself.

Say “NO” frequently! Just because you take on different roles does not mean that you have to do everything for everybody. Recognize when there is something that others could really do for themselves. Do not let yourself be taken advantage of! REMEMBER it is just as much of a benefit for others to learn how to do for themselves as it is to you.

Make sure that you have OFF DUTY time! Just like a conventional job, make sure there is a time of day when you are done. Don’t work right up until you go to bed. Give yourself time to unwind, distress, and relax. Wait until the kids are in bed and take a long hot bubble bath. Curl up in your favorite chair with a good book. Meditate or do yoga. Do whatever relaxes you. You need this time to maintain some balance. Because of you multiple roles you are “on the clock” the majority of the time. You have to have time to distress! Without it you are going to “burn out”. Visualize your bank account if you keep making withdraws without making a deposit, eventually you are going to just run out of resources. Make sure to take time to revitalize yourself.

I have found that by maintaining my own identity that I am a better mother, wife, daughter, business owner, sister, and friend. It maintains balance in my life because I know that even though I am different things to different people; I know what it means to just be me.


Tonya Ramsey is a writer, speaker, life coach, and owner of LifeDesignSite.com She specializes in helping women improve their foundation of self in order to bring prosperity into their lives. Her passion is to assist women in empowering themselves.

New Book Release: When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire

It's been a long journey recalling experiences that brought me to tears as well as others. But it has also been rewarding writing the book entitled, When Mothers Cry. You will find many thought-provoking experiences, opinions, and societal views of motherhood and how we are preconditioned to become a mother whether we wanted to or not. Then once the children arrive we find out that there are struggles we face raising children, being married, relating to in-laws, and other issues that leave us crying!

When Mothers Cry is a book for those women who are looking for someone or something that relates to them when they aren't always the happy, smiling, fulfilled mother who greets her children with cookies and kisses her husband on the cheek. She may not always pray, find time with her children or anyone else's, and she may wish secretly she was anything but a mother. Whatever her issue is within, the bottomline, she just wants someone she can feel free to talk to without being judged, admonished, or belittled for feeling the way that she does. She may not feel this way tomorrow, next week, or for years, but for now she is unhappy and she is seeking a bit of information to uplift her and help her be content with her role as mother. When Mothers Cry, the book, won't you buy it today for you or someone you know who is seeking a change of heart? To order click the following link: When Mothers Cry

Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer

I Cried Like a Child Receiving a Spanking in Church!

I don't know what came over me last Sunday in church, but I cried like a child getting a spanking from his or her parent -- I kid you not! It was the kind of cry where the mouth is wide, the yelling is loud and the tears are streaming out one's eyes like a waterfall! I was so overwhelmed with grief that I just dropped to the floor. I couldn't help myself. There was something about that song the choir sung, "God is here in this place..." Well I tell you with all the stress I have been under lately I needed God. Sorry to those of you who are unbelievers, but when I can't get help from man or woman, I have to go above and beyond!

You see, my issues are like every one else's -- too much to do with too little cash. Everything I have worked on over the years has been challenging and just when I would get some kind of a breakthrough with one of my endeavors, something strange would happen and then the ideas like Dominoes would just all fall down. Well I got tired of being defeated by unexplainable occurrences and so that is why I decided to take some people up on their promises that "God will work it out if only you would do this...and do that..." Well I knew what this and that meant, I would have to pray, associate with like-minded believers, take God at his word, etc. I started getting serious about what the word and the people around me were saying and now things are looking up! I wouldn't lie to you readers and I wouldn't sugarcoat the truth!

I also would like to mention that those who I thought would be supportive like family and friends have been my worst enemies. They have smiled in my face, but thought I wasn't paying attention and then I would see a few eye rolls behind my back. Little did they know that I wasn't the only one who saw the envy, the bitterness and the negativity be lashed in my direction, God saw it too! And that's why people who think they are going to capitalize off of me in the future I won't know! As I have told family and friends in the past, be with me in the bad times as well as the good, some of them just don't seem to get it -- too bad!

You see as mothers we have enough stuff to do and then when you have adults who stand around you and act like children too, it can be simply too much to bear! I guess my heavy crying in church was for me and everyone and everything that is in my path. Although I don't believe that God was spanking me spiritually, I do believe he was dealing with me on some of my weaknesses that day, because when I left the church I felt strong!

I don't know what you need in this life that will make you feel better where you are, but what I can assure you is that kneeling down on your knees every now and then doesn't hurt (that is of course if you have bad knees -- then sit down.) Take a moment to really release all the things that are hindering you from getting your priorities in life accomplished! You will have to let go of some things, because life my friend is too short!

I guess sometimes we just have to figuratively lift up a partner, children, family and friends and tell this magnificent God, "I can't do this anymore, you deal with them," then somehow he gives you the strength to get back in there and fight again! If you need some powerful prayers to read over your children purchase A Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian. I don't know her and as of this writing, I am getting nothing for mentioning her on this blog.

Well, I will close this blog with...
May you win every battle that is set before you from now and until the day you die!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

A Little Encouragement for a New Mother excerpt from When Mother's Cry The Book

There is no class for mothers that will provide you with enough information for those shocks that come to you when life throws you an unexpected curve ball. There will be times you will be disappointed to find you just didn’t know enough to handle upcoming childbirth, child rearing, child education, child custody, childhood, and anything else that involved your child.

Don’t be angry with yourself, these things will happen. You will want to remain focus on a solution to overcome the obstacle. For example, if you feel you can be a better cook, then step out of your comfort zone and find new recipes to try. Maybe you struggle with how to effectively discipline your children. If so, it wouldn’t hurt to start implementing what you learn from books, Cds, and/or the Internet.

There are some mothers, who have already overcome the growing pains of child rearing, but they aren’t providing valuable wisdom to the young women coming after them; instead, they are being critical and gossipping about them. Older mothers need to welcome the new mothers with a warm embrace, so that they may return it.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Depressed? Wondering if you can still be a good mom?

Mothers have their good and bad days just like anyone else. However, what if you are a mom who secretly feels like you will never get better or you just can''t seem to do right by your husband, family, co-workers, and others -- what then? Do you call everyone you know about your problems? Load up on medications? Turn into a religious freak? Although all of these statements are a bit extreme, there are women who do just that! They go above and beyond seeking help for themselves to the point that all the help drives them mad! If this is you, stop! Take a pause for a moment and deliver yourself from people, places, and things that are beginning to make you feel crazy with all their tips.

Sometimes all mothers need is what I like to tell my children they need from time-to-time a "do nothing" time. That's right, do nothing! Give yourself permission to do nothing! Whenever the opportunity arises to say goodbye to the children, your partner, and opt out of duties -- do it! As you and I know free time doesn't come often, so take advantage of it while you can! You may need to pre-announce your "do nothing" time to those who may be affected by your inaction. What you say and how you say it I will leave all up to you! But whatever you do, do nothing!

I hope this helps some of you mothers who are having a stretch of "bad luck" as some will say in your life. It's okay to feel bad once in awhile just remember that it's your choice when you want to feel good again and how long you stay that way rests on your shoulders and no one else! We are responsible for our own happiness! We must make up in our minds how long we are going to feel frustrated, depressed, bitter, angry, and whatever else concerning our motherhood issues.

I think in 2010 the sad face on this site will be a happy one at least for a half a year! LOL...

Crazy Mother on Board!

I know at times I can be a crazy mother. I can go from being the sweetest mom on earth to being an angry mother in sixty seconds flat especially if one of my children does something foolish! I have read many parenting guides on how to communicate with children and it is easier said than done when your child has found your trigger button and pushed with all his or her might. You may have counted to ten and walked away the last few times, but at some point you will, “Go there…” but the key is to come back. Don’t "go there" so often that you don’t know your way back home!

Your mind may break down if you are out there too long and your children may be visiting you at a mental hospital one day! I can tell you from experience, I had a nervous breakdown with all the hyperventilating and convulsions to match. It ain’t pretty! Picture this, one day you are upset with your children and the next you are on the floor wishing you would die rather than look like a fool in front of your family and the paramedics while thinking if you have to be transported to the hospital, how will you manage to pay yet another bill?

Mothers, why bother crying?

Motherhood what does it really mean anyway? Is it a lifestyle? A way of life? An opportunity to give life? Mothers do they instantly love their babies once they are told they are pregnant or do they accept first and love later or never at all? So I have been told some couples should have never had children. They love themselves and their partners more than they love their children. To them the children just got in the way. They raise them because they are required to do so all the while praying that their children become successful enough to move away and visit every now and then. God forbid their children have grandchildren! These selfish parents will reflect back on a time in their lives (most specifically being a parent) when they didn't enjoy parenting. For these parents it was difficult and hindered them from their many dreams they had hoped to accomplish in life.

I admitted in another blog that when I found out about my first pregnancy and all others I was not happy and being a mother was not something I was ready for, but once spiritual teachings got a hold of me subconsciously something was happening I just didn’t know it back in 1997 before the children – the year I received Christ. Trying to apply scripture to my life was challenging enough back then. Furthermore, I had to be responsible for teaching my children too (beginning in 1999 with the first) once they entered the world and I barely understood most of what I read. Biblical principals became clearer to me when I read children’s bible stories. They gave me the inspiration to stand even when I rather just fall. I learned how to pray the kind of prayers only a mother can pray once I had my own children. I didn’t understand before I had children why sometimes my grandmother would just get on her knees and just moan asking God for a number of things many of which I couldn’t understand, but somewhere between her moaning and groaning I heard “son” and “daughter.” Her prayers were getting through to a God who not only listened to grandma’s prayers but acted on them.

Why as mothers do we bother to cry (pray)? It’s not like anyone will listen, right? Wrong! A mother’s cry will get results from the boardroom to the hospital room someone will do what they are told or face the wrath of a mother! She usually has a secret arsenal of ways to get people to do what she asks. If it means writing letters, making phone calls, setting up meetings, organizing groups, or protesting a company, she will do whatever it takes to get justice for her child.

How many times have you heard a son or daughter thank their mother first after accepting an award or opportunity? “If it wasn’t for my mother, I wouldn’t be here… If it wasn’t for my mother pushing us to do…” There is a special power a mother has over her children. She may not get them to do things when she wants them done, but she can get her children to feel. A father can’t get down into the depths of his children’s souls like a mother can! God has gifted mothers to reach a place within their children that others can’t. Once the child can feel the presence of his or her mother, everything else will follow. The bed will get made, the school grades will come up, the bad relationship will end, the negative influences will dissipate, and bodily aches and pains don’t feel so bad. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough mothers who can reach their children in this way, because if they could the world would be a different place. This doesn’t mean that the fathers don’t have any impact on their children, because they do but their role is different from a mothers’ role and as much as we would like to think that both sexes can play one another’s roles that is a lie! God gifted mothers and fathers in different ways. One can’t do without the other no matter how much we would like to reason, substitute, or make excuses.

Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

Excerpt from the book: When Mothers Cry Written by Nicholl McGuire

"When mothers cry the first thing people want to know is why? Why would a woman bother to shed tears in front of an audience that would judge, berate, belittle, accuse, lie, or abuse her. Why would any mother allow her tears to fall in the presence of critical, negative, judgmental people who can’t see outside their ignorant boxes they call, “self?” I’ll tell you why because sometimes the only way you can tell a story is to cry. Sometimes the only way you can make your point be known is to raise your arms up in the air and scream! When mothers cry people had better listen! When they take to the streets with picket signs and expressions on their faces that look as if they are ready to kill, people had better worry. The worse thing that any man, childless woman, or rebellious child can do is to add fuel to the fire of a mother who is already enraged about her partner, children, boss, relatives, finances, and more by telling her, “You should…” Listening to someone tell me this while I am in the heat of anger is like nails scratching on chalkboard! "So what should I do?" I feel like telling this know-it-all! Then I brace myself hoping they will not say anything more.

A woman, man, or child who hasn’t walked two steps in someone else’s shoes ought to be quiet! Why open yourself up to a mother telling you off wherever you may stand? Why act as if you know how she feels when the truth of the matter is you don’t. Who has ever felt that rush of heated anger creep from the bottom of your stomach to the top of your head while someone tries to tell you how to raise your children? I know some of you put a critic back in their place without hesitation! They most likely responded with, “I’m sorry!”

We mothers cry for many reasons far too many to get into detail at this moment, but our concerns are valid. We need to vent we have to vent, because if we don’t we will blow up inside or outside and God have mercy on the one that has to hear our stories! He or she may be listening to us for hours ranting and raving about everything that everyone ever did to us and why we will not sit back and allow our children to go through what we did as a child!

I admit I am a mother with a cry and that is why I even bothered to write a book for anyone who can relate to my pain. Notice I said relate not feel because you can’t feel what I feel and most likely if you had the opportunity to live through some of the things I have gone through as a mother you probably wouldn’t have reacted the same way. You see we can say what we would do if a situation arises, but the truth is we don’t know how we would react.

I have witnessed mothers scream and yell at their children in the public hoping that somehow their scolding will shame the children enough that they would do what they are told, but oftentimes it only makes them act worse. Then they wonder why the child attempts to yell back at the mother in frustration. A child will only behave in the way that the parent treats them. Yell at them and watch what you will get --a child with an attitude waiting for an opportunity to tell you about yourself. Call them names and later, if you listen real close, you will hear them call you the same names under their breath. Who was the foolish mother who thought that if she acted mean toward her children she would get loving and kind adult children who would honor her in old age?

There was a time in my life that I had never wanted to be a mother. I didn’t want to have to deal with the responsibilities of caring for a child. I had witnessed too many mothers around me lose their cool with children, including me, so I reasoned that having a child makes you mean and I didn’t want to be a part of anything that was going to make me act like what I had observed mothers do. I saw them scream, push, spank, and cuss their children. I knew that if my mother said she was going to knock my sister and my head off, after upsetting her with our toys and stomping around the house, we had better take heed to what she said. At the time I didn’t know that she couldn’t literally knock our heads off and I didn’t want to find out either."

Nicholl McGuire

Make that Baby Shut Up!

Some people enjoy the sounds of a crying baby, others could care less when they hear one crying, and then there are those who are tempted to say, "Make that Baby Shut Up!" I fall in the shut up baby group. I didn't just become this way overnight. I have always been this way before four sons and after four sons. There is something in listening to a baby's cries that drives me up the wall! I can tolerate a crying baby for about 10 minutes maybe and then after that I am looking around and asking someone, "Why doesn't the parent just take that baby home?"

One Sunday morning, I was seated in church enjoying the minister's message and a baby starts crying. The mother is trying to get the baby to stop. The baby had been passed around by others and still no peace. She had given the baby everything she had to get him/her to stop crying and nothing seemed to work! After disturbing the entire congregation for almost 10 minutes on and off they finally removed the mother and baby from the group. All I could think was this is a tape recorded message and if someone buys the tape just when they are getting his or her breakthrough there will be the crying baby in the background distracting one from focusing on the message. It wasn't like the pastor hadn't dismissed babies and children only prior. It wasn't like he didn't have jumbo screens in another room for parents to watch the service or listen to the message in the bathroom while they dried their wet baby. All the accomodations were there, it's just the parents could careless.

Can someone tell me why is it that babies tend to cry when all is quiet? I can't seem to get away from the crying babies! I try to sit in a place where I don't have to be one of those people staring at the child while the frustrated mother is trying to quiet him or her. I try to avoid standing in a line where there is a baby crying and staring at me over the mother's shoulder as if he or she is saying, "Say something lady and I will keep crying!" I don't know if it's just me, but alot of these mothers just don't seem to care. They continue to shop knowing that it's their son or daughter's nap time. They continue to sit in the church pew with their crying child for a few more minutes after the church leader makes a silly comment referring to the baby's loud cries. One minister said to his congregation while a baby was crying in the audience, "It's only 10%!" Referring to the tithes and offerings he was about to ask for. Everyone who had been disturbed by the baby's cries gently laughed about his remark.

I personally feel like sometimes continuous baby's cries are symbolic of the frustrated mother's woes being spilled out into the public especially in the church setting. To think deeply on this topic, I reason that when the mother just doesn't know how to cry, ask for help (pray) or refuses to cry out her bottled up emotions, her irritable baby cries for her. It's as if the child is saying, "My mother needs help and she isn't helping me!"

I can only imagine babies and children are only going to get worse as the years go by because of so many nonchalant, "take it easy, no big deal, whatever" types of attitude parents! We are a generation of spoiled children who are never satisfied with enough! It has to always be more than enough!

The crying baby is a reflection of a crying mother who is hungry for something but she doesn't know what it is, she is in need of a nap but doesn't know how to take one, she feels sick inside but doesn't know what to take for it, she is a mother who doesn't know how to cry so her baby cries for her!

Written bu Nicholl McGuire
Author, Poet & Freelance Writer
http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

When Mothers Cry: The Book

You have expressed how you felt about motherhood secretly to God, relatives, and friends and for some of you, you wish you hadn't! I know, people look at you differently don't they? They just don't understand, but I do. I know what it feels like to be so stressed out to the point that you are sick to your stomach! It seems the only free time you have for yourself is late at night. Can I tell you that I even lost a friend or two, because I simply had made no time for them. My excuse, busy! So busy with the man and children that it actually bothered me to have to answer my phone and take time out to talk, because my free time was so limited!

I also found that women who are head over heels in love with their children, think that I have a disease. They think that if they come around a woman like me they may catch some kind of, "I hate my children disease!" The truth of the matter is frustrated moms at least many of them don't hate their children, if anything they love them maybe too much. Everything has to be right, perfect, nothing out of order! Our children have to have the best doctors, schools, be a part of some group or participate in some extra activity, they have to pray and read the Bible, and do whatever else we tell them to do that will make the whole family look good! Am I right? So a frustrated, angry mom never wanted to one day resent her children. Hey the road to hell is paved with good intentions, you know?! All she wanted was the best, so much in fact that she can't see nothing less. Maybe that's why she is slow to get some help, because in her eyes, to express weakness is to admit defeat! She reasons that "there is nothing wrong with me." She says that "it is okay not to like being a mother," but when it becomes a daily feeling that engulfs one's spirit, there is a serious problem.

So with all that said, it is time for the book, When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire. This book was written for mothers who have journeyed through life for everyone but themselves. The book provides tips to help you get over the trials and tribulations that have caused you to neglect who you are as a woman! The cover is done, the editing process is almost complete and the book will be ready before the children go back to school in September 2009! Audio will soon follow and video has been discussed. The wait is almost over! However, it costs money to promote this project and what I will need from my supporters are donations, anything you can spare. So if you can give, please do. I will be making books available for free in the future for a limited time to those who can't afford to pay.

Well, thanks again for sticking through the ups and downs of this blog! If you would like to subscribe to it, just fill out the form at the end of the blog. For suggestions, feel free to send me an email at virtualassistant007@yahoo.com. We are temporarily accepting emails at this address.

Keep reading and thanks for your support!
Nicholl McGuire