Sometimes, as mothers, we have to sit back and think about the people who we allow into our lives. Maybe before the children, it was okay to have every unbelieving, crazy, wild, or ghetto person in our midst, but what about now?
We usually keep people around that make us laugh, tell us "back in the day" stories, or might possibly help us in the future with something. But just like those old clothes in the back of your closet you will never wear, it might be time to do a little house-cleaning, if not for yourself, then for your family.
Some of us have partners that can sniff trouble a mile away, but what do we do, we ignore them especially if they tell us something negative about a relative or old friend. We might argue or tell our partners, "You are so wrong for saying that about..." But what if he is right? Sometimes they are right about the babysitter, the daycare, the grandparents, and other people who we allow in our children's lives on a regular basis. Some of these people have a negative influence that we might choose to ignore. We might even secretly question ourselves, "What is the purpose for having this person around other than watching my child? Isn't there a replacement?" You may be the discerning one that is warning your partner about his side of the family.
I love when mothers will ask their children, after they have done something wrong or embarassing, "Where did you learn that from?" Meanwhile, witnesses are thinking the child will say some child's name from school, but instead, "From your friend mommy...from cousin Joan...from Aunt Mary..." So what does the mom say, "Well, don't say or do that again." Before long, the parent is dropping his or her child back at the guilty relative or best friend's home again sometimes without saying anything about the matter! Then some parents wonder why children have all sorts of bizarre stories to tell involving people or things beyond their years, hmmm.
You might talk to some mothers about this sort of thing, and those that are guilty of having their children around certain negative influences, will become defensive. "It's not like a music video will hurt them, they will see things like that sooner or later! It's not like they haven't heard that word before! I don't care that my friend drinks alcohol or smokes weed just so long as she is not doing it around my child..." Well, unless a parent is with his or her child in that person's home 24/7, mom or dad doesn't know what their relative or friend is exposing their child to especially if this person doesn't have children of his or her own!
Now there is nothing wrong with being an acquaintance with someone who is completely the opposite of you, but this "my dear friend" or "my favorite relative" stuff, just because someone once had an important place in your life growing up is ridiculous when you know the person has been guilty of causing all sorts of havoc around your child or disrespecting your rules!
People change. People grow apart. There are those noticeable differences that show up in their personality when you sit down and talk with them awhile and then there are those differences that they suppress, because they wouldn't ever want you to think they were one way or another.
We assume that our favorites "know me so well" when in fact, a relative or friend might have guessed right that day. Sometimes we allow some of these people to stick around in our lives, knowing that they have repeatedly wronged us, as I said in one article some time ago, pass their expiration date! One day, I awoke to this reality that many of the people that I had kept around for years or re-connected with in recent years, I didn't have much in common and I wouldn't trust my children with them either. It was plain to see when I read some of their tweets, Facebook news feeds, text messages, and emails, just how different we were. "Who were these people and would I allow them into my home, much less, expose them to my children?" I would think.
There's too much nonsense being shoved under our noses as mothers to accept! Just because someone has a title in your family, doesn't make that person a great influence. Some of us reading this had to learn that the hard way! Just because someone has been a great friend the first 10 years of knowing them, doesn't mean they will continue to be a great friend for the next 10 especially if they are watching your children everyday lol!
Unfortunately, some of us never tapped into our mother's intution, because it has been innundated with "what they say;" instead of "what I say." From the half-dressed performer on TV dancing in front of our children any time of the day, to news media reporting changes in schools that are already teaching children to turn parents into authorities for all sorts of things (do your research,) who really has control over your child?
If we aren't too careful who or what is around our children, who knows what they might take back to the school or bring home with them? Now I am not an advocate for a strict household where there is no breathing room for our children, but I am an advocate of wisdom. Let's be smart about who is in control of our children when we aren't. Also, let's find some commonalities in meaningful healthy friendships while saying goodbye to those meaningless associations. As I write, I hear a word of wisdom in my spirit that sounds like this, "If we allow room in our lives for quality people to come in, we will want for nothing." Too many of us mothers aren't getting the best for ourselves or children because we keep settling. "Don't settle for just anything, anymore."
Nicholl McGuire
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