Parents: The Danger of Not Making Children Listen to You

They run through parking lots, pull down things from shelves, interrupt adults in heated battles, make loud noises in quiet settings, climb on things they are not supposed to, or try to eat stuff not meant to be put up to mouths, children should listen to people who try to keep them safe.


"Don't touch that...stay away from there...where is the parent?  Who is responsible for this child?"


Yet, the rebellious adult, who once didn't like listening to his or her own parents/guardians and grandparents, doesn't want to rob a child of a learning experience or fights hard not to be as strict as those he or she knew growing up, will not make children listen much.  Usually when this parent wants children to listen is when it is convenient for him or her, but not so much for others.  Men and women, who are in relationships with a rebellious parent type unfortunately have their share of parenting issues with them.  The nonchalant attitude of a parent, who is easily annoyed with authority figures, orderly people, or even clean individuals, finds rules are so archaic.  They don't like making their children do what they are told.


An angry little boy kicks, screams, and curses, dad doesn't do anything until mom tells the boy to get up.  The spoiled daughter, who has far too many things, isn't required to go to bed at a certain time, can eat what she wants, and doesn't bother to do homework unless she feels like it.  This child can be a source of much drama between parents.  Who is setting an order for the household and making the child follow it?


The danger of not making children listen to parents has caused many children to visit graves prematurely.  These sons and daughters have died, because they repeatedly did some things they might have been admonished about, but there were never any consequences. 


Sometimes parents of deceased children thought risky behaviors of children were cute, fun, and "...wasn't bothering anyone" until a tragic accident took place.  Couples have divorced because a lazy or irresponsible parent was simply uncaring and didn't do much when it came to disciplining children.


The next time when a parent is tempted to turn up his or her nose at someone because that person chose to boldly warn a child not to do something, take heed, because one never knows when death might strike. 


Nicholl McGuire

When I Had Babies...I Didn't Anticipate How Much My Life Would Change

When I Had Babies...I Didn't Anticipate How Much My Life Would Change

On Raising Teens, Children

Back when I first started this blog, "When Mothers Cry," I was a parent of a baby, a toddler, a tween, and a soon-to-be teen.  Now that I have moved out of pre-school years into elementary school years with two boys, and am observing a middle school boy and a high school boy, I can't help but wonder sometimes, "Am I doing what is in the best interest of my children?"

There are many dynamics that play a part when it comes to raising teens from what you say and what you do to what others are doing and not doing.  Then of course in between we have teachers, peers, and anyone else with a covert or overt agenda.  I pray more nowadays and sincerely hope for the best, but my eyes don't deceive me, I see things for what they are and I sigh.  It seems at times, as parents, we have little influence as compared to the entertainers, video games, movies, and more that come into the lives of our teens.  I encourage myself, "Don't worry, you are doing the best you can...remember you were once their ages, you didn't turn out so bad."  True enough.

I think what bothers me the most about teen boys is their immaturity being encouraged by those who say things like, "Boys will be boys...take it easy...check out those girls...don't worry they will find their way."  I am personally not impressed with the lives of those who think that all a boy needs is a ball in his hand, a hot girlfriend, and some flattering words said by loved ones to build up his self-esteem and he will be okay.

As parents we have a lot of work to do when it comes to raising children and if we lack in some areas, it is up to us to seek out professional help--without excuse.  We must make the most of every moment teaching, sometimes preaching, and at times even crying--showing our children that we love them beyond what we say and do.  We must show love, embrace them, and give them guidance that will assist them in every area of their lives from education to spirituality.  There is more to life than what appeals to one's senses and we are responsible for those seeds we sow in both the short and long run.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains Parents, Babies and Children blog, click here. 

Don't Give Up on Your Children!

When everyone else says that your child will not, can not, or never will, there is nothing wrong with being that one voice that says, "Oh no he won't be that...he will be this...and I am not going to permit that!" 

Today, I encourage all mothers reading this who are going through hard times with children to continue to seek information you need to help your children--look high and low!  I hold every mother accountable, including myself, that we will do as much as we can for our children mentally, physically, and spiritually as our Creator wills. 

No more excuse making, lip service, and saying, "One day we will..."  Nope.  Start doing something today that will assist your child (or children).  Maybe you might have to get some things started, spend more money, get more people involved, or spend longer hours getting needed help.  For some of you, talking to the child's father (or others) to make necessary arrangements will need to be done.
If writing letters to many, many organizations to help stimulate a change will help you and your child, then do it!  If you need to cut someone or something out of your child's life because they are delaying progress, then do it.  Too often we fear what might happen in the future if this thing or that thing is or isn't done.  Cast away that fear!  So how do you do that?  You get started.  You look fear in the face and you keep moving! (See Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, if you are in a troubled relationship.) 

We are all in a season of challenges in order to prepare us for more troubles ahead, but we will survive because we are learning from the experiences we are dealing with now!  Some of us have more difficulties than others, but we are still breathing, aren't we?  We are still awaking each day caring for children.  We are still putting up with people and things involved in our children's lives (even if we don't particularly like the people or the situations), but we know for now, they are what's best--praise God, no storm lasts forever!

No matter what we go through as mothers, we must remember that our children never asked us while we were love-making, "Hey, could I come to this planet?"  They came about whether we were prepared or not, we had the option to choose and we chose life!  Therefore, we must not give up on them.  Train your child for as long as he or she is in your care--do the very best you can, mom!

Nicholl McGuire 

What Does the Future Hold for Your Child?

So how does a mother answer a question about her child's future?  How does she know what her son or daughter will grow up to be and what impact (whether positive or negative) will her child make on society? 

We may not be able to answer these difficult questions about our children's futures in the most confident way, but we can surely increase their odds of being something more than a fool!

How many mothers out there are really taking the time out to mold and shape their children into what destiny calls them to be or are they leaving it all up to the school and relatives?  Have they even bothered to consult with a superior higher than themselves? Have they sat down and talked with others about their observations concerning their children?  Have they met with counselors on how to steer wayward children in the right direction?

From the looks of things, there are so many moms concerned about everything external, "What will we be eating for dinner...I need to make a hair and nail appointment...I really want this promotion...I hope this guy really likes me...I have to visit that store..." that they fail to even think about their children's future much less their spiritual, mental and or physical health.  Does mom have a clue what her child's weaknesses and strengths are in the classroom?  Does she know about that girl or boy who keeps bothering her child?  Does she know that a relative is teaching her child some despicable things?  Has she noticed the physical signs that her son or daughter is too ill to go to school? 

If you don't agree with the previous point about some moms being more concerned with everything, but their children's future, just ask a daycare worker what sorts of challenges she has to deal with when working with children being raised by selfish parents (oh yeah, dad needs to be held accountable too)?  Why not interview a middle school or highschool teacher and get his or her opinion on the mental state of some of his or her students and are they really prepared for life after graduation?  Sit down with the selfish parents' child for a minute and he or she will tell you the truth about their go-getter parents.  "Mom is always working...dad is mad a lot...I don't like being at home," the child cries out.  Better yet, talk to your own family about what they see when watching your children. 

Video games don't help children become productive members of society especially if the characters are performing immoral acts ie.) stealing, cursing, having sex, etc.  Buying the latest designer t-shirts for a child to show his or her allegiance to Satan isn't sensible ie.) look at all the rockers' lives in the entertainment industry.  Telling a child to physically hurt another because he doesn't like what someone says isn't putting them on the fast track to world peace.  Giving children what they want just because they cry, pout, or do something embarrassing isn't going to make them respect authority figures.  We could go on and on talking about ethics, morals, biblical commandments and more, but you get the point. 

From the smallest thing to the most significant, everything plays some part in our children's future.  What we do or don't do now with them sets their path in the future.  As a parent, we should refrain from cursing our children to hell or saying things like, "You are so dumb!  I don't think you will ever be anything but!"  While fathers sit with closed mouths, and mom does everything else, there is someone out there who will make sure to teach their son a lesson or two whether good, bad or otherwise.  There are moms worrying about everything including her husband at home, meanwhile she accomplishes nothing with her daughter--no relationship, no mother/daughter date, etc.  Some of these all girl groups will be sure to embrace and love on that lost daughter in ways that would disturb her poor parents. 

Now whether our children stay on the best path we set for them is a whole different story.  It isn't up to us to take responsibility for their wrong choices once they are grown, but it is up to us to keep our children on the straight and narrow in the meantime.  As future parents of adult children, we can only say that we did the best we could while our children lived with us.  How they choose to live their lives once they become adults is out of our hands. 

Having one's priorities in the wrong place doesn't make one a bad mother, it just makes her misguided.  She will need to spend more time talking to her child.  Asking the tough questions and observing her child interacting with others in order to get some kind of understanding on what exactly is she raising.  She will also have to be open to what others say about her child.  Of course, some people will be overly critical and say hurtful things, but we all must ask ourselves, "Why?"  Then get on the fast track to helping our children.

We live in a world where there is help for just about everything!  It doesn't make sense that there are so many children talking, dressing, and acting like they have no parent in the home who cares.  Now sure, there are those children who don't have mothers living with them, but there should be enough support around children, despite circumstances, that will give them a sense of direction even if mom is absent from the home.  It is up to us parents (and those around our children) to make sure they get that supportive network.  Reach out to the children when dad slacks.  Be the best mom to children not your own if you happen to live with yours, theirs and ours. 

When we look at our children from a different set of eyes; rather than in a way that says, "I can't wait until you grow up," maybe we will be able to see a glimpse of what the future has to offer.

Nicholl McGuire

Read more of my work here.  Watch videos here. 

Investing in our children as if one day they will be our best friends.

So we buy them what they need, want, desire and so on.  What's the benefit to them/to us?  Do we get brownie points with our children for being "the best mommy?"  Some mothers will go so far as to give everyone they speak to an itemized list of everything they have ever done for their children.  Even our own mothers will say to us, "Remember when I gave you..." 

Why exactly are we giving our children more than enough anyway?  Do we ever bother to think what the long-term effects will be on our children (especially when the money runs out and we can't keep up with all of their requests?)  Who are we trying to impress?  Does anyone even care about all those great activities our children participate in?  Most likely not.  They are too busy living their lives.  But we parents, care!  So much so that we forget that no relative and or family friend should ever be obligated to partake in the burdens we place on ourselves (ie. our children's extracurricular activities.)  So why do we care so much?  Quite possibly because we may have unmet childhood needs, created spoiled brats, or just want to impress our children by getting others to support them.  We try to do and be everything to them, because some of us reason, if we are not, then who will?

I thought about this issue of giving our children in the hopes that some day they will return the favor after listening to a parent rant about her grown daughter not doing for her "after all the years I have helped her!!"  She mentioned the times in her daughter's life she invested in their relationship while the daughter lacked  appreciation and acted as if "that's what family should do."  Apparently someone didn't get the memo that just because you deem a certain child "a favorite" and you do as much as you can for this person, doesn't mean that he or she will think of a parent as such a great person once they become older.  Not only that, the adult son or daughter may not feel as if he or she owes a parent anything simply because part of the title as parent is to care for his or her child.

It seems that the more you give a child (or anyone) who has never experienced what it's like not to have, the more likely he or she will become an ingrate.  This person will behave like what you do for him or her is never good enough.  Think for a moment:  What would happen if you just took a long break from giving your own children as much as you gave them yesterday, last week, a few months ago, or last year?  They would appreciate what you give them moreso the next time.

Now on the other hand, there are those relatives and family friends that don't have a spirit of generosity and more than likely that is why some parents feel obligated to give to their children so much.  It's unfortunate that some of these people behave very selfishly, act ridiculously frugal (cheap.)  Some of these same people think that if they give anything to anyone it should be celebrated.  Your children should be available to work for them since they bought them toys on their birthday.  Your son or daughter should announce to the world that grandpap gave $5 toward a camp trip.  You should do a cartwheel for that  small donation to the college fund--whoopee!  But I digress...

I personally think that if we as parents create a healthy balance between giving and receiving from our children, they will be okay.  Our children will observe what we do, and in time, repeat our actions.  So if we are responsible and give within reason (that means not all the time like everytime we visit a store) they will be more appreciative with what they have already and will do the same with their children one day.  A child that is use to getting what he or she wants all the time will be a challenge to try to change, but if a parent remains consistent in his or her behavior for a time, a son or daughter will catch on and will be less likely to badger the parent with unnecessary requests.

We must remember to evaluate why we give as much as we do to our children.  Then we should take the time to think about how our actions will impact the future.  Lastly, we ought to face the reality that any investment we make today in our children may be null and void once they become adults--not every child will grow up to become an adult that will say, "Thank you.  Now what would you like for me to do for you?"

Nicholl McGuire

Top 7 Parenting Tips For Good Parenting: Bring Out The Best In You And Your Kids!

Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!

Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.

Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.

Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!

One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.

Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!

Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!

Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children

No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.

Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!

Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called "How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling". Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.

Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t

If children aren't being appreciated and aren't getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they're doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.

Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return

Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!

Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!

Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.

These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.


Kelly Nault-Matzen, MA, family counselor, corporate parenting spokesperson and award winning parenting author of When You’re About To Go Off The Deep End, Don’t Take Your Kids With You shares time-tested tools that motivate children to want to be well behaved, responsible and happy! To gain access to more parenting tools and to access your free online parenting course visit http://www.ultimateparenting.com

Tips Of Positive Parenting Skills - Parenting Guidelines For Single Mothers

Raising children as a single mother is a challenge. There are moments when you find that your life is in complete disarray and your house is in complete chaos. This is the time when you feel that you lack essential parenting tips as a single mother. It is better to have such arsenal at your disposal before you land in such a situation.

There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.

Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all "The Well Trained Mind" is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.

A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.

If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.


by Jennifer A. Gardner

Discover ways to get help from single parenting support group and resource on single mother support when you visit http://www.singleparentingfordummy.com, the online single parenting support resources for dummy.