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Friday

Jealous Parents, Relatives & Friends

You have been around the world, seen more things then most people could ever imagine, speak three languages maybe more, and received numerous accolades for school, college and work performance. People call you blessed; others say you’re talented, while some just look at you and smile. Yet, you see something behind some of those smiles. You notice their demeanor seems to be sad. They walk away from you with nothing to say. You may expect this kind of behavior from your friends, but your mother, father or sibling? How does one cope with a jealous relative who still wallows in past successes and has nothing recent to show for his or her work?

One. Don’t brag or rub your accomplishments in their face.

This point is obvious but some overachievers are tempted to tell everyone about their accomplishments, to the point that they are overwhelming listeners. However, jealous people who don’t respond well to others doing things they always wanted to do or are not disciplined enough to follow their own dreams will respond with, “I always wanted to do that…you are always doing something good…you think you are better than the rest of us!” Notice they don’t bother to compliment you.

Two. Avoid talking with them too long about your plans.

Some accomplished people will spend a lot of time outlining what project they are working on, who they will be working with (in other words name dropping) and why they are doing it even when no one has asked them for that much information. A jealous person will take everything he or she has just learned and either help the successful relative or friend for a season just to learn more about the project or start one similar. They may also hurt your efforts by bad-mouthing you to others.

Three. Ask them for input only if you think they are qualified enough to contribute.

When you know someone is jealous of you, be cautious. You don’t want their opinion, money, or skill if they have bad feelings about you. It is best to find someone who is more secure in their own achievements to help.

Four. Listen to what other relatives tell them about you.

There will be relatives that will tell you something about the jealous individual that they don’t want getting around, so they will ask that “you not say anything.” If what they are saying can be proved without naming them, then consider their warning and don’t get the jealous person involved with your business endeavors.

Five. Don’t force them into a conversation they know nothing about.

You never want to use words they are unfamiliar with, share information they have never learned, or do something that is foreign or strange and ask them for assistance. A jealous person may also feel small, if they don't like what you are saying or talk in a tone that bothers them. No one wants to feel like they are being talked down to or made to look like a fool. Both of which you will be accused of if you let this jealous person in your life.

Six. Change your thinking when you feel tempted to show them up.

Jealous people will usually let their emotions take center age for the entire world to see. They will make a big deal out of small matters. What you may feel tempted to do is use your knowledge to give them a good whipping. Whatever you do don’t do it, because if everyone else hears about what you did, you may cause problems for yourself and others may judge you as “arrogant, conceited, a know-it-all, and/or rude!”

Seven. When they are disrespectful, keep any and all future news about your successes to yourself.

A jealous person can easily say things to offend you because they know enough about your interests to use them against you. Once they have disrespected you with one of their insults, learn from the confrontation to never share anything else and ask others to direct the jealous person to you if he or she has any future questions, concerns, or suggestions.

Eight. If you are in a creative field, don’t let them listen, read, watch, or assist with your work before it's released to the public.

You don’t want a jealous person’s input on what you do, because you will find yourself rearranging and possibly throwing away your hard work. Secretly that’s what a jealous person wants is for you to not accomplish anything. They may even disrupt you a lot while your working hoping that you are frustrated and will give your project up!

Nine. Don’t gossip about them to other family members.

As much as you would like to expose this envious man or woman don’t, especially if he or she is a relative. Exposing jealous family members has a way of backfiring on you and then others may turn your observation around and accuse you of being jealous of them. Don’t even allow others to get you to talk about your enemy.

Ten. If you have a faith, pray for your enemy.

You can use your faith to secretly fight against them. Since jealousy is nothing more than a spirit that inhabits the body due to allowing bad feelings to manifest. You can combat this snake by cutting its head off! In other words, when the jealous person is around don’t feed into his or her comments, be too busy for conversation, don’t invite them to your events, and never share your ideas with them.

Jealous parents and relatives may not do all they can to help their children for fear of what they may become which is better than them. A mother may sabotage a relative's plans to invest in your future by bad mouthing you. A father may avoid helping you by not doing anything to invest in a dream that he once had and now you have. A relative may stop talking to you and start talking to your siblings because she is jealous of the success and exposure you are getting that she could never get due to her attitude. These people who claim they love you are usually jealous because you are doing things in your life that they know they should have been doing long ago, so they push you harder than they need to.

Some researchers say that usually a child will only go as far as the parents will go in education. So if your parent dropped out of high school or college the probability of you doing the same increases. There are many children who defy the odds and do far better than their parents. Children learn by example which is often preached by early childhood experts. Parents who never seek the help they need to become better people than their parents will only pass on their failures to their own children.


Written by Nicholl McGuire
http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Wednesday

A Little Encouragement for a New Mother excerpt from When Mother's Cry The Book

There is no class for mothers that will provide you with enough information for those shocks that come to you when life throws you an unexpected curve ball. There will be times you will be disappointed to find you just didn’t know enough to handle upcoming childbirth, child rearing, child education, child custody, childhood, and anything else that involved your child.

Don’t be angry with yourself, these things will happen. You will want to remain focus on a solution to overcome the obstacle. For example, if you feel you can be a better cook, then step out of your comfort zone and find new recipes to try. Maybe you struggle with how to effectively discipline your children. If so, it wouldn’t hurt to start implementing what you learn from books, Cds, and/or the Internet.

There are some mothers, who have already overcome the growing pains of child rearing, but they aren’t providing valuable wisdom to the young women coming after them; instead, they are being critical and gossipping about them. Older mothers need to welcome the new mothers with a warm embrace, so that they may return it.

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Monday

Mother Blessed and Cursed All Six of Her Children

I asked her quite boldly one day, "Why is it that you prayed so much in your younger years and attended church when your children were small and then when they became adults none of them did much in their lives but cause you pain?" She said she was trying to figure that out herself. A mother nearing 90 years old and she couldn't fathom why her prayers made no impact on her children! When I pressed her for a possible reason, she blamed the people who they chose to socialize with over the years negatively influencing them -- I recalled other mothers like her saying the same thing, "My kids act this way because of their no good friends!" Well, I have never been one to just sit back, accept an answer, or act ignorant right along with people, so I did a little research and interviewed a couple of her misguided adult children not caring if they went back and told her what we had talked about.

It seems that this mother who blessed her children with the same mouth cursed them too, according to her children! She used words that "d*mned" her children "to hell," and if they stepped out of line with their mouthes, they were told they "would eat soup." She didn't hesitate to call them simple, fool, heifer, or any word that degraded who they were as human beings. The children went on to say she was often mean and that her mood swings may have been due to being abused by their father and going through menopause. She was in an unhappy marriage and as the children added, "She lived her life through us." They also shared that as children they heard her husband tell her, "You love the children more than me!" He too cursed them as well and worse beat them with a belt while she beat them with whatever she could find! Between all the cursing, fighting, and church going, I couldn't help but understand why the mother and father's children grew up to curse their own children, fight with their mates physically, divorce, cheat, lie, spend some time in jail, etc. and didn't have no interest in spirituality despite her taking them to church and joining support groups.

When I personally prayed about the cursing that can easily come from lips who say they "love their children" and asked God to keep me from saying such things as well and to use my speech to bless my own children, I heard him tell me in the spirit, "You can't bless and curse your children from the same mouth. The curse will override the blessing especially if your children do not accept Jesus as adults." It made sense, if she had spoke positively over them, it wouldn't have kept them out of all trouble, but it would have given them a self-love rather than a self-hate irregardless of whatever obstacle they faced.

I must admit my mother spoke more positive over my life than she ever spoke negative and I suppose that is why I rebound as fast as I do out of bad situations. The spirit within me that I accepted as my personal Saviour in 1997 has sustained me through all my trials. Now I know there are those reading this that don't acknowledge anything remotely close to God, Allah, Jehovah or any other spiritual entity and that is okay for you, but it's not okay for me. Will I tell you that you are a fool, stupid, crazy, for not believing, I bet you thought I would but no because to do that I would be cursing you, now wouldn't I? God has that kind of power. But how many times do people say those kinds of things to their children because the children disagree with what they are telling them even if it is correct information?

Back to the mother who spent many years cursing her children who are now 50 plus, to this day if they don't do what she asks, she will "cuss them out." Meanwhile, if they are ill or sad about something she will pray for them and ask others to do the same. One of her children approached her with a concern similar to the subject matter in this article and to that she said, "I don't know how I have hurt you?" Her child provided examples and she still acted as if she didn't know what she was talking about and at times blatantly denied things she said and did that hurt her child. Some people no matter what evidence is in front of them they will not acknowledge that they are wrong.

So what should we all take from this article, we should remind ourselves that when our children "get on that last nerve" as one woman told me her children do to her, let us have self-control over our mouths and thoughts. If we think our child is simple, fool, stupid, crazy, or some other negative word then most likely the child will feel our anger and act in a way that will enrage us later. However, what if we said, "I don't like what you did and people who act like that are viewed as being fools, simple, crazy, etc." The child can easily see what we are saying without walking away feeling like we have insulted him or her personally. We must also put people in their place when they say, "Your child is going to grow up and give you heartache...your son is acting like a fool now I can only imagine how he will be when he is older...you better watch out your daughter is going to end up pregnant young..." Although these people think that what they are saying is okay, it isn't. They should be rebuked for saying these things, I personally told a woman the other day, "My child will not be what you say. He will be victorious. He will have a good family and job. He will do great things in life..." As I went on for almost a minute, it shut her up. I didn't care if she thought I was "one of those kind of parents" who glorified my children. The truth was I was combating against her curses and declaring blessings on my son. Whatever your strategy is to keep negative statements off your children, do it! It will make a difference in their lives!

Nicholl McGuire
http://gamesactivities.blogspot.com/

Note: Some details in this blog were changed to protect the woman and her children's identities and names were left out on purpose.

Distraction: The Worst Enemy of All

Whether you are trying to fix something that has broken, make a fabulous meal, help your partner out with a task, study for a very important test, or watch a great movie scene, what usually happens while you are doing any of these things? You guessed it, your child or your adult son or daughter comes over with a request.

It seemed that every time I needed to focus on a phone call or write down something important, the crying starts, the tapping followed with "Momma...", the arguing, or the volume that was low from the television or radio is now louder than I can think! "Help..." One day I stormed into the rooms where the noises were coming from, two boys in one room and another two in the next. "Be quiet...if I have to tell you to stop all this noise one more time..." I guess from the look on my face they knew we weren't going to sit down and talk about why we need to respect each other's quiet time.

I think by far this is the worst thing I hate about parenting, heck about life! Distractions! They never come when you could careless. They are always there when you need to meet a deadline and when you need to get something done that you have put off for so long! I personally think my parents are paying me back since I have been on this sabbatical away from the children. The music is loud, the nosiest yard tools come on right when I have a sudden revelation, the knocking at the door while I'm typing..."I get it mom, you can quit with your distractions. Alright, dad I know you are paying me back for all the times I didn't let you sleep...but does the surround sound have to be on while you are watching the news?"

I am learning daily that come hell or high water, I will not be moved. Whoever or whatever feels like they can stop my mission in life to bury negativity and uproot positivity will most likely have to kill me first and sometimes I think that is what he, she, or it's intentions are, but by the grace of God and in Jesus Name I will prevail as the Christian and believers in my circle say and so I believe!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Sunday

Depressed? Wondering if you can still be a good mom?

Mothers have their good and bad days just like anyone else. However, what if you are a mom who secretly feels like you will never get better or you just can''t seem to do right by your husband, family, co-workers, and others -- what then? Do you call everyone you know about your problems? Load up on medications? Turn into a religious freak? Although all of these statements are a bit extreme, there are women who do just that! They go above and beyond seeking help for themselves to the point that all the help drives them mad! If this is you, stop! Take a pause for a moment and deliver yourself from people, places, and things that are beginning to make you feel crazy with all their tips.

Sometimes all mothers need is what I like to tell my children they need from time-to-time a "do nothing" time. That's right, do nothing! Give yourself permission to do nothing! Whenever the opportunity arises to say goodbye to the children, your partner, and opt out of duties -- do it! As you and I know free time doesn't come often, so take advantage of it while you can! You may need to pre-announce your "do nothing" time to those who may be affected by your inaction. What you say and how you say it I will leave all up to you! But whatever you do, do nothing!

I hope this helps some of you mothers who are having a stretch of "bad luck" as some will say in your life. It's okay to feel bad once in awhile just remember that it's your choice when you want to feel good again and how long you stay that way rests on your shoulders and no one else! We are responsible for our own happiness! We must make up in our minds how long we are going to feel frustrated, depressed, bitter, angry, and whatever else concerning our motherhood issues.

I think in 2010 the sad face on this site will be a happy one at least for a half a year! LOL...

Friday

10 Things Some Stay at Home Mothers Neglect
Not happy with being a stay-at-home mother or homemaker lately, could it be that you are neglecting some very important things that you once took pride in? Article provides tips.
http://www.associatedcontent.comarticle/1955804/10_things_some_stay_at_home_mothers.html

Saturday

Disgruntled Mother-in-Law

Everyone has advice to share about motherhood including people who never had their own children! It’s easy for someone to talk, but it’s often a challenge for them to help. The worse of them is a disgruntled mother-in-law. She never liked her daughter-in-law and on top of that "the despised" has created a child with her son. A jealous mother-in-law is like a poisonous snake waiting for the right time to strike with her unsolicited advice. Whenever possible don't let her (or any other mother's) snide remarks, know-it-all attitude and other negative personality disorders get the best of you!

Wednesday

Fathers & Newborns: A Different Kind of Relationship

Fathers aren’t in love with newborns like mothers. For example, while mother is sleeping and father is restless he may continue to lie in the bed hoping the baby will wake up the mother so that he doesn’t have to tend to him or her. Mothers will do the same. A silent war between the couple ensues – no one wants to care for the baby for the millionth time!

Fathers know how to turn a deaf ear to not only their baby’s cries, but the mothers too! Just as they will act as if they don’t hear the baby in the middle of the night, they will pretend not to notice the mother’s post-partum cries. They know that eventually the mother will tend to the baby's needs while calling up her own mother for support.

Tuesday

When The Baby Cries...

The sweet, peaceful baby that everyone coddles over can turn into a crying nightmare in the blink of an eye! His or her mother may have received praises for how wonderful she takes care of her baby while he or she is quiet, but would she still get the same compliments if witnesses saw how she reacted when the baby cries?

I remember many days when my children’s cries were louder than mine! No matter what I did on some days to ease their discomfort it was never good enough and they would continue to cry. I noticed that I had a large support system when my babies were cute and calm, but no one was available when they were ugly and fussy.

Saturday

Spoiled Mothers, Spoiled Children

It is better to be a wise mother than a rich one. I have noticed that most mothers are neither. I have seen mothers give their children everything they ever wanted and what thanks do they get back? The spoiled child usually grows up to become a spoiled adult – ungrateful, dissatisfied, and expects the world to bow down to him or her. The few mothers, who are praised for being wise that I have met in my lifetime hide behind strict masks not allowing their children to move left, right, up or down. Notice mothers who are in control possess power. Don't let your child control you!

Crazy Mother on Board!

I know at times I can be a crazy mother. I can go from being the sweetest mom on earth to being an angry mother in sixty seconds flat especially if one of my children does something foolish! I have read many parenting guides on how to communicate with children and it is easier said than done when your child has found your trigger button and pushed with all his or her might. You may have counted to ten and walked away the last few times, but at some point you will, “Go there…” but the key is to come back. Don’t "go there" so often that you don’t know your way back home!

Your mind may break down if you are out there too long and your children may be visiting you at a mental hospital one day! I can tell you from experience, I had a nervous breakdown with all the hyperventilating and convulsions to match. It ain’t pretty! Picture this, one day you are upset with your children and the next you are on the floor wishing you would die rather than look like a fool in front of your family and the paramedics while thinking if you have to be transported to the hospital, how will you manage to pay yet another bill?
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About Me

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

When Mothers Cry Blog Archive