When You are a Thorn in Someone Else's Flesh

You didn't think your issues would grow into anything more than just that, your issues.  But then you opened your mouth or someone noticed something about you and now what you are going through seems like it has become frontpage news.

In the Christian Bible, the Apostle Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh, a personal problem he had that God had yet to remove.  Whatever that something was that Paul struggled with, the Bible doesn't say, but even a man of God had his share of issues and God still used him anyway.  This proves that you don't have to have it altogether to be used by God despite what ministers, teachers, and one's self-righteous parents or grandparents claim.  We also know that Mary had her share of problems brought on, not by man, but by God.  A young girl who would carry a child that wasn't her fiance's out of wedlock.  Imagine the shame she experienced.  So what do these two characters have in common? God, a heavenly Creator who didn't take all troubles away despite being chosen by Him.  Critics of these two people's lives had much to say during biblical times.  It didn't matter what God was doing to draw men and women closer to Him, there were going to be those who criticized, ridiculed, and did whatever else to God's chosen people.  If you are a believer, then you know that you are marked by an enemy to keep drama going in your life.  It is how you handle that drama that makes a difference.

For some readers, you may have brought some situations on yourself and you aren't proud of them. God may have used your unfortunate issues to bring glory to Him.  But whatever you are going through, a critic might be talking about your thorn, your calling, your project, your child or something else.  This person may be responsible for keeping you upset, but you don't have to stay that way.

I recall when I became pregnant with my first child.  It was then that I learned who was friend and who was foe.  Those who once invited the childless me to church and other places, didn't want to have much to do with me when they heard I was expecting.  I was in my early twenties, didn't have much money, periodically attended church, and low and behold unmarried and pregnant.  Did God abandon me because of my situation?  No.  He loved me anyway.  I didn't stop talking about Him because of my poor choices.  I casted my burdens on Him, confessed sin, and asked my Lord to help me and put me around wise people.  In my own strength, I attempted to make wrongs right by marrying my child's father.  But I learned later in life, that if God doesn't want you to do something, it doesn't matter what society says or what you feel is right at the time, he has his reasons.  Wrongs could have been made right in his time and not my own.  As a result, I am divorced today.  God had a better plan, but I didn't see it back then because I was more concerned about what people thought.

There were other times in my life I noticed that when I was no longer giving money to certain groups, due to my family responsibilities, so-called Do-Gooders' calls, letters and gifts stopped coming.  The issues that I was dealing with didn't welcome help, rather they only brought on negative talk by critics, a self-righteous and mean-spirited bunch.  Back to God for wisdom and strength. 

Somehow your issues become others' issues.  Yet, God has his way of taking poor, miserable you and turning you around to be rich in favor with Him.  How does he do that?  By taking a magnifying glass and showing you your  self-righteous critics' errors who think they are "better, good, kind, sweet, nice, successful..."  He doesn't do this so that you can parade around and say to your enemies, "Aha!  I knew you were nothing but a..."  Rather, your Holy Father teaches you via your struggles as well as your naysayers' issues that these people aren't better than you and you aren't better than anyone else--what a humbling experience! 

God shows you that wisdom can be found not only in good decision-making but poor choices too if you draw near to Him.  Some of us are simply too hard-headed at times to just take the easy routes in life, we have to fall hard before we can see the light.  Our Creator gives us a plan for our lives to do things like:  come up higher (ie. don't act petty, worry or plot revenge), be free from issues (ie. emotional, spiritual and physically binding relationships/partnerships), and the bravery to stand up to enemies.

I know that some of you are seeking knowledge that will get you out of your current dilemmas, and I am sure you will find it.  But just remember, there are people and then there are souls--the flesh may die, but the soul doesn't.  As much as you would like to poke someone with your thorn, don't.  One day we all will sit in judgment for the pain and suffering we have caused others if we don't confess sin and repent now for what we have done or are doing to self and others. 

If you or someone you know is hurt because of someone else's actions or in-actions about a matter, know that God will avenge in his time, not yours.  Take your burdens to Him and leave them there!  Don't keep talking about your problems with others when solutions are already on the way--move on! 

To God be the glory!

Nicholl McGuire 

Be Encouraged!

When you feel like giving up on everything
When the pain seems too much to bear
When people scandalize your name
When no one seems to care.

When the man you love says goodbye
When your child cries and cries
Don't lose your mind!
Don't hate your life!
Don't kill what you have built!

Stand strong in the face of those who have hurt you
Stand strong when man threatens you
Stand strong when the woman you love lies
Stand strong!

Know that you weren't created to be any one's
physical or verbal punching bag!

You are special!
Your talents exceptional!
Live each day better than the next
and know that it is inevitable that we all will die one day.

Let no one move you to take your own life
through smoking, drinking, drugs and the like.

Let no one move you to take your own life
through starvation, manipulation, and lack of creation.

For there is someone greater than you!
The flowers weren't planted by the man who abuses
the sky wasn't created by the woman who misuses
their minds, bodies and souls!

Don't lose your mind!
Find your heart
know that you have
purpose from the very start!

Written by: Nicholl McGuire

When Fathers Put Everyone Else First But Her

Whether you have been to a family gathering or have talked with a relative or friend over the phone, there are those times that they will say something to you that will offend you regarding your parenting skills. Some mothers will tell their own relatives or friends about how their negative statement or action made them feel. However, when your husband’s or boyfriend’s family or friends are the offenders, things can get tricky. Most women will tell their mates about what was said, so that their mate is updated on any potential problems that may threaten their family. Some women will want their men to do something about family issues since they don’t feel that it is their place to say something. However, when mothers are protective of the family and the fathers are too busy, too tired, and too passive or too whatever to do something about it, mothers will get angry with tears of frustration in their eyes screaming, “Aren’t you going to say something? Aren’t you going to do something?”

When a woman becomes a mother there is something deep down within her spirit that is affected. She becomes strong in areas where she was once weak. She develops an intuition also known as women’s intuition. Some mothers see potential family problems sooner than others. These mothers are blessed with a third eye that can see an attack made against her family from miles away. It isn’t that she has become some trouble-making gossip, although there are some women who are, but she doesn’t want his or her family coming into her home with their jealous, hidden motives and other selfish tactics now that she has bore children.

Some family members see the birth of children as an opportunity to control, manipulate, restore or break relationships. What a great way, so the family thinks, to get their distant son to do things he has never done with the family now that children are here? Why not get him to partake in family traditions, spend more time with parents or anything else they want, because of course he is a father now! When children are born into a relationship, some extended family observed what has changed and not changed since their beloved son or daughter has become a mother or father. Any selfish family member is looking at how the arrival of children will or will not benefit them. For instance, let’s say the father of your children was very close to his family before you and the children came along. Now he seems to be more focused on his new family needs and less on theirs, he would be a fool to think that his family would not say or do something to draw him near again. Family will do things no matter how nice, charming or outright negative to get what they want. Have you ever watched the television sitcom, “Everybody Loves Raymond” if so the mother-in-law is a good example of this sort of behavior? Family will attempt to get what they want by using underhanded motives such as finding fault with the children’s mother so that they can spend time with the new grandchild, niece, nephew, etc. alone without the mother coming around. How about getting the father to take money out of the family budget for what they consider more pressing needs? What about using guilt trips such as “I never see you…or I want to see the grandchildren.” Then they talk negatively behind the new father’s back or don’t bother to go out of their way to come and see his family.

An intuitive mother sees family’s negative actions with a third eye. She doesn’t wear rose-colored glasses and she attempts to get her husband to take off his rose-colored glasses when problems arise. But the real issue the mother has isn’t with her husband or boyfriend’s relatives as much as it is with him. How is he going to react when the old family has done something to offend his new family? Will he find “nice statements” to say to his wife or girlfriend that will excuse his family’s behavior; and hopefully pacify her or will he address the problems his side of the family causes while making it comfortable for her to come around without backlash?

Being a mother isn’t just about her children, but it’s also about maintaining an image of respect, dignity and wisdom amongst anyone who encounters her. She must carry herself at times like a minister of a church. Being a public servant for others, always watching what she says or does around others, while taking care that her children’s father’s needs are met. But what about her needs? When she is faced with the obstacles set before her by his family and friends, who will have her and the children’s backs? Will it be another family member standing in the gap where he falls short? Will this family member or friend be the one telling him, “You better change your ways or else you are going to lose your family?” Or will this selfish family member sit on the side lines gossiping with other family members saying, “I knew that he wasn’t going to make it with her.”

Why don’t some of these fathers have the gift of the third eye or male intuition when his family is being verbally assaulted by others in between their phony grins? When will these fathers wake up and understand that there is an enemy who wants them out of the family home and out in the street looking for temporal things to make them happy for only a moment? Mothers are crying about all sorts of issues regarding fathers from them leaving the home to them being inactive in the home. They want the fathers to be models for their children, but when they don’t stand up for the mothers and the children, there will be disharmony in the household and the only ones to blame are themselves.

Mothers need to stop taking the blame for these fathers who mishandle money, cheat, lie, steal, and put everyone else before the family and anything else that breaks up the family unit. We spend money for self-improvement books, plastic surgery, counselors, and so much more because we think that somehow we can fix all that is wrong in our relationships with the fathers and our children. But the reality is that it takes two to work on any relationship and not just one. It is very easy for some people to make the necessary adjustments in their relationships and all is well, but there are many more that can’t and rather then make the arrangements to establish boundaries and/or end relationships, we hold on to them thinking things will get better when they won’t. There are children who wish that mommy and daddy did go their separate ways, because maybe there would be some peace and quiet while they slept at night. Some children notice the relationship problems of their parents and blame themselves wishing that they could just die. Meanwhile, we adults think that we are doing the children a favor by staying together.

I remember when I finally got the bright idea to leave my relationship and I was glad I did. Later, I asked my children how they felt about mommy and daddy breaking up and they told me they were glad, because they were “tired of the arguing.” So to all the mothers who think that staying with these fathers who rather put everyone else and everything else before the family, I say, “Be prepared to nurse the wounds of your children when they are older.”

Staying on the phone talking with your family and friends about his “no good, sorry, good for nothing…” doesn’t motivate you to walk out the door, ironically it keeps you staying in the mess, because so-called well-meaning family and friends will say things that will cause you to second-guess your decisions, “You should stay with Jim, he has all that money. What will you do if you go? I would put up with it for as long as I can it’s hard to find a good man.”

When the time comes to make plans to leave the relationship, think about who is the better parent. If he treats the children better than you do, then you should strongly consider leaving them behind and arranging visitation. Think about how your staying in a dead end relationship is impacting not only you, but in the short and long-term your children? Although I didn’t want to, the court decided for me, who was the better parent financially to care for the children, so they gave him physical custody. I could have fought him on it, but when I really thought about it, he is the better parent for raising sons, not me. I have never been a boy or man so I don’t know what internal struggles they go through when it comes to identity. It was hard for me to come to grips with this truth, but I think that I have a better relationship with him and my children because of it.

A hard lesson I learned about motherhood is that sometimes you can be a better mother to your children at a distance. Society would like to judge you for something that goes against tradition, but only you know what you can and can’t handle. Yes, you will cry a lot having to say goodbye to your children, but through your pain, you will become a stronger and wiser woman because of it. I learned that I was a woman first, before I became a mother; therefore there is a spirit within me that surpasses the title of mother. It is due to the strength of my spirit within (powered by God Almighty) that I will live long after the children make friends, move away, get married, or die. Women without a spiritual strength within that keeps them motivated to live, will suffer enormously when the children move away, get married or die, because they have allowed their spirit to live through their children. A mother who taps into this same inner strength will be able to overcome when the father puts everyone else before the family. She will take over as head of household and ensure that everything runs smoothly. Through her tears, she will sacrifice everything else because of her children. A mother will protect her family when the father won’t.

Written by Nicholl McGuire, for more of her writings visit http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire