Fafafine: Boys raised as Girls in Samoa

7 Things Single Moms Do That Can Ruin Their Sons

Within recent years, I have heard many times about how a woman can't raise a son to be a man, teach a son how to be a man...etc.  Of course, she isn't a man and has never experienced what it feels like to be one, but what she can do is instill wisdom, love and more into her son.  As some know who have experienced the death of a partner, you do what you can, you raise your children as best you know how.

  7 Things Single Moms Do That Can Ruin Their Sons


Another Holiday Gone, Another One to Come...Are You Prepared?

With one holiday down, along comes another, Easter.  If you aren't one for celebrating this holiday and others, good for you.  People can better manage their finances when they pick and choose what holiday or event they are attending.  However, for those who feel obligated to celebrate one holiday after the next, here are a few tips.

Begin saving your money as soon as the last one ends.  

You can get a good idea of how much the next holiday event will cost you if you start searching online for the products you will need.  For instance, many parents attend church and decorate themselves and children in their Sunday Best during Easter.  If this is you, it would make sense to start checking out the stores who have reasonable prices on dress clothes for youth.

Start enlisting help as soon as you can for the next holiday celebration.

If you are the one doing the planning or assisting others, it is never too early to start talking about the meal plan, who is attending, what activities will be presented, and the cost.  It is better to know early what the response might be like from family and friends.  If there is a lack of interest, it just might be a blessing in disguise.  Therefore, you can redirect your money to more important things like paying down debt or having some money available for that emergency right around the corner.

Listen to the advice of others.

As hard as this can be sometimes, yet listening to your partner, children, and other relatives can be most beneficial when you are on the fence about some things related to the holidays especially when money is lacking.  Far too many moms try to be everything to everyone that they end up becoming overwhelmed, irritated, and impatient while the next holiday fast approaches.  If a partner is cautioning, "Honey, you're doing too much."  Heed the warning.  If children are behaving strangely or just don't want to travel here and there, consider their feelings.  If someone or something means that much to you and you must be with that person or group during the holidays, sometimes it is just better to travel alone and plan your festivities at that relative's home rather than yours. 

May you have fun this year with all your holiday celebrating!

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


Don't Talk, Trust and Feel - Bad Parenting will Backfire

A crying mother, fearful of a partner, abused by her own mother, and bitter about her life decisions, teaches her children not to cry.  They are not permitted to do the following:  talk about what hurts to others, trust people who are only trying to help, and display emotion about something their parents did or didn't do.  Mom says, "Stop crying!  What happens in this house, stays in this house!  Don't tell me how you feel, I don't want to hear it!"  Many of her instructions may be given to her by the head of house, the father who has his own share of personality issues, the controlling matriarch or patriarch, or siblings who experienced their share of abuse.

In my personal experience, this "don't talk, trust, or feel" kind of parenting, was unhelpful, cold-hearted and at times downright dysfunctional.  I thought, "Does anyone take a step back and listen to how they sound laying down the so-called rules?  Has anyone bothered to question how stupid some of this is when it comes to parenting children?  Many sons and daughters raised by or around this sort of ignorant teaching, suffered as a result.  However, others awoke before things got to bad with their own children and vowed that some of this ignorance had to go!

Don't Talk

If a mother makes a habit of telling her children not to speak to her or others whether it is a good time to talk or not, what will be the outcome?  The children will most likely not talk much to her.  Ignore or avoid her when she wants to talk to them.  They may open up to relatives, friends, and strangers, but that all depends on how the mother's constant shutting her children up has affected them--sometimes social skills are hindered as a result.  Further, her children will most likely be cautious of connecting with those who are friendly with the mother for fear that things they might say will get back to her.  This unfortunately was my experience being around adults who didn't like children much.  These people felt children were more like flies that ought to be shooed away once they have received all they wanted from them i.e.) conversation, entertainment, money, etc.--yes adults did borrow money from children and didn't want others to know about it either!  The strategy with many of these controlling authority figures was to keep their shady lifestyles and practices private.

Don't Trust

The parents and  grandparents were good about telling grandchildren as well as adult sons and daughters not to trust this person and that one.  The strategy behind this was so that you would stay under the parent or grandparents rule--this I now know, but back then I thought it was solely about caring for the family.  The warnings happened so often in family circles to the point that it was any wonder we children had any friends.  Women and girls, boys and men weren't to be trusted whether family or not, the clerk at the local store wasn't trusted, the neighbor was up to no good, and friends couldn't come inside the family home or stay overnight, because they too couldn't be trusted!  In time, what does the child turned adult end up doing?  Falsely believing that most people can't be trusted.

Don't Feel

You are to shake pain off, hide tears or don't even let them fill your eyes, because if you did, there was an adult saying, "Be strong, don't be weak!  What are you crying for?"  If you attempted to explain, the mean-spirited adult would cut you off, attack your explanation, send you to bed, or worse spank you to so-called toughen you up.  The adults were supposedly training children to be strong by doing these things, when all they created was nothing more than future psychopaths.

Children who violated any of these rules were punished for talking too much, trusting someone, or expressing emotion that even looked a little bit like you were disrespecting a parent even though this wasn't always true.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Mothers Can Be a Threat to Any Political Agenda, City Development... if They Were to Unify

In the past, I posted some videos about mothers doing great things to bring about change in their communities.  They didn't like a city development, they protested.  They were unhappy about public breast feeding issues, they did something about it.  They were angry about what the board of education was doing in their areas, they showed up at the meetings.  And the list goes on.  I have returned back to this topic, because I thought of those many manipulative strategies that have taken place over decades to keep mothers' minds in poor communities preoccupied on everything, but what really matters when it comes to:  personal development, economics, education, healthcare, government, and much more.  Examples are as follows:

1.  A bombardment of local promotions on things you really don't need.
2.  A favorite celebrity telling you what you ought to buy.
3.  More extracurricular activities to put your children in that do nothing more then take away your time to think about how you are being manipulated by others.
4.  Propaganda to get you to go along with rich men and women's agendas, rules, laws, etc.
5.  Soap operas, court television shows, reality TV, dramas, and anything else to keep you glued to a screen.
6.  Homework and more homework, school supplies, fund-raisers, and other things that relieve the teachers and the school budget.  Meanwhile, you work more, they take your money, and you aren't thinking too much at those Board and PTA meetings and school conferences when they expect you to do just one more thing to confuse the hell out of you concerning your child i.e.) Common Core.

If one is often busy with children, partner, job, and other related things, then who is really fighting for the rights of poor mothers or any mothers for that matter?  Who is pushing agendas to get impoverished women out of the house and back to work again?  Who is really concerned about low-income, yet educated women getting equal pay?  And who really benefits from jumping on the bandwagon of the Latest New Idea or being a spokesperson for Whatever Comes to Mind propaganda specifically designed to keep mothers from thinking beyond their daily responsibilities?

Let us be cautious of those who don't have children, yet are very vocal about mothers and their lifestyles often from a negative viewpoint like "Don't have anymore kids..." looks like you have a wounded leader/writer/counselor/educator with childhood issues trying to give you advice about motherhood that they took from mothers!  Let us also think twice about going along with popular opinion, agendas, and stories designed to pull on the heartstrings of mothers.  There is much money to be made from women with spouses and children and not all of the services and products offered are needed, useful or affordable to the working class/slaves.

If a mother is spending much money outside of her home, then she has very little left over to do the things that spiritually she has been called to do.  She makes no time to research the material she buys for her family, read anything to improve her personal development, or even pray for knowledge concerning issues that are systematically destroying her family.  She is often overwhelmed with making, spending and attempting to save money while meeting her family's needs. By nightfall, she is too mentally drained and physically tired to do much else.

Consider what I am saying as a prophetic warning for some of you readers, take your needed rest now, because in the future you will find that battles will continue on the home-front affecting your wallet, relationship and parenting--notice some of these television shows with their strange story-telling and twisted viewpoints that go against traditional morals and personal values.  Keep watch over what these teachers are sharing with your children and pay attention to media that they select for them to study.  In addition, be advised that many businesses benefit from couples separating and/or divorcing as well as having separate income.  So why would they encourage you to be together in a healthy, functional relationship?  From two places to stay rather than one to two individuals paying separate taxes on just about everything they own or lease, couples who are no longer together can be very profitable.  These broken people will need medicines for headaches and heartaches.  Their children might need counseling for any number of issues.  Loans will be needed to keep household finances afloat.  Daycare costs will increase.  Lawyers will be needed.  Government aid will be readily available.  And it all costs someone something--so be prepared to pay up!

In decades past, when agendas to liberate women took place, both young and old felt empowered and began to leave traditional roles of being wives, stay-at-home mothers (now called at-home mothers--business don't want you staying at home) and care takers to pursue dreams.  However, what really happened (and is still ongoing today) is that rich men are getting their dreams met off the backs of hard-working, underpaid women.  They are retiring to the comfort of sofas while mothers are still dealing with parenting issues, money challenges, household issues, and other things.  The last thing so-called good business men and women would want is for a mother to be at home with children--that is unless you threaten their positions or their beloved children.  In that case, stay at home mom! 

Those who study economic trends are working diligently to keep the women's movement going, but not in the traditional sense where cameras are rolling, women are burning bras, and other radical things.  The elite mothers are unified and working behind the scenes to get needs met regardless of petty differences.  You can't get a personal agenda accomplished if you are exposing your plans to the enemy.  Yet, the mom and pop group/chapter in your local area is having grievances over silly issues like what someone said or what he or she looks like, how an event is planned, and what money should be allocated to buy whatever (sigh).

So I see what is happening in mainstream media and in some ways I am quite pleased at what women are accomplishing in media, government, education, etc.  But I also noticed there is still a long road ahead.  Veteran actresses, educated women, and others are still selling their souls to the devil by saying and doing things that go against the wisest book on the face of this earth--The Bible.  Those that don't want change, find every way possible to block policies, laws, ideas, protests, and more.  While others who do want it, are willing to do just about anything to shake hands with the Devil.

If one is prepared to start or join a Holy Ghost inspired movement, she must be mentally, physically and spiritually strong.  Too often some ideas never move beyond mere thoughts, because a mother is not capable of handling the responsibilities that come with getting things done.  The rebellious mother has no reverence, desire, or understanding of spiritual things especially those that God has called her to do. 

If you are one that might have little time, but more money, then why not financially help your sister, who has her work prioritized and has the drive for the cause--find out what they might be, contact her?  If you have both little time and money, then why not provide resources that could be of assistance?  And for those who have time (that could be better used making a positive impact rather than watching TV, surfing the Internet or gossiping with family and friends), why not plan to start something beneficial to society or assist others with their grass root movements? 

Mothers (rich, poor, young, old, black and white) can be a threat to any establishment if they were to unify and elitists know this.  Joining popular groups, (owned by men with little regard for women's causes and make no impact where you live) is not necessarily the way to go since many that receive any form of government assistance are deemed nothing more than "agents" or watchdog groups.  Money-hungry mothers who belong to some of these, don't mind snitching on their sisters. 

If you are considering on joining any group or starting one, establish trust with those you know right where you are, fly under the radar (meaning don't advertise like you would for a corporation or have much human traffic in and out of your home), stay focused on your cause, and say no to useless groups, money-sapping causes, activities, places, and things that want nothing more than to use you, your children and your energy up so that you aren't concerned about your community, the United States or international issues that affect you and your family.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.



No Crying on Valentine's Day Mama

Whether young or old, mothers need not cry on Valentine's Day.  Some men just aren't going to do what's right no matter what you do for them.  Consider this a wake up call to those of you who feel undervalued, disrespected and ignored.  If you have communicated your concerns to your men and celebrate the holiday, yet partners don't acknowledge this, then what more do you ladies have to do, stand on your heads?

This is why one should not put much faith in man-made holidays like Valentine's Day or any other event.  Wives are to be appreciated any time of the year.  Don't allow the retail pressure to get to you or couples hand-holding and kissing to make you feel sad.  Also, don't feel obligated to do something or say something to cause drama in your household.  Relax.  Some men simply forget about holiday stuff or don't have the money to celebrate, but the good guys who know their partners love the holiday will make up for their absentmindedness later.  The good guys always come out winning, the bad ones not so much.

Reward yourself, mama!  Give yourself the love, peace, and happiness you so desperately want.  Put a flower on display in your household, cook your favorite meal, put on some music, and bask in the glow of loving and appreciating one's self.  If you are no good to you, how can you be to others?

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


FunnyThings About Relationships and Children

Sometimes we forget about those funny, yet sad, things that change us since becoming mothers.
  • So you're not bothered too much when a partner or children comes into the bathroom to discuss their woes, huh?  You might even encourage them to share issues while saying, "Excuse the smell..."  I won't tell.

  • You don't think much about your nakedness when you scold your children for the umpteenth time about something on the way to the shower or argue with your partner about something that must get done now rather than later.  I mean, do you really stop mid-sentence to politely say, "Oh forgive me, I must go grab my robe? Please forgive the jiggling from my milk jugs while I talk... And another thing!"

  • No calls will be taken from in-laws or exes while your cooking, eating, cleaning, helping children, or anything else--hey your secret is safe with me.  We'll just pretend we missed the call.  "They can wait until next about next year for all I care! I have enough on my plate." Besides, the in-laws don't want the wife unless they haven't reached their dear son/brother/nephew/cousin anyway.  

  • You think about that man in the next room watching TV and you say to yourself, "When was the last time we had sex?  No really, when was it?"

  • Those needy kids (sigh).  "Seriously, I don't want to hear what your teacher said you need...Is she here?  Does she have the money to buy it?  I have enough trouble remembering what your father said." says mom who is busy once again swiping her debit card.

  • "Is that gray hair?  Wait a minute is that a line on my face?  Where the hell did these moles come from?  Who am I?" you hate the mirror yet?

  • "Honey, look at me?  Hey, honey do you see me?  Kids move out the way, honey, remember me?" Can you even recall the last time he looked you in your eyes?

Motherhood isn't all bad.

Nicholl McGuire shares insightful things to think about life at YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7


The Best Thing about Motherhood, The Worse

No matter what you might do to be content with being a parent, it will never be good enough.  You will have those moments that no words you might say to your children when it comes to disciplining, teaching, and encouraging them will be enough.  No amount of money and time spent with them will be enough.

Further, there are those times that you just don't explain things in the way you really, really want to communicate them--especially when you hear what you supposedly said back out of little lips.  The children missed the lesson, that's not what you meant, and how could they have heard that when you said XYZ?

The best thing about motherhood is knowing that somehow you were chosen out of all the women in the world that wanted to be moms and the worse is being held accountable for another human being's life--to much is given much is required.

You, a flawed human being who would have never thought in a thousand years that you were going to be a mom, much less the kind of mom you are today, became one anyway--chosen by a mighty Creator!  Be the circumstances right or wrong how your child or children arrived, their here and you still have some degree of sanity through it all!  God bless you!

What others meant for evil, what others thought was wrong, and what people said they could never do, you did--you brought life into the world and for that you are commended!  No holiday is necessary and no honor is required, because you know who you are and your purpose, be there for your children whether near or far through briers and thorns--be available.

So what comes next after another milestone is reached, a grade level is passed, a birthday is celebrated, a disappointment shows up, and a child is in trouble once again, another life lesson.  One more chance to do things like:  make up for past wrongs, teach a son or daughter a valuable lesson, give him or her a needed gift, and sit back and appreciate life with your child or children.

For we never know the day or hour when a goodbye might be our last one whether we say it to them or they say it to us.

Nicholl McGuire 
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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

When Mothers Cry Blog Archive