Family Closeness: When it gets to be too close for comfort

Are you so close to your family and extended relatives that there is no room for anyone else?

I thought of this question when I realized how much time had passed while sitting on the phone talking to relatives 3000 miles away a few years ago. I could have best used that time exploring my community more, possibly getting involved in a group or organizing some event with people I didn't know. I had allowed my pregnancies, newborns, money woes, and relationship challenges to discourage me from making friends and finding a home in one of the most coveted places in the world, California.

I think many new mothers do the same. Trying to fit parenting in a life that is already crowded with family and their activities. We don't even bother to think about including new friends in the mix.

I found my way back to my childhood home briefly on the east coast about a year ago after one of my children turned one (I blogged about this in the past.) While taking a breath for a time at a familiar spot, I found myself wishing that I had taken advantage of my time in San Diego and Los Angeles more. So I increased my praying time and before long, another opportunity to return back to the beautiful state occurred.

Presently, I see doors beginning to open as I get out more both on and offline. Did I tell you that in the past I would spend a lot of time talking to old classmates too? I ditched my old Facebook account (thanks to hackers.) I had connected with all the people from the past that I was curious about, so if I died or they did, there would be no regrets. It was time to say goodbye for good to many of them. No high school reunions were necessary, I had, had my fill online -- many of those photos said it all! It was time to make room in my life for people I didn't know.

I think sometimes we lean on family and friends (whether toxic or not,) because we are either too lazy, too scared, too ignorant, too insecure, too mean-spirited, too troubled, too depressed or too something else to connect with anyone outside of our inner circles. Some of us have been recycling the same old toxic family members in the hopes they will change only to get hurt again and again by them! Sometimes "our kind of people" are really not our kind of people just human beings that we just so happen to know by no choice of our own.

I think this issue of family closeness is not only healthy, great, wonderful and all those other positive words to describe it, but it can also suffocate our dreams, opportunities and new life experiences. Sometimes it takes one person in the family (usually older) to tell us "to get away from the family, stop worrying so much about the family, and live your life!" Take heed to his or her liberating advice!

Nicholl McGuire