A lot of what I personally went through emotionally in the past had much to do with trying to be all things to them even when I could have done the following such as: delegated responsibilities, limited or withheld spending my money--let someone else pay for something, avoided certain topics that I didn't feel I was ready to discuss, took more time-outs for self--without children, sought counseling rather than hold things in at times, build a personal network of strong mothers, and more.
The "should have, could have, would have..." internal speech did nothing more than brought on regrets and harsh criticism from myself or others who felt like they could say something not-so positive or encouraging. Know-it-all moms, well they don't make the best listeners, now do they? What I know now is what I am proactively doing: delegating, networking, saving, etc. I refuse to be the mom feeling like it is me against "they," because I just want to see everyone happy. I still have work to do concerning myself and parenting my children--by the love of God, I will do it!
These days I am so over trying to be the "best Mom" by being all things to them. The boys are old enough to cook, clean, organize, schedule activities, make money, and a couple sons are responsible enough to shop for themselves utilizing their own budgets and saving money.
One child, still at home, shared just the other day with his father via text, "Mom didn't cook." Excuse me!? I yelled, "You know how to cook! Why didn't you tell him, "You didn't cook!" Looks like that one will have a hungry belly if he doesn't crack open a recipe book or search the 'Net. He was quite confident that day he was going to get a hot fast food meal once again from dad, but he didn't cave in to the pressure. Dad brought something home that needed to be cooked. However, our son should have been in the kitchen cooking. Dad cooked (sigh). The child is almost 13 years old and cooked plenty of hamburgers and other foods in the past! Why stop now? Most of the things he selected when we went to the grocery store, he could just pop in the microwave! Go figure!?
At this parenting stage, raising teens, I am dealing with the spirit of laziness and procrastination with two out of the four. The other two sons are older. I am working on keeping the second eldest motivated to get a second job so that he can achieve his goal, getting his own place. He needs two incomes. The eldest he has his own place, but he rarely calls. He says he is busy working, he has two jobs. He knows cost of living isn't cheap when you are on your own. I continue to encourage him when I do reach out--there is no turning back. Son, enjoy the much sought after freedom like I did when I swung the door wide exiting my parent's home long ago :)
Remember staying up late nights because your child was sick, active, hungry, or crying due to a painful tooth coming in? Well, these days the concern comes and goes when they are out at night whether riding or walking. I spend time praying like I did when they were babies. I refuse to lose sleep like I once did. God you got this!
Once they started walking, they were getting into whatever they could get into! We bought fencing to keep them out of hazardous things and other items that we simply got tired of saying, "No, let's go over here...play with this toy." Now we have to persuade two of the four boys to come out of their bedrooms and take a break from the screens. There are battles sometimes. The comforts in their bedroom will soon go away when it is time to start looking for a job. They wanted so bad to explore their little worlds when they were younger, well soon they can when they are older!
Yes, motherhood hasn't been easy at any stage, but I manage. I know that there is more to parenting young adults in the future; however, I will admit, I am so over having my own cute babies. So I hear grandparenting is easy only when you can send them back home and they aren't often in your care--great!?
No comments:
Post a Comment