Hey Frustrated Moms, Busy the Children and You Just Might Keep Your Sanity!

Let's be honest, most children don't quiet themselves when told, won't listen without talking back-- whether quietly or loudly, and aren't much interested in getting along with brothers and sisters who invade their spaces.  Now with this said, it would make sense that an adult wouldn't let children run the household unless he or she is ready to lose his or her mind behind all the chaos that is sure to follow in an unstructured household!

If you want peace in your home, especially during school breaks, you will have to schedule some activities that will busy the children, allow for separation between them, and overall manage their time well.  Without putting in some time with them, you will have an increase in arguments between them, you and a partner, and whoever else that is living in the home. 

Parents say they are busy doing one thing or another, but when children are ruling the house, the dishes can wait, meal preparation can be delayed, the phone and Internet can be put on hold.  "Listen children, we are going to do some things today and I expect you to follow instructions, if not, you see everything in this room, I have boxes and bins that are all-too-ready to receive them!"  A child doesn't want to hear that what they just received for their birthday or some other holiday might be given away, sold, or stored somewhere.  When your children act up, a wise parent will act on his or her threat!  Sometimes children don't sleep well, so a nap might help.  Other times children are hungry and act out when stomach pains get the best of them.  Sibling rivalries, irresponsible parents, insensitive relatives, an environment that is too hot or too cold, cluttered, or stinks of illness, can all contribute to misbehaving, unruly children.   

Raising children doesn't have to be difficult, but we can make it so, by not taking authority over one's house and maintaining it.  Further, this is why some relationships fail far too many people want freedom, but no one is willing to work to earn it.  "I need time for myself...I don't understand why this house is so crazy...why do the children act that way?  This is beginning to be too much, I'm outta here!"  Have you done anything to try to rectify situations before picking up and leaving? 

The spouse spends hours in front of a screen (any time of the day and night) without a care for his or her family and expects his family to remain intact.  The children are in rooms together sometimes for many hours and no adult thinks that they will get tired of sharing space.  Mothers over extend themselves and think that they are still nice to be around and attractive to their partners.  Relatives, whether living in the home or out of it, can become more of a burden than a help with their frequent complaints, irrational story-telling, thoughtless remarks, or unreasonable demands.

Find various activities (not just video games) for the children that will keep them occupied in the home and when they are away visiting with family.  Parents (and grandparents) get upset about children not listening and acting lazy, yet these same individuals will permit their children to spend much time playing video games.  Many media outlets have reported that people become irritable when surfing the Internet, impatient and quick tempered when gaming, so it would make sense to break up the playing time and encourage the children to do different things by specifically mentioning what those things are.  Adults will have to be proactive in the lives of the young people even when they "don't feel like it."  You do want to keep your sanity, right?

Nicholl McGuire

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God bless you and your family this holiday season.

When Children are At Risk...Think Twice Who You Leave Them With!

It can be troubling for a parent to come to a breaking point where he or she can no longer parent a child for any number of reasons.  A child who is at risk is when who is often failing in the classroom, hard to parent on the home front, and suffers from any number of emotional issues and/or physical handicaps. 

The logical thing to do for any frustrated parent would be to seek help online and offline in an effort to relieve one from the stresses of having to deal with a troublesome child before he or she cracks up! However, the parent who has simply had enough, must be careful when seeking additional help.  One has seen enough reports on television, Internet and elsewhere to know that there is much evil in this world.  Sick adults take advantage of children.  They use them in despicable ways!  A parent may be bitter, angry, and even weary of one's child, but before he or she throws him or her to the wolves dressed in sheep's clothing, think twice!

Some relatives, friends, and even strangers may appear like they are trustworthy and want what is in the best interest of a child.  But what some may not know is that all have their own agenda.  What really is the relative or friend's real reason for wanting one's child?  From the grandmother who wants to parent a child because she thinks that she can do better the second time around to the childless gay friend who thinks he can make a great dad, someone somewhere has a plan for a child--good, bad or otherwise.  It is up to the parent of the child, who may have worked his or her last nerve, to make the best decision--one that is in the best interest of the child.  Some people simply have better resources, live in great locations, and have good connections that can benefit a child, but others not so much.  Yet, one can have much while lacking in educational skills, patience, love, and kindness. 

I think of organizations like those that tailor to boys and girls that are designed to teach children and steer them in directions where they can become productive members of society. They are out there, but what one has to do is search and search some more for the best match, interview former workers/students, check reviews both on and offline, research the organizations' connections, donors, media coverage, and more to find out whether these boy and girl groups are really beneficial to children.  Child prostitution rings haven't disappeared--they are still very much covert operations protected by the groups you would least likely suspect.  There are still perverted men and women performing acts with (and on) children that pay homage to their gods and appease fleshly desires.  If you haven't read a Bible in awhile, you just might want to--there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to human sacrifice in all its forms!

So be wise, think before you drop your child off on someone's doorstep just because that person holds a special place in your heart or has this connection or that one--and if life ever gets so bad for you and your child, say a prayer and ask God to lead you in the right direction.  The worse thing that any parent can do is grow to hate a child (that is or isn't their own) so much that one leaves him or her with someone just as fed up (stressed), crazed, emotional, or wild if not more.

If your child has caused you much stress lately, consider this, there are many parents that have permanently scarred children as a result of foolish behaviors and others who no longer have their children because of poor decision-making.  Muster up the strength and the courage to do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire

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7 Things Busy Mothers Do that Annoy Their Little Ones

1.  They ignore them by telling them every five minutes, "Go play."
2.  They answer the phone and stay on it for hours.
3.  They promise to do things like spend time with them, but don't get around to doing it.
4.  They claim they love their child's artwork, yet throw it away, stuff it somewhere, or write on the back of it when in a rush.

5.  They will tell sons and daughters they will buy certain things, but never do.
6.  They will tell children not to lie, yet they will lie to people like: the other parent, grandparents, a teacher, and others who kids admire and respect.
7.  They walk past their loved ones rarely saying anything but, "Stop, don't do that...what are you doing...time to go to bed!"  What about all those other nice words parents say to everyone else?

Nicholl McGuire, check out another blog maintained by the author of When Mothers Cry http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

6 Ways to Know It's Time to Break Up

When You Marry Someone with Children, Expect to Be Uncomfortable

If you thought that it was going to be blissful getting married to someone with children coupled with a less than stellar past, may I be the one to burst your bubble?  I almost did this in the past then years later, ended up being the one with the children while my future partner had none. 

Sure, there are good times in relationships when everyone is getting along, appear to be in love and "making things work."  But sooner or later, good times, become difficult times and real joy sometimes can't be found amongst the mess--this is where the challenges lie.  Most likely, a divorced messenger or two warned you about the highs and lows prior to a wedding and afterward and you deemed that person negative, a hater, jealous, or something else! 

What happens when church visits don't work anymore to bring peace to a troubled mind?  What happens when what the therapist said isn't sticking like it once did?  What happens when parents aren't there to support your decision like they did at one time or another?  What happens when pills stop working?  Now what?

Far too many women, enter into new relationships with an "I can save the world" mentality!  So they rush around trying to do everything right for partners, their children, his children, exes, and more while putting themselves on a fast track to a hospital bed or to a grave prematurely!  Rather than, take one's time and enjoy a life of solitude and appreciation for the finer things in life like being alone, a desperate woman (or man) in search of a soul tie, ends up hurt, bitter and confused trading his or her life of serenity for drama.  Those of us who have been around for awhile have seen the movie play out in our lives or others.  You think the next time around is going to be the best, most wonderful, greatest time in your life and you just end up with more of the same.  A different book cover, a chapter title changed, but underneath it all, you still have to work!  Troubled minds don't get it they try to rationalize things or work even harder at disassociating themselves from truth!  Why does one falsely think that a new relationship won't bring any new responsibilities and/or headaches? Why do couples deceive themselves into believing that there will always be hand-holding, sweet-talking and kissing?

Your children, his children, her children, and their children, bring work and lots of it!  Couples in marriages like these may desire a "Me and You" type of lifestyle, but let's face it, no relationship that starts and ends like this is sincerely a happy one!  There is me and the children and the parents and the exes and the whatever and whoever some of which aren't going anywhere anytime too soon!

Selfish speech and behaviors void of welcoming others into one's life are simply not good relationships.  Pretending to be accepting of all when one knows deep down inside that is the furthest thing from the truth is deceptive.  Children are in the home, they need to be cared for, trained, talked to, watched, and more!  How does anyone think for one moment that you can juggle everyone and everything and never have some sort of breakdown whether at home, on the job, or in a bedroom crying one's eyes out?  Be honest, you don't like that person, this place, and those things!  You can't stand doing this or that and for some of you, you question what did you get yourself into?  Now you are on the right path toward your personal healing and growth--you are finally being honest!  People mess up, but the real survivors are those who don't wallow in their mess!  Call them stupid, crazy, a fool, or whatever else, but they have their personal freedom--what about you?  They are content with who they are--what about you?  They aren't interested in fighting in wars that they know they can't win--what about YOU?

A person who enters into a relationship on a shoddy foundation assuming that crying while staying up all hours of the night communicating is off to a good start, but she still has much to learn.  Good sex, food, and a clean household are nice things to do, but they will not drive demons away even if these niceties are included in the basic building blocks of a relationship!  The demons don't care that your house is clean and you talk without cursing, they will just go away for a time, and bring back more demons?  What's your plan now? 

From the partner to the children, dark spirits and their influence do exist, don't be deceived!  There are open portals from which they come in and show out and many times people create them by marrying individuals who are they are unequally yoked, can't connect with due to different cultural differences, ethnicity, tribes, habits, and more!  We just aren't all the same! 

It doesn't matter what we call "personal challenges, problems, relationship issues, struggles..." demons are demons!  Newlyweds look everywhere for the troubles, while overlooking the person standing in front of them.  They will look under the bed, in the closet, on a billing statement, in the refrigerator, dissect a child in the hopes of getting information, even look outside of the relationship, but the real issue is one or both inthe relationships have been rejected, are like lemons--full of all sorts of issues--a man or woman who didn't do well in previous relationships and won't necessarily do right in the current one unless the new partner is willing to embrace the person along with his or her personal demons.  Sound crazy, but true!  Marriages that last in the double digits do so, because people stopped trying to change, rearrange, nit-pick, and fight with one another about their differences--they learned to live with not just God and his angels, but Satan and his demons too!  Think about it, observe, have an Aha moment!  This is key information! 

Some hard-hearted and stiff-necked people refuse to let go of their issues, they have become a part of who they are like the eye-balls in their head, and they will fight anyone or anything if their nest is disturbed.  Don't believe me, try speaking truth to someone about their smoking/food/sex/substance addiction?  Notice their eyes, did you see their personal demons rise up?  I rest my case.   

Take a moment to picture a mother bird who has built her nest in an area that is potentially harmful to her and her birds like a front door entrance of a home where people walk in and out.  While some observers might choose to walk around the nest or use an alternative entrance, others will refuse to do so, and begin to work out a plan to knock the nest down to the ground with or without the eggs being in it.  Call it harsh, but that's the truth especially if it annoys someone who has enough issues and doesn't like the sound of birds chirping too closely to one's home.  But what will the mother bird do when her nest is threatened, she will attack, even when she is in the wrong in the first place, she will attack!  Now apply this scenario to your situation or someone else's, there are consequences to the choices we make and not everyone will like or appreciate what we do especially when we made what others might feel are poor choices.  The mother bird in your vision made a bad decision on where to place her nest and now she must fight to stay there risking her life and the lives of her babies--is it really worth it or is there a better way?  No amount of wishing, praying or hoping will change a broken relationship when it is destined to be broken and yes in a fallen world there are some partnerships that will not survive!   

Unruly, disrespectful children, raised by rebellious parents (and grandparents), get weary of new faces, places, rules, and fights with every person that comes into their lives through dating and remarriage.  Hurt women play into mind games like being manipulated and controlled by spouses/boyfriends hell-bent on getting what they want.  In-laws get tired of having to put on false fronts every time a loved one brings yet another new person into the family circle.  Exes get tired of new rule books created each time a new partner shows up and shows out.  "We think...we believe...we will...we discussed...we planned..." is what an exe hears from a former partner about yet another new mate, who is supposedly "nice, good, loved."  But what is really being said is not "We," but "He/She wants, said, needs, doesn't like, isn't going to..." 

Expect to be put off, uncomfortable, and at times angry when it comes to one thing or another with remarriage--isn't that what society prepares you for anyway bad exes, in-laws, step-parents, etc.?  It doesn't have to be, but it happens.

When you marry someone with children, there is another world open to you that isn't for the weak.  It's difficult enough trying to maintain interest in a relationship where there are no children.  If you have a faith, this is why a loving God warned you before you made your decision about the following:  to enjoy your freedom, to avoid sex before marriage, and to take your time!  All of which some claim they did months or years ago, then what seems to be the problem if you did everything right from the start?  Maybe remarriage just wasn't meant to be for some couples, but we mustn't say that (being sarcastic here)--we are to overlook the truth and dwell in the lie.  Remember, this blog is named When Mothers Cry for good reason.  The truth hurts!  

"Learn to focus on reality and deal with reality, rather than look for an escape from it or seek to place blame on everyone and everything else," I heard the Holy Spirit say.  For some readers, you bit off more than you could chew, so trust in your Creator to impart knowledge and godly wisdom that will restore balance to a difficult situation.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains blog: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Reflections of Motherhood

Don't Lie...You Don't Have the Money to Pay for That!

Spending money you don't have because you can't bear to see disappointed faces on Christmas and other holidays.  But the truth of the matter is you don't have it to give!  You really can't afford to acknowledge anyone's birthday, wedding, Christmas, New Year's event--nothing!  Back to school just passed and you are still paying off debt.  So what can you do?  Here's a tip, keep making money and paying off bills.

This is the reality for many mothers who are trying real hard to make their homes fun.  Most men know that when they can't pay for something, they have no problem saying,  "No, honey."  But it is the women who oftentimes buy the holiday decor, celebrate this event and that one, show off new purchases, and make the household happy and bright!  If they don't, in some cases the same man who isn't giving up one dollar is saying, "It just ain't Christmas!"  Now, that's wrong!  My sisters who are tearful this holiday season, stop upsetting yourself!

Some of my readers have been crying over one issue or another for years, and holiday time is one of the most troubling times of year.  Loved ones have died, people are sickly, money is funny, and children can be even more challenging to parent, because of all of the brainwashing from school to the TV.  Women with children, women without children, divorced women, cheating women, women being cheated on, newly married women...they all have issues around this time of the year, the ones they can see, and the ones they can't until months later.  The sudden job loss shows up, relationship difficulities, troubled children, cheating partners, and more after a so-called happy season of debt, smiles and good food--really, that's it?  Then what do some women do?  They lie.  They lie about having money when they don't.  They lie about how much money they spent on purchases.  They lie about being happy, when they are not.  They lie about who they received a gift from and where they have been all afternoon.  They lie about their health, job, and whatever other lie they use to cover up the last lie.  And they can't afford any of the lies!

Tis the season my friends, tis the season!  Many women who haven't started Christmas shopping or decorating, don't!  Go into the New Year paying off debt, not creating it.  It will only be a matter of time that the debt issues will surface and someone in your family won't be happy.  "Well, I will deal with that later, thanks for the advice.  Now on with the show," an unwise woman says.  But rather than do that, consider what the new year might bring because of what you do today, tomorrow, and as it gets closer to the 25th.  Are you promised your job next year?  Is it really worth buying into media lies?  For believers reading this, I challenge you to think, "Will the lies of Santa and other false stories like how much you spent shopping sincerely bring you peace in your home and money increase or will Satan?"  Be wise this holiday season, stop spreading lies right along with false cheer.

Nicholl McGuire


   

Do You Know a Frustrated Bread Winner and Caregiver?

She works almost six days a week at work and everyday at home, a frustrated breadwinner isn't the least bit happy these days. Her husband works overtime sometimes, but his money just isn't enough to cover most bills. He often comes home with little on his mind but a remote control and TV, video gaming console, or computer screen. The children are in need of help with homework, a ride to yet another extracurricular activity, while a relative or friend is calling on the cell phone sharing one issue or another, her husband isn't very helpful. It's only a matter of time when the two will argue yet again about relationship challenges, money problems, and his hobbies.

Frustrated bread winners and caregivers are gradually created, they just don't become irritated, bitter, or abusive overnight.  The frustration began when a promise was broken, when trust was violated, when selfish pleasures and material wealth became more important than family, when disappointments came all-too frequently, the smile turned upside down didn't come back for the crying breadwinner and caregiver.

Some husbands/boyfriends convince others that a partner is just a real you know what and will look for sympathy, but a discerning listener will avoid the temptation to side with a critical man who finds watching TV more important than spending quality time with his family, going out doing what he wants to do, and whatever he feels floats his boat. Maybe one doesn't know how he or his wife truly live, but time surely tells!

A woman who is spending more money than she is bringing in, while taking great care to buy her mate and children, is going to cry broke more than others. She too will look for someone to tell her, "It's okay, you are a good woman. He just doesn't appreciate you..." But before you do, consider the role she is playing, what she has permitted her mate to do and not do over the years, and what sacrifices she has yet to make to restore balance for herself and on the home front.

Know-it-all, stubborn women, who think more of themselves than a Creator, will defend their poor life decisions--they will scream, curse, gossip, and ignore whistleblowers.  Sure, she is frustrated, might even be suicidal, but until she is willing to make necessary adjustments in her life to bring peace, she will remain upset. In time, her complaints, concerns, and thoughts about "Why my husband/boyfriend always..." will get old and family and friends will stop listening to her stories and offering assistance especially when they are often inconvenienced by her requests to "help, show support, donate, give, be there."  Loved ones will start to think, "Why should I keep watching these children while she works/goes places, when her husband is right at home? Why does she say she is going to do this and that and never does it? Why does her and her husband claim to make so much money, yet are always struggling, I'm not buying another thing for them!" Advisers warn the angry breadwinner and caregiver about many things like:  spending too much money on frivolous things, too much errand running, too many hours at work, too little free time, too much arguing, not enough compromising...and yet still nothing changes on the homefront--NOTHING!  Her issues, become everyone else's issues. 

Year one, year two, year three goes by of her relationship with a significant, and issues grow into bigger ones. People get older, less patient, forgetful, and easily irritated over just about anything, and all the frustrated bread winner and caregiver can think of is, "Now when is God going to call me home?" She might as well stop wishing for death, and make some changes personally, professionally and with those who she claims to love. 

It is unfortunate, but this blog, as well as other writings elsewhere, have warned repeatedly, "Slow down mothers, you are dying before the men," but do they really ponder what is being said, do they?   Everything the husband/boyfriend, children, relatives, friends, and what these mothers do is so very "important and needs to be done right now...and I can do it, and everyone needs me, and I am the great all powerful...and I have to, I must do,"  the frustrated mother proclaims! 

My question to her is this, so who will do everything once she dies?

Nicholl McGuire, author When Mothers Cry.  Hear spiritual audio by Nicholl here.

     

When Loving a Man Costs Too Much

A woman gives up her single, happy life to date a man she thinks she knows.  She ignores her gut feeling.  She pretends as if he doesn't have any exs.  She acts as if she has the best you know what than any of the women preceeding him.  The two eventually get married, because she thinks, "It's what's best."  Later, they have a baby or two, or three, or four, or five plus.  Then she supposedly finds out he is bad news and so she plays hell trying to stick the relationship out.  While she is working hard to be the best wife/friend, he could care less.  She forsakes family and friends for the man.  She goes into massive debt for the man.  She works a job or two for the household.  And with all that, he finds fault with her, badmouths her to others, and then smiles in her face when he needs her to do yet another thing. 

How many times have we seen this scenario play out in a television movie, hear someone talk about "a friend" or worse have this sort of thing happen to any one of us?  Whether she is a woman of faith or not, desperate singles looking for a lover, sugar daddy, or a father figure for their children, will play out a fantasy of sorts, while hoping for the best.  She envisions a life where she doesn't have to work as hard, someone will love her, and she can create a photobook of Kodak moments!  Therefore, she opens heart, arms, and legs wide for someone/something (a dark spirit) that she doesn't know has more issues than she.  Whether he is a compulsive liar, spender, gambler, porn addict, alcohol abuser, drug user, unavailable, emotionally and/or physically abusive, a desperate woman will look to be fulfilled.  "We can pray about all that later...we can deal with the issues--everyone has issues...lets just get married, have a baby, move, buy a house, get a car."  Reason away challenge after challenge.  Justify, defend and fight anyone who objects/warns/advises.  Mom says, "Honey, maybe you might want to slow down, I mean take your time.  You really don't know this guy that well."  The gullible woman retorts, "I know what I'm doing...Well, I did this because...I feel that what is going on is just..."  The silly woman, blinded by her own fantasy, is not listening, so stop talking!

Sisters:  white, yellow, red, black, and everyone in between--enough is enough!  Some of us have been played by men, used, abused, and tricked.  Then what does the Judas in our circle do?  She overlooks the warnings we tell her, turns on her sisters like a rattle snake, and goes back to the man (causing her so much pain) running her mouth about everything she thinks she knows.  The poor woman boasts, "Well, I share everything with my man, don't you?"  Everything!? 

In time, what her sorry excuse for a husband/boyfriend was doing is now not doing, and the relationship begins to take on a different course then what her mind had imagined, now the tearful lady wants back in the sisters' circle.  She returns offering her service.  She calls friends for a bit of comfort.  She finds family and friends once again a bit refreshing.  But then the mentally disturbed women turns into Judas again, telling what she has learned to her husband/boyfriend.  How long will she keep running to and fro giving what little strength she has left to stand to the one who exhausts her of her energy in the first place?  How long will she blame everyone else for the pain that her mate is causing?  How long will she lie/cover up the fact that her lover was nothing more than a fraud?

Love has its limit, an expiration date, contrary to what some songs like to make us believe.  There comes a point in any relationship where one has to evaluate, "Am I really loving my husband/children's father or am I just tolerating him?"  It is hard for any woman to rebound from cheating, lying conniving, manipulators who are controlling and more!  Any hurtful thing that a mate repeatedly does, even after you have screamed, "Ouch, that hurts!" is abusing you. 

The phrase, "I love you" can become a burden when the cost becomes too high for anyone to pay.  Consider such a phrase coming from someone abusing you, can you honestly believe that?  From the wife to the children, when all one can think about is, "How much is it going to cost to break free--I just want out of this miserable life?"  You are already paying too much!  When a woman can't sit amongst a group of other women without worrying about who/what/when/where/why concerning her man, she is already paying too much!  When she goes about her day resenting all she is doing for others, rather than appreciating them, the cost of love has become too much for her little mind to pay!  It is unfortunate, but many women have gone to their graves in the name of so-called love, when in all actuality, they went down in hate!  They hated spouses, resented children, and wished for nothing, but love and happiness and never really experienced either for long.

There are far too many women who have permitted selfish needs to override love.  They just had to have everything that their sisters have and now they are physically and mentally sick--they just couldn't wait.  "I have to get married now!  I have to have a baby now!  I have to get the job now!  I have to move now!  I have to have a pet now!"  You get the point, because you most likely have been there and done that already.

These women believe in spouses that don't believe in them (unless they are always ready and able to assist,) but when they are sick and unable to perform, their selfish men don't love them in sickness.  Rather, they look to get their needs taken care of elsewhere.  These unfulfilled women, and dare I say it weak-minded, seek all sorts of distractions and addictions to keep their minds off of their unsatisfying relationships.  They will even go so far as to allow their mates, who they have shared their sisters' weaknesses with, to infiltrate their minds and hearts with foolish talk.  "Oh, those ladies at work are just jealous of you...you know you can't trust women...those women in your support group are stupid, you are better than them!"  So the sick woman, who still has a lot of healing yet to do, regresses.  She doesn't get any better even after cutting out this person and that one, ending this activity and another one!  "Maybe, my husband is right."  Back into his arms she goes, then not too long afterward, she is out of them, wishing she had never let her guard down with him once again!

You can't talk real truth with weak-minded women who are sold out on weak-minded men.  If you have a faith, you can pray for them, but that's about all you can do.  There is a certain degree of mind control that takes place with some women who have spent far too many years imagining what life would be like with that supposed ideal guy.  A mind-control that the woman created prior to meeting her fellow.  She planned their meeting.  She agreed to pay for whatever he wanted.  She decided where they would go and what he would do and what they would build together.  What sounds like, "We" really is about "Me."  And when her dreams don't turn out the way she wanted, her self-programming is broken.  She awakens to a world where she isn't as nice, sweet and polite as she thought and the one she is with isn't any different.  She is tested beyond measure and the children look on in disbelief.  She is a fool for love--she is yelling, breaking things, slamming doors, having temper tantrums, snooping through his things, threatening him, texting him day and night...and whatever else.

Is he really worth it?  Maybe for some of you he is and if so, any logical person will question, "Why?"  Yet, for others, pick up what is left of your mind, and get out while you still can, if not for you, for the children.


Nicholl McGuire   

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You Can Start All Over Again!

 

When they said there is no One,

that you couldn't have any fun

that you had to stay,

you said, "I'll pray."

 

When you knew you messed up,

when wrath came in a cup,

you looked up!

 

When the judges all knew,

and friends were few,

when they lied,

turned their backs on you,

God said, "Do what you have to do."

 

 

Wipe your tears, my sister.  It won't be long now.  We all had to serve our time.  We all had to fight the good fight.  And we all knew when to sit down and stand up.  Our lives may not be dressed in white, but there is always champagne, beige, off-white, tan--whatever your color, dress it up in style!  Look on the bright side, you could have died miserable, sleeping in your grave.  But you didn't ! 

 

Wake up, Sleeping Beauty!  There is a sun shining somewhere; so when it comes, catch its rays before it's too late!

 

 

Nicholl McGuire

 

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273

When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926

 

 

Author of When Mothers Cry is sharing a spiritual message to encourage readers of the Christian faith

Were you given a promise from your heavenly Father?  Are you awaiting an answer?  While you wait, consider this bible story about two women who had their share of challenges.  But in the end, God blessed them.  Stay faithful, stop doubting God!  Remember your Lord doesn't operate in your time, but He is always right on time!

Listen to audio here. Hagar and Sarah, Genesis 21

Don't have a study bible? Get one...Study with Nicholl http://bit.ly/J0wyop

Nicholl is the author of the following books:

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/904839
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/3113926

Good People Ignore Abuse and Torture: Why?

The Christian and Halloween: Does the two even belong in the same sentence?

When Mom Tries to Look on the Bright Side of Things

1.  Who spilled lemonade on the floor? What's that smell?  Oh no, that's not lemonade, it's pee!

2.  When did the boys get that little dinosaur?  Oh my God, it moved!  That's a lizard!  There's a lizard in the house!

3.  What are those black, hard looking things by the washer?  What the....it's poop!  Who left poop in their underwear?  Didn't I teach you all how to wipe yourselves clean?

4.  Who cut out a piece of your hair--it looks like a circle in your head?  Oh no, he has ringworm!

5.  Where did that dirt come from?  You got to be kidding me, you got it from an ant hill?!

6.  That's a nice song that you are humming, what's it called?  You don't sing about butt cheeks!

7.  Why are you crying, does something hurt?  Are you really going to cry about hair growing on your privates!


Just another day with sons. (sigh)


Nicholl McGuire

Frugal Living Tips

It's not often that I come across website pages that I truly enjoy reading and are motivated to do something after reading them.  Recently, I came across one that is definitely useful to those of us who desire to cut one's household expenses.  It is called, 101 Frugal Living Tips You Need to Know, Hub Pages.  On this site, I find very good hub pages that actually make my life easier.  I don't get anything for recommending this hub--just thought my readers would appreciate it. I am also a Hubber as well, feel free to connect with me on Hub Pages - nmcguire7.

101 Frugal Living Tips You Need to Know

 



What is Borderline Personality Disorder? (Mental Health Guru)

Does Your Son Have Mommy Issues? Here's What a Young Man Had to Say About Older Women, Younger Men...

Lies Some Fathers Tell Single Women When it Comes to Custody Battles

When single women and mothers surf the Internet seeking an available bachelor, they will see more and more men posing with children. Many of these men have custody of their sons and daughters.  Now it would be unfair to the mothers of those children to assume the worse.  But too often, naive women will go along with whatever a father tells them, then learn the truth later, of course after helping him demonize the children's mother while participating in plans of spite.  A father who has been awarded custody of the children because they live with him isn't necessarily the better parent and the ruling doesn’t mean that the mother was bad, a mental case, or abandoned their children contrary to what he might have told his love interests.

Nowadays many fathers are suing mothers for custody of the children, because they don’t want to pay child support and can’t stomach the idea that another man could be a “father figure” to their sons and daughters.  For some men, there are other factors as to why they would sue a mother including influences from his own mother or grandmother who have created a bond with the couple's offspring.  So rather than focus on the children’s mother being a caring parent and active in their children's lives as best she can, he will demonize her and make it appear as if she left her children and didn’t care about them to the women who are moved by a good story.  Of course, there are women who unfortunately do much evil and have left their children behind, but any spiritually discerning mother knows that most women love their children and would prefer to raise them with or without the father's influence.  Yet, a man who knows how to manipulate women while using various brainwashing techniques to pull them on his side will do and say just about anything to keep you believing that you two have a common foe.

When a woman divorces a man, she has to make a good income to meet the needs of her family with or without him, especially if the father has repeatedly said, he doesn't want to pay any child support. Sometimes she has to relocate to pursue a job offer, sell items from the home, and do other things to ensure that the family’s lifestyle is comfortable. But if a mother does anything that appears the least bit selfish, such as leave the children for a time with the father, or another relative until she can get her life established, she is viewed as the parent who abandoned her children. However, if a father was to do the same, he is in transition or seeking better opportunities to help his family until he can get on his feet. Single mothers desperate for companionship will not think twice about the negative portrayal of a bachelor's children’s mother until something occurs where she is very much involved in her children’s lives.

So why would a man do and say spiteful things against the mother of his children? Oftentimes it is because of the following:

1. He never forgave her for leaving him even though he had much to do with her departure.

2. He is jealous that she moved on successfully without him.

3. His ex’s lifestyle is better than his ie.) material wealth, fame, power, etc.

4. Her new man is a better fit for the ex.

5. He can’t find a sufficient mate that can satisfy him physically and/or mentally.

6. He is often angry that he has to raise the children without the ex which keeps him from partaking in his selfish pleasures.

Some lies the disgruntled father will say to his dates and other women about the mother of his children who simply want her children in her life, yet he still has unresolved past issues with her:

“Their mother isn’t loving and doesn’t care about them.”

He will say this because he wants a “mother figure” or “step-mother” to help him care for the children. So in order to get the new woman in his life to do her best, he has to put down the mother of his children and praise his love interest. However, the woman will begin to weary herself of doing everything for him and the children. In time, she will realize that he was just merely using her to help him spite the ex and/or compete with the ex through material goods he wouldn’t ordinarily be interested in.

“We don’t get along and I rarely speak to her.”

To ensure that the single woman doesn’t consider the mother of his children a threat, he has to make it appear like he doesn’t converse with the mother of his children much. Most often this is true depending on how long the two have been broken up, but his conversation (whether good or bad) about her reveals she is often on his mind. Yet, in between his relationships and during down moments with other exs, he was and most likely will be contacting the mother of his children for one thing or another. Don’t be surprised when the two appear to be amicable while he made you think they couldn’t stand one another.

“She just left us…”

There is more to that story than a mother just moving to another neighborhood, city, state, or country. A discerning woman will learn in time that there were a myriad of things that occurred that would move a mother to leave her husband and children. However, sometimes a mother desires to have her children back in her care after getting better from a pregnancy, an illness, relocation, new job, or something else, but the father refuses. In cases like this, the court doesn’t consider a mother abandoning children when it has been proven that she always wanted them. But a deceitful ex-husband or boyfriend who is trying to build a good reputation with a gullible woman will make it appear so. Some women leave children and never return, others remain in the children’s lives in whatever way they can get them.

“She treated me like…she said I was…she did this…and she hated me because...”

The “She say” and “She did” conversation about his ex or exes should be a red flag to you. What is with all the blame and mean-spirited story-telling? Sounds like someone has a hard time focusing on the present and staying positive about the future. What might he be teaching his children about their mother? Not only that, his negative demeanor should tell you that he isn’t a good friend. Speaking of friends, does he really have any? How might he treat you in the future?

Before you jump on the bandwagon of a liar, who is also unforgiving and mean-spirited when it comes to the mother or mothers of his children, think about this, you might be next. Protect yourself from the lies. Do your research and speak positively about the mother of his children whenever you can, then watch his face. Consider what is in the best interest of the children especially when the children cry out, “I want to live with my mother!”  One day some of you reading this might be called into court to share your observations of what he has said and did to cause friction between mother and children hopefully you will be the women who speak truth; rather than perpetuate lies that keep a mother crying.

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry, see her Youtube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7

Stereotypes: The Motherhood Penalty

Women, Science and Motherhood: Choices Then and Now

Poem - Don't Talk About My Child

Child innocent, not!
He shot.
Lies a lot.
Parents bought a gravesite plot.

Dresses seductively,
the little freak of the week.
She says, "It's not me."
Parents believe her, can't see!

Mom said, "It was okay
to go over her house to play..."
--doesn't matter the day,
just don't say anything, okay?

Crazy celebrities,
holding up three,
another mom can't see
too blind to their fallacies.
She too holds up three.

Claims to be a good parent,
raises children well,
but doesn't notice
that her path leads them
straight to hell.

She says, "Don't talk,
that's my child!"
Evidence goes away, it's all been filed.
"Do you know what I've been through
and all I have to do?
In the midnight hour I cry--
feels like sometimes I'm going to die."

Mom loses it, sheds a tear,
someone comes along
to take away her fear.

Another child misled,
another parent goes to bed,
ignores all the signs
and what has been said.

Nicholl McGuire

Abused? You will survive. Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The baby is crying yet again, another bill has gone unpaid, and you are ready to lose your mind from all the stress about yet another woman calling his phone...some of you reading this get the picture, others not so much, but good for you a man isn't your problem, money is good, and baby is calm!
However, there are many moms who don't have the luxury of having a peaceful, drama free household.  Someone somewhere is going to stay up a little later than usual tonight, because she is being abused yet again by a mate who says he loves her.  With tears in her eyes, she is going to call out to God to give her the strength to leave, while her mind says, "What about this...and what about that...?  Stay." 

I think back to those times when I had far too many headaches, backaches, and stomach aches, because of one thing or another with man, baby, health, and finances.  Yet, through it all, I made it out of those past storms while still having the strength to walk through current ones! 

Days, weeks, months, and years have gone by of crying and complaining.  Yet, now I made it to that point in motherhood where you finally realize that nothing is so serious, so bad, so anything that you can't rebound from as long as you have breath in your body!  Childhood issues, I survived.  Physical abuse, I survived.  Emotional abuse I survived.  Four childbirths, I survived.  Bad church experiences, I survived.  Many relocations and job losses, I survived.  Divorce, I survived.  Children with their share of problems, still surviving!  Shall I go on?

I observe many women and men with sons and daughters looking stressed when their children are around.  Sometimes the expressions on their faces seem to worsen when a partner says one too many things to some of these men and I wonder what is home life like for these people.  "I don't want to hear it..." the eyes say.  "Are you listening to me?" the one doing all the talking says.  He ignores the mother of his children as if she is a stranger. 

For some men, they can't handle children crying, a mate nagging, and other responsibilities that come with parenting so they freak out!  One too many requests, a negative tone of voice from a wife or girlfriend topped with misbehaving children and an angry man with a short fuse is ready to swing, push, shove, or kick the one who is doing what?  All the talking, crying or both.

There is no excuse for anyone being hit or slapped in the mouth for talking or crying--none!  It doesn't matter how loud or wild the words come out a mouth or where the mouth is directed, one should not have to endure anyone physically harming him or her.  Yet, some women will allow emotional and/or physical abuse to happen to them, because they feel guilty about what they said or did when they interacted with their mate or children.  Therefore, the abuser makes his victim feel worse while accusing her of pushing him to the point of no return.  "Look, what you made me do!  If you would just shut up none of this would have happened!  I told you what I will do if you keep talking, didn't I?" 

The abused woman will then attempt to make wrongs right only to meet yet another fist to the face or some other place on her body, because her abuser didn't want to hear her speak yet again about something he should have, could have done.

Abuse will make people cry--those being abused as well as those witnessing the abuse.  Children will cry more when they live in a intense environment which will only make matters worse the longer they stay there. 

Those who sincerely care will want to vindicate the victim, call the police, remove the children from the home, and do other things to stop the abuse.  The woman experiencing such pain will not talk as much to others like she once did.  She will isolate herself.  Sometimes she will hide her bruises behind makeup and sunglasses.  She will lie, cover for her abuser, and pretend as if her relationship is normal.  There is nothing normal about a name-calling, crazy man who has nothing better to do but to intimidate his partner and children, because he is having one of his fits yet again.

Some women think that because a partner hasn't hit or shoved them in a long time they are out the clear, but not necessarily.  Maybe the abuse has simply shifted from mom to children, from wife to mistress, or from girlfriend to relative.  What do the others really think of one's partner?  Who is catching hell when you aren't?

For those experiencing such pain staying with an abuser, know that every day that you stay in a bad relationship brings you closer to your grave or someone else's.  Most abusers don't change without professional counseling, medication, workplace changes, relocation, and more.  If you are with someone who is unwilling to do what's right to bring peace to your household, move on!

Nicholl McGuire creator of this blog and author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

Victims of abuse become survivors because one day a light bulb goes off in their heads that says, "I'm not going to take his abuse any longer, I am better than this."  The day a victim realizes that she can move on, get a better life without walking on egg shells around someone is the day that she is indeed a free woman!  Mothers, for the sake of your children, avoid sticking it out with someone who mistreats you.  One day your children will thank you for it!

Nicholl McGuire

Too Sexy Too Soon

Education - When My Child Isn't Like the Rest, When Mothers Cry by Nicho...

5 Things to Expect When You Move On Without Your Children's Father

You spent years crying, fighting, and persuading your children's father to do what's right concerning your relationship and the children, but he fought you every step of the way by doing what he wanted without regard for your feelings.  So now when you are ready to do you, he wants to act as if he still has a right to be in your life by any means necessary.  You can take back control if you are aware in advance of the things he will do and say in the future in an attempt to hinder your success.

1.  He will want you back until he finds someone that he feels is a good replacement.

From pregnancy to marriage, a man that still has feelings for his children's mother will do just about anything to quell his emotions.  So if he can find a good match for himself, he will move on.  But if not, he will continue to act as if he has a place in your bed, your heart, or wherever you might go in life.

2.  He will threaten, lie, stalk or do other things to impede your progress because he is jealous, insecure, etc.

Some mothers will never move on because they continue to share personal business about themselves to their children's father.  Even if a mother no longer wants him, whatever she says to him, might be potentially harmful.  Don't talk about your new friend.  Don't feel it necessary to tell him the details about your employment.  And, don't personally update him on any successes and failures in your life or talk about those individuals the two of you know.  Do note episodes of anger outbursts (include days and times), days of the week and times when you saw him drive pass your home, and anything else that might be useful in case you might have to one day go to court.  

3.  He will tarnish your reputation with his (or your) family, friends and new partners, whether boldly or subtly, by exaggerating, lying, making false assumptions, creating a pity party, reveal private information, and fault-find.

If you thought he was a friend, think again!  Remember he is your children's father.  A heartbroken man is like a heartbroken woman, after he has been hurt, he looks for opportunities to cast revenge--even if he claims to be a child of God!

4.  He will act as if he is amicable toward you in front of others, but when alone with you he will make snarky comments in the hopes that you will get upset so that he can tell others, "I told you she was crazy..."

Some men take great satisfaction in seeing former girlfriends angry, because they were emotionally wounded.  Rather than act in a way that he expects when insulted, confronted, ridiculed, bad-mouthed, or disrespected, act out of the ordinary.  Put on your professional demeanor and act like you would if your boss was going to give you thousands of dollars extra for dealing with a difficult customer/client/employee.

5.  He will seek an attorney, borrow money and do other things to orchestrate a plan to get the children--that is if he really wants them.  Otherwise, he will let you keep them, because he assumes they will slow you down and you won't be interested in doing much else, but working and caring for them while he goes off and have his fun. (That is if you reverse the tables on him.)

Some men truly want to be fathers to their children, while others not so much and would prefer to be free to explore life, have a myriad of sexual encounters, etc.  While others weren't given a choice, but to care for their children even if they didn't really want to.  Whatever category your children's father falls into, know that he is going to have a plan up his sleeve that suits him and inconveniences you.

Now that you have five things to think about as you move on with your life, believe that with every step you make toward your goals, you will be stronger and wiser and still the best mom you can be whether near or far--I'm a witness!

Nicholl McGuire
Author of When Mothers Cry

Narcissistic mothers: mental manipulation and control.

When Buying Clothes for Children...

I have some tips on buying clothes for children that I use.  I have learned through personal experience, reading and shopping with other mothers on what to do and not to do when it comes to buying children's clothes.  I understand that certain times of the year, some parents can afford to splurge a little on some top quality brands, but most of the time, parents are looking for a deal.  The following hub pages are just my thoughts on a number of issues related to the family including buying children's clothes--enjoy!  Fellow writers: feel free to connect with me at Hub Pages too!

Childrens Clothing

Other Hub Pages worth checking out by Mother, Author and Poet Nicholl McGuire are listed below:

Buying Men's Clothes

When Shopping for Women's Clothes

Need Additional Cash?

Children Play Video Games Too Much

It all starts with one gaming system and one game, now add a game and another and another and before long you are the parent complaining, "You have too many games!"  Well, who bought them?

Most children play toys, games, and everything else too much, because parents aren't paying attention.  An hour goes by, a son or daughter is quiet, another hour and so on.  "As long as my child isn't bothering me...I have too much to do...thank God for the game!"  But how much quiet do you really need?

When I received a grade report from my oldest son, (who lives with his father out of state) I noticed he wasn't doing so well in school awhile back.  So I interviewed him to find out how was it that he could go from a B to a D in one class?  This is what he shared, "I play video games too much."  Read more here.

With So Much Sex on TV and Elsewhere, Don't Trust Your Children

"If someone had paid closer attention, didn't leave me alone with her, and periodically checked in on me, just maybe my cousin wouldn't have tried to show me a thing or two--thank God her plans were unsuccessful and I wasn't naked, but still the feeling--it stayed with me for years."

I thought of sharing my encounter as a child with a female relative, but that isn't the point of this blog entry and I just don't want to rehash every little fart about my life.  Rather, I want to drive a point home, don't trust children alone for long periods of time, I repeat don't trust children alone!  I know on weekends you are tired and you want to sleep in, but seriously try waking up early or staying up late and going into your children's bedroom or anywhere in your home where children are supposed to be sleeping/playing/reading.  Also, check the basement, the closet, and any place that children enjoy creeping out of adult's site and quite possibly getting into a relative's stash.  Make periodic checks like a security guard, walk the backyard behind trees/treehouses, the side of the house, pop up at the neighbor's house where your child is visiting, the backseat of a car, in the family room behind the couch, and even in the bathroom, children who like to "play house" or who are older just looking for some time alone, watch them!

I know that sometimes we think that our children are innocent and wouldn't think about such things, but they will attempt to emulate what they see on TV sooner or later.  From sexy scenes to silly nude acts, whatever looks interesting to a child, they will try it.  Some are bolder than others.  Some are fearful they might get caught.  Some are sneaky and others are liars.  You  might think you know your child, but do you?

I will be the first to admit that I am the parent who sits back and observes my children's personalities in action and I think about what and who they have been exposed to.  My young boys have watched Disney and other shows when I wasn't around and liked looking at the teen shows.  So I decided to monitor them more closely, now my one son is talking about when he gets older what girl he likes and will marry etc.  I can't stand those teen shows with the boy crushes! Ugh!

My teen aged son has seen his share of things online when he was supposedly playing video games at a friend's house while living with his dad.  I was angry for a long time about that one.  Another son thought that "wrestling" with his brother was okay.  He didn't look very aggressive and moving like a snake on his brother is not a wrestling move--I put a stop to that quickly!  There is no showering together, hanging out in the bathroom, garage, closet, etc.  "What are you doing in there?" I shout.  Then I get off my butt and go see.  I can't honestly say or ensure anyone what might happen if they get around a girl or two especially when I have another son that is honestly looking like a young man, rather than a tween and the fast girls are just showing off legs, wearing tight shirts, and shaking their broke behinds already (notice I didn't say shake their money-makers!)

Oh yes, the joys of parenting...don't trust those kids, I'm telling you!  Let them earn your trust!  Pop up on them, "Hey just checking on you, what's up?" mom says.  Use a camera or two if you suspect something.  Don't believe they are having cookies and milk over their friend's house--lol!  Sorry that this blog entry sounds bad to those of you who just believe that your teen son or daughter isn't interested in boys and girls--hmmm what about girls and girls and boys and boys?  But hey, you just might save your daughter from getting pregnant or getting an STD or questioning whether she wants to bi-sexual, lesbian or straight after that interesting experience with her girlfriend--just saying. Who knows, you might be protecting your son from a potential identity crisis if you watched for signs that friends aren't really just friends. And maybe just maybe, you might prevent a fighting match with an angry parent banging on your front door accusing you or your child of something that he/she/you did or didn't do.  A situation like that happened when I was a teen, a girl lied to everyone in a summer program I was in about sneaking away with some boy-- you think her parents weren't ready to beat up on every instructor in the group!  I don't know what her experience was like with the strange boy, but it messed her up for life.

Sorry kids, I don't trust you.

Nicholl McGuire

Out of the Mouth of a Child

Mother: What are you doing with those white pieces of paper?

Five-year-old son: These are my ideas.  I cut them up into squares.

Mother: Oh.

The papers were blank.

It is our job to guide our children in directions that will motivate them to fill those blank pages in their minds up.  We can start by encouraging them to write or draw their likes and dislikes, what they see, how they feel, and most of all what they want to do to help others now and when they grow up.

Nicholl, When Mothers Cry Author and Blogger
See also Parents, Babies Children Blog

When Mothers Cry Radio Interview with Chris Moore

What Are We Training Our Children to Become?

Most people who are familiar with the Bible know about the scripture that reads, "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it," Proverbs 22:6, according to the English Standard Version of the Bible on BibleHub.com.  But are we really training children and what exactly are we training them for or are we mere servants to our children with them training us? 

We usher our children here and there, cook, clean, and admonish them sometimes.  Often inconsistent in our discipline on one issue or another, we find ourselves a nervous wreck at times trying to teach a child this new thing or that one most likely over and over again.  "Bring the dish into the kitchen, don't leave it there...I told you I wanted you to bring the laundry here and then separate the clothes like this...You don't leave your shoes there, you put them here..."  The instructions are given, but at times fall on deaf ears.  So what is the consequence? Another long speech, something gets taken away, or one is shamed in front of others?

I thought of this wise Proverb about training a child yet again (see my other blog entries about parenting children) when I looked at the way I was raised as well as others and compared those that were considered privileged children (having all basic needs met and many things that underprivileged children didn't have like two parents living under the same roof for starters) to those that were not-so fortunate. What I noticed was that the privileged children were practically running their own worlds.  Parents were usually doing whatever was asked of them while children didn't do what parents asked of them without a gripe. Some of these parents found the time to buy their children just one more thing they wanted while things like homework and other school activities were considered important depending on who you asked. 

I was guilty as charged, being that I was gone from my children for a time, when it came to giving them things they really didn't need.  It is always an adjustment to get my sons back on track with me since I am the least favorite parent because I expose the little games they like to play with the other parent. 

The underpriviledged children (those that had grown up with less as compared to others,) were often grateful to get what little they got, at times appeared polite and respectful.  While those that had much, seem to be disrespectful and spoiled when interacting with others--mainly parents.  So I began to ponder, what are we training our children to become?

So I thought about the things my own sons have and didn't have.  I thought about what I could do to improve their atmospheres, their bodies, minds, and spiritual selves.  I asked them what their needs and wants were.  And when it was all said and done, they needed nothing.  They had the educational items as well as the entertaining ones to help them mentally and physically.  They had tools to create, perform, build, etc.  They had more than enough items to help with basic needs like food, clothing and shelter.  These boys had need of nothing!  Then I took what I learned and thought about their future since their present was covered.

As long as we are proactive in our children's lives and teach them how to be better people than we, then I can say confidently that we have done the best we can.  We must consider that there are three parts to us human beings--mind, body and spirit.  What can we do to improve all three besides giving our children things while continuing to look back on a past that we may have lacked this thing and that one with our own parents?  Can we, as parents, bring conversation, affection, consequence to rebellious behaviors, respect, praise, love, etc. to our children daily?  And what might be the end result to all this training, a child that grows up to be a man or woman who might share what he or she has learned from us (good, bad and otherwise) to others like we did after leaving our parents.  Maybe a son or daughter might learn to be more generous when we think he or she is being selfish.  Maybe this young person will turn out to be extraordinary and do great things for humanity.  Of course, there are the alternatives if we, society and/or they don't get it right.  But whatever our children become, we must remember to train these children above everything else!  Train, train and train some more!  When is the last time you sat down and read the Bible?  When was the last time you shared a life lesson with your child?  When was the last time you told them what to do and how to do it?  When was the last time you checked in to find out if he or she has the basic skills in order to survive in this doggy dog world?

If we want children to be more this or that, we must be willing to change the way we are training them.  We must put aside our bias persepctives and defensive mentalities when a wise person calls us out on what we are and aren't doing when it comes to raising our children. 

We can see when training needs to be done at a job and dealing with fellow employees, so why can't we see this when dealing with our children?  If your current training isn't producing the results you want, change it!  Cultivate an atmosphere that goes along with your new system of parenting.  You desire a bright child?  Then put more books and educational programs in front of them complete with your presence, your training and your wisdom.  You want a child to be more focused?  Then take away all the unimportant things that are distracting him or her. 

The more you expect from your child, the more you will need to be present in his or her life.  A child can't raise his or herself--that's why they need us!  Successful children are not born over night, they need to be trained.  So I challenge my readers, as well as myself, to do the kinds of things in our homes that will make children listen more, help out more, learn more, and so on. 

Whatever we want from our children, they will need more of us and less stuff.

Nicholl McGuire 

Too Funny! Moms Rap about Motherhood

Taking a Break or Being Lazy?

When you really desire to take a break from being Mom is when you know you need to be. 

Hello, I'm Nicholl McGuire and today I would like to share some thoughts about being a mom.

I took a break not that long ago from children yet again.  I have made a point to do this periodically, because for me it isn't easy being a Mom.  I have done the whole "I can't be away from my children" super mom stuff in the past and to be quite honest, I put myself in the hospital.  So breaks for me is a good thing.

Not everyone can parent well when there is much work, opposition, trouble, trial--you name it--all around.  Just when you think you are doing great with so much activity going on, there are a few witnesses looking on the outside in saying, "Not so.  You feed the children too much.  You buy them too many things.  You let them play too many video games.  They are involved in too much.  When do you make time to nurture your relationship with your spouse?"  Get my point?

So sometimes you can't do it all and well either.  Those "I can't do..." feelings will come especially during the school year that will say, "Don't get up this morning.  Don't cook, clean or do anything else." 

There is a time to take a break, but there are those times that one must fight through the feelings of "I don't want to..." and just do anyway.  Surfing the Internet for entertainment purposes is simply not important.  Watching TV, talking on the phone, shopping, visiting relatives, hanging out with neighbors and friends are all past-times, but they aren't significant when children need to be trained on basic things like cleaning up after themselves,  the house needs to be cleaned, trash needs to be taken out, clothes laundered, and meals cooked.  But sometimes a lazy spirit has a way of showing up and telling you that all things "fun, nice, and great" need your attention ASAP.  Don't be fooled!  That is how we mothers end up falling behind with preparing meals, doing chores, putting children to bed, paying bills, writing letters, answering emails, making business calls, etc.  Think of those times when you stayed on the phone far too long and every thing you had planned for that day ended up not being accomplished?  Procrastination got in the way of duties.   

Like children, husbands will need attention.  You may be too weary one day, then two, then three and so on to meet his needs.  But if you let too many days, weeks, and months go by, problems will occur in your relationship that will eventually affect your parenting skills and your children's behavior and performance in school.  Avoid the temptation to act like a lazy lover and do what you can to get some more energy even if it means cutting back on some of that after school hustle and bustle.  Remember give your man some lovin'! 

In closing, make the time for you when you can, but recognize the difference between a break and just being lazy.

Nicholl McGuire
See my parenting blog for families with mixed age groups http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

What Would You Do? Food Stamps Single Mother Of 4 Children

Back to school...

This summer seems so short--the end is coming upon us very quickly.  If you spent anytime in the Pittsburgh area, you may have noticed how unusually rainy this summer has been.  With many rainy days, there has been plenty of time to stay indoors and think about back to school and all that comes with it. 

Just when I sat back one day and finally had a moment to myself, I realized that school was starting very soon for one set of my boys and the other set would be starting later.  There was not enough time or money to get them everything they needed, all at the same time.  So here's what you do when you can't buy for every child right away...at least what I have found that has helped me over the years when buying items for back to school.

1.  You enlist the help of others (relatives, friends, and even people who enjoy celebrating birthdays).  When those who sincerely love you and your children, they will answer the call if you clearly state what it is that you need from them.  From babysitting to buying a pair of socks or putting a few dollars in your hand, let these people know what your concerns are and who knows what they might do whether a small gift or a large favor?

2.  Don't worry that you can't get all at the same time; instead note the things that are most needed and get them one child at a time.  Put off buying items for the children who you know can wait.  For instance, if Johnny needs shoes and Rayanne needs a backpack, look at which situation between the two needs immediate attention and which one can be put off until payday.

3.  Search Internet for "cheap..." and include what you need when you are on a tight budget.  Also, don't sleep on classified ads and flea markets/swap meets either.

4.  Ask for donations when you can't seem to make ends meet.  Visit a church, nonprofit organization, or discount store and tell manager about your needs.  Post fliers in public areas and online.  You can always offer a service in exchange for a product.

5.  Do set aside money for whatever cost the most and is very important to get right away.  Sometimes moms will put off what is most needed just to appease a child who is "being good" or will simply forget what is important and buy something else that isn't needed.  Put a reminder somewhere within eye contact so that you can see what it is that you need to be saving your money for and avoid distractions to keep you from getting the items.

6.  Lastly, seek sale, bargain, clearance, buy one, get one, and free shipping above all things!  Forget the regular price anything and if you can't use a coupon or get some break on or offline, even after shopping around, consider it a sign, hold off, you just might have a blessing right around the corner.

With all the things that you readers have to do, be sure that you are making quality time with children and preparing them for back to school issues that may arise with their peers, God bless!

Nicholl

Fighting The Pressures Of Motherhood « CBS Pittsburgh

When you have the opportunity to share your experiences good, bad and otherwise, you do it in such a way to help others see the light, escape their misery, and seek the peace they need to get through another day.  If you are a mother who is having some trouble parenting while maintaining a relationship, know that there are many like you who don't mind speaking the truth.  Seek out meetups in your area, counseling, church, and other resources that will help you solve your parental issues--do it, before it's too late!

Fighting The Pressures Of Motherhood « CBS Pittsburgh

When Mothers Cry Author Nicholl McGuire will be on KDKA Radio 1020 AM

Author/Poet Nicholl McGuire is currently visiting relatives and friends in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania.  She will be speaking on the radio about her book, When Mothers Cry, and this blog.  The live interview will air on the Chris Moore Show for one hour, Sunday, August 4, 2013 at 4:05 p.m.  Listeners and readers of this blog are encouraged to join in on the discussion. The call in number is 1-866-391-1020.

 

 

Post Partum Depression is More than Just a Week of Baby Blues

New mothers need support especially those with a history of mental illness.

Resources for Moms in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania

MEETUPS

Moms Meetups

Stay at Home Moms Meetups

Work at Home Moms Meetups


SUPPORT GROUPS/RESOURCES

Family Support Groups

Resources for Single Moms in Pittsburgh

Grief and Loss

Rape

Crisis Intervention Hotlines

Adult Rehabilitation Centers

Crisis Nursery Center

Adult Depression and Anxiety

DATING GUIDE

Consumer Affairs Dating Services

Postpartum Depression A Serious, Treatable Condition

Imagine Coming Home To This! Clever Marketing Plan But Mom is Freaking Out.

Pittsburgh Relief Nursery for Families Who Need Help Caring for Children

If you live in Pittsburgh Pennsylvania there is a place that will help children and families in crisis.  The group is called Jeremiah's Place.  This crisis nursery provides no-cost emergency care for young children (up to age six) whose families are temporarily unable to care for them for a number of reasons.

To learn more about Jeremiah's Place, you can call 412-444-5863 or email:jeremiahplacepgh@gmail.com  You can also visit the website: Jeremiah's Place.

Poem: When Mothers Cry

When mothers cry,
tears don't lie.

They don't sigh,
prepared to die.

Why?

When the pain has been too much to bear
when disappointments have left her in despair,
she says, "Why do I care?"
While many mothers just swear.

Mother is in that place of disgrace,
she needs to move on, get out of a negative space.

Children mean far more than what some think,
need to find ways to avoid the brink.

Can't do it alone, you hear her moan.
Witnesses don't offer a payday loan.

So when something happens, like things get bad,
all people do is say, "How sad?"

But when it is you and happy moments are few,
now you are saying, "What should I do?"

A mind still stable, a mind still able,
a mother with food on her table,
she can still think, she doesn't need to drink.

But one who is gone, lost and confused,
she is the one who is on the news,
she is going to hurt those she loves,
while little bodies are placed in gloves.

You see, just when you think you know it all,
that's when life throws you a curved ball,
then you have to stand real tall,
look beyond "me time" at a mall.

Support crying mothers and help them out
especially when you hear them shout.
Don't worry over your personal clout,
and what may have brought it all about.

Hold on to God's unchanging hand,
and help a mother's tired legs to stand.

Nicholl McGuire

A Mothers Fear...An Adult Woman Becoming Pregnant by a Teen Boy

The Untold Stories of Motherhood

"A Mother's Cry" sung by Minister Alice Duncan

Parents: Teach your children the importance of reading this summer...

Dreaming about Children, Relationships, Work?

Sometimes we are too busy to pay attention to spiritual warnings, ideas and more during our waking hours.  Therefore, our dreams will move us to think about things we wouldn't ordinarily.  What are your dreams saying to you?  Pray.  Ask God for some assistance on interpreting your dreams and do what needs to be done to bring peace to your situation.

Children, Young People Don't Underestimate Them

Children were put on this earth beyond what we think as parents.  We falsely assume that we know everything concerning our child.  We don't bother to ask what might God want us to do with them.  We throw everything at them and expect them to be okay.  But woe to that man or woman who tempts a child to do wrong, to live a godless life and act in evil and immoral ways.  Watch the video and ask the Lord to help you put your child on a righteous path that leads him or her toward the loving arms of Jesus.  But keep in mind, one's child will be faced with trials and tribulations along the way, stay in prayer.

“Oh no, you didn’t!” What to do when kids tell you they want to live with the other parent

So you thought you were going to live happily ever after once you got custody of your children?  Think again.
http://www.divorceandchildren.com/parentingapart/what-to-do-when-kids-tell-you-they-want-to-live-with-your-ex/

Stop Crying about Your Children Holding You Back!

When you are ready to return to the workforce, you might want to check out some websites online that will help you professionally and personally.  Don't let intimate relationship, financial woes, and parenting challenges hold you back!

Learn more about the following:

Childcare

How to Get Free Childcare http://www.ehow.com/how_5133651_low-cost-child-care-assistance.html

Education

Life Experience University Degrees http://www.ehow.com/info_8170629_life-experience-university-degrees.html

Life Experience Degrees Reviews http://www.degreeadvice.com/diploma_guide.html

9 Reasons To Earn An Accredited Life Experience Degreehttp://almedacollege.com/accredited-life-experience-degree/

Note:  Also check out http://workplaceproblems.blogspot.com

Driver's License

Learner's Permit Test http://freedmvpracticetests.com/?utm_source=Overture&utm_medium=PPC&utm_campaign=FreeDMV20q&utm_term=learners%20permit%20test

Road Rules Test http://www.firsttimedriver.com/practice_test/permit-practice-test.aspx

Driving Tips with Accredited Driving Instructor http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbMcKhTK3pA

How to Make Extra Cash

101 Ways to Make Money Online http://www.101waystomakemoney.com/

Workersonboard http://www.youtube.com/user/Super2moms?feature=watch