A Word from Blog Owner and Author of When Mothers Cry Encouraging Expectant Mothers

 Dear Expectant Moms,

I know that being pregnant and preparing to become a mom can be overwhelming. You may be questioning your readiness and feeling like you don’t have the support or resources to get through it. But I am here to reassure you that becoming a mom is an amazing experience, and with the right guidance, you can do it.

Being a mom will bring plenty of joy and great moments that you can’t even begin to imagine. Your bond with your child will be unparalleled, and the feeling of motherhood is incomparable. As a new mom, you have an incredible opportunity to shape this little person’s life by showing them love and guiding them through their development.

Teen moms may be especially worried about not being ready, but you have time to prepare for the task of parenting. You can start by exploring your options and learning more about the resources available to you. For example, many states provide programs specifically designed to meet the needs of pregnant or new moms who are in high school. These resources may include financial assistance, prenatal care, and even support services for parenting.

No matter what age you are, remember that you can be a great parent with the right tools and guidance. Utilize your family and friends for advice and moral support as well as national resources to provide a solid foundation for you on your parenting journey.

You got this!

I am a wife, mother of four sons and have relocated many times in my life. Through each life challenge I have learned perseverance. When you continue to rise above circumstances, you are a better teacher, spouse, parent, employee...so stay strong! For more information about my journey, check out When Mothers Cry available on Amazon. God bless.

Nicholl 

Common Mistakes Women Make When They Find Out They Are Pregnant

The moment a woman finds out she is pregnant is one that is full of excitement, joy, and anticipation. It's a moment that most women have been dreaming of for years, and it's finally here. However, it's also a moment that can be overwhelming, nerve-wracking, and even a bit scary. There's a lot to think about, plan for, and consider. Unfortunately, during all that excitement and emotion, pregnant women can often make mistakes that can be detrimental to their health and the health of their growing baby. In this blog post, we'll discuss some of the most common mistakes women make when they find out they are pregnant and how to avoid them.

Waiting too long to start prenatal care

One of the most important things you can do for yourself, and your growing baby is to start prenatal care as soon as possible. Unfortunately, many women make the mistake of waiting too long to schedule their first appointment with an OB/GYN. This can be dangerous because early prenatal care is essential for monitoring your health, detecting any potential complications, and starting a healthy pregnancy.

Not eating enough nutritious foods

Another common mistake that women make when they find out they are pregnant is not eating enough of the right kinds of foods. It's important to remember that during pregnancy, you are not just eating for one but for two. You need to provide your growing baby with the nutrients and vitamins they need to thrive. This means eating a varied diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and protein.

Continuing to engage in unhealthy habits

Many women continue to engage in unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking, or drug use even after they find out they are pregnant. It's essential to remember that anything you consume, or inhale goes directly to your growing baby and can have severe consequences. If you have any harmful habits, now is the time to quit for good.

Not getting enough rest

Pregnancy can be exhausting, and it's essential to make sure you are getting enough rest. Unfortunately, many women make the mistake of not prioritizing their sleep and instead push themselves to exhaustion. It's important to remember that your body is working hard to grow a baby, and it needs rest to do so effectively.

Stressing too much

Finally, it's important to remember that stress can have a severe impact on your health and the health of your growing baby. Many women make the mistake of stressing too much about every little detail of their pregnancy, which can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. It's essential to find ways to manage your stress, whether that's through meditation, exercise, or talking to a therapist.

Pregnancy is an exciting journey, but it can also be a challenging one. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can help ensure that you have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby. Remember to prioritize your health and your growing baby's health by scheduling early prenatal care, eating a healthy diet, quitting any harmful habits, prioritizing rest, and managing your stress. And if you ever have any concerns or questions, don't hesitate to reach out to your doctor. Together, you can navigate this exciting and life-changing journey.

Get your copy of When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire a timeless book that shares the highs and lows of motherhood, you are not alone! Available on Amazon.

What are mistakes that you made when you first found out you were pregnant? Feel free to share in the comments below. If you would like to be featured on this blog, please send your request using the contact form on this blog.

Gifts for the Mothers To Be, New Mom Gift Ideas

We give back to our new moms, those women who want very much to be good moms!  They have a long road ahead and they will need all the support they can get.  I have been around my share of pregnant women most recently and I will tell you that to feel their excitement about being a mom soon is catchy!  I like that they are eager about their new endeavor with their newborn.  I also don't mind giving to them either.  The last gift for one new mom was diapers, wipes and a gift card.  She was very grateful and mentioned that she had never seen so many diapers in such a large box.  Us moms know how new babies go through diapers!  So to save some time shopping, I included gifts below that new moms these days would absolutely appreciate!  Happy giving and thanks for supporting this blog!

3 Signs You Might Be Pregnant With Twins | Parents

Teen Moms - Resources are Everywhere - If You Look

So I was checking for some mother support groups and what did I stumble upon?  A resource center here in Colorado to help teen moms.  The immense amount of assistance out there is staggering for a child who decided to have unprotected sex with her boyfriend or unfortunately was a victim of a sexual assault that resulted in a pregnancy. 

Hope House of Colorado has a long list of "I Needs..." on the front page of their site.  The organization's mission is "to empower parenting teenage moms to strive for personal and economic self-sufficiency and to understand their significance in God’s sight, resulting in a healthy future for them, and for their children."

A pregnant teen needs information about things like: completing school, choosing quality friends, parenting or relationship advice, baby supplies, free housing, a job, a mentor, etc.  The workers at Hope House have answers.  However, with so much support out there for young parents, it isn't any wonder why some teens slip up, once, twice, three times or more, they know where to find help. 

If you are a parent who has recently found out you will be a grandparent and to be quite honest, you aren't happy about it, don't hesitate to reach out to groups in your community that help teen parents.  Start with using keywords "teen mom support groups" + "teen parent resources" for specific searches add local churches you are familiar with, human services, shelters and also include your city and state.

All the best to you!

Like It or Not She's a Mother

For the mother who is having a hard time parenting her own children, she can either be a blessing or a curse to a relative or friend's life who is expecting.  Her occasional negativity, criticism, frustration, and anger about being a parenting can reign on the unsuspecting's parade.  Yet, one has to rise above the scorned woman and look beyond the negative scope of her views.

Admittedly I didn't plan on becoming a mother, but I also didn't plan on the mean-spiritedness to follow when I broke the news to others that I was pregnant four different times in my life.

The disappointed and judgmental attitudes that showed up on the faces of divorced mothers, mothers who just had babies, mothers who had long ago had babies and the child-free was something I will never forget.  What was wrong with these mothers?  It wasn't like I was a child having a child and even if that was the case, being mean isn't going to help matters.  Their words didn't sound like encouragement when they would say, "You pregnant?  When did this happen?  Why didn't you protect yourself?  Don't expect me to watch your baby!  Wow, I hope for the best...but what about..."

Mothers have to do a better job uplifting soon-to-be mothers.  It's unfortunate that so many moms have had their share of bad experiences which I share in my book, When Mothers Cry, but at the end of the day, your relative or friend is a new mother-- one who has chosen to bring life in the world whether the time is right or not or whether they had the baby for right or wrong reasons.

I commend those grandmothers who step up to the plate and help their daughters and grandaughters during their pregnancy challenges.  It can be such a lonely and depressing experience especially when one is pregnant by a partner who she doesn't like or love and has her share of regrets.  Those "could have, should have" conversations don't matter when a baby is on his or her way.  If anything, the words of wisdom should be about caring for one's child, coming up with additional ways to finance the needs of the child, and seeking parental resources.

With so much negativity already occurring in the world and more to come, if there is anything we should be positive about is life, ready or not.

Nicholl McGuire

My Reaction to 4 Pregnancies Discoveries at Different Time Periods in My Life

Baby What!? - 1999

Oh no, so not ready!  I am 24 but feel like I'm 18!  I have plans--lots of them!  This can't be happening.  God do something, you know I'm not ready!  I didn't want to have a baby right now and not with this guy--he was supposed to be a friend--(sigh).

Baby Why? - 2000

Yes, why?  What was I thinking isn't this the guy--my so-called friend--who I caught creeping (he had been cheating and hiding his pagers at the time--yeah I just dated myself).  So why did I use the calendar method again!?  I married him, I really married this guy, so this is supposed to make things alright?  Still pregnant...still settling.

Baby When? - 2006

Newly divorced, new life, new guy.  Uh oh, I think I remember when.  I felt odd that night after our love-making.  Something was different, I felt like I didn't like him much afterward.  Yep, I remember when (oh boy!) That reaction turned into "not now" I really didn't feel like I knew my new boyfriend that well. Besides, I met him on the Internet.  Were we ever going to take that trip we both planned?  Nope.  I think I feel sick.   Baby two was supposed to be the last one--stupid doctor knew I was out of it when he asked me about getting my tubes tied--he said a long name--hell, I didn't know what he was saying!  Of course I would have said yes! I am a bit angry...what's up with the red tape...Baby three was supposed to be it--but they couldn't perform the fallopian tube removal surgery that August, so back into my room I went, crying--money, money (sigh).  I can feel it, another baby in my future--I don't want a daughter, God.

How? - 2007

April 2007 expect to deliver baby December 2007, you gotta be kidding!  God we had this talk already.  Seriously, how?  I took 28 birth control pills for 28 days and was on my way to the CVS to get my refill when I noticed my stomach was a little puffier than usual.  Doctor said he put me on a low dose birth control pill since I was breast-feeding and I forgot about back up protection (sigh).  Dad's reaction (same father of "When?"), attitude, lots of attitude.  The next nine months was interesting to say the least--had last baby successfully.  Thank God, future pregnancy complications if I don't get surgery, says nurse--yes!  Fallopian removal surgery a success.  I told you I didn't want anymore children.  Four sons is enough, thank you Jesus!

Nicholl

What to Do When You Discover Your Son is a Father

In his early forties, he would have never thought it would happen to him, a father, former boxer now a grandfather. His handsome 16 going on 17 year old son, popular, a high school football player, now a father! “How could this be?” the father thought. He cussed, fussed, acted violently with anyone who was in his way. “I don’t want to be a grandfather! He told me he was using condoms! He said she put the condom on! I told him never let a girl put the condom on! She poked holes in it! I can’t believe this!” But he had to believe it. After the anger wore off, he and his son’s mother had to figure out something, but what?

You may be in a similar situation. So what do you do? The first step is to find your peace of mind, so that you can be of assistance to your child and his girlfriend. What that means is find someone or something that can help you take control of your thoughts and emotions so that you can think clearly. Some people take vacations during the heat of a crisis and others consult with a beloved family member or friend. Without peace of mind, you will only further aggravate the already complicated situation.

In the true story described earlier, the girl’s mother had a hard time hearing about her 15 year old daughter being pregnant. The gorgeous girl was an honors student and all her mother could do was witness her child’s future flash and then disappear before her eyes. She was so hurt by her daughter’s irresponsibility that she said some hurtful things about her boyfriend and her daughter to the both of them, the kind of things that may forever scar both children. The mother wasn’t ready to be a grandmother. She was so emotionally wounded, that she kicked her daughter out the minute she heard the news. The girl had nowhere to go, but to her boyfriend’s home. At least his parents had found their peace of mind in time to open their doors to her. But it wouldn’t be easy for the girl to live in her boyfriend’s parent’s home, for they would now preach abstinence despite it being less than a couple of years prior to the pregnancy that the boy’s father was providing him with condoms. The mother-to-be was to sleep on the couch in the basement while the father was to remain in his room during the night. They could never be in any part of the house alone.

So how do you handle the news that your son and his girlfriend are pregnant?

Assuming that you already spoke to your son, meet with him again. Find out if his thoughts about his situation have changed. How are the girl’s parents handling the news, that is, if she told them? Does she plan on getting an abortion? Does your son want her to abort? You may run into a situation where he doesn’t want the child and she does. Then what? He may be willing to give over all his rights to the child’s mother, but does that mean that future child support payments will go away? Can she still sue? You will need to consult with an attorney to find out all the details.

Your son and his girlfriend may agree to give the child up for adoption. Someone within your family or hers may want to care for the baby until they can manage. Whatever he and his girlfriend may decide, avoid the temptation to name call, talk about how miserable their life will be, or say or do anything that could jeopardize your relationship with your child and future grandchild. Your son and/or his girlfriend may be in a fragile state of mind and you don’t want to be responsible for pushing him or her over the edge.
    
Meet with the couple

Once you and your son have talked, arrange a date to meet with his girlfriend. You will want to know what her intentions are. There may be discrepancies in their story, she may have changed her mind concerning the baby, and she may be having trouble communicating with her own parents and friends. Provide any advice that could help the both of them.

Meet with the parents

You will want to notify the girl that you will be contacting her parents. Arrange to meet with them either in the presence of a school administrator, a teen pregnancy counselor, or some other person who can act as a witness. In the event that there is ever a future legal battle, you do not want to be making agreements with these people that could be used against you later. Think about what questions you will ask her parents such as what are their intentions concerning the care of the baby. Will they be buying diapers, food, milk etc. for the newborn as well?

Meet with the school

Contact a school nurse and/or counselor to provide you with a list of teen pregnancy resources in your area. Your son and his girlfriend will need to be present so that they can apply for free aid.

Arrange parenting classes and any other special program you have heard about

Once you, your son and/or his girlfriend have made appointments, he or she should conduct any research on obtaining employment until the baby arrives. Unfortunately, now that a baby is on the way, some of those extracurricular activities may have to be dropped temporarily unless the family is willing to chip in for the care of their future addition while the children start focusing on completing high school.

If neither parent on either side wants the young couple and their newborn to live with them, learn about independent living programs in your area for teen parents. The program criteria is different depending on where the teen lives, how old he or she is, whether they income qualify, etc.

Make room in your home

If the children do not qualify for independent living, you or her parents will need to figure out how to make room in your home for baby items. You will also have to consider finding some place in the home for your son to care for his baby when he or she awakes through the night especially if there are other young children living in the home.

Join a support group

Receiving news about your child having a child isn’t easy and being around others who understand and can empathize with your struggle can bring your spirits up. Avoid being around people who can’t be of any assistance to you or your son. The last thing you need right now is someone igniting your fire by blaming and judging you as a parent or negatively commenting about your child’s action or inaction.

As a believer, remember to pray.  You will need the hand of God to help you during challenging times with your son and his family.

Nicholl McGuire is the owner of this blog and the author of When Mothers Cry and Tell Me Mother You're Sorry.

Sometimes, Pregnancy Is Rubbish. And That’s OK

There’s a prevailing myth that we’re supposed to ‘bloom’ when we’re pregnant. Ripe with the joys of the life growing inside us, we pregnant ladies waft through the world, trailing a warm glow of love as we go. Our skin shall be radiant, our hair shall gleam, and our bodies shall revel in their proven fecundity. Of course, we shall have the odd minor moment of discomfort as the due date approaches, and sometimes our hormones may get a little uppity, but in the main we shall be glorious beacons of maternal femininity.

As many of us know, the reality of pregnancy is often quite, quite different. How can pregnancy make you feel utterly horrible? Let us count the ways…

• Morning sickness. Ugh. Doubly ugh as it often occurs early in pregnancy, so you have to cope with it while working and trying to conduct your life as normal.
• Swollen ankles.
• Swollen everything else.
• Mood swings. One moment you’re sobbing with love at a puppy on the television, the next you’re threatening to eviscerate your partner because they breathed in an irritating manner.
• The sheer, sometimes agonizing impracticality that is a vertical biped hauling a small human around in its belly. Humans are very poorly designed indeed when it comes to pregnancy and childbirth.
• Braxton Hicks. A cruel, cruel trick.
• The perpetual worries about the birth, the baby, and everything in between and beyond.
• Backache. Often permanent.
• Sore breasts.
• Sore everything.
• Insomnia.
• Fatigue.
• And much, much too much more.

The reality is that, far from being the magical experience that we are often expected to have, pregnancy can be hellish. This is particularly true for those with mental health problems, especially if those problems are related to body image. The huge changes one’s body goes through at pregnancy can cause some very serious issues for these people, potentially making both mother and child very ill indeed. But even when we’re otherwise pretty healthy, pregnancy is frequently not the joy we’re supposed to believe that it is. So, if you’re pregnant, and feeling pretty rubbish, don’t worry. Don’t feel guilty, don’t feel like you’re in some way deficient, or unfeminine, or letting your child down by not enjoying your pregnancy. You’re not. What you’re experiencing is perfectly natural. What is unnatural is this bizarre insistence on pretending that pregnancy is all smiles and rainbows and that elusive ‘glow’. Don't fall for it, and don't get guilt about how you feel!

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire excerpt on So-Called Charming Men

From the father who finds his electronics more significant than his kids to the unavailable, soon-to-be dad who strikes up conversations with young women in stores (knowing full well his pregnant woman is waiting outside in the car), some Dads are masters at charming the public too while hiding their dark sides (check out my book Say Goodbye to Dad). These slick good guys will stare at eye candy in the hopes of getting some attention. Then they will follow up their looks with icebreakers they think their targets would like to hear--sometimes with family in tote. What do they care? Once again, these men aren't concerned about their lady friends, girlfriends, lovers, children, or spouses that are nearby or elsewhere waiting on them. I have seen this play out many times when attending family reunions, church events, birthday celebrations, outings at the mall, and even while sitting in the car as a child with my cousins waiting for one of my uncles. 

Charming men dismiss their devious thoughts and ways as "just flirting...I treat all the ladies like this...I'm just a man, I'm not Jesus...Every man does it." Yet, Mr. Public Charmer turns into Mr. Abuser if his partner behaves like him, doesn't do what he says, and is frequently exposing him on his foolish behaviors. Sometimes the scheming, toxic man gets a dose of his own poison. "Why is she spending so much time talking to that man? She sure is doing a lot of smiling. Let me go over here and see what's going on. She knows I will hurt her about that..." the hot-tempered man tells loved ones. If Daddy Charmer is separated or divorced from a wife or girlfriend he may nitpick about who she (or other lovers) is seeing and what men are around his children since their breakup. "Why do you need to know?" His former partner asks. "Woman, I can ask you whatever I want! You want me to give you another a$$ whippin' like before?" the angry man retorts. "See, that's why we broke up! You always want to jump on me when you're mad!" his girlfriend yells.

Daddy Charmer goes on with his life, but not his victims without a fight. Some of these men end up being stalkers on and off the Internet. They harass their women with phone calls, unannounced visits, frequent places they go, badmouth them to others, and sometimes enlist the help of friends to watch their exes. This is why many mothers end up leaving the state with children or leaving them behind with their fathers. It is a headache living with these men and after a breakup; sometimes it takes years before you can make the headaches go away.

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire
Get the book today and hopefully you just might save yourself or someone you love from an emotionally and/or physically abusive man!

When Mothers Cry - Too Much Activity, Slow Down

Something is happening with many mothers all across our land.  The school year hasn't long been underway and yet they are tired, impatient, and easily angered.  They have hot flashes, mood swings, headaches, and other pain.  Partners are bewildered.  Children stare from a distance.  "There is something wrong with Mommy," they think.  But no one cares too much after the tears, yells, and door slamming.  An hour or two later someone will be asking poor mom, "Where did you put my....and what are we having for dinner?  I need your help with..."  The family doesn't seem to care too much.  Life goes on.

Health issues will arise as a mother ages whether she is currently young or mature and one day she will be unable to put her medical conditions off any longer.  Not that long ago, I had a dream where myself and a young lady were in a hospital room together.  I felt like we were there for surgeries.  Neither of us were pregnant.  It was obvious to me that we were waiting on doctors to fix our situations which we didn't talk about in the dream.  This sort of thing happens in our waking life, we know we have our share of challenges, but making the time to deal with them is a fight especially when people seem not to care.

A relative once told me that if you don't care about you, who will?  So true.  The warning signs are there as our bodies transition and so too are the supplements, prescriptions, healthy food, exercise, and more that we need to ease many of our symptoms.  But what also has to occur for stressed out mothers to get back on the fast track toward healing is needed peace and quiet.  Rest is essential.  If it means you have to take a personal day off from work, save money to enlist the help of a babysitter or relative or scale down on those extracurricular activities, you will need to do it, if not for you, for those who are troubled by your fluctuating emotions.  I know for a fact doing these things has helped me and others that I know.  I am a strong advocate for doing less to alleviate stress.

1.  Walk more--no matter your size.
2.  Watch your portion sizes and eat healthy meals.  Look up some recipe ideas.
3.  Stretch especially after a meal.
4.  Listen to calming music.
5.  Create a schedule for yourself that includes time away from partner and children.
6.  Meditate about positive and inspiring things.
7.  Pray and get in touch with your Creator.  Ask Him to show you things about yourself and provide healing for your troubled soul.

As mothers, we can easily fall into the trap of "I care" to the point that you are acting ugly toward others.  Some moms are competitive about there so called, "I care" statements.  Witnesses usually see selfishness and greed show up with many of these women.  It isn't that they care so much, but they have a drive to be on top of everything and everyone.  They eventually burn out or worse end up in hospitals like what I saw in my dream.  Here we were an older and younger woman, both attractive, and attempting to smile through our pain and neither of us would dare share what our weaknesses were with the other.  We were waiting for the doctors to fix us.

Something to think about.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books, maintains useful blogs, and has been inspiring people on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7 since 2008.

Abused, Pregnant Women - Many Dads are Ill Prepared for Hormonal Women

Homicide is the second leading cause of death for pregnant women; the first is car accidents.

On average, 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. Over the course of a year, that equals more than 10 million women and men. 

These statistics and more are what has been reported by the Center for Disease Control.  The fact is many people are in violent relationships where things like: hitting, kicking, tripping, slapping, spitting, pushing, and more go on between adults when they are angry and this sort of behavior is accepted.  What's worse, these issues increase when a woman becomes pregnant, miscarries or has some other health issues.  Also, keep in mind that some pregnant women still drink alcohol, smoke and use drugs.  See here for facts.

Some couples, who have not experienced such things in their relationship, would consider abusive situations, "crazy," child's play, immature, ignorant, silly, and strange.  However, the mentally unstable are among us from the pregnant woman whose hormones are out of control to the man who lost his mind when he found out his job is no more, there is a baby on the way, and he has little or no savings.  So what do you think might happen between the already stressed out pair?  Emotional turmoil and war about any and everything.  The expectant dad doesn't understand why his pregnant partner is snappy, often complaining, experiencing crying spells, irritable, and impatient.  He yells, curses, or assumes she is trying to get his attention.  All of these things are a part of pregnancy.  We lose sight of the fact that what appears to be so common and routine for so many women is emotionally and physically challenging to all from at home to the workplace.

Bringing another human being in this world is not only a life altering experience but a traumatic one and a woman never returns to that person she was before having children.  Men who are wishful for the good old days, need to face this fact and neither are they the same once they become dads.  Treating a woman like a child, threatening violence because one can't understand why she acts so strangely, or doing other things to gain power and control over a hormonal woman solves nothing!  If anything, the poor baby she is carrying might be negatively impacted in some way and worse some pregnant women will retaliate putting their babies at risk of being injured.

Out of all of the statistics I read about domestic and dating violence, the one above about pregnant women dying as a result of homicides struck me the most.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard, viewed media or had a discussion about a pregnant woman complaining or even fighting her trouble-making or uncaring boyfriend or husband.  He knows full well she isn't altogether in her mind, yet he continues to treat her like she should continue to treat him like she always had, care for the children, work long hours, etc.  He expects his partner to perform for him (pregnant and all) without missing a beat.  

Being with a cold man, controlling, or mean-spirited can wreck havoc on a relationship and cause major upset.  A troubled pregnant woman can also cause much strife in the household.  Someone in the household must keep it together for the sake of the family.  The homicide fact proves a person reached his or her breaking point with a pregnant woman or vice versa.

Verbal and physical abuse does nothing more than keep couples at war with one another.  Imagine the poor baby arriving sad, nervous, and upset because of his or her unhappy parents.  No wonder some children are not as calm as others, consider the environments they are born into and the people who govern them. 

Once a man hears he is expecting a baby, there should be a nurse or doctor encouraging the couple to attend counseling sessions that specifically deal with mental health issues that might arise not just classes about baby development and deep breathing exercises.   There is plenty of health information provided about what happens monthly and after delivery (which I doubt some men even bother to read--I personally know some who didn't). But not enough is being done when it comes to preparing men for possible mental breakdowns with themselves and their partners, explosive temperaments, depression, babies that cry much, various bodily pain, and more.

We all know that bringing babies into the world is a blessing, but more awareness is needed when it comes to mental health challenges.  Having a family is not only a blessing, but one of the most challenging things one can ever do in his or her lifetime and when a person is already unstable, unhappy, uncaring, and more, it only makes matters worse.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, mothers and fathers do get the book if you are expecting and those who know someone who doesn't have a clue about motherhood, please send them my book.  I wrote it when I had my newborn, toddler, tween and almost a teen staying with my husband and I--talk about stress!  God bless.

Skincare Safe Products During Pregnancy

When you’re pregnant, your body undergoes dozens of changes, and your skin might experience some issues as well. Luckily, many skin issues that you encounter during pregnancy are temporary and disappear soon after you give birth; however, for the more uncomfortably skin issues, there are several pregnancy-safe skincare products that you can use for common skincare issues during pregnancy. For example, if you encounter melasma (the darkening of the skin on your face), you can suppress skin pigmentation with prescription products containing azelaic acid and topical vitamin C.

Soy-based sunscreens have been shown to have some effect on lightening the skin. Similarly, for stretch marks, which 90% of women experience during pregnancy, moisturizer can improve the appearance and reduce itchiness, while it’s been suggested that topical creams containing glycolic acid and/or green tea might prevent stretch marks. Increased blood circulation during the third trimester may cause pregnant women to have puffy eyelids and faces, especially in the morning. In this case, DIY treatments work well; ice and cold packs can be applied, as well as the use of an eye cream with aloe and vitamin E. Women experiencing puffiness can also increase their vitamin and mineral consumption to relieve the puffiness; however, while the condition is usually harmless, puffiness and sudden weight gain may signal problems that you should discuss with your doctor.

Pregnant women often experience itchy skin, acne, and rashes as well. Itchiness can be relieved by using over-the-counter mentholated or oatmeal-based moisturizers without artificial scents, while rashes can be treated with over-the-counter topical moisturizers that are fragrance-free. Meanwhile, women who experience acne while pregnant can treat acne by washing their face frequently with fragrance-free facial soaps and using some over-the-counter acne products such as astringents. However, when treating acne and other skin issues, pregnant women should be careful to avoid products containing benzoyl peroxide, salicylic acid, or retinoids, which are unsafe for pregnant women to use and have been linked to birth defects or pregnancy complications.

Learn more here.

Safe Skincare Products To Use During Pregnancy - An infographic by the team at Skinfo

Regrets: When Mothers Cry Over The Past

"Why bother? What good is it going to do now?  It's over!  You are free!"  so many mothers with tears in their eyes forget about freedom when their minds are entangled with, "I should have, could have..."

Years ago, I had regrets about dating the wrong people, having children out of wedlock (thanks to self-righteous Christians), leaving San Diego, and other things I really don't want to conjure up at this time, but you know how thinking about the past can be.  But I chose to move on!  I survived through hell and high water!  I wasn't about to let haters who win.  I had accomplished much in life years ago and still working hard to date.  What someone else's perception of me, stopped having influence when I finally made up in my mind, "No more!"  There would be no more attitude, mind games, lies, cover ups and secrets.  God exposed the foolishness anyway.  I was grateful that my past was no longer my present and future.

Let's just be honest, we have some mean people in our families, churches, civic groups, workplaces, and even in our households who honestly believe that they are better than others because of temporal things i.e.) more money, cars, property, etc.  I heard a relative once brag about how she was a home owner and talked negatively about those who rented, she forgot about my situation or didn't care.  I talked to God about her and the braggart attitude.  It wasn't long before she was humbled.

You see, as mothers we can easily go from delivering children out of our wombs to replacing those wombs with stress, sometimes brought on by others.  It isn't any wonder why some moms still struggle mentally, physically and spiritually.  They are still carrying other people's pain in their wombs long after they delivered babies!  These women are still pregnant, but not with life, they are pregnant with sickness while dreams are like amniotic fluid just swaying as they move along in life. These moms are still crying over the past.

Being pregnant with past regret will only make matters worse!  You will go into labor but deliver nothing more than poison if you don't seek a cure for your ills.  Children will look at mom's example and either pity her, take advantage, of her or keep away.  "Mom has issues...honestly, I wish I could be anywhere, but around her.  Why does she act so crazy? What's up with her?" say the children.

Yes, what's up with mom?  Does she even know the pain she is spreading around the family home, at work and elsewhere?  Does any one care about mom?  What can she do to make a difference in her life?  The answer:  Move on!  Work through the pain of the past.  Write down what you want/need and place the note in a Holy Bible or elsewhere.  Then post the steps you need to get there from here. Be honest with yourself behind closed doors.  Don't take anyone's opinion or observation as fact. Envision what other people say placed in a box, buried and then blown up, never to be attached to you again!  Don't be oppressed by what people knew about you when.  You give them power when you do that!

Some of the best medicine for getting over the past is focusing on the present and future.  The things that are in your control.  Whatever you wish to achieve, you will, because every time a negative thought comes into your mind about the past, you will reverse the curse!  You need to start telling yourself, you are loved.  That you are doing the best you can to provide for your family.  You will not be controlled by those who don't appreciate or love you.  Each day that you awake, you are getting closer to the things you want when you keep fighting stinkin' thinkin'!

I recall looking at photographs, walking in the cold with freezing ice coming down my face, and I was angry treading along in that snow near Lake Erie in Cleveland.  I refused to do that anymore!  I made up in my mind--never again.  I looked at every city that didn't have snow after that incident and I picked one.  I ended up in San Diego with my first family tagging along, but later moved to Los Angeles.  I was disappointed about the move later, and at times wished for San Diego because that was the first spot I moved to when I left Cleveland with my family back then in 2004.  I got over the sentiment, because I knew I needed to focus on what Los Angeles had to offer.  I was starting a new life without part of my past and I told myself, "I am a survivor."

When you make up in your mind to do something you really want to do, there is no stopping you! You post the reminders of your tasks.  You sit and stare at your goals.  You come back and do the same whether you do anything or not.  Then one day, you will get tired of doing nothing and will just do it--I'm a witness!  From painting to getting a job, I wanted to get some things accomplished at different times in my life, so I had to get centered--wrap my head around some things.  I had to take a break from the normal routine and sit quietly.  I cut off TV, cell phone, visiting those who didn't support me, and I put limits on doing certain tasks that didn't help toward goals.  To date, I am still in that mode of thinking and I know for some, they don't get it, and I'm not explaining either.  You tell yourself, "I will not be stopped from getting what I intend to get done tonight, today, tomorrow..."

Children, partners, noises outside, hunger, menstrual cycle--you name it and it all is so distracting! These people will want something.  Relatives will call out the blue.  Suddenly busy professionals have time for you and so on.  But just like some of them had to shut you out, make their money, attend their events, sign their names to contracts, and do whatever else, now you are the busy one!

So for those of you who are tired of whining, complaining and even crying about your haves and have-nots, do what you can!  Start supporting yourself!  God bless.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel nmenterprise7.  Chances are you might find out some more discoveries about why you are still entangled with past issues over there--be awakened to truth, it can be a hard pill to swallow!

When the Kids Question Your Life, Decisions and Why You Do the Things that You Do

I didn't ponder much about what my kids might say to me having a front row seat in the movie I call, "My Life" for some years now.  But in recent years, the questions, comments and concerns have been surfacing from a seven, eight, fourteen and fifteen year old.  They are curious. 


I have been asked questions from, why years ago I wasn't married when I was pregnant to "Do you love my dad?"  I was also questioned about why parents allow their daughters to dress "ratchet (terrible) with booties (backsides) showing?"  I guess I am supposed to speak for them too.


The questions kept coming about things like: why God did the things he did in the Bible--like let people die, what did I do when I was their age back in the day, could I let them see a photo when I was a kid, and even comments about things they didn't like about other relatives.  I had to agree with most of what they said when it came to relatives. 


Children are observant and they know who is friend and who is foe in one's family.  They also know when parents have "issues" with one another.  They also don't like when relatives say things like, "Do what I say, not as I do."  One child made a comment like, "Aren't they supposed to be teaching us?"


They also know when they are being taken advantage of and don't mind speaking up when they see lazy adults not doing their share.  They know when they are being short-changed funds too.  One son told me, "(Unnamed) said he was going to give me more money than he gave me for doing some work."  He wasn't too happy.


Children remember what we say and do.  They are shocked when we start revealing that we made mistakes "back in the day..."  They are impressed when you make smart decisions and their eyes get big when you tell them things like:  when you fought someone and won, went somewhere fun, and when you got a lot of money and bought things that you always wanted.


The conversations can go from simple to intense in a matter of moments.  I found myself having to censor some things about my life, simply because, like them, I have my privacy and  I didn't want them using what they knew to excuse their own bad decisions.  "Well mom did it, so it's okay."  Some things are just not right no matter what kind of spin we put on them and children will call you out on them sooner or later usually when they are having one of their rebellious moments.


I am honestly happy that I have curious children who question me deeply at times and feel comfortable enough to talk to me about what their friends say and do.  I just keep them in prayer and continue to maintain a safe relationship and environment where they don't have to walk on egg shells, worry, fight, lie, and do other things to survive.


Nicholl McGuire wrote When Mothers Cry.  Get your copy here.  

Mom, Why Did I Have Children? Those Feelings of Regret

This isn't the time for a speech on loving one's children.  This isn't a time for anyone to brag on how grateful they are when it comes to being a parent.  A woman somewhere in this world is having an emotional breakdown due to the anxiety she feels about being a parent.  She is weary of children who misbehave, who are favored by partners, and spoiled rotten by grandparents.  She is angry that no one seems to listen after giving birth to yet another child.  She is frustrated when no one wants to take her children for awhile so she can just think--get her mind back.

"Mom, why did I have children?" the downtrodden mother asks anyone who listens including her self.  "You really didn't mean to say it in the way that you did, but hey it's out now," says a concerned voice. 

Your real feelings about parenting are out in the open--now deal with them.  No judges are in the room.  No prideful moms and self-righteous partners.  Let's be honest, you worry too much about yourself, your children and everything else in between.  You might have lied for sons and daughters in need of your help.  You might have promised your children the sun, moon and stars, so to speak.  It is your hope that your children will be good citizens, great partners, educated, successful, winners...yes, we all want the same.  But mom is tired!  She has been fighting the good fight lately--making sacrifices and her patience has been worn thin.  She has been understanding, warm, kind, and caring to all she has encountered in the past, but her kindness has been taken for weakness.  With so much going on (or maybe not enough,) mom is bitter about quite a few things and those who supposedly know her, don't seem to get it.  This is when things can become dangerous for moms who are headed on that path of no return where something or someone has disturbed them mentally--you don't want to wallow too deeply in your frustration with your children.  Look for something that makes you happy when it comes to parenting.  Find something that makes you feel whole again that has nothing to do with children.  Think of ways to snap back to your content self.  When was the last time you were away from children?  What might you need to do differently in your daily schedule?  What do you need to cut out?  Who might you start enlisting to help you?

Busy people with problems aren't interested in mom's issues.  Men who are busy making money don't want to think too deeply about what mom is saying/confessing/screaming.  Crying children don't hear mom.  You know the rest.  You most likely are the mom who has been keeping much inside while you smile at other moms and wonder, "Does she ever wish she didn't get pregnant?  I wonder if she ever tires of her children?  Is there something wrong with me that I just wish I would have been anything but a mom?"

Feelings of regret happen to not only the poor, sad moms of this world, but the best, brightest, most successful moms too that take a pause every now and then to ask their Heavenly Creator, "Why?"  But the real question is, "Why not?"  Why not be taught how to love beyond self?  Why not learn patience and virtue through the most unlikeliest sources?  Why not experience the hand of God through a child?  Why not share what you know with one who is an extension of you--a second chance at creating a newer and improved you?

Why not?

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

    

Expectant Moms - Read When Mothers Cry

You may not have time to read a book entitled, When Mothers Cry when the baby gets here, but I can assure you that if you aren't adjusting well with the idea that one day you are going to be a mom, may I suggest the book.

I am, Nicholl McGuire, self-published author of When Mothers Cry, it wasn't long after learning that I was pregnant that I would experience feelings of sadness, guilt and worry about what the future held regarding my relationship with the father.  I wasn't sure about my new role and I definitely hadn't prepared myself.  There were moms around me that weren't happy moms and I learned the hard way why.  Unsure about the men they dated or married, they had much advice, and I didn't take heed.  From strangers on the street to people I knew, someone was telling me in so many words, "God didn't make any mistakes with your pregnancy, but you could have...you should have...but the baby will soon be here, so you might as well make up in your mind what you are going to do."  These unhappy moms knew what it felt like to have your life disrupted due to an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy.

I played with the thought of raising my first child on my own.  I wasn't convinced that the father would be a good one since he had a player mentality (more interested in dating many women rather than exclusively dating), but after much talk, and one day asking him for reassurance that he would not leave after the birth of our son, I began to adjust my thinking (more on that in the book).  However, I knew deep, down inside it was a temporary arrangement.  After the baby was born, I had my work cut out for me.  Eventually, the "We are such a happy family" show would come to an end.  Once again, I realized that the unhappy moms were only trying to prepare me for what was ahead.   Years of my encouraging the father and personal planning is why to date, I have no regrets.

Being an expectant mom you hope for the best and you should remain that way, but you will have to be flexible--realize that you will need more than hope when trials come!  Know that the storm is going to come, baby will take up much of your time, workplace won't feel the same, family and friend connections may unravel especially if post-partum shows its ugly face, sex with a partner may get better or decline...the more you know, the more prepared you are.

So do take the time to read When Mothers Cry and feel at peace knowing that there are others who are trying to figure out their motherhood roles too!  If you know a new dad, get the book for him, hopefully he will be more understanding about what his wife/girlfriend is going through being an expectant mom.

Nicholl McGuire

With So Much Sex on TV and Elsewhere, Don't Trust Your Children

"If someone had paid closer attention, didn't leave me alone with her, and periodically checked in on me, just maybe my cousin wouldn't have tried to show me a thing or two--thank God her plans were unsuccessful and I wasn't naked, but still the feeling--it stayed with me for years."

I thought of sharing my encounter as a child with a female relative, but that isn't the point of this blog entry and I just don't want to rehash every little fart about my life.  Rather, I want to drive a point home, don't trust children alone for long periods of time, I repeat don't trust children alone!  I know on weekends you are tired and you want to sleep in, but seriously try waking up early or staying up late and going into your children's bedroom or anywhere in your home where children are supposed to be sleeping/playing/reading.  Also, check the basement, the closet, and any place that children enjoy creeping out of adult's site and quite possibly getting into a relative's stash.  Make periodic checks like a security guard, walk the backyard behind trees/treehouses, the side of the house, pop up at the neighbor's house where your child is visiting, the backseat of a car, in the family room behind the couch, and even in the bathroom, children who like to "play house" or who are older just looking for some time alone, watch them!

I know that sometimes we think that our children are innocent and wouldn't think about such things, but they will attempt to emulate what they see on TV sooner or later.  From sexy scenes to silly nude acts, whatever looks interesting to a child, they will try it.  Some are bolder than others.  Some are fearful they might get caught.  Some are sneaky and others are liars.  You  might think you know your child, but do you?

I will be the first to admit that I am the parent who sits back and observes my children's personalities in action and I think about what and who they have been exposed to.  My young boys have watched Disney and other shows when I wasn't around and liked looking at the teen shows.  So I decided to monitor them more closely, now my one son is talking about when he gets older what girl he likes and will marry etc.  I can't stand those teen shows with the boy crushes! Ugh!

My teen aged son has seen his share of things online when he was supposedly playing video games at a friend's house while living with his dad.  I was angry for a long time about that one.  Another son thought that "wrestling" with his brother was okay.  He didn't look very aggressive and moving like a snake on his brother is not a wrestling move--I put a stop to that quickly!  There is no showering together, hanging out in the bathroom, garage, closet, etc.  "What are you doing in there?" I shout.  Then I get off my butt and go see.  I can't honestly say or ensure anyone what might happen if they get around a girl or two especially when I have another son that is honestly looking like a young man, rather than a tween and the fast girls are just showing off legs, wearing tight shirts, and shaking their broke behinds already (notice I didn't say shake their money-makers!)

Oh yes, the joys of parenting...don't trust those kids, I'm telling you!  Let them earn your trust!  Pop up on them, "Hey just checking on you, what's up?" mom says.  Use a camera or two if you suspect something.  Don't believe they are having cookies and milk over their friend's house--lol!  Sorry that this blog entry sounds bad to those of you who just believe that your teen son or daughter isn't interested in boys and girls--hmmm what about girls and girls and boys and boys?  But hey, you just might save your daughter from getting pregnant or getting an STD or questioning whether she wants to bi-sexual, lesbian or straight after that interesting experience with her girlfriend--just saying. Who knows, you might be protecting your son from a potential identity crisis if you watched for signs that friends aren't really just friends. And maybe just maybe, you might prevent a fighting match with an angry parent banging on your front door accusing you or your child of something that he/she/you did or didn't do.  A situation like that happened when I was a teen, a girl lied to everyone in a summer program I was in about sneaking away with some boy-- you think her parents weren't ready to beat up on every instructor in the group!  I don't know what her experience was like with the strange boy, but it messed her up for life.

Sorry kids, I don't trust you.

Nicholl McGuire

A Mothers Fear...An Adult Woman Becoming Pregnant by a Teen Boy

When You are a Thorn in Someone Else's Flesh

You didn't think your issues would grow into anything more than just that, your issues.  But then you opened your mouth or someone noticed something about you and now what you are going through seems like it has become frontpage news.

In the Christian Bible, the Apostle Paul talks about a thorn in his flesh, a personal problem he had that God had yet to remove.  Whatever that something was that Paul struggled with, the Bible doesn't say, but even a man of God had his share of issues and God still used him anyway.  This proves that you don't have to have it altogether to be used by God despite what ministers, teachers, and one's self-righteous parents or grandparents claim.  We also know that Mary had her share of problems brought on, not by man, but by God.  A young girl who would carry a child that wasn't her fiance's out of wedlock.  Imagine the shame she experienced.  So what do these two characters have in common? God, a heavenly Creator who didn't take all troubles away despite being chosen by Him.  Critics of these two people's lives had much to say during biblical times.  It didn't matter what God was doing to draw men and women closer to Him, there were going to be those who criticized, ridiculed, and did whatever else to God's chosen people.  If you are a believer, then you know that you are marked by an enemy to keep drama going in your life.  It is how you handle that drama that makes a difference.

For some readers, you may have brought some situations on yourself and you aren't proud of them. God may have used your unfortunate issues to bring glory to Him.  But whatever you are going through, a critic might be talking about your thorn, your calling, your project, your child or something else.  This person may be responsible for keeping you upset, but you don't have to stay that way.

I recall when I became pregnant with my first child.  It was then that I learned who was friend and who was foe.  Those who once invited the childless me to church and other places, didn't want to have much to do with me when they heard I was expecting.  I was in my early twenties, didn't have much money, periodically attended church, and low and behold unmarried and pregnant.  Did God abandon me because of my situation?  No.  He loved me anyway.  I didn't stop talking about Him because of my poor choices.  I casted my burdens on Him, confessed sin, and asked my Lord to help me and put me around wise people.  In my own strength, I attempted to make wrongs right by marrying my child's father.  But I learned later in life, that if God doesn't want you to do something, it doesn't matter what society says or what you feel is right at the time, he has his reasons.  Wrongs could have been made right in his time and not my own.  As a result, I am divorced today.  God had a better plan, but I didn't see it back then because I was more concerned about what people thought.

There were other times in my life I noticed that when I was no longer giving money to certain groups, due to my family responsibilities, so-called Do-Gooders' calls, letters and gifts stopped coming.  The issues that I was dealing with didn't welcome help, rather they only brought on negative talk by critics, a self-righteous and mean-spirited bunch.  Back to God for wisdom and strength. 

Somehow your issues become others' issues.  Yet, God has his way of taking poor, miserable you and turning you around to be rich in favor with Him.  How does he do that?  By taking a magnifying glass and showing you your  self-righteous critics' errors who think they are "better, good, kind, sweet, nice, successful..."  He doesn't do this so that you can parade around and say to your enemies, "Aha!  I knew you were nothing but a..."  Rather, your Holy Father teaches you via your struggles as well as your naysayers' issues that these people aren't better than you and you aren't better than anyone else--what a humbling experience! 

God shows you that wisdom can be found not only in good decision-making but poor choices too if you draw near to Him.  Some of us are simply too hard-headed at times to just take the easy routes in life, we have to fall hard before we can see the light.  Our Creator gives us a plan for our lives to do things like:  come up higher (ie. don't act petty, worry or plot revenge), be free from issues (ie. emotional, spiritual and physically binding relationships/partnerships), and the bravery to stand up to enemies.

I know that some of you are seeking knowledge that will get you out of your current dilemmas, and I am sure you will find it.  But just remember, there are people and then there are souls--the flesh may die, but the soul doesn't.  As much as you would like to poke someone with your thorn, don't.  One day we all will sit in judgment for the pain and suffering we have caused others if we don't confess sin and repent now for what we have done or are doing to self and others. 

If you or someone you know is hurt because of someone else's actions or in-actions about a matter, know that God will avenge in his time, not yours.  Take your burdens to Him and leave them there!  Don't keep talking about your problems with others when solutions are already on the way--move on! 

To God be the glory!

Nicholl McGuire