Abused, Pregnant Women - Many Dads are Ill Prepared for Hormonal Women

Homicide is the second leading cause of death for pregnant women; the first is car accidents.

On average, 20 people per minute are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner in the United States. Over the course of a year, that equals more than 10 million women and men. 

These statistics and more are what has been reported by the Center for Disease Control.  The fact is many people are in violent relationships where things like: hitting, kicking, tripping, slapping, spitting, pushing, and more go on between adults when they are angry and this sort of behavior is accepted.  What's worse, these issues increase when a woman becomes pregnant, miscarries or has some other health issues.  Also, keep in mind that some pregnant women still drink alcohol, smoke and use drugs.  See here for facts.

Some couples, who have not experienced such things in their relationship, would consider abusive situations, "crazy," child's play, immature, ignorant, silly, and strange.  However, the mentally unstable are among us from the pregnant woman whose hormones are out of control to the man who lost his mind when he found out his job is no more, there is a baby on the way, and he has little or no savings.  So what do you think might happen between the already stressed out pair?  Emotional turmoil and war about any and everything.  The expectant dad doesn't understand why his pregnant partner is snappy, often complaining, experiencing crying spells, irritable, and impatient.  He yells, curses, or assumes she is trying to get his attention.  All of these things are a part of pregnancy.  We lose sight of the fact that what appears to be so common and routine for so many women is emotionally and physically challenging to all from at home to the workplace.

Bringing another human being in this world is not only a life altering experience but a traumatic one and a woman never returns to that person she was before having children.  Men who are wishful for the good old days, need to face this fact and neither are they the same once they become dads.  Treating a woman like a child, threatening violence because one can't understand why she acts so strangely, or doing other things to gain power and control over a hormonal woman solves nothing!  If anything, the poor baby she is carrying might be negatively impacted in some way and worse some pregnant women will retaliate putting their babies at risk of being injured.

Out of all of the statistics I read about domestic and dating violence, the one above about pregnant women dying as a result of homicides struck me the most.  I can't tell you how many times I have heard, viewed media or had a discussion about a pregnant woman complaining or even fighting her trouble-making or uncaring boyfriend or husband.  He knows full well she isn't altogether in her mind, yet he continues to treat her like she should continue to treat him like she always had, care for the children, work long hours, etc.  He expects his partner to perform for him (pregnant and all) without missing a beat.  

Being with a cold man, controlling, or mean-spirited can wreck havoc on a relationship and cause major upset.  A troubled pregnant woman can also cause much strife in the household.  Someone in the household must keep it together for the sake of the family.  The homicide fact proves a person reached his or her breaking point with a pregnant woman or vice versa.

Verbal and physical abuse does nothing more than keep couples at war with one another.  Imagine the poor baby arriving sad, nervous, and upset because of his or her unhappy parents.  No wonder some children are not as calm as others, consider the environments they are born into and the people who govern them. 

Once a man hears he is expecting a baby, there should be a nurse or doctor encouraging the couple to attend counseling sessions that specifically deal with mental health issues that might arise not just classes about baby development and deep breathing exercises.   There is plenty of health information provided about what happens monthly and after delivery (which I doubt some men even bother to read--I personally know some who didn't). But not enough is being done when it comes to preparing men for possible mental breakdowns with themselves and their partners, explosive temperaments, depression, babies that cry much, various bodily pain, and more.

We all know that bringing babies into the world is a blessing, but more awareness is needed when it comes to mental health challenges.  Having a family is not only a blessing, but one of the most challenging things one can ever do in his or her lifetime and when a person is already unstable, unhappy, uncaring, and more, it only makes matters worse.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, mothers and fathers do get the book if you are expecting and those who know someone who doesn't have a clue about motherhood, please send them my book.  I wrote it when I had my newborn, toddler, tween and almost a teen staying with my husband and I--talk about stress!  God bless.