When Mothers Cry After Childbirth

Mom is never the same after the first childbirth, the next, and each delivery afterward.  For some partners, relatives and friends, they just don't seem to understand no matter how much a mother yells, "Please will you just leave me alone!  Let me think...Give me some space...If you are going to help me, then do it without your comments, thank you!"   Some things happen inside the mother's mind, body and spirit and whatever those "things" are (since they vary with different moms), someone around her is affected whether negatively or positively.  Childbirth could have sent an already crazed mind over the edge while another mother might feel more in love with life than ever before, one never knows after childbirth what a loved one might turn out to be. 

The mother, who becomes better with time, is not the one with a cry that screams, "Please help, I don't think I can go on...being a mommy is too much!  What did I do, what did I do!?"   It is the mother, who has been traumatized while bringing babies into the world to the point that the core of who she is or was--while feeling at a lost, that her mind doesn't seem to sync back together again.

"Before children, who was I?  What did I like?  Where did I like to go?  What plans did I make for my future?" the troubled mind thinks.  "Can I honestly care for my baby/child?"  Something has snapped and the blind is trying to lead the blind out of darkness.  Those with sight should open eyes real wide and see the picture that the poor mom paints.  What does her world look like now that she is a mom?  Is she the same person?  Does she need help?

So much focus is placed on the cute, little baby with the bright eyes that no one sees the woman who is holding her offspring with the unhappy tear trickling down from her left eye.  They haven't a clue what to say or do when something appears strange with the new mom.  Some will pretend as if there is no cry at all.  "She looks alright to me.  I don't want to read into anything," the witness reasons.  Others dismiss her as "crazy." 

Mom might be shaking when she holds her baby, talking a mile a minute or staring off into space as if you aren't there.  Talking strangely, forgetful, tearful, depressed, or wild with anger, whatever the cause for her emotions, how is mom coping with her new life?  Is she in control, focused, optimistic, and content with having man, baby and/or children around?  If not, the witness is responsible for helping the mother come to her senses before it's too late.  Think of the many women who broke up with fathers or divorced after childbirth while confused mates and relatives just argued with them as things ran their course--mom has her share of the blues and no one can stand to deal with her.

Childbirth happens so frequently that most people don't think much about it.  No one dare thinks that the mom in their lives might one day lose it.  They believe a week of sadness after childbirth and mom will be okay, back to her old self, but "old self" is no more as Terrible Twos rear their ugly season, then more toddler tantrums, followed by school-aged stupid stuff, and weird teen years.  How could she return to a person that had one less child?  The truth is that the impact that bringing life into an unpredictable world is something that no one just "gets over" especially if it has happened over and over and over again! 

The scars of carrying a baby are permanent whether internally, externally or both.  There is no reversing a mind that has been pushed into an unknown world of anguish.  Sooner or later something will trigger a childbirth memory good, bad or otherwise.  Mom's mind might trail off, but for a moment, then upon its return she may have to face a harsh reality with an unsupportive network around her.  Now if her current condition is one that makes her feel good inside, she has nothing to fear about "losing it," but if her current lifestyle is filled with discontentment, then she may have more struggles besides coping with her motherhood role like, feelings of insecurity, jealousy, rage, and anxiety.

This is why many find a faith and keep it--there is no letting go of a Spirit that has brought one comfort beyond what man or woman can reason or provide.  The mind, body and spirit has to have a resting place from a world that likes to go, go, go!  From a good night rest to quality food, mom may find her refuge in those things in addition to a walk to a local church, a gym, or somewhere else where she doesn't feel overwhelmed with responsibilities.  Whatever mommy's issue before, during or after children, something within a disturbed mind may not be able to bear life's burdens.  Therefore, critical individuals and naysayers must be careful talking negatively about a mom's faith, how she parents, cooks and cleans (particularly when she has a baby or children that she is caring for), if not, she just might turn around and bite.

Mom, check in with yourself, with those around you, and work hard each day to have a better day than the one you had before!  God bless.

Nicholl McGuire