Happy New Year. I seldom make New Year’s resolutions anymore (no more than
once a year!) but this year I made one and I’m determined to follow
through. It’...
Tuesday
Angry with an Abusive Partner, a Child Suffers
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Angry with Partner, a Child Suffers: A father didn't anticipate having a child with a woman he once loved, but now considers crazy. A mother cried many tears for failing t...
Thursday
Controlling Partners Don't Want Relatives and Friends Knowing Any Family Business
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Said Too Much, Did Too Little - The Abuser Will Ma...: Mean-spirited, vindictive, or thoughtless relatives and friends can add to the drama in a household comprised of victim, abuser and childre...
Tuesday
It's Never Good Enough...Mom Wants Everything to Be Perfect
From what she has selected for her loved ones to what she will be serving during the holidays, mom wants everything to be perfect! Described as organized, clean, practical, smart, and whatever nice name someone uses to describe the mother, she knows she has to live up to what they say or else experience ridicule. Well, if this describes you, relax Mom, everything won't be perfect not when flawed human beings are involved! You have done and will do your best and if anyone says anything, use your platform to speak truth, give them a life lesson they will never forget!
Holidays can be what you make them or choose not to make them. The older I get, the more I realize that tradition seriously is not that important, so I don't make them anymore. But what is significant is love any ole' time of the year! Can anyone feel the love when they are in a "I have to do everything right" kind of mom's presence or is the energy surrounding her being fueled by nothing more than a checklist, a routine, a requirement, or her own personal fantasy with characters to help her live it out?
The invites, personal stories and frustrations, gifts, decorations, and more that come with family traditions can be overwhelming. All "the stuff" will stifle loved ones from truly experiencing the love that is supposed to flow when in the presence of family and good friends. Yet, what usually happens is an undercurrent of negativity. Someone doesn't like one thing or another, someone else feels rejected, young children cry, while older ones sigh and moan, and others who should know better) have their share of "issues." Everyone expects someone to do something for them from help with meal preparation to cleaning up afterward while bank accounts are getting dangerously close to over-drafting and credit cards have long been declined.
"All the money I spent...the nerve of these kids...and he wonders why I told him I want a divorce...I can't stand his people and I really hate it when...! I wish people would help me...I did this, then I did that! Oh, they are so lazy!"
When does mom awake from what others told her she is supposed to be? When does she stop living someone else's dream and make life easier on herself and her finances? She is hosting, planning, creating, designing, organizing, buying, decorating, and doing other things for...? How does her partner and children really feel about all of her involvement in this thing and that one, does she even care how they feel while she craves for the attention and the flattering statements like, "You are such a good mom!"?
Tis' the season, when mothers cry.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on a variety of issues, here.
Holidays can be what you make them or choose not to make them. The older I get, the more I realize that tradition seriously is not that important, so I don't make them anymore. But what is significant is love any ole' time of the year! Can anyone feel the love when they are in a "I have to do everything right" kind of mom's presence or is the energy surrounding her being fueled by nothing more than a checklist, a routine, a requirement, or her own personal fantasy with characters to help her live it out?
The invites, personal stories and frustrations, gifts, decorations, and more that come with family traditions can be overwhelming. All "the stuff" will stifle loved ones from truly experiencing the love that is supposed to flow when in the presence of family and good friends. Yet, what usually happens is an undercurrent of negativity. Someone doesn't like one thing or another, someone else feels rejected, young children cry, while older ones sigh and moan, and others who should know better) have their share of "issues." Everyone expects someone to do something for them from help with meal preparation to cleaning up afterward while bank accounts are getting dangerously close to over-drafting and credit cards have long been declined.
"All the money I spent...the nerve of these kids...and he wonders why I told him I want a divorce...I can't stand his people and I really hate it when...! I wish people would help me...I did this, then I did that! Oh, they are so lazy!"
When does mom awake from what others told her she is supposed to be? When does she stop living someone else's dream and make life easier on herself and her finances? She is hosting, planning, creating, designing, organizing, buying, decorating, and doing other things for...? How does her partner and children really feel about all of her involvement in this thing and that one, does she even care how they feel while she craves for the attention and the flattering statements like, "You are such a good mom!"?
Tis' the season, when mothers cry.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on a variety of issues, here.
Thursday
Mother-in-Law: A Woman with a Need for Attention, Control and The World to Center Around Her
She was a woman that didn't mind hosting events at her suburban home, because she could show off her neatly decorated and very eye-catching living-room to guests while bragging about her spacious kitchen with many cabinets. She directed her guests to a beautifully arranged, long dining room table with shiny place settings and decorative, comfy chairs to match. She enjoyed her company immensely, just so long as they abided by her rules and flattered her.
Her rules were simple: she didn't want you in certain drawers or using her appliances without asking, you were to clean your hands before touching anything edible, and be respectful of those around you. If she asked you to do something, be prepared to do it preferably with a smile on your face. As you learned more about her, there were unspoken rules as well, things you just knew not to talk to her about such as your opinion about her children for starters.
Her eldest son, knew his mother all too well, he ignored her flippant remarks if she was offended by someone or something. His nonchalant, stubborn attitude was always a thorn in her side. She would have preferred he too just went along with "the program" in front of guests, but this didn't always happen. Secretly, she didn't like her son much for he reminded her of "that man" she was once married to. A man who had been robbed of a relationship with his son, thanks to her controlling ways!
A mother-in-law with a lot of mouth and a whole lot of act to match, she considered herself peaceful, religious, content with life, but she had her share of issues with her current husband. He too knew her very well. He took a violent beating from her once. In the past, the husband described his wife as beautiful, nice and great to be around that is until she reached her menopausal years.
This woman, who had felt she could advise many on how to achieve life goals, save marriages, and direct people toward paths that would best suit them, had many skeletons in her closet. Her personal life, really didn't look as neat and clean as her lovely home. Secretly, she felt miserable within quite often. She had questioned herself many times, "What did I do with my life? Where did I go wrong? " She had wished to be in love, but she ruined that by choosing a man she didn't really love or like to be her lifelong mate; rather she loved his finances more. She wanted to travel but anxiety, fear, worry, and not much money kept her close to home. Charity work was never fulfilling just something to do to keep the woman somewhat busy. She also wished to genuinely enjoy the company of others--something she had a hard time doing since she was far too distracted observing their flaws and forming personal judgments against them.
I was a witness to the mother-in-law's manipulative strategies. She kept her adult sons little boys while controlling them and others. I noticed how often she was involved in their lives whether verbally or physically, and how she convinced them that part of being a close family was to talk to her everyday. When she spoke to her sons, she volunteered all sorts of personal information so that she could find out about her sons' lives, their wives, children, and what they were doing or not doing. She often had something to say that strategically made her sons see things her way. She didn't like when they got ugly with her, but she took the verbal abuse sometimes, because ultimately she knew she would get her way sooner or later. Unfortunately, her persuasive arguments, so-called Christian counseling, and other things she did in her effort to control them, typically back-fired. While she thought she was winning her little boys, turned men, to her she was really pushing them away usually into the bed of yet another woman. Eventually, they would see that they had been played once again by mom. But hurt feelings die and before long, her spiritually-broken sons would be back to opening up to poor mom with the fragile heart, forgetful mind, and charming, yet deceptive spirit.
The wives were all-too-willing to appease their mother-in-law, at least in the beginning of their dating and marriage partnerships, but it wouldn't be long before she would offend them with her controlling remarks and sneaky behaviors. The women would become distant from their mother-in-law, and that is when mom would work her magic on her sons yet again. Pointing out the women's flaws and comparing herself to them, the mother-in-law would work on building a case that would make the men not like/love their wives so much. The so-called words of comfort when husbands and wives didn't see eye-to-eye was really her way of chipping away at their marriages. She knew how to play the insecure and jealous type of young ladies, she had seen her sons bring this type home to her far too many times. The mother-in-law knew what she had created for sons. This is why it was no surprise to her when they broke up with their women.
This mother-in-law, with a self-hate for her own ethnicity, had ran into the arms of many who didn't have her look--an appearance she didn't like much. She felt comfort with a group she often praised, that is until they said or did something to remind her of her culture. She would find some relief with her own people until they too, would say something that reminded her of the things she hated about her people.
Holiday celebrations were her playground, she enjoyed the role she played, "Mother-in-law" the name sounded powerful. She was going to be sure that she lived up to the role. She didn't want to be viewed as mean, ugly, or evil toward daughter-in-laws, at least not this time, but her attempt at controlling them was more than enough to keep her family cautious and others distant from her.
Nicholl McGuire
Her rules were simple: she didn't want you in certain drawers or using her appliances without asking, you were to clean your hands before touching anything edible, and be respectful of those around you. If she asked you to do something, be prepared to do it preferably with a smile on your face. As you learned more about her, there were unspoken rules as well, things you just knew not to talk to her about such as your opinion about her children for starters.
Her eldest son, knew his mother all too well, he ignored her flippant remarks if she was offended by someone or something. His nonchalant, stubborn attitude was always a thorn in her side. She would have preferred he too just went along with "the program" in front of guests, but this didn't always happen. Secretly, she didn't like her son much for he reminded her of "that man" she was once married to. A man who had been robbed of a relationship with his son, thanks to her controlling ways!
A mother-in-law with a lot of mouth and a whole lot of act to match, she considered herself peaceful, religious, content with life, but she had her share of issues with her current husband. He too knew her very well. He took a violent beating from her once. In the past, the husband described his wife as beautiful, nice and great to be around that is until she reached her menopausal years.
This woman, who had felt she could advise many on how to achieve life goals, save marriages, and direct people toward paths that would best suit them, had many skeletons in her closet. Her personal life, really didn't look as neat and clean as her lovely home. Secretly, she felt miserable within quite often. She had questioned herself many times, "What did I do with my life? Where did I go wrong? " She had wished to be in love, but she ruined that by choosing a man she didn't really love or like to be her lifelong mate; rather she loved his finances more. She wanted to travel but anxiety, fear, worry, and not much money kept her close to home. Charity work was never fulfilling just something to do to keep the woman somewhat busy. She also wished to genuinely enjoy the company of others--something she had a hard time doing since she was far too distracted observing their flaws and forming personal judgments against them.
I was a witness to the mother-in-law's manipulative strategies. She kept her adult sons little boys while controlling them and others. I noticed how often she was involved in their lives whether verbally or physically, and how she convinced them that part of being a close family was to talk to her everyday. When she spoke to her sons, she volunteered all sorts of personal information so that she could find out about her sons' lives, their wives, children, and what they were doing or not doing. She often had something to say that strategically made her sons see things her way. She didn't like when they got ugly with her, but she took the verbal abuse sometimes, because ultimately she knew she would get her way sooner or later. Unfortunately, her persuasive arguments, so-called Christian counseling, and other things she did in her effort to control them, typically back-fired. While she thought she was winning her little boys, turned men, to her she was really pushing them away usually into the bed of yet another woman. Eventually, they would see that they had been played once again by mom. But hurt feelings die and before long, her spiritually-broken sons would be back to opening up to poor mom with the fragile heart, forgetful mind, and charming, yet deceptive spirit.
The wives were all-too-willing to appease their mother-in-law, at least in the beginning of their dating and marriage partnerships, but it wouldn't be long before she would offend them with her controlling remarks and sneaky behaviors. The women would become distant from their mother-in-law, and that is when mom would work her magic on her sons yet again. Pointing out the women's flaws and comparing herself to them, the mother-in-law would work on building a case that would make the men not like/love their wives so much. The so-called words of comfort when husbands and wives didn't see eye-to-eye was really her way of chipping away at their marriages. She knew how to play the insecure and jealous type of young ladies, she had seen her sons bring this type home to her far too many times. The mother-in-law knew what she had created for sons. This is why it was no surprise to her when they broke up with their women.
This mother-in-law, with a self-hate for her own ethnicity, had ran into the arms of many who didn't have her look--an appearance she didn't like much. She felt comfort with a group she often praised, that is until they said or did something to remind her of her culture. She would find some relief with her own people until they too, would say something that reminded her of the things she hated about her people.
Holiday celebrations were her playground, she enjoyed the role she played, "Mother-in-law" the name sounded powerful. She was going to be sure that she lived up to the role. She didn't want to be viewed as mean, ugly, or evil toward daughter-in-laws, at least not this time, but her attempt at controlling them was more than enough to keep her family cautious and others distant from her.
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
Parents: The Danger of Not Making Children Listen to You
They run through parking lots, pull down things from shelves, interrupt adults in heated battles, make loud noises in quiet settings, climb on things they are not supposed to, or try to eat stuff not meant to be put up to mouths, children should listen to people who try to keep them safe.
"Don't touch that...stay away from there...where is the parent? Who is responsible for this child?"
Yet, the rebellious adult, who once didn't like listening to his or her own parents/guardians and grandparents, doesn't want to rob a child of a learning experience or fights hard not to be as strict as those he or she knew growing up, will not make children listen much. Usually when this parent wants children to listen is when it is convenient for him or her, but not so much for others. Men and women, who are in relationships with a rebellious parent type unfortunately have their share of parenting issues with them. The nonchalant attitude of a parent, who is easily annoyed with authority figures, orderly people, or even clean individuals, finds rules are so archaic. They don't like making their children do what they are told.
An angry little boy kicks, screams, and curses, dad doesn't do anything until mom tells the boy to get up. The spoiled daughter, who has far too many things, isn't required to go to bed at a certain time, can eat what she wants, and doesn't bother to do homework unless she feels like it. This child can be a source of much drama between parents. Who is setting an order for the household and making the child follow it?
The danger of not making children listen to parents has caused many children to visit graves prematurely. These sons and daughters have died, because they repeatedly did some things they might have been admonished about, but there were never any consequences.
Sometimes parents of deceased children thought risky behaviors of children were cute, fun, and "...wasn't bothering anyone" until a tragic accident took place. Couples have divorced because a lazy or irresponsible parent was simply uncaring and didn't do much when it came to disciplining children.
The next time when a parent is tempted to turn up his or her nose at someone because that person chose to boldly warn a child not to do something, take heed, because one never knows when death might strike.
Nicholl McGuire
"Don't touch that...stay away from there...where is the parent? Who is responsible for this child?"
Yet, the rebellious adult, who once didn't like listening to his or her own parents/guardians and grandparents, doesn't want to rob a child of a learning experience or fights hard not to be as strict as those he or she knew growing up, will not make children listen much. Usually when this parent wants children to listen is when it is convenient for him or her, but not so much for others. Men and women, who are in relationships with a rebellious parent type unfortunately have their share of parenting issues with them. The nonchalant attitude of a parent, who is easily annoyed with authority figures, orderly people, or even clean individuals, finds rules are so archaic. They don't like making their children do what they are told.
An angry little boy kicks, screams, and curses, dad doesn't do anything until mom tells the boy to get up. The spoiled daughter, who has far too many things, isn't required to go to bed at a certain time, can eat what she wants, and doesn't bother to do homework unless she feels like it. This child can be a source of much drama between parents. Who is setting an order for the household and making the child follow it?
The danger of not making children listen to parents has caused many children to visit graves prematurely. These sons and daughters have died, because they repeatedly did some things they might have been admonished about, but there were never any consequences.
Sometimes parents of deceased children thought risky behaviors of children were cute, fun, and "...wasn't bothering anyone" until a tragic accident took place. Couples have divorced because a lazy or irresponsible parent was simply uncaring and didn't do much when it came to disciplining children.
The next time when a parent is tempted to turn up his or her nose at someone because that person chose to boldly warn a child not to do something, take heed, because one never knows when death might strike.
Nicholl McGuire
Teachers with Many Visions and No Money
Agreeing with everything a teacher says or does without any objections, many parents go along with "the educational program" for fear that if they do go against some thing in the classroom or at the school their children might suffer.
Teachers have many plans, ideas, and thoughts on what to do with those clay pieces called, students that show up everyday to be molded into something new. Parents observe their creations take on new art forms by the hands of creative teachers; therefore, sons and daughters are never quite the same.
Visions cost: money, time and energy of which most of us have little. Therefore, why is it that we feed into the pressure put upon us by children to do what the teacher says? These teachers don't go home with our children and hear, "...but my teacher said...Santa is real...There was a Grinch who stole Christmas...the elves aren't evil..." and so on.
The teacher is like a god, she is right, you are wrong! But everything these educators say and do is not right! Parents have a right to take a stand against all things inappropriate, wicked, immoral, unrighteous, strange, prejudice, rude, and ignorant! Sometimes teachers, like parents, are used by children as excuses to get their way or to view things they have no business looking at or experiencing. Parents would be shocked to see how some of these educators really lived their lives apart from school. Putting one's faith wholeheartedly in a teacher and his or her vision can be dangerous!
When children come home with far too much paper and instructions from teachers, who work hard to help students while being rewarded periodically for creativity, parents already tired from working for bosses who also have many visions, become overwhelmed. There is so much to do at home, and even more that requires money. There is always just one more thing a classroom or school needs for someone's bright idea, "Please send XYZ with your child...give them X amount of dollars for...Won't you please donate...? Could you be available to...?"
The more you give, the more some expect! Asking for money and contributions for visions should have a limit, but since there are no set rules, as parents, we make them! Consider how long a school year is and how many years a child will have teachers who want the parents to do this, buy that...etc. while complaining in break rooms about apathy.
Teachers, as well as parents, could all make their jobs easier if they didn't expect so much from one another. Can't we teach personal traditions to our own children and real American history as well as our own ethnic history? Can't we get a discount on field trips and take our children on our time? How about we arrange to meet with other parents away from the school without a push to join the PTA under the watchful eyes of school leadership? What about school performances and athletics, is this something that really needs to carry on for weeks when national scores are low at certain schools and there are more than enough online and offline community classes sometimes competing with the schools? Is it necessary to meet with a teacher at a parent teacher conference on their time when there is an entire school year that one can call, write, email, text, and live chat about a child if a problem should arise--lose the archaic venting/progress report session that is carefully planned anyway based on how knowledgeable a teacher wants to look when seated in front a skeptical parent. We can go on and on brainstorming about lessening one another's load.
In closing, visions cost money and all the rules, instructions, requirements, and history that goes along with making something happen is great if one is prepared to add more work to his or her title. The help is not always going to be there just because it sounds like a great idea, so expect it. For some educational leaders with so-called bright ideas, they would be better off saving the trees--systems that make learning more complicated should be outlawed!
Some educators need to focus on improving what they already have and be grateful for the time and money they already got, before asking for more!
Nicholl McGuire
Teachers have many plans, ideas, and thoughts on what to do with those clay pieces called, students that show up everyday to be molded into something new. Parents observe their creations take on new art forms by the hands of creative teachers; therefore, sons and daughters are never quite the same.
Visions cost: money, time and energy of which most of us have little. Therefore, why is it that we feed into the pressure put upon us by children to do what the teacher says? These teachers don't go home with our children and hear, "...but my teacher said...Santa is real...There was a Grinch who stole Christmas...the elves aren't evil..." and so on.
The teacher is like a god, she is right, you are wrong! But everything these educators say and do is not right! Parents have a right to take a stand against all things inappropriate, wicked, immoral, unrighteous, strange, prejudice, rude, and ignorant! Sometimes teachers, like parents, are used by children as excuses to get their way or to view things they have no business looking at or experiencing. Parents would be shocked to see how some of these educators really lived their lives apart from school. Putting one's faith wholeheartedly in a teacher and his or her vision can be dangerous!
When children come home with far too much paper and instructions from teachers, who work hard to help students while being rewarded periodically for creativity, parents already tired from working for bosses who also have many visions, become overwhelmed. There is so much to do at home, and even more that requires money. There is always just one more thing a classroom or school needs for someone's bright idea, "Please send XYZ with your child...give them X amount of dollars for...Won't you please donate...? Could you be available to...?"
The more you give, the more some expect! Asking for money and contributions for visions should have a limit, but since there are no set rules, as parents, we make them! Consider how long a school year is and how many years a child will have teachers who want the parents to do this, buy that...etc. while complaining in break rooms about apathy.
Teachers, as well as parents, could all make their jobs easier if they didn't expect so much from one another. Can't we teach personal traditions to our own children and real American history as well as our own ethnic history? Can't we get a discount on field trips and take our children on our time? How about we arrange to meet with other parents away from the school without a push to join the PTA under the watchful eyes of school leadership? What about school performances and athletics, is this something that really needs to carry on for weeks when national scores are low at certain schools and there are more than enough online and offline community classes sometimes competing with the schools? Is it necessary to meet with a teacher at a parent teacher conference on their time when there is an entire school year that one can call, write, email, text, and live chat about a child if a problem should arise--lose the archaic venting/progress report session that is carefully planned anyway based on how knowledgeable a teacher wants to look when seated in front a skeptical parent. We can go on and on brainstorming about lessening one another's load.
In closing, visions cost money and all the rules, instructions, requirements, and history that goes along with making something happen is great if one is prepared to add more work to his or her title. The help is not always going to be there just because it sounds like a great idea, so expect it. For some educational leaders with so-called bright ideas, they would be better off saving the trees--systems that make learning more complicated should be outlawed!
Some educators need to focus on improving what they already have and be grateful for the time and money they already got, before asking for more!
Nicholl McGuire
Tuesday
Thursday
Overachieving Moms Taking on Too Much - Doctor, Babysitter, Tutor, Wife, Cook, Worker...
Far too many women are irritable, impatient, rude, and uncaring as a result of taking on many roles. The help just isn't there! A husband or boyfriend isn't thinking much about his partner's roles and would prefer not to do much, because he enjoys taking it easy.
Those who are busy right now would love a little assistance, but it isn't coming, not because people don't care, but because they are busy with their own lives. The mother thought that by signing a child up for yet another activity, she would be met with support. She assumed her relatives would offer to assist her with planning a family get-together. She believed she was doing a good thing by volunteering to help an organization meet their goals. She hoped her boss would appreciate her efforts on the job and give her a raise. But nothing ever goes as planned lately and so the once kind patient and sweet mom is often yelling, bitter, and blaming everyone for her short-comings.
When women come to the place where nothing seems to be going right, it is time to fall back. Check your health. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you preparing and eating quality meals? Are you giving yourself a break from a partner and children? Are you involved in too many projects and the affairs of others? There are time wasters in may lives, the kind that are not productive, dead-end projects, toxic partnerships, and more that do nothing more than put women on their backs in hospital rooms. What are your time wasters? What did you agree to or keep working at that is really producing next to zero results?
As much as I love doing some things at home and elsewhere, I realize that the place I am in right now in my life is not the time to do certain activities. Although others will say things like, "You should..." I am quick to say, "...not right now." Family, friends, and co-workers don't know your life like you do. If they are encouraging you to add more responsibilities on top of the ones you already have, they are doing nothing more than sapping your time, energy, money, and patience! There is a time for everything, God knows what is happening around the corner and will use people, places and things to warn us. Some reading this right now are headed nowhere while falsely believing they are headed somewhere. Many parents select activities for their children that they always wanted to do when they were young; meanwhile, they are upset with children because they are not nearly as interested in the classes as much as they had hoped. The disinterest is actually a blessing in disguise and one could save herself much money if she would cut her kids off of activities they have said, "I don't really like this...I am bored...Mom could I please be in something else!" Sooner or later the cries of a child will come back to haunt the mother if she isn't too careful.
How many roles does one have to take on to be considered a good wife and mother? Where is dad, granddad, great granddad, step-dad, teacher, guardian, or friend in all this? So many moms buy love whether they realize it or not. They do this by purchasing large gifts and doing much for the men in their lives, but how are these men repaying these moms? Are they taking on a few roles or objecting every time they ask, "Would you? Could you please? I really need your help..." If these male figures aren't helping, then why are they in a busy mom's inner circle? Don't enable their television watching, Internet surfing, skirt-chasing behaviors, as well as other things by trying to be a super mom. I think of one mom who said, "I stuck around for the children...I was stupid...I let that man run over me!"
Maybe you saw that image growing up of mom doing everything (the butcher, the baker, and the candle-maker), but now you have your own life! Are you expected to do it all? Well, enjoy taking on these many roles, your body will tell on you later. But for those of us who have learned the hard way, it's not worth it!
Divorce, cheating, sneaky behavior and more is what some spoiled men offer the moody woman who is overworked, tired, frequently away from the home due to work and volunteering, obese due to eating so much, and more. Men look for pleasure elsewhere when performance at home is dismal whether it is through substance abuse or lying on their backs in a bed or seated in a car somewhere. It doesn't matter how nice you organize the home, how clean you are, how much you do for the kids, if your mind is on everyone and everything else but him, you lose in the end. Some men will stick around and remain faithful, but will give Super Moms hell during the process. This type of negative attitude from so-called good men will give busy mothers no choice but to cross their men off the to-do list--time for a dose of your own medicine, separation or divorce. She reasons, "I can do bad all by myself."
So do keep this in mind, taking on too much is not good for you or your family, overachieving mom! It doesn't matter how much money you make, the perks, or anything else when hearts and minds are disconnecting from you! Go into the new year with a shorter to-do list and a clearer mind. Hug your kids, love-make with your man, and praise your Creator for what you did do this year. Trust me, we all appreciate you, I know I do because you stopped long enough to read the words on this blog!
To your health, wealth and success in the new year!
Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry.
Those who are busy right now would love a little assistance, but it isn't coming, not because people don't care, but because they are busy with their own lives. The mother thought that by signing a child up for yet another activity, she would be met with support. She assumed her relatives would offer to assist her with planning a family get-together. She believed she was doing a good thing by volunteering to help an organization meet their goals. She hoped her boss would appreciate her efforts on the job and give her a raise. But nothing ever goes as planned lately and so the once kind patient and sweet mom is often yelling, bitter, and blaming everyone for her short-comings.
When women come to the place where nothing seems to be going right, it is time to fall back. Check your health. Are you getting enough sleep? Are you preparing and eating quality meals? Are you giving yourself a break from a partner and children? Are you involved in too many projects and the affairs of others? There are time wasters in may lives, the kind that are not productive, dead-end projects, toxic partnerships, and more that do nothing more than put women on their backs in hospital rooms. What are your time wasters? What did you agree to or keep working at that is really producing next to zero results?
As much as I love doing some things at home and elsewhere, I realize that the place I am in right now in my life is not the time to do certain activities. Although others will say things like, "You should..." I am quick to say, "...not right now." Family, friends, and co-workers don't know your life like you do. If they are encouraging you to add more responsibilities on top of the ones you already have, they are doing nothing more than sapping your time, energy, money, and patience! There is a time for everything, God knows what is happening around the corner and will use people, places and things to warn us. Some reading this right now are headed nowhere while falsely believing they are headed somewhere. Many parents select activities for their children that they always wanted to do when they were young; meanwhile, they are upset with children because they are not nearly as interested in the classes as much as they had hoped. The disinterest is actually a blessing in disguise and one could save herself much money if she would cut her kids off of activities they have said, "I don't really like this...I am bored...Mom could I please be in something else!" Sooner or later the cries of a child will come back to haunt the mother if she isn't too careful.
How many roles does one have to take on to be considered a good wife and mother? Where is dad, granddad, great granddad, step-dad, teacher, guardian, or friend in all this? So many moms buy love whether they realize it or not. They do this by purchasing large gifts and doing much for the men in their lives, but how are these men repaying these moms? Are they taking on a few roles or objecting every time they ask, "Would you? Could you please? I really need your help..." If these male figures aren't helping, then why are they in a busy mom's inner circle? Don't enable their television watching, Internet surfing, skirt-chasing behaviors, as well as other things by trying to be a super mom. I think of one mom who said, "I stuck around for the children...I was stupid...I let that man run over me!"
Maybe you saw that image growing up of mom doing everything (the butcher, the baker, and the candle-maker), but now you have your own life! Are you expected to do it all? Well, enjoy taking on these many roles, your body will tell on you later. But for those of us who have learned the hard way, it's not worth it!
Divorce, cheating, sneaky behavior and more is what some spoiled men offer the moody woman who is overworked, tired, frequently away from the home due to work and volunteering, obese due to eating so much, and more. Men look for pleasure elsewhere when performance at home is dismal whether it is through substance abuse or lying on their backs in a bed or seated in a car somewhere. It doesn't matter how nice you organize the home, how clean you are, how much you do for the kids, if your mind is on everyone and everything else but him, you lose in the end. Some men will stick around and remain faithful, but will give Super Moms hell during the process. This type of negative attitude from so-called good men will give busy mothers no choice but to cross their men off the to-do list--time for a dose of your own medicine, separation or divorce. She reasons, "I can do bad all by myself."
So do keep this in mind, taking on too much is not good for you or your family, overachieving mom! It doesn't matter how much money you make, the perks, or anything else when hearts and minds are disconnecting from you! Go into the new year with a shorter to-do list and a clearer mind. Hug your kids, love-make with your man, and praise your Creator for what you did do this year. Trust me, we all appreciate you, I know I do because you stopped long enough to read the words on this blog!
To your health, wealth and success in the new year!
Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry.
Wednesday
Monday
When Mothers Cry Author Tells of Her Blogging Experience whenmotherscry.blogspot.com
Since the release of When Mothers Cry after typing my thoughts for awhile via the Internet, I can tell you that the response has been warm and the book well-received. Despite the challenges I faced while trying to express my thoughts about motherhood via blog and book, I wrote and wrote anyway, forcing myself not to worry about the mistakes I made with children, the writing errors, and the negative people, places and things around me. There are just some things you say and do that are considered by society's standards proper, professional, and productive. However, those of us who have cried much and kept plowing right through life's storms will put aside what others say and think and just do what's right minus a few too many missing punctuations, well-established connections, and lack of cash.
My seven plus years blogging experience has been interesting to say the least. I feel more knowledgeable of who I am as a mother and as an individual. I realize that I really do value my quiet time, my children, and what life has to offer for us. I noticed that when I felt very down about my role as a mother was due to being around far too many critical individuals. The type of people who won't let you just be without a judgmental stare or a nasty comment. Moms make mistakes, moms don't always like their roles, and moms love too even when their is no toy or fancy clothes budget for herself and children.
What I find since writing about my motherhood experiences that I find great is that there are many moms, just like me, who don't mind crying, fighting, and reaching out to an awesome God who we don't always understand. But what I didn't anticipate or like, since blogging, was those family members who kept mum about their personal hardships and wanted to keep a façade of self-righteousness and a "I don't do any wrong when it comes to my children" front. Oh, there is still much work to do!
Well I am glad to see progress in my life and not regress. I hope that others are experiencing the same. To your success mothers and thanks for supporting this blog and the book, When Mothers Cry.
Nicholl McGuire
My seven plus years blogging experience has been interesting to say the least. I feel more knowledgeable of who I am as a mother and as an individual. I realize that I really do value my quiet time, my children, and what life has to offer for us. I noticed that when I felt very down about my role as a mother was due to being around far too many critical individuals. The type of people who won't let you just be without a judgmental stare or a nasty comment. Moms make mistakes, moms don't always like their roles, and moms love too even when their is no toy or fancy clothes budget for herself and children.
What I find since writing about my motherhood experiences that I find great is that there are many moms, just like me, who don't mind crying, fighting, and reaching out to an awesome God who we don't always understand. But what I didn't anticipate or like, since blogging, was those family members who kept mum about their personal hardships and wanted to keep a façade of self-righteousness and a "I don't do any wrong when it comes to my children" front. Oh, there is still much work to do!
Well I am glad to see progress in my life and not regress. I hope that others are experiencing the same. To your success mothers and thanks for supporting this blog and the book, When Mothers Cry.
Nicholl McGuire
Sunday
Sunday
When Mom is Gone and No One Seems to Care
Looking on the outside in, I sat and watched two women cry their eyes out about their deceased mother who passed in 2013. The sisters could barely speak as they thanked a man who had helped their mother during her dying days. It seemed unreal watching the three wipe tears away. I felt cold, distant, and couldn't allow myself to become too attached to what I was viewing. Afterward, I thought of my own mother who our family almost lost twice.
The first time due to an aneurysm and the next an unexpected heart attack. I sighed and the fleeting thought came, "One day your mom will go too." However, it doesn't have to be that way. I recalled a conversation I had with my grandmother who saw her daughter in a dream lying in a casket. Far too often sons and daughters leave this world before parents. Some can't handle the pain of a loss ad stay away from others as if they are fearful that death is catchy. Others come around but are selfish seeking only what they can get now or in the future. Then there are those who genuinely care and don't ask for anything, rather they make deposits in our lives.
This is a tough time of year for many who have lost their mothers and other kin. They are sorrowful, angry, bitter, jealous, peaceful, sad, depressed, you name it, but what they aren't is dead. The grieving are still breathing, human beings that have souls whether they feel like they have them or not. So while some will be holiday shopping, planning meals once again, and making travel arrangements, let us remember those who are still with us saddened as a result of death. They might need a hug, a phone call, or someone to simply say, "I love you." But you will never know unless you try. It helps.
Nicholl McGuire also contributes and maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate - the blog here.
You can also check her audios/videos out at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
The first time due to an aneurysm and the next an unexpected heart attack. I sighed and the fleeting thought came, "One day your mom will go too." However, it doesn't have to be that way. I recalled a conversation I had with my grandmother who saw her daughter in a dream lying in a casket. Far too often sons and daughters leave this world before parents. Some can't handle the pain of a loss ad stay away from others as if they are fearful that death is catchy. Others come around but are selfish seeking only what they can get now or in the future. Then there are those who genuinely care and don't ask for anything, rather they make deposits in our lives.
This is a tough time of year for many who have lost their mothers and other kin. They are sorrowful, angry, bitter, jealous, peaceful, sad, depressed, you name it, but what they aren't is dead. The grieving are still breathing, human beings that have souls whether they feel like they have them or not. So while some will be holiday shopping, planning meals once again, and making travel arrangements, let us remember those who are still with us saddened as a result of death. They might need a hug, a phone call, or someone to simply say, "I love you." But you will never know unless you try. It helps.
Nicholl McGuire also contributes and maintains Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate - the blog here.
You can also check her audios/videos out at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
Thursday
Feeling Tired, Miserable? Make this Your First and Last Event You Host
Those mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers, who can make 10 pies, several sheet cakes, a huge holiday spread with four plus sides and a few too many meats to choose from, are typically skilled at their crafts when it comes to cooking. These ladies can also wear smiles while doing it, act polite, and tend to their guests' needs. Their homes are clean and everyone feels welcome. However, not every woman can pull this off.
Some mothers will try, God bless them. Yet, something usually lacks whether it is the taste of food, the uncleanliness of the household, unruly children, or something else, holiday preparation is just too much for some people. They will want their visitors to be kind, understanding, polite, etc. about their short-comings. But when you are dealing with family and close friends, they will offer constructive criticism and will advise against hosting if you miserably fail--be it right or wrong, truth is truth.
Hosts that are not use to being hospitable, preparing large meals, decorating homes, and disciplining children will have a hard time receiving feedback. The best thing any person, who has took on such a feat can do, is either learn from the experience and plan better next time or make the holiday event your first and last. Sometimes partners will advise against wives/girlfriends doing such things from the start, not just because event planning is costly, but also because they know their women aren't good at it and so the men too become tired and miserable listening to all the negativity that comes with holiday prepping. Unfortunately, some marriages are severely tested because women want to play the role of Superwoman, but only end up being worn-out and cranky women.
Depending on the type of personalities your visitors have will determine just how supportive they really are. Those guests, who mean well, will offer to pitch in and help even though some stubborn hosts will refuse their service--they should take it. Others will sit back and watch the movie, so to speak. If it ends well, so be it, but if not, they will come away from the event with much to talk about including the negative attitude of the host, her unsupportive mate, and her disrespectful or wild children.
When one feels tired and miserable due to holiday planning and all that comes with it, know that others see this. It would be best to learn early on to delegate responsibility if you should plan to do this annually or for each holiday. Otherwise, you will burnout before the holiday season really gets underway and no one wants to see a crying mother during a time that is supposed to be heart-warming.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Some mothers will try, God bless them. Yet, something usually lacks whether it is the taste of food, the uncleanliness of the household, unruly children, or something else, holiday preparation is just too much for some people. They will want their visitors to be kind, understanding, polite, etc. about their short-comings. But when you are dealing with family and close friends, they will offer constructive criticism and will advise against hosting if you miserably fail--be it right or wrong, truth is truth.
Hosts that are not use to being hospitable, preparing large meals, decorating homes, and disciplining children will have a hard time receiving feedback. The best thing any person, who has took on such a feat can do, is either learn from the experience and plan better next time or make the holiday event your first and last. Sometimes partners will advise against wives/girlfriends doing such things from the start, not just because event planning is costly, but also because they know their women aren't good at it and so the men too become tired and miserable listening to all the negativity that comes with holiday prepping. Unfortunately, some marriages are severely tested because women want to play the role of Superwoman, but only end up being worn-out and cranky women.
Depending on the type of personalities your visitors have will determine just how supportive they really are. Those guests, who mean well, will offer to pitch in and help even though some stubborn hosts will refuse their service--they should take it. Others will sit back and watch the movie, so to speak. If it ends well, so be it, but if not, they will come away from the event with much to talk about including the negative attitude of the host, her unsupportive mate, and her disrespectful or wild children.
When one feels tired and miserable due to holiday planning and all that comes with it, know that others see this. It would be best to learn early on to delegate responsibility if you should plan to do this annually or for each holiday. Otherwise, you will burnout before the holiday season really gets underway and no one wants to see a crying mother during a time that is supposed to be heart-warming.
Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7
Saturday
Is it Really Worth House-Hopping this Holiday Season?
He complains about his wife's side of the family and she can't stand his, yet a family member gets the bright idea to have everyone (good, bad and otherwise) over their home for Thanksgiving, then Christmas and how about New Years too? For some of you, who are over-the-top with the celebrating, reading this, don't expect so much!
Depending on what part of the world you live in, you just might be stuck in the house for hours due to bad weather at someone's home. You also might have to put up with a partner who will be saying, "I told you we shouldn't have come...I really wish we hadn't left home..." while you wait for the storms to pass.
House-hopping is definitely worth the effort if you know for sure this is something that all parties agree on. Who wouldn't miss visiting a favorite aunt or an awesome grandfather who has goodies at their homes? No one would pass up an opportunity to see mom if she is in good spirits and prepares great meals while treating her family with some love and respect. However, when there is frequent family discord and people act miserably with one another, you have to wonder, "Why bother?" When you know there is a history of ugly people acting ugly, why subject your relatives to their foolishness?
Many families risk their lives traveling to see relatives only to come back home ready to spank the kids, divorce the spouse, and put the pet outdoors in the cold for messing up the house. Then to make matters worse, the bills will be coming in and monies will be short. Those determined to get family together often don't consider all of the issues that come when trying to get to a holiday event especially one that is out of town during the winter season.
Save yourself and your family the head, heart and butt ache, choose where you will spend the holidays wisely and don't force everyone to comply when it is obvious that some folks simply don't like being around certain family members.
Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire, YouTuber channel: nmenterprise7
Nicholl is the author of the following books:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Depending on what part of the world you live in, you just might be stuck in the house for hours due to bad weather at someone's home. You also might have to put up with a partner who will be saying, "I told you we shouldn't have come...I really wish we hadn't left home..." while you wait for the storms to pass.
House-hopping is definitely worth the effort if you know for sure this is something that all parties agree on. Who wouldn't miss visiting a favorite aunt or an awesome grandfather who has goodies at their homes? No one would pass up an opportunity to see mom if she is in good spirits and prepares great meals while treating her family with some love and respect. However, when there is frequent family discord and people act miserably with one another, you have to wonder, "Why bother?" When you know there is a history of ugly people acting ugly, why subject your relatives to their foolishness?
Many families risk their lives traveling to see relatives only to come back home ready to spank the kids, divorce the spouse, and put the pet outdoors in the cold for messing up the house. Then to make matters worse, the bills will be coming in and monies will be short. Those determined to get family together often don't consider all of the issues that come when trying to get to a holiday event especially one that is out of town during the winter season.
Save yourself and your family the head, heart and butt ache, choose where you will spend the holidays wisely and don't force everyone to comply when it is obvious that some folks simply don't like being around certain family members.
Happy Holidays!
Nicholl McGuire, YouTuber channel: nmenterprise7
Nicholl is the author of the following books:
Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com/3437273
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com/3393499
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com/3401526
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com/3332346
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail...
Monday
6 Things You Can Do When a Mother is Mentally Troubled
Raising her children is something she just doesn't want to do lately, no one really knows why, but the mother is acting quite strangely around the children. She use to make sure they were bathed, fed, the house clean, their in school, and relatives got to see them, but not anymore. The mother acts depressed, uncaring, rude, or sometimes abusive to family, friends and her own children.
Gossiping about the mother's issues is not going to keep the children safe. Threatening to violently attack the poor mom is not the way to go either. Put aside personal beliefs, emotions, and ridiculous statements and stick to what matters, the mother's well-being and the safety of the children.
Some things people can do when faced with a situation where a mother is simply not acting like herself and the children look like they are being neglected:
1. Make the time to talk with her away from the children.
Ask questions gently. Avoid arguing. Find out what or who is causing her stress lately. Offer to assist her with her problem(s) if you can or direct her to some help.
2. Converse with children in front of mom and also when she isn't present.
Notice any changes in their demeanor. Do they appear comfortable with her? Do they act afraid, worried or nervous whether in her presence or away from her? Do they wish to be away from her?
3. Speak with concerned loved ones.
Tell them what you know, but be selective on what you say, because you don't know if there is a relative who secretly wants her children. Ask them to assist with whatever tasks the mother is having trouble keeping up with until she appears to be mentally/physically strong again.
4. Note your findings. Check for patterns in odd behavior discuss with a nurse and schedule a doctor's appointment if necessary.
Sometimes a serious illness may be ongoing, so you may want to exercise caution. Be sure the environment is safe. Protect yourself.
5. Assist with cooking, cleaning and caring for children.
As much as some people like to avoid these things, when someone is obviously in trouble, now is not the time to make excuses. Do what you can to help. Offer to watch children after you have discovered what is causing major upset in the home.
6. Meet with other relatives and have a family meeting if there is no sign of change.
If after issues have been discussed, services has been provided, appointments have been met, and there is still no change, call a family meeting with a plan that includes temporarily separating mother from children until she can get the help she needs.
Things happen and not every mom is able to care for children all the time. Keep this in mind before assuming the worse, acting judgmental, or enlisting the help of other critical family members. Not every mental illness is permanent. Many moms who once were faced with mental challenges do heal (ie. post-partum depression, PMS, Perimenopause, Menopause, work-related stress, marital conflict, drug and alcohol addictions, etc.)
Nicholl McGuire
Gossiping about the mother's issues is not going to keep the children safe. Threatening to violently attack the poor mom is not the way to go either. Put aside personal beliefs, emotions, and ridiculous statements and stick to what matters, the mother's well-being and the safety of the children.
Some things people can do when faced with a situation where a mother is simply not acting like herself and the children look like they are being neglected:
1. Make the time to talk with her away from the children.
Ask questions gently. Avoid arguing. Find out what or who is causing her stress lately. Offer to assist her with her problem(s) if you can or direct her to some help.
2. Converse with children in front of mom and also when she isn't present.
Notice any changes in their demeanor. Do they appear comfortable with her? Do they act afraid, worried or nervous whether in her presence or away from her? Do they wish to be away from her?
3. Speak with concerned loved ones.
Tell them what you know, but be selective on what you say, because you don't know if there is a relative who secretly wants her children. Ask them to assist with whatever tasks the mother is having trouble keeping up with until she appears to be mentally/physically strong again.
4. Note your findings. Check for patterns in odd behavior discuss with a nurse and schedule a doctor's appointment if necessary.
Sometimes a serious illness may be ongoing, so you may want to exercise caution. Be sure the environment is safe. Protect yourself.
5. Assist with cooking, cleaning and caring for children.
As much as some people like to avoid these things, when someone is obviously in trouble, now is not the time to make excuses. Do what you can to help. Offer to watch children after you have discovered what is causing major upset in the home.
6. Meet with other relatives and have a family meeting if there is no sign of change.
If after issues have been discussed, services has been provided, appointments have been met, and there is still no change, call a family meeting with a plan that includes temporarily separating mother from children until she can get the help she needs.
Things happen and not every mom is able to care for children all the time. Keep this in mind before assuming the worse, acting judgmental, or enlisting the help of other critical family members. Not every mental illness is permanent. Many moms who once were faced with mental challenges do heal (ie. post-partum depression, PMS, Perimenopause, Menopause, work-related stress, marital conflict, drug and alcohol addictions, etc.)
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Monday
Baby, Career, Husband, and Everything else! When Over-the-Top Mom Wants it All Done Now
When is enough, enough for some moms? When she has had a nervous breakdown, severe migraine, a death of a child, a divorce, a lost limb, or something far worse! These mothers will go and go against all sound advice just to meet needs they think are important and need to be tended to right now.
The baby is crying, the husband is complaining, and the job is demanding, and all the while career moms cry, "I'm okay, No really I'm fine. I'm not worried...yes I need to go to the doctor, but..."
For some mothers, they will not live long, they just won't. It doesn't matter whether she is No-name Nancy or A-list Jane, the two will find their spirits removed from their bodies while they walk around looking at what others are doing in a world they no longer belong to. Why? Because they believe that everything needs to be completed, dealt with, bought, created, and produced NOW!
Wild parties while parenting troubled children, some moms don't believe they should give up anything, "It's all about me!" Some boast. If they want to do something as soon as possible, they will gather up everyone and everything to get it done while complaining about the dismal results. Plans are not well-thought out, consideration of others' time and feelings fall on deaf ears, and unfortunately these extremely busy and wild mommies tend not to be the generous types when it comes to their own family. Meanwhile, other moms, who may not be so busy but have their share of issues, live lives that if only their families knew, they would be disowned. What these mothers have in common are: impatience, greed, self-indulgence, and most of all pride. They love bragging about what they won't tolerate, settle for, deal with, or put up with including children and partners.
Money-loving, greedy mothers who just can't get enough of networking, working long hours away from home, spending much money on meaningless things, and being a part of this thing and that one, miss out on the most meaningful things in life. What might they be? Those quiet times where one doesn't need to do, buy, say, or plan anything, just observe. Sit back and listen to one's Creator, enjoy good times without being the center of attention, and do something good for someone else without repayment. But this is simply too much to ask of some mothers. Even their own mothers have warned them, "Slow down. Stop talking so much. Stop doing all that. Take a break. Do better. Make wiser decisions." But stubborn, impatient moms let wisdom go in one ear and out the other. If it doesn't make her look good, get her excited, and have a price tag on it, she ain't buying it!
Partners have threatened to leave these over-the-top moms. Children cry for their mother's attention, but she keeps right on traveling, having fun--just doing what she feels like when she wants. This obsession with making one's self feel good derives from years and years of disappointments and not having any sense of control of one's own life, so she feels like anyone who comes in contact with her owes her something.
During their lifetimes, some mothers permitted far too many people to run their lives in their youth, so once they reach an age where they feel in control, they go wild! They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off! They want to be the leader, supervisor, creator, producer, wife, mommy for the fifth plus time, and any other title they can get their hands on.
Although it all seems so good in the beginning when their prayers seem to be getting answered, gradually all the "God did...but I still want...still need" becomes nothing more than a problem. What the mother once called, "a blessing" becomes "a curse." She is using far too many bad words to describe how she feels. The disappointed "I need everything right now" mom finds herself resenting her married life and children. When tough times present themselves, she wishes to be anywhere that makes her feel in control, fuels her fire, and makes her feel appreciated; hence, the long hours at work for starters.
If you are experiencing something like this or know someone who is, consider creating a plan that permits you to have more free time with those who really matter. Sometimes the additional activities we get involved in take up so much time that we exhibit many negative feelings that have little to do with the family, and everything to do with the many tasks at hand.
Feel free to check out Nicholl's spiritual insight on a variety of subjects at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
The baby is crying, the husband is complaining, and the job is demanding, and all the while career moms cry, "I'm okay, No really I'm fine. I'm not worried...yes I need to go to the doctor, but..."
For some mothers, they will not live long, they just won't. It doesn't matter whether she is No-name Nancy or A-list Jane, the two will find their spirits removed from their bodies while they walk around looking at what others are doing in a world they no longer belong to. Why? Because they believe that everything needs to be completed, dealt with, bought, created, and produced NOW!
Wild parties while parenting troubled children, some moms don't believe they should give up anything, "It's all about me!" Some boast. If they want to do something as soon as possible, they will gather up everyone and everything to get it done while complaining about the dismal results. Plans are not well-thought out, consideration of others' time and feelings fall on deaf ears, and unfortunately these extremely busy and wild mommies tend not to be the generous types when it comes to their own family. Meanwhile, other moms, who may not be so busy but have their share of issues, live lives that if only their families knew, they would be disowned. What these mothers have in common are: impatience, greed, self-indulgence, and most of all pride. They love bragging about what they won't tolerate, settle for, deal with, or put up with including children and partners.
Money-loving, greedy mothers who just can't get enough of networking, working long hours away from home, spending much money on meaningless things, and being a part of this thing and that one, miss out on the most meaningful things in life. What might they be? Those quiet times where one doesn't need to do, buy, say, or plan anything, just observe. Sit back and listen to one's Creator, enjoy good times without being the center of attention, and do something good for someone else without repayment. But this is simply too much to ask of some mothers. Even their own mothers have warned them, "Slow down. Stop talking so much. Stop doing all that. Take a break. Do better. Make wiser decisions." But stubborn, impatient moms let wisdom go in one ear and out the other. If it doesn't make her look good, get her excited, and have a price tag on it, she ain't buying it!
Partners have threatened to leave these over-the-top moms. Children cry for their mother's attention, but she keeps right on traveling, having fun--just doing what she feels like when she wants. This obsession with making one's self feel good derives from years and years of disappointments and not having any sense of control of one's own life, so she feels like anyone who comes in contact with her owes her something.
During their lifetimes, some mothers permitted far too many people to run their lives in their youth, so once they reach an age where they feel in control, they go wild! They are running around like chickens with their heads cut off! They want to be the leader, supervisor, creator, producer, wife, mommy for the fifth plus time, and any other title they can get their hands on.
Although it all seems so good in the beginning when their prayers seem to be getting answered, gradually all the "God did...but I still want...still need" becomes nothing more than a problem. What the mother once called, "a blessing" becomes "a curse." She is using far too many bad words to describe how she feels. The disappointed "I need everything right now" mom finds herself resenting her married life and children. When tough times present themselves, she wishes to be anywhere that makes her feel in control, fuels her fire, and makes her feel appreciated; hence, the long hours at work for starters.
If you are experiencing something like this or know someone who is, consider creating a plan that permits you to have more free time with those who really matter. Sometimes the additional activities we get involved in take up so much time that we exhibit many negative feelings that have little to do with the family, and everything to do with the many tasks at hand.
Feel free to check out Nicholl's spiritual insight on a variety of subjects at YouTube http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
Thursday
Wednesday
10 Reasons a Stressed Mother Needs to Separate from Children
Tired of having to put up with issues dealing with children? Often worried that they may be taken from you? Scared that someone might find out about your secrets through your children? Whatever the issue, things only get worse, the more you drag children into your mess. You will know when you need to make temporary arrangements with an individual or group to care for your children.
1. You have no income coming in and no way to keep a roof over you and your children's heads on a consistent basis.
2. You find yourself lying often about how you feel about your children.
3. You can't control the rage within when they start crying, whining, fighting with one another, or having fits about doing something you asked them to do.
4. You told someone something like, "If I ever catch my children doing XYZ again, I'm going to kill them." Although they thought you were just venting, deep inside you meant what you said.
5. You argue far too much with the father or fathers about the children living with him/them. Why make threats? Just let these guys deal with them since they think they know so much.
6. You miss work so often to the point that you are going to lose yet another job as a result of child-related issues.
7. The police have repeatedly visited your home because your children or someone in the neighborhood keeps calling them on you.
8. You encourage your children to lie about abusive things you say and do to them.
9. You are in a relationship with an emotionally and/or physically abusive man. You make excuses for this person and refuse to let him go.
10. Family and friends have warned you about the way you behave with your children and have offered their assistance--take it!
If you or someone you know sees all these signs and more that one should separate from children, why are you ignoring the warnings? Sooner or later, whether willing or not, someone or some incident just might permanently separate a parent from children.
Something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire, see more by this writer on YouTube.
1. You have no income coming in and no way to keep a roof over you and your children's heads on a consistent basis.
2. You find yourself lying often about how you feel about your children.
3. You can't control the rage within when they start crying, whining, fighting with one another, or having fits about doing something you asked them to do.
4. You told someone something like, "If I ever catch my children doing XYZ again, I'm going to kill them." Although they thought you were just venting, deep inside you meant what you said.
5. You argue far too much with the father or fathers about the children living with him/them. Why make threats? Just let these guys deal with them since they think they know so much.
6. You miss work so often to the point that you are going to lose yet another job as a result of child-related issues.
7. The police have repeatedly visited your home because your children or someone in the neighborhood keeps calling them on you.
8. You encourage your children to lie about abusive things you say and do to them.
9. You are in a relationship with an emotionally and/or physically abusive man. You make excuses for this person and refuse to let him go.
10. Family and friends have warned you about the way you behave with your children and have offered their assistance--take it!
If you or someone you know sees all these signs and more that one should separate from children, why are you ignoring the warnings? Sooner or later, whether willing or not, someone or some incident just might permanently separate a parent from children.
Something to think about.
Nicholl McGuire, see more by this writer on YouTube.
Friday
Another Burden to Remove
Kids can make you cry.
I don't know why,
but sometimes I cry.
Overwhelmed with duties,
far too many responsibilities,
they make me cry,
I guess I do know why.
Thought about how much I went through,
carried babies and still had much to do.
Talked with other women,
troubled due to men.
They sought their peace,
got a separate lease.
This too made me cry,
Yes, I do know why.
There is nothing easy about family life.
You have to know how to organize strife.
Take what you can,
share tough times with a man,
and then come up with a better plan.
The key is not to let others script your life,
and let God's words cut you like a knife.
Then when the many tears fall,
avoid spending time at a mall.
Instead, learn to live within your means,
and dump luxury scenes.
Worry, anger and resentment,
distract and lead to disappointment.
Envy, lies, and pretending,
take away the love God was sending.
Yes, I know why you cry,
the little things make you
want to die.
Yes, I know why at times you cry,
there is yet another thing in your eye.
Nicholl McGuire
I don't know why,
but sometimes I cry.
Overwhelmed with duties,
far too many responsibilities,
they make me cry,
I guess I do know why.
Thought about how much I went through,
carried babies and still had much to do.
Talked with other women,
troubled due to men.
They sought their peace,
got a separate lease.
This too made me cry,
Yes, I do know why.
There is nothing easy about family life.
You have to know how to organize strife.
Take what you can,
share tough times with a man,
and then come up with a better plan.
The key is not to let others script your life,
and let God's words cut you like a knife.
Then when the many tears fall,
avoid spending time at a mall.
Instead, learn to live within your means,
and dump luxury scenes.
Worry, anger and resentment,
distract and lead to disappointment.
Envy, lies, and pretending,
take away the love God was sending.
Yes, I know why you cry,
the little things make you
want to die.
Yes, I know why at times you cry,
there is yet another thing in your eye.
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Domestic Violence - What Mothers Must Teach Their ...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate: Domestic Violence - What Mothers Must Teach Their ...: It wasn't too long ago that many of us were reeling from the news of domestic violence involving singers Chris Brown and Rihanna. Accord...
Friday
For the Love of the Children: Why Mothers Stay with Controlling Partners
It isn't easy being in a relationship much less one built on lies, exaggerations and promises. Controlling men who believe that in order to keep women in their places, they must do the kind of things that don't uplift them, but keep them under their thumbs.
The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.
She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does. She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night. She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.
Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children. Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like. Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home. The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension. "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say. It isn't for you to understand.
There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian. Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up. No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond. This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.
Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following: some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime. Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date. This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice. A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs. Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right. But far too often, they don't. Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.
So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children. Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"
Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7
The "kept" woman, former survivor, beaten wife, or emotionally abused girlfriend will deal with the accusations, name-calling, threats, and more coming from a mate with a personality disorder (or is demon possessed) just so long as she has a place in the home with her children.
She will talk herself into staying in the home with a controlling individual, because she doesn't want to be replaced by someone who doesn't love her children as much as she does. She will put up with her partner's foolishness if it means that she can be the one who will tuck her children in bed at night. She will stand up to her controlling partner, if not for herself, but for the love she has for her children.
Mothers are pushing, shoving, kicking, screaming, scheming, planning, and doing other things just so that they will not be separated from children. Many know all-too-well what single parenthood looks like. Others experienced what it was like growing up without a father, mother or both in the home. The love for children is great and goes beyond human comprehension. "Why would a mother allow a man to....what would make a woman bother to...I just can't understand," some say. It isn't for you to understand.
There is a timeline that occurs in every child's life as he or she grows up and during this process each milestone that is reached is significantly influenced by a parent or guardian. Whether the child is young or older, a mother's presence helps with the process of growing up. No child wants to feel unloved, abandoned, worthless, or useless; therefore a caring mother will help a son or daughter sort through fears and insecurities while attempting to create a bond. This doesn't take away from the father's role, but for the purpose of this article, it is the mother's love that is being discussed.
Mothers desire to stay with the father's of their children despite difficult circumstances is due to the following: some have a burden to do so, others fear leaving or moving on, and then there are those who do it because it's just the right thing to do in the meantime. Yet, as with everything else experienced in this life, a mother's time with a controlling partner has an expiration date. This is why so many take off and leave with children at a moment's notice. A mother knows when it is time to be like a tiger and protect her cubs. Numerous chances are offered to mean-spirited and angry fathers everywhere to get things right. But far too often, they don't. Far too many prideful men who don't believe that there isn't anything wrong with them will place blame on mothers who just want to raise children and have a good lifestyle.
So when one questions/judges/bad-mouths a mother for dealing with issues in a relationship she couldn't fathom having to put up with, just know that mom is doing the best she can for the love of her children. Most likely, these same mothers who judge are going through their own set of relationship challenges that others would have to ask, "Why do you bother to stay with your controlling husband/boyfriend?"
Nicholl McGuire shares inspirational and thought-provoking messages here: YouTube Channel: nmenterprise7
Wednesday
Parent Teacher Conference - A Litmus Test on Whether You are Doing a Good Job Parenting Your Child
What parent wants to sit in a room and listen to a teacher talk about his or her child especially if the son or daughter is the talker, the bully, the wild one, or the shy one? Yet, we go to the parent teacher conference anyway only to find something in the conversation with the teacher we don't like.
We attempt to filter personality issues from the man or woman seated in front of us just doing his or her job. Yet, we are well-aware of personal bias, discrimination, ignorance, teacher burn-out and a know-it-all mentality that some have. But sometimes, the gut feeling kicks in and you suspect that there is more going on than the teacher cares to mention. So you try to get to the bottom of things and before long, you wish you hadn't. Now you find yourself talking about, "When I was a child and how I use to..." but the teacher looks at the clock, attention span gone, and on to the next parent.
Speaking of attention span, can I just say that the classroom atmosphere is busy. With so much stuff to look at, no wonder kids are bouncing, looking around, and excited. And what about these new programs, teaching strategies and the like, sounds like more stuff to stifle the creativity of our children and get them ready to be future employees of companies owned by the wealthy. I don't envision that the big name companies will be out of business by the time our kids are grown--competition is none if all a child has is college debt and a delusional vision to be something that he or she was never properly prepared to be, but I digress.
The parent teacher conference, why bother? I tell you, because someone needs to know that you are one of those parents that cares about your child come hell or high water! Even though you hate the criticism and those little chairs you sit in even more, your presence speaks volumes. You don't have to say too much about your kid at the conference just nod or shake your head since the teacher is use to having an audience sit back and observe--evaluate her/him. Think about what your child might feel each day looking at this person and why he or she might rebel when it comes to receiving instruction from his or her teacher.
Watch the teacher's mannerisms, examine the hand-picked worksheets he or she puts in front of you and look at the score sheet she has prepared--does any of it make sense? Question it even if you don't have a clue what you are questioning.
The issues will come up, "Jack talks too much...Annie plays with her hair...Bill interrupts and doesn't raise his hand...Penny likes to tease..." it sounds personal, doesn't it? But you know your child and you can always ask the teacher, "Well what do you do when these issues arise? I handle them at home, can't do much when they are in school."
To all the parents, as tempting as it can be not to care what the teacher says or what your child does or to spread your hate for school, and your anger toward the teacher with 20 plus students, take a breath. Do what you can in your setting and hope for the best!
Nicholl McGuire
We attempt to filter personality issues from the man or woman seated in front of us just doing his or her job. Yet, we are well-aware of personal bias, discrimination, ignorance, teacher burn-out and a know-it-all mentality that some have. But sometimes, the gut feeling kicks in and you suspect that there is more going on than the teacher cares to mention. So you try to get to the bottom of things and before long, you wish you hadn't. Now you find yourself talking about, "When I was a child and how I use to..." but the teacher looks at the clock, attention span gone, and on to the next parent.
Speaking of attention span, can I just say that the classroom atmosphere is busy. With so much stuff to look at, no wonder kids are bouncing, looking around, and excited. And what about these new programs, teaching strategies and the like, sounds like more stuff to stifle the creativity of our children and get them ready to be future employees of companies owned by the wealthy. I don't envision that the big name companies will be out of business by the time our kids are grown--competition is none if all a child has is college debt and a delusional vision to be something that he or she was never properly prepared to be, but I digress.
The parent teacher conference, why bother? I tell you, because someone needs to know that you are one of those parents that cares about your child come hell or high water! Even though you hate the criticism and those little chairs you sit in even more, your presence speaks volumes. You don't have to say too much about your kid at the conference just nod or shake your head since the teacher is use to having an audience sit back and observe--evaluate her/him. Think about what your child might feel each day looking at this person and why he or she might rebel when it comes to receiving instruction from his or her teacher.
Watch the teacher's mannerisms, examine the hand-picked worksheets he or she puts in front of you and look at the score sheet she has prepared--does any of it make sense? Question it even if you don't have a clue what you are questioning.
The issues will come up, "Jack talks too much...Annie plays with her hair...Bill interrupts and doesn't raise his hand...Penny likes to tease..." it sounds personal, doesn't it? But you know your child and you can always ask the teacher, "Well what do you do when these issues arise? I handle them at home, can't do much when they are in school."
To all the parents, as tempting as it can be not to care what the teacher says or what your child does or to spread your hate for school, and your anger toward the teacher with 20 plus students, take a breath. Do what you can in your setting and hope for the best!
Nicholl McGuire
Wednesday
Monday
Mom, Why Did I Have Children? Those Feelings of Regret
This isn't the time for a speech on loving one's children. This isn't a time for anyone to brag on how grateful they are when it comes to being a parent. A woman somewhere in this world is having an emotional breakdown due to the anxiety she feels about being a parent. She is weary of children who misbehave, who are favored by partners, and spoiled rotten by grandparents. She is angry that no one seems to listen after giving birth to yet another child. She is frustrated when no one wants to take her children for awhile so she can just think--get her mind back.
"Mom, why did I have children?" the downtrodden mother asks anyone who listens including her self. "You really didn't mean to say it in the way that you did, but hey it's out now," says a concerned voice.
Your real feelings about parenting are out in the open--now deal with them. No judges are in the room. No prideful moms and self-righteous partners. Let's be honest, you worry too much about yourself, your children and everything else in between. You might have lied for sons and daughters in need of your help. You might have promised your children the sun, moon and stars, so to speak. It is your hope that your children will be good citizens, great partners, educated, successful, winners...yes, we all want the same. But mom is tired! She has been fighting the good fight lately--making sacrifices and her patience has been worn thin. She has been understanding, warm, kind, and caring to all she has encountered in the past, but her kindness has been taken for weakness. With so much going on (or maybe not enough,) mom is bitter about quite a few things and those who supposedly know her, don't seem to get it. This is when things can become dangerous for moms who are headed on that path of no return where something or someone has disturbed them mentally--you don't want to wallow too deeply in your frustration with your children. Look for something that makes you happy when it comes to parenting. Find something that makes you feel whole again that has nothing to do with children. Think of ways to snap back to your content self. When was the last time you were away from children? What might you need to do differently in your daily schedule? What do you need to cut out? Who might you start enlisting to help you?
Busy people with problems aren't interested in mom's issues. Men who are busy making money don't want to think too deeply about what mom is saying/confessing/screaming. Crying children don't hear mom. You know the rest. You most likely are the mom who has been keeping much inside while you smile at other moms and wonder, "Does she ever wish she didn't get pregnant? I wonder if she ever tires of her children? Is there something wrong with me that I just wish I would have been anything but a mom?"
Feelings of regret happen to not only the poor, sad moms of this world, but the best, brightest, most successful moms too that take a pause every now and then to ask their Heavenly Creator, "Why?" But the real question is, "Why not?" Why not be taught how to love beyond self? Why not learn patience and virtue through the most unlikeliest sources? Why not experience the hand of God through a child? Why not share what you know with one who is an extension of you--a second chance at creating a newer and improved you?
Why not?
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
"Mom, why did I have children?" the downtrodden mother asks anyone who listens including her self. "You really didn't mean to say it in the way that you did, but hey it's out now," says a concerned voice.
Your real feelings about parenting are out in the open--now deal with them. No judges are in the room. No prideful moms and self-righteous partners. Let's be honest, you worry too much about yourself, your children and everything else in between. You might have lied for sons and daughters in need of your help. You might have promised your children the sun, moon and stars, so to speak. It is your hope that your children will be good citizens, great partners, educated, successful, winners...yes, we all want the same. But mom is tired! She has been fighting the good fight lately--making sacrifices and her patience has been worn thin. She has been understanding, warm, kind, and caring to all she has encountered in the past, but her kindness has been taken for weakness. With so much going on (or maybe not enough,) mom is bitter about quite a few things and those who supposedly know her, don't seem to get it. This is when things can become dangerous for moms who are headed on that path of no return where something or someone has disturbed them mentally--you don't want to wallow too deeply in your frustration with your children. Look for something that makes you happy when it comes to parenting. Find something that makes you feel whole again that has nothing to do with children. Think of ways to snap back to your content self. When was the last time you were away from children? What might you need to do differently in your daily schedule? What do you need to cut out? Who might you start enlisting to help you?
Busy people with problems aren't interested in mom's issues. Men who are busy making money don't want to think too deeply about what mom is saying/confessing/screaming. Crying children don't hear mom. You know the rest. You most likely are the mom who has been keeping much inside while you smile at other moms and wonder, "Does she ever wish she didn't get pregnant? I wonder if she ever tires of her children? Is there something wrong with me that I just wish I would have been anything but a mom?"
Feelings of regret happen to not only the poor, sad moms of this world, but the best, brightest, most successful moms too that take a pause every now and then to ask their Heavenly Creator, "Why?" But the real question is, "Why not?" Why not be taught how to love beyond self? Why not learn patience and virtue through the most unlikeliest sources? Why not experience the hand of God through a child? Why not share what you know with one who is an extension of you--a second chance at creating a newer and improved you?
Why not?
Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
Monday
Mothers - A Needed Change in Finances, Relationships
Have you ever looked at your billing statement from a creditor and sighed, wishing yet again you didn't put so much on your credit card for children? Was there ever a time that you looked at your husband/partner and wished that you could receive the same kind of hug from him or her that was given to the children? Do you wish to do something better in your life, but lack resources, education, and motivation to get it done? If you have ever felt this way, then know that you are not alone! There are plenty of mothers on this site and others who wanted change in their lives from finances to relationships, but did nothing. You are different and you will do something, because you want to!
When mothers let themselves cry to the point that they are sick and tired, things change! A mother who is sincerely fed up with the credit card debt will cut it up and will not use it again. She remembers how she missed out on getting things done, because she spent hundreds on stuff for the kids once again. A mother who is bitter about how a partner treats children better than her will make up in her mind to either reach out for affection or move on with her life. She will welcome someone into her life who will show her the love she craves (of course not before handling her past, so that she can have a future). And a mother who wants very much to accomplish dreams will go after them, while cutting back or off those things that keep hindering her. From Internet surfing to finding a caretaker for her child, she no longer makes excuses--she just does what is needed!
You don't need a step-by-step guide on motivating yourself to do some things differently in your life. All you really need is the passion to put what it is you sincerely want to do in your life in front of you each day and work at it. Think of that thing you want to do most. Now if it is like a need to go to the bathroom, you would just get up and do it without thinking, right? Well, you have to treat that task like it is important and do it without pondering deeply on it or you will talk yourself out of getting that thing accomplished.
"When?" says Self.
"Now. I need to do it."
"How?" says Self.
"Create a plan. Do it."
"What will people think?" says Self.
"Not your concern. Do it."
"Who will help?" says Self.
"Is it really necessary to get anyone else involved at this point? Just do it!"
Let your cry be the motivation to get what you desire most, done!
Nicholl McGuire also shares information on all related things about organizing here.
When mothers let themselves cry to the point that they are sick and tired, things change! A mother who is sincerely fed up with the credit card debt will cut it up and will not use it again. She remembers how she missed out on getting things done, because she spent hundreds on stuff for the kids once again. A mother who is bitter about how a partner treats children better than her will make up in her mind to either reach out for affection or move on with her life. She will welcome someone into her life who will show her the love she craves (of course not before handling her past, so that she can have a future). And a mother who wants very much to accomplish dreams will go after them, while cutting back or off those things that keep hindering her. From Internet surfing to finding a caretaker for her child, she no longer makes excuses--she just does what is needed!
You don't need a step-by-step guide on motivating yourself to do some things differently in your life. All you really need is the passion to put what it is you sincerely want to do in your life in front of you each day and work at it. Think of that thing you want to do most. Now if it is like a need to go to the bathroom, you would just get up and do it without thinking, right? Well, you have to treat that task like it is important and do it without pondering deeply on it or you will talk yourself out of getting that thing accomplished.
"When?" says Self.
"Now. I need to do it."
"How?" says Self.
"Create a plan. Do it."
"What will people think?" says Self.
"Not your concern. Do it."
"Who will help?" says Self.
"Is it really necessary to get anyone else involved at this point? Just do it!"
Let your cry be the motivation to get what you desire most, done!
Nicholl McGuire also shares information on all related things about organizing here.
Saturday
Mom is Aging, Impatient, Rude and Forgetful
The older we get, the worse we could potentially come depending on how our body feels, the support system or lack thereof around us, and financial challenges. A mom shared that her mom was aging, struggling with Alzheimer's and she just couldn't take it anymore. So she looked to outside help.
You know you better than anyone, so if you are dealing with an aging parent and all that comes with her, you will have to do whatever it takes to be at peace and ensure the parent's safety. Unfortunately, for those who prefer to fight with Mom, rather than do what is in the best interest of her while keeping your sanity, here are some tips.
1. List her mental and physical issues and start seeking out the support groups in your area to help. There are various non-profit organizations that key in on certain issues while there are churches who have an extensive resource list of available help.
2. Talk to mom about your concerns when things aren't so tense. Not everyday is an awful day for mom even though she might claim otherwise. When she is less nervous, argumentative, stressed, etc. speak truth and watch how you talk to her. Leave name-calling and yelling out of the conversation. If you can't do it, converse with a sibling who might be better equipped to have a heart-to-heart with mom.
3. Find the time to visit Mom only when you are up to it and don't always bring your children. Some mothers are battling with PMDD, post-partum, menopause and other health issues, so the last thing you want to do is be in stuck in the room with a miserable Mom who is still angry about someone or something. Watch your calendar and plan conversations and visits with Mom when you are less stressed. When a Mom is going through much difficulty, the last thing you want to do is put your children in the line of fire or witness the two of you go at it. Limit the amount of time you spend with your mother and if you aren't in the mood to cook, clean, or do whatever else needs to be done, enlist some help without causing problems between siblings and others. If they don't want to help, so be it, they have a right to feel the way they do. Find other sources.
4. Ignore Mom's negative attitude and mean-spirited behavior when you know she is mentally-ill. What will arguing with her resolve? Remind yourself, "One day Mom is going to die and I don't want to have any regrets...I did the best I could."
5. If you have already been angry, ugly, and crazy acting with Mom, forgive yourself, apologize to Mom, but move on. Pay closer attention to your emotions and create some space between you and your Mom so that you won't dishonor her again. But if you should, make peace and ask your Creator for guidance.
One of the saddest cries that any son or daughter can have is when Mom is gone. Live your best life with Mom now, so that you will be at peace when she is no more.
Nicholl McGuire
You know you better than anyone, so if you are dealing with an aging parent and all that comes with her, you will have to do whatever it takes to be at peace and ensure the parent's safety. Unfortunately, for those who prefer to fight with Mom, rather than do what is in the best interest of her while keeping your sanity, here are some tips.
1. List her mental and physical issues and start seeking out the support groups in your area to help. There are various non-profit organizations that key in on certain issues while there are churches who have an extensive resource list of available help.
2. Talk to mom about your concerns when things aren't so tense. Not everyday is an awful day for mom even though she might claim otherwise. When she is less nervous, argumentative, stressed, etc. speak truth and watch how you talk to her. Leave name-calling and yelling out of the conversation. If you can't do it, converse with a sibling who might be better equipped to have a heart-to-heart with mom.
3. Find the time to visit Mom only when you are up to it and don't always bring your children. Some mothers are battling with PMDD, post-partum, menopause and other health issues, so the last thing you want to do is be in stuck in the room with a miserable Mom who is still angry about someone or something. Watch your calendar and plan conversations and visits with Mom when you are less stressed. When a Mom is going through much difficulty, the last thing you want to do is put your children in the line of fire or witness the two of you go at it. Limit the amount of time you spend with your mother and if you aren't in the mood to cook, clean, or do whatever else needs to be done, enlist some help without causing problems between siblings and others. If they don't want to help, so be it, they have a right to feel the way they do. Find other sources.
4. Ignore Mom's negative attitude and mean-spirited behavior when you know she is mentally-ill. What will arguing with her resolve? Remind yourself, "One day Mom is going to die and I don't want to have any regrets...I did the best I could."
5. If you have already been angry, ugly, and crazy acting with Mom, forgive yourself, apologize to Mom, but move on. Pay closer attention to your emotions and create some space between you and your Mom so that you won't dishonor her again. But if you should, make peace and ask your Creator for guidance.
One of the saddest cries that any son or daughter can have is when Mom is gone. Live your best life with Mom now, so that you will be at peace when she is no more.
Nicholl McGuire
Thursday
Wednesday
Arguments: You Cried Again Over What He Said, He Did
Being a mother is challenging, but being a mother with children and a partner/husband can take its toll to the point that you are lying on your back in a hospital bed wondering, "What just happened...why am I here? When will I stop letting that man get the best of me!?"
I have witnessed some of the most content mothers and grandmothers without men. Let me repeat, without men. They rather be alone then to cry over yet another man who simply refuses to do right by his family. One mother of six shared with me, "I have been hurt by men so much that I would be afraid to be with one now, I just might kill him...I wouldn't want him around my kids either...he just might not love them, and then that's when I would have to hurt him." This is a woman who truly knows herself. But far too many women choose to focus on what they hope to become rather than what they now are. If you have little patience, time, or need for a man, why bother? Why bring him around your children? Why settle for someone who has a proven record of selfishness and isn't into his own children much less anyone else's?
Picture this, you are in the kitchen preparing a meal and notice your partner/husband's cell phone flash on the table near you and there it is, a message on the screen that you and I both know isn't a typical work sounding message. In a moment, just like that, your stomach churns, you stop cooking, and now someone has some explaining to do. After repeated arguments, you find out far more than you wanted to know and now you are crying.
With so much temptation on the Internet, it isn't any wonder that so many couples end up in divorce court. Imagine this, you are minding your own business on the Internet and decide to look up something you saw yesterday, yet instead of finding what you viewed in Internet history, you see that your partner is up to no good. Now your head hurts, your heart aches, and you are surfing for an attorney online with tears in your eyes. Enough is enough!
From a partner loving everyone else but you to parenting blues when it comes to raising children, what more are you doing these days besides crying?
The father of your children curses, lies, makes false promises, covers up his Internet activity, pretends to care for you in public (so that men including his friends won't think twice), stares at other women, talks about you to other women (including mom), and claims that he believes in a Creator...yet the writing on the wall says, "This is it. Stop crying. Your struggle is no more."
The yelling, name-calling, throwing things, and crying does nothing! It only upsets you and creates further distance in your relationship. Children become worried that one day something or someone is going to get hurt, walk away, or they are going to miss out on a favorite toy or pet as a result of mom and dad not getting along.
One can cry, she can complain, but once the fuss is over, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want? It is obvious that the man isn't going to change, so what should I be doing?" Here is a list to help get you started:
1. Save money, spend less.
2. Maintain or get better employment.
3. Sell what you have to get what you want.
4. Live where you want to live.
5. Take up a hobby that builds up your self-confidence and uplifts you spiritually.
6. Pray, fast and read words of wisdom.
7. Connect with successful women who are at peace with their life decisions with or without a man.
If you believe in a Creator, then you must know that you can't hear from Him when you are yelling and you can't see him when your eyes are blinded with tears.
Nicholl McGuire is a blogger, author and YouTuber, listen to inspirational and convicting messages at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
I have witnessed some of the most content mothers and grandmothers without men. Let me repeat, without men. They rather be alone then to cry over yet another man who simply refuses to do right by his family. One mother of six shared with me, "I have been hurt by men so much that I would be afraid to be with one now, I just might kill him...I wouldn't want him around my kids either...he just might not love them, and then that's when I would have to hurt him." This is a woman who truly knows herself. But far too many women choose to focus on what they hope to become rather than what they now are. If you have little patience, time, or need for a man, why bother? Why bring him around your children? Why settle for someone who has a proven record of selfishness and isn't into his own children much less anyone else's?
Picture this, you are in the kitchen preparing a meal and notice your partner/husband's cell phone flash on the table near you and there it is, a message on the screen that you and I both know isn't a typical work sounding message. In a moment, just like that, your stomach churns, you stop cooking, and now someone has some explaining to do. After repeated arguments, you find out far more than you wanted to know and now you are crying.
With so much temptation on the Internet, it isn't any wonder that so many couples end up in divorce court. Imagine this, you are minding your own business on the Internet and decide to look up something you saw yesterday, yet instead of finding what you viewed in Internet history, you see that your partner is up to no good. Now your head hurts, your heart aches, and you are surfing for an attorney online with tears in your eyes. Enough is enough!
From a partner loving everyone else but you to parenting blues when it comes to raising children, what more are you doing these days besides crying?
The father of your children curses, lies, makes false promises, covers up his Internet activity, pretends to care for you in public (so that men including his friends won't think twice), stares at other women, talks about you to other women (including mom), and claims that he believes in a Creator...yet the writing on the wall says, "This is it. Stop crying. Your struggle is no more."
The yelling, name-calling, throwing things, and crying does nothing! It only upsets you and creates further distance in your relationship. Children become worried that one day something or someone is going to get hurt, walk away, or they are going to miss out on a favorite toy or pet as a result of mom and dad not getting along.
One can cry, she can complain, but once the fuss is over, you have to ask yourself, "What do I want? It is obvious that the man isn't going to change, so what should I be doing?" Here is a list to help get you started:
1. Save money, spend less.
2. Maintain or get better employment.
3. Sell what you have to get what you want.
4. Live where you want to live.
5. Take up a hobby that builds up your self-confidence and uplifts you spiritually.
6. Pray, fast and read words of wisdom.
7. Connect with successful women who are at peace with their life decisions with or without a man.
If you believe in a Creator, then you must know that you can't hear from Him when you are yelling and you can't see him when your eyes are blinded with tears.
Nicholl McGuire is a blogger, author and YouTuber, listen to inspirational and convicting messages at http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7
Monday
Saturday
The Child Who Loves to Exaggerate - How to Put a Stop to It
Do you have a little exaggerator in your family? This is the child who makes stories better or worse than what they are. The fantasy always sounds and looks better than reality in his or her eyes. The little person seeks attention with her story-telling, enjoys the reaction he or she receives from listeners, and is testing his or her communication skills on anyone willing to listen. The individual may one day be a writer, teacher, actor, or someone in a creative field. Yet, exaggerating something is not good when it comes to basic communication.
For instance, when a parent is looking to seek the truth about a matter, exaggeration is no different than lying. Most people don't want to hear anything that makes something look worse than what it is. Someone who is already upset about something doesn't want to have to hear things that are simply untrue whether the story-teller is a child or not. Those who have been offended by a child's exaggerations will expect the parent to deal with the child.
So what to do?
Parents will need to teach children the difference between fantasy and reality, nonfiction and fiction, and the difference between lie and truth. Test the child to see if what you have said resonates in his or her little brain. Parents will also need to train your child to not only communicate better, but utilize good listening skills. This might include reading and writing exercises, listening to recordings and then allowing for discussion, and question and answer sessions.
You may or may not know whether your child is exaggerating an event; therefore, you will need the child to repeat the story. Stop him or her mid-sentence when something doesn't sound right and ask him or her, "Why did you just say that?" This will challenge him or her to think before he or she speaks. You will also need to question others who may have witnessed what the child claims to have experienced.
When the child refuses to tell the truth, you should scold him or her and take away favorite items for each lie told. You should also tell your son or daughter to think about what he or she said and make apologies whether verbally, through service, or in other ways to make wrongs right with offended individuals.
It is unfortunate that so many parents don't bother to admonish or correct children who exaggerate circumstances, stories, and more, but when you know that you have an exaggerator in your camp, don't hesitate to expose him or her before things get out of hand.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books. You can visit a parenting blog that she maintains here.
For instance, when a parent is looking to seek the truth about a matter, exaggeration is no different than lying. Most people don't want to hear anything that makes something look worse than what it is. Someone who is already upset about something doesn't want to have to hear things that are simply untrue whether the story-teller is a child or not. Those who have been offended by a child's exaggerations will expect the parent to deal with the child.
So what to do?
Parents will need to teach children the difference between fantasy and reality, nonfiction and fiction, and the difference between lie and truth. Test the child to see if what you have said resonates in his or her little brain. Parents will also need to train your child to not only communicate better, but utilize good listening skills. This might include reading and writing exercises, listening to recordings and then allowing for discussion, and question and answer sessions.
You may or may not know whether your child is exaggerating an event; therefore, you will need the child to repeat the story. Stop him or her mid-sentence when something doesn't sound right and ask him or her, "Why did you just say that?" This will challenge him or her to think before he or she speaks. You will also need to question others who may have witnessed what the child claims to have experienced.
When the child refuses to tell the truth, you should scold him or her and take away favorite items for each lie told. You should also tell your son or daughter to think about what he or she said and make apologies whether verbally, through service, or in other ways to make wrongs right with offended individuals.
It is unfortunate that so many parents don't bother to admonish or correct children who exaggerate circumstances, stories, and more, but when you know that you have an exaggerator in your camp, don't hesitate to expose him or her before things get out of hand.
Nicholl McGuire is the author of When Mothers Cry, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, and other books. You can visit a parenting blog that she maintains here.
Wednesday
7 Ways Successful Parents Save Money
Have you ever wondered how some parents can set goals to save money while you can't? Well, the following tips were inspired by those parents who successfully did it and are retired happily. Instead of putting children's wants above goals, like many financially challenged people do, successful parents examine what is best for family while encouraging an atmosphere that is self-less rather than selfish.
1. They don't take their children everywhere they go.
Most often when you go somewhere that caters to families, a little person in the group is going to want something. To avoid the headache of "I want," from a child, it is up to parents and grandparents with little money and even less patience, to leave children at home when shopping for essentials. Parents who are going through a financially difficult time, leave children's wants out of conversations, and focus on priorities like keeping utilities on and a roof over the family's heads. If a child should want something, the financially successful parents make the child earn what it is that they want by doing chores and once older seeking a job.
2. They turn down any invite that they consider an unnecessary expense or not worth their time.
An event that might churn up an offer to babysit for free is a good deal, but an event that costs more to plan to attend plus additional charges like tickets, hotel, gas, etc. might be a waste. People who believe in saving money don't bother to attend too many activities, especially kid-related, if it is going to cost much money and hassle to get there. Children can produce major headaches, why have another one over how much something costs?
3. They don't sign up their children for extracurricular activities "...just because."
Unless you can afford to sign up a child for a certain activity "...because she just wants to do it..." why spend the money? Parents who often complain about not having any money tend not to tell themselves or their children, "No." As a result, they suffer financially sooner or later. They fail to look beyond the registration cost, the equipment that needs to be bought, workdays missed, gas expenses to attend games, and more.
4. They don't buy brand names when they shop and choose to only focus on sale items.
Not all merchandise labeled is really "on sale." There are inflated manufacturer prices that are printed on labels and then a price markdown. Why not shop around for additional price mark downs or wait? Money conscious parents know how to shop for cheaper alternatives or wait until the price is right for their budget, but those who have spoiled children feel pressure to appease.
5. They don't make promises to children that involve spending money they don't have.
How many times have you heard a parent say, "Well, I am doing this because I promised..." Money doesn't grow on trees and just because a child says, "But Mommy you said..." doesn't mean that you are obligated to do everything that you say or else. A parent might want to check his or her bank account before saying anything to a child about buying something for him or her.
6. They look for freebies and discounts on things like health care, toys, places to visit, clothing and shoes.
Think of the money you can save if you just take the time to research (I personally use ebates, see link on top right corner of blog). Parents who have a tight budget can't afford to waste money. Some parents will spend much money walking across the street to buy certain items rather than driving a little further down the street to find the same goods on sale.
7. They buy goods that they need now and save for future wants.
Children can put pressure on you to buy now rather than later. Don't fall for the cries, exaggerations, lies, promises and everything else they come up with to force you or someone else in your family to do what they want. A stressed parent who is trying to pay bills, celebrate holidays, and plan family vacation may want to consider cutting some things out while remaining positive about saving money. The more negative the attitude is about putting money away for unexpected issues, the less likely one will do it, so stay positive and teach your children to do the same!
Nicholl McGuire
1. They don't take their children everywhere they go.
Most often when you go somewhere that caters to families, a little person in the group is going to want something. To avoid the headache of "I want," from a child, it is up to parents and grandparents with little money and even less patience, to leave children at home when shopping for essentials. Parents who are going through a financially difficult time, leave children's wants out of conversations, and focus on priorities like keeping utilities on and a roof over the family's heads. If a child should want something, the financially successful parents make the child earn what it is that they want by doing chores and once older seeking a job.
2. They turn down any invite that they consider an unnecessary expense or not worth their time.
An event that might churn up an offer to babysit for free is a good deal, but an event that costs more to plan to attend plus additional charges like tickets, hotel, gas, etc. might be a waste. People who believe in saving money don't bother to attend too many activities, especially kid-related, if it is going to cost much money and hassle to get there. Children can produce major headaches, why have another one over how much something costs?
3. They don't sign up their children for extracurricular activities "...just because."
Unless you can afford to sign up a child for a certain activity "...because she just wants to do it..." why spend the money? Parents who often complain about not having any money tend not to tell themselves or their children, "No." As a result, they suffer financially sooner or later. They fail to look beyond the registration cost, the equipment that needs to be bought, workdays missed, gas expenses to attend games, and more.
4. They don't buy brand names when they shop and choose to only focus on sale items.
Not all merchandise labeled is really "on sale." There are inflated manufacturer prices that are printed on labels and then a price markdown. Why not shop around for additional price mark downs or wait? Money conscious parents know how to shop for cheaper alternatives or wait until the price is right for their budget, but those who have spoiled children feel pressure to appease.
5. They don't make promises to children that involve spending money they don't have.
How many times have you heard a parent say, "Well, I am doing this because I promised..." Money doesn't grow on trees and just because a child says, "But Mommy you said..." doesn't mean that you are obligated to do everything that you say or else. A parent might want to check his or her bank account before saying anything to a child about buying something for him or her.
6. They look for freebies and discounts on things like health care, toys, places to visit, clothing and shoes.
Think of the money you can save if you just take the time to research (I personally use ebates, see link on top right corner of blog). Parents who have a tight budget can't afford to waste money. Some parents will spend much money walking across the street to buy certain items rather than driving a little further down the street to find the same goods on sale.
7. They buy goods that they need now and save for future wants.
Children can put pressure on you to buy now rather than later. Don't fall for the cries, exaggerations, lies, promises and everything else they come up with to force you or someone else in your family to do what they want. A stressed parent who is trying to pay bills, celebrate holidays, and plan family vacation may want to consider cutting some things out while remaining positive about saving money. The more negative the attitude is about putting money away for unexpected issues, the less likely one will do it, so stay positive and teach your children to do the same!
Nicholl McGuire
Saturday
Mothers all over the world can speak up about more than just family related issues
Tina Louise's Speech - Mother's Against Fracking Rally 30.03.14.
A good example of making a public stand against government actions. When you are aware of an issue, research it, gather those who aren't fearful to stand in agreement, and expose the issue for what it is!
"A slang term for hydraulic fracturing. Fracking refers to the procedure of creating fractures in rocks and rock formations by injecting fluid into cracks to force them further open. The larger fissures allow more oil and gas to flow out of the formation and into the wellbore, from where it can be extracted."-- Investopedia.com
Mothers Rally Together About a Variety of Issues - Get Some Ideas Watch 2014 Videos
Mothers rally to push for breastfeeding as valid exemption from jury duty
Mothers rally to reduce C-section birth rate
Stop Common Core in New Your State
Mothers rally to reduce C-section birth rate
Stop Common Core in New Your State
Friday
Children Get Older, Get Bolder
There are mothers in jail crying because they shortened the life of a spouse, children or even a loved one, because of a child's misdeeds. These women lost it--went mad, became afraid and defended their selves, or went through some kind of dilemma that they felt gave them no choice but to hurt another human being permanently.
"Never say what you will never do and never be too sure that all those around you are mentally stable," I thought after being tested one day by one of my children. If it wasn't for my faith, I can boldly say, I don't know where I would be today.
As children get older, they grow bolder in what they say and do. You can only pray that God keeps his hand on your mouth and a hand on your shoulder. From deep sighs to yelling, you recall those days you sacrificed much for your children and then the nerve of them...
I have listened to the stories of mothers who didn't take what their children did and said lightly especially when they acted in ways that were downright wrong! They usually end their stories with something like, "Those kids are lucky I didn't kill them...They should be grateful I'm not in jail because of them..."
When one is tempted to lose it, you can do some things only if you are able to before things get too bad:
1. Remove whatever you have in your hand. Place it away from you and child.
2. Walk out the door, get some fresh air, sit and talk with a trusted loved one or friend.
3. Get out of the room that the violation took place. The longer you stay, the more frustrated you will become.
4. Avoid discussing the issue with a spouse/partner/another child that is uncaring, moody, tired--especially when you are emotional. Chances are you and that person will get into an argument about the one who has offended you.
5. Put on headphones. Shutting the problem out allows you time to think clearly before reacting.
6. Stop cooking--you don't want to cause a fire.
7. Pull the car over--you don't want to cause an accident.
Someone shared with me that a relative would clean when she was stressed, this way she didn't ponder too long about what her children did. She said, "She would spank their behinds, then continue to clean. There was no yelling...she just sang to herself." The issue was done, over with--unfortunately far too many mothers run issues into the ground with long rants making it difficult for them and those involved to calm down. The key is to say what you need to say, do what you need to do as quick as possible. If your child should challenge you, remind the smart mouth there is a place for him/her and you called jail (juvenile detention center for children), then ask, "Would you like to go?"
Worse case scenario, call a relative who might have better control over your children and/or the police before you do something that might cause much heartache--especially if you have violent, disrespectful children or an uncaring spouse/partner.
Nicholl McGuire
"Never say what you will never do and never be too sure that all those around you are mentally stable," I thought after being tested one day by one of my children. If it wasn't for my faith, I can boldly say, I don't know where I would be today.
As children get older, they grow bolder in what they say and do. You can only pray that God keeps his hand on your mouth and a hand on your shoulder. From deep sighs to yelling, you recall those days you sacrificed much for your children and then the nerve of them...
I have listened to the stories of mothers who didn't take what their children did and said lightly especially when they acted in ways that were downright wrong! They usually end their stories with something like, "Those kids are lucky I didn't kill them...They should be grateful I'm not in jail because of them..."
When one is tempted to lose it, you can do some things only if you are able to before things get too bad:
1. Remove whatever you have in your hand. Place it away from you and child.
2. Walk out the door, get some fresh air, sit and talk with a trusted loved one or friend.
3. Get out of the room that the violation took place. The longer you stay, the more frustrated you will become.
4. Avoid discussing the issue with a spouse/partner/another child that is uncaring, moody, tired--especially when you are emotional. Chances are you and that person will get into an argument about the one who has offended you.
5. Put on headphones. Shutting the problem out allows you time to think clearly before reacting.
6. Stop cooking--you don't want to cause a fire.
7. Pull the car over--you don't want to cause an accident.
Someone shared with me that a relative would clean when she was stressed, this way she didn't ponder too long about what her children did. She said, "She would spank their behinds, then continue to clean. There was no yelling...she just sang to herself." The issue was done, over with--unfortunately far too many mothers run issues into the ground with long rants making it difficult for them and those involved to calm down. The key is to say what you need to say, do what you need to do as quick as possible. If your child should challenge you, remind the smart mouth there is a place for him/her and you called jail (juvenile detention center for children), then ask, "Would you like to go?"
Worse case scenario, call a relative who might have better control over your children and/or the police before you do something that might cause much heartache--especially if you have violent, disrespectful children or an uncaring spouse/partner.
Nicholl McGuire
Sunday
On Raising Teens, Children
Back when I first started this blog, "When Mothers Cry," I was a parent of a baby, a toddler, a tween, and a soon-to-be teen. Now that I have moved out of pre-school years into elementary school years with two boys, and am observing a middle school boy and a high school boy, I can't help but wonder sometimes, "Am I doing what is in the best interest of my children?"
There are many dynamics that play a part when it comes to raising teens from what you say and what you do to what others are doing and not doing. Then of course in between we have teachers, peers, and anyone else with a covert or overt agenda. I pray more nowadays and sincerely hope for the best, but my eyes don't deceive me, I see things for what they are and I sigh. It seems at times, as parents, we have little influence as compared to the entertainers, video games, movies, and more that come into the lives of our teens. I encourage myself, "Don't worry, you are doing the best you can...remember you were once their ages, you didn't turn out so bad." True enough.
I think what bothers me the most about teen boys is their immaturity being encouraged by those who say things like, "Boys will be boys...take it easy...check out those girls...don't worry they will find their way." I am personally not impressed with the lives of those who think that all a boy needs is a ball in his hand, a hot girlfriend, and some flattering words said by loved ones to build up his self-esteem and he will be okay.
As parents we have a lot of work to do when it comes to raising children and if we lack in some areas, it is up to us to seek out professional help--without excuse. We must make the most of every moment teaching, sometimes preaching, and at times even crying--showing our children that we love them beyond what we say and do. We must show love, embrace them, and give them guidance that will assist them in every area of their lives from education to spirituality. There is more to life than what appeals to one's senses and we are responsible for those seeds we sow in both the short and long run.
Nicholl McGuire also maintains Parents, Babies and Children blog, click here.
There are many dynamics that play a part when it comes to raising teens from what you say and what you do to what others are doing and not doing. Then of course in between we have teachers, peers, and anyone else with a covert or overt agenda. I pray more nowadays and sincerely hope for the best, but my eyes don't deceive me, I see things for what they are and I sigh. It seems at times, as parents, we have little influence as compared to the entertainers, video games, movies, and more that come into the lives of our teens. I encourage myself, "Don't worry, you are doing the best you can...remember you were once their ages, you didn't turn out so bad." True enough.
I think what bothers me the most about teen boys is their immaturity being encouraged by those who say things like, "Boys will be boys...take it easy...check out those girls...don't worry they will find their way." I am personally not impressed with the lives of those who think that all a boy needs is a ball in his hand, a hot girlfriend, and some flattering words said by loved ones to build up his self-esteem and he will be okay.
As parents we have a lot of work to do when it comes to raising children and if we lack in some areas, it is up to us to seek out professional help--without excuse. We must make the most of every moment teaching, sometimes preaching, and at times even crying--showing our children that we love them beyond what we say and do. We must show love, embrace them, and give them guidance that will assist them in every area of their lives from education to spirituality. There is more to life than what appeals to one's senses and we are responsible for those seeds we sow in both the short and long run.
Nicholl McGuire also maintains Parents, Babies and Children blog, click here.
Saturday
7 Tips on Getting a Break from Children with Little or No Money
Does it seem that your children are dominating every part of your day? If you feel overwhelmed with your children lately, here are some suggestions on how to get some free time throughout the day to catch your breath.
1. Utilize a room in your residence that isn't dedicated to children. If you don't have one, create a space. This will be your time-out spot. Explain to your children why this area is off-limits. Reward them when they are not in that area and are keeping quiet.
2. Busy your children with some toys/activities that they haven't done for awhile. Electronics with headphones are a plus. Also, most wanted new toys (without sound and have parts that stay intact) will keep their interest for awhile. If you don't have money to buy new toys, take old ones out and rotate toys. It will feel like Christmas all over again for them. Take building blocks and dump them in the middle of their floor and let them create while you do what you need to do.
3. When you can get away from your children (because someone is at home to watch them or you dropped them off elsewhere), visit with loved ones, go to a park, eat at a restaurant alone, or just sit in your car somewhere peaceful. The needed break will rejuvenate you!
4. Purchase popular movies (Thrift store, yard sale, online auction, bookstore) or borrow them from the local library, they will keep the children entertained for at least a couple of hours.
5. Send children to bed early or encourage a nap or "Do Nothing" time. This is so helpful when you need to get things done in the middle of the afternoon or late during the evening through the night. Of course, they will put up a fuss but at least you gain your needed free time!
6. Make plans to go to bed early then awake early (hopefully before the children get up). This way you will be in the frame of mind to at least start what you need to do, rather than tending to their needs.
7. Take them to events where you are able to drop them off ie.) birthday parties, extracurricular activities, etc.)
When all else fails, always look for opportunities for help ie.) school counselors, community centers, welfare office, non-profit agencies, etc.
Nicholl McGuire
1. Utilize a room in your residence that isn't dedicated to children. If you don't have one, create a space. This will be your time-out spot. Explain to your children why this area is off-limits. Reward them when they are not in that area and are keeping quiet.
2. Busy your children with some toys/activities that they haven't done for awhile. Electronics with headphones are a plus. Also, most wanted new toys (without sound and have parts that stay intact) will keep their interest for awhile. If you don't have money to buy new toys, take old ones out and rotate toys. It will feel like Christmas all over again for them. Take building blocks and dump them in the middle of their floor and let them create while you do what you need to do.
3. When you can get away from your children (because someone is at home to watch them or you dropped them off elsewhere), visit with loved ones, go to a park, eat at a restaurant alone, or just sit in your car somewhere peaceful. The needed break will rejuvenate you!
4. Purchase popular movies (Thrift store, yard sale, online auction, bookstore) or borrow them from the local library, they will keep the children entertained for at least a couple of hours.
5. Send children to bed early or encourage a nap or "Do Nothing" time. This is so helpful when you need to get things done in the middle of the afternoon or late during the evening through the night. Of course, they will put up a fuss but at least you gain your needed free time!
6. Make plans to go to bed early then awake early (hopefully before the children get up). This way you will be in the frame of mind to at least start what you need to do, rather than tending to their needs.
7. Take them to events where you are able to drop them off ie.) birthday parties, extracurricular activities, etc.)
When all else fails, always look for opportunities for help ie.) school counselors, community centers, welfare office, non-profit agencies, etc.
Nicholl McGuire
Friday
Is it Right to Make Mother's Day a Vacation Day Away from Family?
The Mother's Day holiday is like a personal day a worker takes off from his or her daily job responsibilities for many moms. It isn't a question of right and wrong for a mother to want to be alone for Mother's Day it is simply a request. Mom says, "I just want a day off of work."
For some mothers, they know that if everyone comes over Mom's home--especially if she is a senior citizen, the need to advise, cook, clean, and more will kick in, so instead of feeding into those desires, she just wants peace and quiet. Frankly, look at the many days when children and spouses could have celebrated mom during the year? Is it so bad that Mommy doesn't want to be celebrated on a day that someone long ago said, "Make this day Mother's Day." Maybe the family could pick another day.
Let's keep in mind, many moms have mental and physical issues that can come during certain times of the month or are daily challenges. You don't know what mood you are walking into when a mom is adamant about being left alone--take heed Sons and Spouses.
Why do we assume we know what Mom is going through even if we are moms ourselves? Why convince her that spending time with her children is best for her when we know that sometimes we are a reminder of the many sacrifices she made for us--which wasn't all good? Let's just be honest! Give mom a break when she says, "I'm not celebrating the holiday, but thanks for the well-wishes."
Nicholl McGuire
For some mothers, they know that if everyone comes over Mom's home--especially if she is a senior citizen, the need to advise, cook, clean, and more will kick in, so instead of feeding into those desires, she just wants peace and quiet. Frankly, look at the many days when children and spouses could have celebrated mom during the year? Is it so bad that Mommy doesn't want to be celebrated on a day that someone long ago said, "Make this day Mother's Day." Maybe the family could pick another day.
Let's keep in mind, many moms have mental and physical issues that can come during certain times of the month or are daily challenges. You don't know what mood you are walking into when a mom is adamant about being left alone--take heed Sons and Spouses.
Why do we assume we know what Mom is going through even if we are moms ourselves? Why convince her that spending time with her children is best for her when we know that sometimes we are a reminder of the many sacrifices she made for us--which wasn't all good? Let's just be honest! Give mom a break when she says, "I'm not celebrating the holiday, but thanks for the well-wishes."
Nicholl McGuire
Sunday
Shirley Ceasar - Everyday is like Mothers Day - Momma Dedication.wmv
This song is dedicated to those daughters and sons whose mothers are resting in peace.
Saturday
Protecting Your Children from Sexually Abusive Relatives, Friends, Strangers
Whether a relative or friend is sexually abusive is unknown for many mothers, because the abuser doesn't typically give off any obvious signs that he or she has or will be abusive toward one's children. However, in circles like: the family, the online world of dating and in many family friendly establishments there lies someone, somewhere who is an uncle, cousin, father, step-father or has other ties to a family with little girls and boys. Their hidden issues are exposed when a child says, "Mommy, he touched me here...Daddy they do bad things over at that house...I don't want to go over there anymore."
Too often busy parents, or even lazy ones, will ignore a child's non-verbal or verbal cries for help. In a recent news report, a mother didn't bother to go along with her 7-year-old to the bathroom at a public restaurant. Little did she know, there was a sexually abusive patron behind the closed door. He hurt the poor child, got away and to date, is still at large.
What are some things that parents can do to keep children safe:
1. Keep your children in view from public restrooms to a house party, watch them and get others to help. Don't permit children to play with adults such as: sit on their laps, sleep in their beds, or play games like Hide 'n Seek or House. Don't permit them to watch movies and shows with sexual scenes and conversation. All of these things can happen if you are not paying attention to your children.
2. Don't assume a relative, friend or even stranger is trustworthy because he or she has kids too. Watch how the children behave with one another. Are they acting in ways that are inappropriate for children their age? Do the children wrestle, hand-hold, hug, kiss, and touch one another in ways that make you feel uncomfortable? Chances are they have seen or experienced something sexual at home.
3. Notice a partner or relative's interest in pornography. It doesn't matter the type, ask yourself, "What is going on in this man's mind that he feels the need to look at nude people having sex during his private time?" Be wary of him. Also, if he is very flirtatious, likes to touch, stares at the young women's and girl's bodies, and makes so-called playful, sexual comments about everyone (boys too), keep your kids at a distance.
4. At home, break nightly routines at times. Stay up later and periodically check on your child through the night. Do the same when staying at someone else's home or have them sleep in the room with you. Ask a partner or relative, "Was there something wrong the reason why you went in Johnny's room?" Notice how long he or she is in there and listen at the door. Don't worry over offending the person and don't respond when they become defensive.
5. Converse with your child about his or her body parts and ask questions, "Does anything hurt? How do you feel when (fill in the person's name) is around? How does this person make you feel? Does he or she do things that make you feel afraid or say bad things when I'm not around? Did he ever tell you not to tell me anything or else he would hurt you?"
6. Tell other children to pay attention when the parent or relative is around certain children. Talk with them as well. Sometimes abusers target the one who is the weakest and the least likely to share secrets.
7. Set up recording devices when you have that nagging feeling in your gut that doesn't seem to go away about someone your child is around. There is a good possibility that someone else or something non-related to abuse might be going on that is keeping you anxious. Don't leave the child with this person who makes you feel uncomfortable anymore (even if you don't have any proof). This way you will be less likely to have a major falling out with the relative or friend just in case he is innocent of wrong-doing.
There are women who sexually abuse their children as well or are accomplices to such despicable acts. Some will do such things because a boyfriend has put them up to doing such things. Other times these women have been abused themsleves and don't think too much about whether what they do with their own children is right or wrong especially when money is involved. A mother reasons, "Well, their dad has bought us nice things, keeps a roof over our heads...I won't say anything...maybe he will get better."
Keep in mind, men who think they can get away with abusive acts will target single mothers who have children. These trusting moms will permit these men to come into their lives because they believe they are "good." But the reality is that there is more to a lonely man besides his looks, a charming smile and gifts, he is by himself for good reason and it is up to a discerning mom to figure out why he is divorced more than once, alone, or doesn't have an amicable relationship with his ex.
Naive moms believe what they want to hear, smart moms do some investigating!
Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry
Too often busy parents, or even lazy ones, will ignore a child's non-verbal or verbal cries for help. In a recent news report, a mother didn't bother to go along with her 7-year-old to the bathroom at a public restaurant. Little did she know, there was a sexually abusive patron behind the closed door. He hurt the poor child, got away and to date, is still at large.
What are some things that parents can do to keep children safe:
1. Keep your children in view from public restrooms to a house party, watch them and get others to help. Don't permit children to play with adults such as: sit on their laps, sleep in their beds, or play games like Hide 'n Seek or House. Don't permit them to watch movies and shows with sexual scenes and conversation. All of these things can happen if you are not paying attention to your children.
2. Don't assume a relative, friend or even stranger is trustworthy because he or she has kids too. Watch how the children behave with one another. Are they acting in ways that are inappropriate for children their age? Do the children wrestle, hand-hold, hug, kiss, and touch one another in ways that make you feel uncomfortable? Chances are they have seen or experienced something sexual at home.
3. Notice a partner or relative's interest in pornography. It doesn't matter the type, ask yourself, "What is going on in this man's mind that he feels the need to look at nude people having sex during his private time?" Be wary of him. Also, if he is very flirtatious, likes to touch, stares at the young women's and girl's bodies, and makes so-called playful, sexual comments about everyone (boys too), keep your kids at a distance.
4. At home, break nightly routines at times. Stay up later and periodically check on your child through the night. Do the same when staying at someone else's home or have them sleep in the room with you. Ask a partner or relative, "Was there something wrong the reason why you went in Johnny's room?" Notice how long he or she is in there and listen at the door. Don't worry over offending the person and don't respond when they become defensive.
5. Converse with your child about his or her body parts and ask questions, "Does anything hurt? How do you feel when (fill in the person's name) is around? How does this person make you feel? Does he or she do things that make you feel afraid or say bad things when I'm not around? Did he ever tell you not to tell me anything or else he would hurt you?"
6. Tell other children to pay attention when the parent or relative is around certain children. Talk with them as well. Sometimes abusers target the one who is the weakest and the least likely to share secrets.
7. Set up recording devices when you have that nagging feeling in your gut that doesn't seem to go away about someone your child is around. There is a good possibility that someone else or something non-related to abuse might be going on that is keeping you anxious. Don't leave the child with this person who makes you feel uncomfortable anymore (even if you don't have any proof). This way you will be less likely to have a major falling out with the relative or friend just in case he is innocent of wrong-doing.
There are women who sexually abuse their children as well or are accomplices to such despicable acts. Some will do such things because a boyfriend has put them up to doing such things. Other times these women have been abused themsleves and don't think too much about whether what they do with their own children is right or wrong especially when money is involved. A mother reasons, "Well, their dad has bought us nice things, keeps a roof over our heads...I won't say anything...maybe he will get better."
Keep in mind, men who think they can get away with abusive acts will target single mothers who have children. These trusting moms will permit these men to come into their lives because they believe they are "good." But the reality is that there is more to a lonely man besides his looks, a charming smile and gifts, he is by himself for good reason and it is up to a discerning mom to figure out why he is divorced more than once, alone, or doesn't have an amicable relationship with his ex.
Naive moms believe what they want to hear, smart moms do some investigating!
Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry
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When Mothers Cry by Nicholl McGuire is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Based on book by Nicholl McGuire, When Mothers Cry.
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