Thursday

Fathers Gone All the Time - Mothers Left to Care for Children

He has his itinerary for the day and it doesn't include you and the children.  He drives around as if single.  You may be in a relationship with someone like this.  Angry that this man who claims he loves you is acting like he doesn't even know you.

When a mother comes to a point in her intimate relationship where she is fed up with a partner, she will either do one of two things, she will get even or she will focus on the needs of her family void of him.

Some fathers just don't get it when it comes to having a family.  He may be the breadwinner or not, but whatever his role, there are family members who need him more than he might realize.  For some fathers, they are becoming distant from the family because they have allowed themselves to become so distracted with what is going on outside the home.  Others fight for a life they once had that wasn't comprised of wife, kids, pets, etc.  Still others just want to be fathers without being told to act like fathers--whatever that might mean to mothers.

With so much frustration going on at home, the father disappears for awhile.  Some leave home to never return.  Others find a dwelling that they can go to periodically without family.  But for many dads they disappear in front of a television, computer or some other device.  Children are often playing alone while mothers maintain house, children, and check-in with relatives and friends.

Now with so much responsibility, a mother who is simply fed up with a father who may be physically or mentally absent from his family, may not be the best wife, lover or friend.  She will scream, curse, cry or even shake up the family home when dad doesn't bother to acknowledge his family.

It isn't any wonder why some mothers leave the family home never to return.  If a dad can't see that his inactions are driving his mate mad then he is in a poor state of mind.  The children will cry out to their father wanting to know, "What happened to mommy?"  While he comes up with yet another excuse, "I don't know...maybe she just doesn't love us anymore."  Rather than saying, "I wasn't very nice to your mother.  I didn't really care about her feelings.  I should have paid closer attention to the family."

So what is the solution really when it comes to fathers being distant and mothers frustrated because they aren't doing their part to keep the family whole?  Well it all depends on whether the man of the house can see how his absence is breaking the family down.  Is the mother communicating her concerns?  Is she providing examples?  Does she do her part to keep the family whole or are her words breaking the family down?  What is it that the father is or isn't doing that is causing so much turmoil in the house and is he willing to let go of those things?  Does he even want his family?

Some men don't want to be fathers.  I remember a relative who tried the family life and he said it wasn't for him.  He left the house and he didn't come back.  As much as the mother tried to have a distant relationship with the father and at times forced his son on him, to no avail.  The father was adamant he didn't want to be with her or the child.  They were mistakes he rather not live with for the rest of his life.  This man has since died.  But I share this true story because it demonstrates the fact that when a man doesn't want a family--he means it.  So how might you detect that a father might be checking out?

1.  He use to talk to everyone in the family and do nice things, now he doesn't.  Often uses the excuse of not having any money, but you notice he has money to spend on himself.
2.  At one time, he encouraged the family members in their games, projects, etc. and did his part to assist whenever needed, now he doesn't.
3.  He not only visits family and friends, he stays at their homes for weeks at a time.
4.  He avoids phone calls, emails, texts and other forms of communication from his immediate family members.  He may lie or make up excuses as to why he can't return phone calls.
5.  He started packing items in boxes and bags as if he is ready to go somewhere.
6.  He has various rental guides for apartments rather than homes that could fit the whole family.
7.  He acts uninterested in anything you and the children say.
8.  He is quick-tempered, mean and doesn't want to talk about his feelings.
9.  He frequently tells family he wants to be left alone and doesn't want to be bothered even when no one is really saying or doing much to bother him.
10.  He seems to be more concerned about what is going on outside the home ie.) sporting events, women, job etc. to the point that he rarely stays at home when he knows everyone will be up and about. He may often leave very early in the morning and come home very late at night.

When considering the above points, keep in mind whether the father has changed his routine.  Also, don't just take a single point and run with it, ask yourself what else might he be saying or doing that is making you feel like he doesn't want to be in a relationship or at home helping raise the children.  He may be going through a difficult time that may not have anything to do with the family.  Watch as well as pray.

Nicholl McGuire

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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