Children Look Forward to Things, Adults Don't

This summer I learned a thing or two from my active four sons. What I noticed is that they look forward to life experiences from the smallest to the largest, but I, not so much--too busy looking backward.

When my sons awoke each morning during their school vacation, they looked forward to getting ready to go outside, because they had some idea of what was ahead and even if they didn't, they fantasized about the positive. One son imagined more games for his gaming system, another assumed he was going to get more shoes to add to his collection, and the others figured they would get more play cars and trucks to push around. They had some great memories and they wanted to create more! On the other hand, I looked backward to days of scolding, arguing, spending money that I didn't have, and standing in lines I rather not with one of my sons whining about "I want that..."

Each day, almost like clockwork, the children looked forward to going to the mailbox, answering the door, saying "hi" to a man in costume shaking a pizza sign, and running through the park. As for me, I had anxiety issues about the mailbox, didn't want to stop and talk to a costume, and rather avoid the park with all those annoying insects!

I had an internal war between the negative me and the positive me. I didn't look forward to another day with four at times hyperactive boys much less want to open my eyes. You see, I was overwhelmed! I had the perfect plan for everyone and everything at the start of my summer and I was running out of steam trying to keep up with it all! (I was like Martha in the kitchen while Jesus was visiting. She was getting angry at Mary for not helping!)

In my world, what use to look bright and happy was dismal and gray! I was resenting the good and evil was blurring the lines.

Somehow through all of the glee I had saw with my children, I did recall moments with God, so much in fact, I stepped out on faith one day and found a better church to attend. It was that kind of peace (I know some of you know about it) where you are in a storm that others would rather run far away. You know this, when these so-called well-meaning advisers say, "I wouldn't put up with that...the father needs to do more...you need to do something for yourself and forget about those children for awhile..." This time I had to stay. There was no vacation or personal time. No babysitter or person who I could lean on and talk away the blues--I was a big girl now and I had to look beyond my circumstances, right? What's funny? My circumstance was my children so looking beyond them couldn't be done. Rather, I had to re-learn how to look forward to things, not run away from them and they were teaching me how.

Nicholl McGuire