You Can't Seem to Do Anything Right: Ungrateful Partners & Spoiled Children

You can't seem to do anything right! He is seated on the couch looking at you wondering what is wrong with you. You are seated in a chair across from him wondering what is wrong with him. You may be the first to ask the question, "What's wrong?" Somehow a simple question ends up with you yelling, crying or both trying to explain to him why he doesn't understand how you feel.

You see there are those fathers out there that really don't understand the demands placed on mothers. You are supposed to know where everything is, step up to the plate when the children are out of control, be available even when your partner says nothing (mind read,) remind him and the children of appointments, errands, etc. and the simple thanks you want is not another dollar placed in your hands (although that would be nice coming from the man of the house) but a hug and a kiss! Then they wonder why you don't treat them like you did back in the early days. "You aren't as nice as you once were," they may say. And neither were they, they changed too, because after the dog and pony show and the two of you got married and had babies, he sat on the couch with remote control in hand, feet up, and he felt he was done trying to win you over or hold you close while whispering sweet nothings in your ear, and telling you how much he loved you. Supposedly you are expected to just know it!

If you haven't noticed I have had my share of experiences with men and I have heard some awful stories of men who don't have a clue as to what their role as husband or father is and somehow it is left up to the woman to show him. Then when she attempts to do just that he becomes angry telling her, "I don't need you to tell me what I am supposed to do, I'm doing it already." Yeah okay!? So I sit here in front of my computer typing these words, because I know someone out there in cyberworld knows about this place in my spirit I am writing from, because you are in it right now as I type.

You are frustrated to the point of tears often because your husband wants you to be his mother too. He expects you to cook, clean, shop, wash clothes, organize, and do everything else that his mother either did for him or never did. Then after you have fulfilled all of his requests or slacked one day after a proven history of being on top of things, he has the nerve to walk around the house with an attitude. He wants to punish you by stepping aside when you walk by him hoping that you don't touch him and he doesn't touch you. He wants to stay to himself and barely say anything to you unless you talk to him first. The little time he spends with the children, he thinks you are supposed to be there to help him when he is struggling. Then when you do he has a problem with that too!

When mothers cry about issues like these it comes from a hurt place in their spirit that has been everything to everyone else, but herself and no matter what she does it is never good enough! She comes to her partner with a complaint about the way he has been treating her and he wants to use her time as a platform to list his complaints about her, mind you, issues he didn't have until she approached him first. These mental games, that some men play, has been responsible for sending some women away in straight jackets. To make my point more clearer, say you clean up your home, get the children ready for bed, and take the time to sit back and relax with a book in hand. Along comes your mate who has an issue with how soon you put the children to bed or is bothered that you are reading a book rather then sitting in the room watching television with him, what is wrong with that picture? Everything! Because he isn't respecting the time you need to yourself. Everyone needs some time in their day to sit back and just breathe. They shouldn't have to be concerned about what else do they need to do or is there going to be a supervisor on the homefront checking over their job, calling them in the office, and disciplining them for not getting the task done right. Like birds who have nests that they retire in for the night, humans have a home where they should feel safe and at peace from the havoc that is going on outside of the home. If a partner keeps repeating this pattern of what I call "mental abuse" long enough, the woman will begin to either succumb to his every need including the ones that would make most of us cringe, feel less important than who she is or unfortunately take her frustrations out on the wrong people. There are other results that could happen as well, but listing those would make this post too long so I'll quit right there.

I also would like to describe this frustration that a mother feels by using an analogy between two siblings. The older sibling goes to the younger sibling and says, "Give me a hug." So she attempts to and then the older sibling pushes her away and says, "No I don't want a hug." Once again the older sibling says, "Give me a hug." The younger sibling attempts to hug her again and then she says, "No I don't want a hug." This sick game continues until finally the younger sibling says, "I'm not giving you a hug!" Sometimes I see this happening in relationships between mothers and children and mothers and fathers. Everyone wants a hug, but when arms are open wide and the attempt is being made he or she resists, it's a sick game and there are some mothers that are in it and don't know what to do.

So here's what can be done. Move on with your life! Now I'm not saying run from your situation. But what I am saying is, you did all that you could for your household it's time to give yourself a vacation and make those around you appreciate you more rather than take you for granted. If it means visiting a new location in your city and staying overnight in a hotel do it! Start scheduling more time for yourself! Organize your home in such a way that it is self sufficient. Your partner can no longer rely on you for things he can do himself. Your children will have to learn to do more for themselves even if you have a two-year-old who has a habit of leaving messes behind, teach him or her to clean them up!

Listen, when more and more mothers find ways to dry those tears of frustration when it comes to their incompetent partners and spoiled children, these folks will have no choice but to turn to you and ask you, "Can I have a hug?" Now the power is in your hands, you can hug them back or walk away, your choice!

When Fathers Put Everyone Else First But Her

Whether you have been to a family gathering or have talked with a relative or friend over the phone, there are those times that they will say something to you that will offend you regarding your parenting skills. Some mothers will tell their own relatives or friends about how their negative statement or action made them feel. However, when your husband’s or boyfriend’s family or friends are the offenders, things can get tricky. Most women will tell their mates about what was said, so that their mate is updated on any potential problems that may threaten their family. Some women will want their men to do something about family issues since they don’t feel that it is their place to say something. However, when mothers are protective of the family and the fathers are too busy, too tired, and too passive or too whatever to do something about it, mothers will get angry with tears of frustration in their eyes screaming, “Aren’t you going to say something? Aren’t you going to do something?”

When a woman becomes a mother there is something deep down within her spirit that is affected. She becomes strong in areas where she was once weak. She develops an intuition also known as women’s intuition. Some mothers see potential family problems sooner than others. These mothers are blessed with a third eye that can see an attack made against her family from miles away. It isn’t that she has become some trouble-making gossip, although there are some women who are, but she doesn’t want his or her family coming into her home with their jealous, hidden motives and other selfish tactics now that she has bore children.

Some family members see the birth of children as an opportunity to control, manipulate, restore or break relationships. What a great way, so the family thinks, to get their distant son to do things he has never done with the family now that children are here? Why not get him to partake in family traditions, spend more time with parents or anything else they want, because of course he is a father now! When children are born into a relationship, some extended family observed what has changed and not changed since their beloved son or daughter has become a mother or father. Any selfish family member is looking at how the arrival of children will or will not benefit them. For instance, let’s say the father of your children was very close to his family before you and the children came along. Now he seems to be more focused on his new family needs and less on theirs, he would be a fool to think that his family would not say or do something to draw him near again. Family will do things no matter how nice, charming or outright negative to get what they want. Have you ever watched the television sitcom, “Everybody Loves Raymond” if so the mother-in-law is a good example of this sort of behavior? Family will attempt to get what they want by using underhanded motives such as finding fault with the children’s mother so that they can spend time with the new grandchild, niece, nephew, etc. alone without the mother coming around. How about getting the father to take money out of the family budget for what they consider more pressing needs? What about using guilt trips such as “I never see you…or I want to see the grandchildren.” Then they talk negatively behind the new father’s back or don’t bother to go out of their way to come and see his family.

An intuitive mother sees family’s negative actions with a third eye. She doesn’t wear rose-colored glasses and she attempts to get her husband to take off his rose-colored glasses when problems arise. But the real issue the mother has isn’t with her husband or boyfriend’s relatives as much as it is with him. How is he going to react when the old family has done something to offend his new family? Will he find “nice statements” to say to his wife or girlfriend that will excuse his family’s behavior; and hopefully pacify her or will he address the problems his side of the family causes while making it comfortable for her to come around without backlash?

Being a mother isn’t just about her children, but it’s also about maintaining an image of respect, dignity and wisdom amongst anyone who encounters her. She must carry herself at times like a minister of a church. Being a public servant for others, always watching what she says or does around others, while taking care that her children’s father’s needs are met. But what about her needs? When she is faced with the obstacles set before her by his family and friends, who will have her and the children’s backs? Will it be another family member standing in the gap where he falls short? Will this family member or friend be the one telling him, “You better change your ways or else you are going to lose your family?” Or will this selfish family member sit on the side lines gossiping with other family members saying, “I knew that he wasn’t going to make it with her.”

Why don’t some of these fathers have the gift of the third eye or male intuition when his family is being verbally assaulted by others in between their phony grins? When will these fathers wake up and understand that there is an enemy who wants them out of the family home and out in the street looking for temporal things to make them happy for only a moment? Mothers are crying about all sorts of issues regarding fathers from them leaving the home to them being inactive in the home. They want the fathers to be models for their children, but when they don’t stand up for the mothers and the children, there will be disharmony in the household and the only ones to blame are themselves.

Mothers need to stop taking the blame for these fathers who mishandle money, cheat, lie, steal, and put everyone else before the family and anything else that breaks up the family unit. We spend money for self-improvement books, plastic surgery, counselors, and so much more because we think that somehow we can fix all that is wrong in our relationships with the fathers and our children. But the reality is that it takes two to work on any relationship and not just one. It is very easy for some people to make the necessary adjustments in their relationships and all is well, but there are many more that can’t and rather then make the arrangements to establish boundaries and/or end relationships, we hold on to them thinking things will get better when they won’t. There are children who wish that mommy and daddy did go their separate ways, because maybe there would be some peace and quiet while they slept at night. Some children notice the relationship problems of their parents and blame themselves wishing that they could just die. Meanwhile, we adults think that we are doing the children a favor by staying together.

I remember when I finally got the bright idea to leave my relationship and I was glad I did. Later, I asked my children how they felt about mommy and daddy breaking up and they told me they were glad, because they were “tired of the arguing.” So to all the mothers who think that staying with these fathers who rather put everyone else and everything else before the family, I say, “Be prepared to nurse the wounds of your children when they are older.”

Staying on the phone talking with your family and friends about his “no good, sorry, good for nothing…” doesn’t motivate you to walk out the door, ironically it keeps you staying in the mess, because so-called well-meaning family and friends will say things that will cause you to second-guess your decisions, “You should stay with Jim, he has all that money. What will you do if you go? I would put up with it for as long as I can it’s hard to find a good man.”

When the time comes to make plans to leave the relationship, think about who is the better parent. If he treats the children better than you do, then you should strongly consider leaving them behind and arranging visitation. Think about how your staying in a dead end relationship is impacting not only you, but in the short and long-term your children? Although I didn’t want to, the court decided for me, who was the better parent financially to care for the children, so they gave him physical custody. I could have fought him on it, but when I really thought about it, he is the better parent for raising sons, not me. I have never been a boy or man so I don’t know what internal struggles they go through when it comes to identity. It was hard for me to come to grips with this truth, but I think that I have a better relationship with him and my children because of it.

A hard lesson I learned about motherhood is that sometimes you can be a better mother to your children at a distance. Society would like to judge you for something that goes against tradition, but only you know what you can and can’t handle. Yes, you will cry a lot having to say goodbye to your children, but through your pain, you will become a stronger and wiser woman because of it. I learned that I was a woman first, before I became a mother; therefore there is a spirit within me that surpasses the title of mother. It is due to the strength of my spirit within (powered by God Almighty) that I will live long after the children make friends, move away, get married, or die. Women without a spiritual strength within that keeps them motivated to live, will suffer enormously when the children move away, get married or die, because they have allowed their spirit to live through their children. A mother who taps into this same inner strength will be able to overcome when the father puts everyone else before the family. She will take over as head of household and ensure that everything runs smoothly. Through her tears, she will sacrifice everything else because of her children. A mother will protect her family when the father won’t.

Written by Nicholl McGuire, for more of her writings visit http://www.associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire

Things You May Remember Your Mother Saying to You

I thought this was worth sharing on my site. I don't know who authored it. I have received it over the years in my email. Please enjoy.


25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL .
" If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me.."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA..
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE..
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you

Written by Anonymous

When Mothers Cry About Money

There is never going to be enough money to do what we want to do. This is a hard truth for some mothers to swallow! To suggest that she live on less is insulting to some working mothers nowadays! Today's mother is more educated than her mother and grandmother. She is more conscious of the things her children need that will make them competitive in school. Every generation before her, wanted to give their children more than what they had.

It all sounds good, but when you are faced with a mountain of debt, some thing has got to give! What is it about money that is making you cry these days? Is it the husband that is spending far more than what you both can afford or is it you? Are the children having one problem after another or just one more activity that is burning a hole in your pocket? Is it necessary to have the four bedroom home, the two cars, the cell phones, the cable television -- all with bells and whistles? Does anyone really pay that close attention to the labels that you wear inside your clothes, on your feet or hung from your shoulder?

The fact is the more money we make, the more we want! The more credit we are accpeted for, the more we want to spend on others! Then we complain to family and friends about our money woes or better yet, we say nothing and pretend as if everything is fine when it is not! How do we find peace about money? For starters we have to learn to appreciate what we have! We think that we need new dishware, new furniture, new clothes for ourselves and the children, new gadgets for our man, and we will be satisfied with all of these purchases until...the dishware falls apart or doesn't work like we had hoped, the furniture and clothes get stained or tear, and the gadgets stop being used or don't work, then WE LOSE IT! We scream, "No one appreciates what I do! I'm still paying on that! I'm sorry I bought this! They don't make anything worthwhile!"

I guess the point of my blog is this, we put more hope in things then we do wisdom! Wisdom tells us that "If you buy that he will become angry or find an excuse to buy something equally or more expensive." Wisdom warns us, "If you get that for the children, they will only ruin it." Wisdom reminds us, "Remember the last time you got something for the household, no one cared as much about it as you, and so you spent more time scolding and warning then truly enjoying it!"

At some point through trial and error, you would think some mothers would get a clue, but they don't! It's time for a reality check, live below your means! Make do with what you have, dress it up, fry it, boil it, flip it, change it, move it, throw it out, give it away, most of all cut it off if it causes you to sin!

I wouldn't speak this way, if I hadn't cried over money in the past myself.

Be blessed not stressed!


Nicholl McGuire, for more articles visit: http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire This is also a great site to make some extra cash without paying for a single thing, so click the link!

My 10 Pet Peeves of Motherhood Written By a Mother with Sons

10. Crumbs everywhere. Crumbs on the countertop, on the floor, in the chairs, bedding, etc.
9. Little toy parts hidden behind things, corners, etc.
8. Traveling with everyone in tote on most days even it means just a simple trip to the store for some sanitary napkins!
7. People staying on the phone with you when they can hear your child crying in the background!
6. Never seeming to have enough money!
5. The wait in doctor's offices and emergency rooms.
4. The temper tantrums in the grocery and department store lines.
3. The affect that sugar has on my children (that's why I forbid the nice stranger offering candy to them!)
2. The nasty coughs that keep you up at night.
1. Children deciding to talk to me right when I am trying to hear something on television!!!!!!!!!

Nicholl McGuire, For informative articles about issues relating to parenting, family, and relationships, visit: http://associatedcontent.com/nichollmcguire