A Subject Workaholic Moms Don't Want to Talk About - Being Available to Family

Years of studying at a university and a degree is achieved, the woman with a love for money and things, lists her future plans.  She establishes contacts on and offline.  She checks out opportunities.  She knows she has much debt to pay.  The need for money is insatiable.  When the dream job offer finally comes in, she is head over heels in love!  Ready to conquer the world for a job.  Leaders take notice how she works like a slave.  The appreciation isn't much, but who cares, she just loves that job!   And one, expects the workaholic mom to do what?  Slow down!?  Meanwhile, a wise book with much wisdom tells her not to love money.  But she ignores wisdom and continues to focus on getting that next paycheck and planning her next shopping spree. 


No man, children, relatives, or anyone else will make her take a long vacation.  If she does, one would think, She must be sick.  Jane Doe never takes off work."  Like a workaholic man, the busy career-driven woman, who took very little time off between pregnancies, repeatedly dropped her sick children off with relatives, and gets out of town as soon as the boss calls, rarely, if ever, makes a sacrifice for herself or others.  If who or it interferes with her job she politely says, "I'm sorry, can't do it, won't be there...have much to do...can you help me, I have to get to work!" even when she has more personal and vacation days stacked up than anyone!


When the woman, who loves her job at times more than her own family, is called upon by loved ones, she isn't too happy about having to take a half day or miss a day of work.  She even gets angry with herself for getting sick.  Risking the health of others, she will cough and sniff her way back into the office while a boss and co-workers admonish her about coming in looking and feeling bad. 
Fearful that she might be overshadowed, forgot about, or an enemy at work might sabotage something she has created, "I love my job" lady will sacrifice family before she ever thinks, "Maybe I can get away from work--we are not that busy."  But she never divulges those times at work when things are slow and not that bad.


In the workaholic's world, everything related to a job is top priority.  Everyone in her home has heard say a thousand times, "If it wasn't for this job you wouldn't have this...and you wouldn't have that!"  Often, her mind is in another world and she doesn't hear that closely husband, children, school teachers, preachers, and relatives say to her.  She is easily aggravated if you stay on the phone with her too long, visit her home more than she wants, and ask her for time or money.  Her response might be, "I don't have, I can't talk...would you call me before you come over...I know you haven't seen me in months, but..."


The woman with money on her mind is more comfortable talking about her job then she ever is talking about her family.  Besides, she doesn't know most of the time what is going on at home since she is often away.  It is unfortunate, but some women who simply love working too much, don't see when their men are straying, when the kids are missing them, and when the house needs to be cleaned.


Pray for the workaholic moms in your family.


Nicholl McGuire 

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When the Kids Question Your Life, Decisions and Why You Do the Things that You Do

I didn't ponder much about what my kids might say to me having a front row seat in the movie I call, "My Life" for some years now.  But in recent years, the questions, comments and concerns have been surfacing from a seven, eight, fourteen and fifteen year old.  They are curious. 


I have been asked questions from, why years ago I wasn't married when I was pregnant to "Do you love my dad?"  I was also questioned about why parents allow their daughters to dress "ratchet (terrible) with booties (backsides) showing?"  I guess I am supposed to speak for them too.


The questions kept coming about things like: why God did the things he did in the Bible--like let people die, what did I do when I was their age back in the day, could I let them see a photo when I was a kid, and even comments about things they didn't like about other relatives.  I had to agree with most of what they said when it came to relatives. 


Children are observant and they know who is friend and who is foe in one's family.  They also know when parents have "issues" with one another.  They also don't like when relatives say things like, "Do what I say, not as I do."  One child made a comment like, "Aren't they supposed to be teaching us?"


They also know when they are being taken advantage of and don't mind speaking up when they see lazy adults not doing their share.  They know when they are being short-changed funds too.  One son told me, "(Unnamed) said he was going to give me more money than he gave me for doing some work."  He wasn't too happy.


Children remember what we say and do.  They are shocked when we start revealing that we made mistakes "back in the day..."  They are impressed when you make smart decisions and their eyes get big when you tell them things like:  when you fought someone and won, went somewhere fun, and when you got a lot of money and bought things that you always wanted.


The conversations can go from simple to intense in a matter of moments.  I found myself having to censor some things about my life, simply because, like them, I have my privacy and  I didn't want them using what they knew to excuse their own bad decisions.  "Well mom did it, so it's okay."  Some things are just not right no matter what kind of spin we put on them and children will call you out on them sooner or later usually when they are having one of their rebellious moments.


I am honestly happy that I have curious children who question me deeply at times and feel comfortable enough to talk to me about what their friends say and do.  I just keep them in prayer and continue to maintain a safe relationship and environment where they don't have to walk on egg shells, worry, fight, lie, and do other things to survive.


Nicholl McGuire wrote When Mothers Cry.  Get your copy here.  

Children - They Know Something about Sex or Sexy even if They Can't Explain It

"I really didn't mean to do it, I mean what I was trying to say was..." a parent attempts to have a conversation about sex and it just doesn't seem to go right.  So concerned about either telling too much or not enough, mom worries.  You did the best you could mom, take a deep breath.


Whatever we say or do is going to somehow enter the brain of the kid and he or she is still going to put her spin on it sooner or later.  The hope is that he or she doesn't say or do anything stupid.  As a parent, you don't want to invite trouble when you talk so candidly about sex, but you also want to keep it away by discouraging the experience.


The reality is one day it is going to happen, but most parents just don't want it occurring under their roofs or someone else's.  The STDs, the pregnancy, and the undeveloped mind can be traumatized--these are valid concerns.


Children know something about sex, sexy or something leading to something that is just bad.  I think of my son who yelled, "Don't say sexy--that's bad."  He knew from watching scantily dressed women gyrating in commercials, music videos, on the street, and elsewhere that what they were doing wasn't nice.  Another child was quite bold, "They want to have sex..."  Not that long ago, the same children wanted to know if mommy was having sex.  They said, they saw a man talk about it on YouTube in a comedy.  Fortunately, they had no specific details where they felt like they needed to experiment.  But by the time that issue was addressed, they knew they didn't come from the sky.


Parents everywhere are forced to talk about some thing whether they like it or not.  The truth has a way of showing up in one way or another.  One doesn't want the street teaching the kids about sex or sexy or some goofy stranger on the Internet, a peer or a guy or gal who just loves children a bit too much--if you know what I mean.  So a parent's goal for the new year, especially when children are often around other children, might have something to do with how to protect themselves from those two words, sex and sexy.  Make sure that one is not encouraging either at an age where children can't pay one bill personally or in your home, they can't live in their own if something should happen, and you have no money to pay out to a family who might come knocking on your door asking for child support.


Nicholl McGuire