Midlife Transition - Five Ways to Change a Midlife Crisis to Midlife Transformation

There are several things you can do to be sure that what could be a mid-life crisis is actually an opportunity for transformation. It is not inevitable to be in 'crisis' and the symptoms are not all just physical. Here are five ways you can change a crisis to an experience that is transforming:

1. Feelings are not right or wrong.

Just allow them to be and FEEL them fully and you'll find that they change easily. I have learned that every feeling fully felt actually becomes blissful. It's the ones we attempt to deny that cause problems. Share them with someone who will listen but not let you wallow. A great coach can help here - or a really good friend.

2. Spend time in reflection each day.

Crisis can be averted if you see it coming. It's those who ignore the signs that get in trouble. Think about your life - where you want it to be - not where it is!

3. See your spouse (if you are married) in a whole new light.

Rekindle the experience of having both a friend and lover. Often, we take one another for granted. Find a few hours each week to be alone together and remember why you got together in the first place.

4. Reconsider your goals

Are the things you are considering realistic? Do they give you a sense of aliveness. I believe that the best goals to set are the ones that connect us with our essence rather than specifics. I mean set a goal to find more JOY each day, as an example, or look for ways you can show more LOVE to all you meet. This produces amazing results.

5. Make yourself do something you've never done before.

It could be a new hobby, or as simple as tasting some kind of food you've never eaten. Most of my friends find a new way to challenge themselves every month - it keeps life exciting.

And there are so many more. I'm all about creating a new Midlife paradigm. I've been studying (and living) this stuff for sometime now. I'd like to share more thoughts with you. When you subscribe to my free Reinvent Midlife newsletter, you'll receive instant access to a special report called, "7 Secrets for Reinventing Midlife from the Inside-Out". Go now to http://www.reinventmidlife.com

From Dr. Toni LaMotta, , The Midlife Mentor, Best-selling Author of "What You REALLY Want, Wants You", Inspirational Keynote Speaker

Miscarriage, Baby Loss & Motherhood - What Can I Do to Mark the Death of My Miscarried Baby?

Miscarriage and Mothering Matters

It is several years since I had my miscarriages. And my energy since then has been invested in my Law of Attraction twin toddlers. But many times during this period I have felt the tug of my other babies wanting attention from their mother.

And also from within myself a feeling that I am not mothering them in the way that I want to....very little admiring of them, sharing their wonder, special time alone with them, talking to them.

And no laughter together, deep listening from me and the sense that we are growing together in magical ways.

Miscarried Baby

These are my babies, my children. It doesn't matter that they didn't get to breath outside the womb. I am their mother and I want more for us than an occasional conversation or sending of love. I want more substance, something deeper.

This is what I yearn for now. To get to know my babies. To hear them, to nurture them, to share with them and to receive the gifts they have for me and the world. I want them to thrive too.

Convention suggests that this is not possible because these babies are dead right? That is a bit weird Deirdre.

But in death, only our physical selves cease to exist. Our beautiful essence continues into eternity. Of course we can continue to love, laugh and co-create magic......just in a different way. It helps, of course, if we have a special time or space in which we can do that.

Deirdre Morris would like to invite you to her Free Teleseminars 'Honoring Miscarriage, Celebrating Life' for women who have experienced miscarriage. Visit http://www.MiscarriageInspiration.com to sign up and join Deirdre Morris in inspiring a new understanding in miscarriage.

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Marriage Counseling Tips: What to Do When Your Spouse Won't Talk

How to get a spouse's attention so that he or she will communicate with you is an issue that mystifies many couples. Spouses report trying many techniques, such as trying to talk rationally and logically, watching to see when a spouse is in a good mood, and waiting for a time when the television is off. They also share stories of begging, pleading, threatening, and finally, yelling and screaming.

If you are having problems getting your spouse to talk to you and to share feelings and opinions, here are some additional things you can do to facilitate communication. First, you have to grab your spouse's attention, which is what these tips are designed to do.

1.When you're talking to your spouse and start getting overly-emotional, lower your voice instead of raising it. This breaks the pattern of tempers escalating, followed by loud yelling. If your spouse asks what you're doing, just say that you read that lowering your voice was a way to defuse anger. Maybe your partner will decide to try it, too.

2.Write your spouse a letter or e-mail stating your feelings, requests, or questions. Include how not talking about or resolving the issues is affecting you. For example, you might say, "When you call me horrible names, I feel like I've been betrayed. I don't want anything to lessen my love for you, but I know that if this continues, I won't feel the same way toward you. Can we please agree not to call each other names (or can we make an appointment with a marriage counselor, etc.)?"

3.Buy a cute, funny, or clever greeting card and include a note asking if you can schedule a time to talk to him when you both will be uninterrupted. Some spouses have an easier time talking to their partner in a restaurant over dinner, so you could suggest making plans for going out for a meal.

Obviously, you wouldn't want to discuss your most emotional issues in public, but maybe you could use the occasion to handle some relatively routine things. And then agree on a future time to talk about the more sensitive topics.

4.When you give your spouse a card or note asking if you can schedule a time to talk, include his or her favorite candy bar or a package of chewing gum--some small item that shows you pay attention to what your partner likes. With a candy bar, you might attach a note that says, "To my sweet Sweetie--could you please let me know when we can schedule a time to talk? Thanks so much. Enjoy the candy!"

5.Make a written list of your questions and include a "yes" and "no" box next to the question. Also include boxes that say "Undecided" and "Need More Details." Be as specific as you can. For example, you might make a list of possible activities and places to go on a "date night" and ask your partner to respond. In that case, you would put a category of "Other suggestions" at the bottom so your spouse could include additional ideas. Or you could make a list of possible times during the week that the two of you could reserve for private talks. Another idea is to make a list of things you think are important to resolve, and see if your spouse agrees or disagrees.

6.Look for something to "trade" with your spouse, such as offering to take the kids to a movie so your spouse can have friends over or enjoy some private time to relax. In return, negotiate for an uninterrupted time to discuss pertinent relationship issues--maybe a relative can keep the children or they can spend a weekend afternoon with friends. Or you might offer to do a certain chore that your partner detests doing in exchange for some "talk time," which your spouse may equate with being slowly tortured. Make a creative trade-off.

7.Just because you think the tips won't work, don't prematurely discount them. I have worked with numerous clients in marriage counseling who have tried these tips or variations of them, and the results have often been amazing. Spouses who don't normally express feelings verbally sometimes respond in writing, much to the astonishment of their partners. In other cases, spouses who receive letters have initiated conversations about how the letter has opened their eyes to things they didn't realize before.

Use these seven tips to jump-start your thinking about different ways to open communication channels with your spouse. And if one attempt falls flat, try another. That's what all successful researchers do--and they don't hide behind the words, 'It'll never work." Experiment with an open mind and you may be surprised at the results.

Nancy J. Wasson, Ph.D., is co-author of Keep Your Marriage: What to Do When Your Spouse Says "I don't love you anymore!" This is available as an e-book at http://www.KeepYourMarriage.com ,where you can also sign up for the free Keep Your Marriage Internet Magazine to get weekly ideas and support to help you improve your marriage. Nancy can be contacted at Nancy@KeepYourMarriage.com.

Family Closeness: When it gets to be too close for comfort

Are you so close to your family and extended relatives that there is no room for anyone else?

I thought of this question when I realized how much time had passed while sitting on the phone talking to relatives 3000 miles away a few years ago. I could have best used that time exploring my community more, possibly getting involved in a group or organizing some event with people I didn't know. I had allowed my pregnancies, newborns, money woes, and relationship challenges to discourage me from making friends and finding a home in one of the most coveted places in the world, California.

I think many new mothers do the same. Trying to fit parenting in a life that is already crowded with family and their activities. We don't even bother to think about including new friends in the mix.

I found my way back to my childhood home briefly on the east coast about a year ago after one of my children turned one (I blogged about this in the past.) While taking a breath for a time at a familiar spot, I found myself wishing that I had taken advantage of my time in San Diego and Los Angeles more. So I increased my praying time and before long, another opportunity to return back to the beautiful state occurred.

Presently, I see doors beginning to open as I get out more both on and offline. Did I tell you that in the past I would spend a lot of time talking to old classmates too? I ditched my old Facebook account (thanks to hackers.) I had connected with all the people from the past that I was curious about, so if I died or they did, there would be no regrets. It was time to say goodbye for good to many of them. No high school reunions were necessary, I had, had my fill online -- many of those photos said it all! It was time to make room in my life for people I didn't know.

I think sometimes we lean on family and friends (whether toxic or not,) because we are either too lazy, too scared, too ignorant, too insecure, too mean-spirited, too troubled, too depressed or too something else to connect with anyone outside of our inner circles. Some of us have been recycling the same old toxic family members in the hopes they will change only to get hurt again and again by them! Sometimes "our kind of people" are really not our kind of people just human beings that we just so happen to know by no choice of our own.

I think this issue of family closeness is not only healthy, great, wonderful and all those other positive words to describe it, but it can also suffocate our dreams, opportunities and new life experiences. Sometimes it takes one person in the family (usually older) to tell us "to get away from the family, stop worrying so much about the family, and live your life!" Take heed to his or her liberating advice!

Nicholl McGuire