It's Okay Not to Want Your Children Around

You are often upset, life is becoming increasingly stressful.  The children are getting on your last nerve.  SO you think to yourself, "Who is available to watch them?  When is school starting back up?  Where is the local childcare facility?  Who might be a good babysitter?"

Don't let others, who are obviously just as stressed as you, talk you out of seeking help for your children.  Think of the many mothers who tried to play Super Mom end up snapping and causing much mental and physical harm to children or worse murdering them!

How do you know when enough is enough and you seriously need help with children?

1.  Frequent arguments with spouse about the children.

2.  Children becoming more difficult to manage.

3.  Crying outbursts over the littlest of things that happen even when you are not on your period.

4.  Frequent screaming matches with yourself, the children and anyone else around.

5.  Throwing things.

6.  An increase of cursing.

7.  Pushing, shoving, biting or any other temper tantrum that a child would typically do, yet you find yourself doing these things.

Share your concerns with others who have children, but avoid those who are self-righteous and don't believe they have any family challenges.  Seek out services in your community that offer childcare services, extracurricular activties for children, and family related events.  The more you keep having to tell yourself, "I'm alright" know that this is a clear indication you need some help.

The end result if you should continue on a highly stressful path with children in tote is:

1.  A marriage or relationship comes to an end.

2.  Illnesses increase.

3.  Costly bills mount.

4.  Family drama worsens.

5.  Friendships end because you are not a good person to talk to.

6.  Your relationship with your children worsens, because they often see a stressed out Mom rather than a loving and kind one.

Keep this in mind, you are not less than a mother, stepmother, or caretaker, because you don't want your children around you during stressful times in your life.  Avoid hiding your feelings from those who can obviously see you are stressed out.  Don't lie or cover up your moodiness, impatience, and irritability with your children so that appears like you have everything under control.  Most of all, don't take your negative attitude out on your spouse.  He or she just might be dealing with many issues as well and the last thing your loved one wants is to be emotionally or physically abused because you can't manage your stress.  If your partner is preventing you from getting help, then leave the children with him or her as much as possible.  Take as much time away as you need (even if you have to steal it) without feelings of guilt.  Explain to your partner, "I really need some time away...and if you can't do your part to help out, I'm not sure what the outcome might be in the future, but I don't anticipate it being a good one."  Sometimes this is what it takes for people to be more understanding--a serious wake up call!

Nicholl McGuire author of When Mothers Cry and other books.