Hey Frustrated Moms, Busy the Children and You Just Might Keep Your Sanity!

Let's be honest, most children don't quiet themselves when told, won't listen without talking back-- whether quietly or loudly, and aren't much interested in getting along with brothers and sisters who invade their spaces.  Now with this said, it would make sense that an adult wouldn't let children run the household unless he or she is ready to lose his or her mind behind all the chaos that is sure to follow in an unstructured household!

If you want peace in your home, especially during school breaks, you will have to schedule some activities that will busy the children, allow for separation between them, and overall manage their time well.  Without putting in some time with them, you will have an increase in arguments between them, you and a partner, and whoever else that is living in the home. 

Parents say they are busy doing one thing or another, but when children are ruling the house, the dishes can wait, meal preparation can be delayed, the phone and Internet can be put on hold.  "Listen children, we are going to do some things today and I expect you to follow instructions, if not, you see everything in this room, I have boxes and bins that are all-too-ready to receive them!"  A child doesn't want to hear that what they just received for their birthday or some other holiday might be given away, sold, or stored somewhere.  When your children act up, a wise parent will act on his or her threat!  Sometimes children don't sleep well, so a nap might help.  Other times children are hungry and act out when stomach pains get the best of them.  Sibling rivalries, irresponsible parents, insensitive relatives, an environment that is too hot or too cold, cluttered, or stinks of illness, can all contribute to misbehaving, unruly children.   

Raising children doesn't have to be difficult, but we can make it so, by not taking authority over one's house and maintaining it.  Further, this is why some relationships fail far too many people want freedom, but no one is willing to work to earn it.  "I need time for myself...I don't understand why this house is so crazy...why do the children act that way?  This is beginning to be too much, I'm outta here!"  Have you done anything to try to rectify situations before picking up and leaving? 

The spouse spends hours in front of a screen (any time of the day and night) without a care for his or her family and expects his family to remain intact.  The children are in rooms together sometimes for many hours and no adult thinks that they will get tired of sharing space.  Mothers over extend themselves and think that they are still nice to be around and attractive to their partners.  Relatives, whether living in the home or out of it, can become more of a burden than a help with their frequent complaints, irrational story-telling, thoughtless remarks, or unreasonable demands.

Find various activities (not just video games) for the children that will keep them occupied in the home and when they are away visiting with family.  Parents (and grandparents) get upset about children not listening and acting lazy, yet these same individuals will permit their children to spend much time playing video games.  Many media outlets have reported that people become irritable when surfing the Internet, impatient and quick tempered when gaming, so it would make sense to break up the playing time and encourage the children to do different things by specifically mentioning what those things are.  Adults will have to be proactive in the lives of the young people even when they "don't feel like it."  You do want to keep your sanity, right?

Nicholl McGuire

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God bless you and your family this holiday season.

When Children are At Risk...Think Twice Who You Leave Them With!

It can be troubling for a parent to come to a breaking point where he or she can no longer parent a child for any number of reasons.  A child who is at risk is when who is often failing in the classroom, hard to parent on the home front, and suffers from any number of emotional issues and/or physical handicaps. 

The logical thing to do for any frustrated parent would be to seek help online and offline in an effort to relieve one from the stresses of having to deal with a troublesome child before he or she cracks up! However, the parent who has simply had enough, must be careful when seeking additional help.  One has seen enough reports on television, Internet and elsewhere to know that there is much evil in this world.  Sick adults take advantage of children.  They use them in despicable ways!  A parent may be bitter, angry, and even weary of one's child, but before he or she throws him or her to the wolves dressed in sheep's clothing, think twice!

Some relatives, friends, and even strangers may appear like they are trustworthy and want what is in the best interest of a child.  But what some may not know is that all have their own agenda.  What really is the relative or friend's real reason for wanting one's child?  From the grandmother who wants to parent a child because she thinks that she can do better the second time around to the childless gay friend who thinks he can make a great dad, someone somewhere has a plan for a child--good, bad or otherwise.  It is up to the parent of the child, who may have worked his or her last nerve, to make the best decision--one that is in the best interest of the child.  Some people simply have better resources, live in great locations, and have good connections that can benefit a child, but others not so much.  Yet, one can have much while lacking in educational skills, patience, love, and kindness. 

I think of organizations like those that tailor to boys and girls that are designed to teach children and steer them in directions where they can become productive members of society. They are out there, but what one has to do is search and search some more for the best match, interview former workers/students, check reviews both on and offline, research the organizations' connections, donors, media coverage, and more to find out whether these boy and girl groups are really beneficial to children.  Child prostitution rings haven't disappeared--they are still very much covert operations protected by the groups you would least likely suspect.  There are still perverted men and women performing acts with (and on) children that pay homage to their gods and appease fleshly desires.  If you haven't read a Bible in awhile, you just might want to--there is nothing new under the sun when it comes to human sacrifice in all its forms!

So be wise, think before you drop your child off on someone's doorstep just because that person holds a special place in your heart or has this connection or that one--and if life ever gets so bad for you and your child, say a prayer and ask God to lead you in the right direction.  The worse thing that any parent can do is grow to hate a child (that is or isn't their own) so much that one leaves him or her with someone just as fed up (stressed), crazed, emotional, or wild if not more.

If your child has caused you much stress lately, consider this, there are many parents that have permanently scarred children as a result of foolish behaviors and others who no longer have their children because of poor decision-making.  Muster up the strength and the courage to do what's right.

Nicholl McGuire

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7 Things Busy Mothers Do that Annoy Their Little Ones

1.  They ignore them by telling them every five minutes, "Go play."
2.  They answer the phone and stay on it for hours.
3.  They promise to do things like spend time with them, but don't get around to doing it.
4.  They claim they love their child's artwork, yet throw it away, stuff it somewhere, or write on the back of it when in a rush.

5.  They will tell sons and daughters they will buy certain things, but never do.
6.  They will tell children not to lie, yet they will lie to people like: the other parent, grandparents, a teacher, and others who kids admire and respect.
7.  They walk past their loved ones rarely saying anything but, "Stop, don't do that...what are you doing...time to go to bed!"  What about all those other nice words parents say to everyone else?

Nicholl McGuire, check out another blog maintained by the author of When Mothers Cry http://parentsbabieschildren.blogspot.com

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When You Marry Someone with Children, Expect to Be Uncomfortable

If you thought that it was going to be blissful getting married to someone with children coupled with a less than stellar past, may I be the one to burst your bubble?  I almost did this in the past then years later, ended up being the one with the children while my future partner had none. 

Sure, there are good times in relationships when everyone is getting along, appear to be in love and "making things work."  But sooner or later, good times, become difficult times and real joy sometimes can't be found amongst the mess--this is where the challenges lie.  Most likely, a divorced messenger or two warned you about the highs and lows prior to a wedding and afterward and you deemed that person negative, a hater, jealous, or something else! 

What happens when church visits don't work anymore to bring peace to a troubled mind?  What happens when what the therapist said isn't sticking like it once did?  What happens when parents aren't there to support your decision like they did at one time or another?  What happens when pills stop working?  Now what?

Far too many women, enter into new relationships with an "I can save the world" mentality!  So they rush around trying to do everything right for partners, their children, his children, exes, and more while putting themselves on a fast track to a hospital bed or to a grave prematurely!  Rather than, take one's time and enjoy a life of solitude and appreciation for the finer things in life like being alone, a desperate woman (or man) in search of a soul tie, ends up hurt, bitter and confused trading his or her life of serenity for drama.  Those of us who have been around for awhile have seen the movie play out in our lives or others.  You think the next time around is going to be the best, most wonderful, greatest time in your life and you just end up with more of the same.  A different book cover, a chapter title changed, but underneath it all, you still have to work!  Troubled minds don't get it they try to rationalize things or work even harder at disassociating themselves from truth!  Why does one falsely think that a new relationship won't bring any new responsibilities and/or headaches? Why do couples deceive themselves into believing that there will always be hand-holding, sweet-talking and kissing?

Your children, his children, her children, and their children, bring work and lots of it!  Couples in marriages like these may desire a "Me and You" type of lifestyle, but let's face it, no relationship that starts and ends like this is sincerely a happy one!  There is me and the children and the parents and the exes and the whatever and whoever some of which aren't going anywhere anytime too soon!

Selfish speech and behaviors void of welcoming others into one's life are simply not good relationships.  Pretending to be accepting of all when one knows deep down inside that is the furthest thing from the truth is deceptive.  Children are in the home, they need to be cared for, trained, talked to, watched, and more!  How does anyone think for one moment that you can juggle everyone and everything and never have some sort of breakdown whether at home, on the job, or in a bedroom crying one's eyes out?  Be honest, you don't like that person, this place, and those things!  You can't stand doing this or that and for some of you, you question what did you get yourself into?  Now you are on the right path toward your personal healing and growth--you are finally being honest!  People mess up, but the real survivors are those who don't wallow in their mess!  Call them stupid, crazy, a fool, or whatever else, but they have their personal freedom--what about you?  They are content with who they are--what about you?  They aren't interested in fighting in wars that they know they can't win--what about YOU?

A person who enters into a relationship on a shoddy foundation assuming that crying while staying up all hours of the night communicating is off to a good start, but she still has much to learn.  Good sex, food, and a clean household are nice things to do, but they will not drive demons away even if these niceties are included in the basic building blocks of a relationship!  The demons don't care that your house is clean and you talk without cursing, they will just go away for a time, and bring back more demons?  What's your plan now? 

From the partner to the children, dark spirits and their influence do exist, don't be deceived!  There are open portals from which they come in and show out and many times people create them by marrying individuals who are they are unequally yoked, can't connect with due to different cultural differences, ethnicity, tribes, habits, and more!  We just aren't all the same! 

It doesn't matter what we call "personal challenges, problems, relationship issues, struggles..." demons are demons!  Newlyweds look everywhere for the troubles, while overlooking the person standing in front of them.  They will look under the bed, in the closet, on a billing statement, in the refrigerator, dissect a child in the hopes of getting information, even look outside of the relationship, but the real issue is one or both inthe relationships have been rejected, are like lemons--full of all sorts of issues--a man or woman who didn't do well in previous relationships and won't necessarily do right in the current one unless the new partner is willing to embrace the person along with his or her personal demons.  Sound crazy, but true!  Marriages that last in the double digits do so, because people stopped trying to change, rearrange, nit-pick, and fight with one another about their differences--they learned to live with not just God and his angels, but Satan and his demons too!  Think about it, observe, have an Aha moment!  This is key information! 

Some hard-hearted and stiff-necked people refuse to let go of their issues, they have become a part of who they are like the eye-balls in their head, and they will fight anyone or anything if their nest is disturbed.  Don't believe me, try speaking truth to someone about their smoking/food/sex/substance addiction?  Notice their eyes, did you see their personal demons rise up?  I rest my case.   

Take a moment to picture a mother bird who has built her nest in an area that is potentially harmful to her and her birds like a front door entrance of a home where people walk in and out.  While some observers might choose to walk around the nest or use an alternative entrance, others will refuse to do so, and begin to work out a plan to knock the nest down to the ground with or without the eggs being in it.  Call it harsh, but that's the truth especially if it annoys someone who has enough issues and doesn't like the sound of birds chirping too closely to one's home.  But what will the mother bird do when her nest is threatened, she will attack, even when she is in the wrong in the first place, she will attack!  Now apply this scenario to your situation or someone else's, there are consequences to the choices we make and not everyone will like or appreciate what we do especially when we made what others might feel are poor choices.  The mother bird in your vision made a bad decision on where to place her nest and now she must fight to stay there risking her life and the lives of her babies--is it really worth it or is there a better way?  No amount of wishing, praying or hoping will change a broken relationship when it is destined to be broken and yes in a fallen world there are some partnerships that will not survive!   

Unruly, disrespectful children, raised by rebellious parents (and grandparents), get weary of new faces, places, rules, and fights with every person that comes into their lives through dating and remarriage.  Hurt women play into mind games like being manipulated and controlled by spouses/boyfriends hell-bent on getting what they want.  In-laws get tired of having to put on false fronts every time a loved one brings yet another new person into the family circle.  Exes get tired of new rule books created each time a new partner shows up and shows out.  "We think...we believe...we will...we discussed...we planned..." is what an exe hears from a former partner about yet another new mate, who is supposedly "nice, good, loved."  But what is really being said is not "We," but "He/She wants, said, needs, doesn't like, isn't going to..." 

Expect to be put off, uncomfortable, and at times angry when it comes to one thing or another with remarriage--isn't that what society prepares you for anyway bad exes, in-laws, step-parents, etc.?  It doesn't have to be, but it happens.

When you marry someone with children, there is another world open to you that isn't for the weak.  It's difficult enough trying to maintain interest in a relationship where there are no children.  If you have a faith, this is why a loving God warned you before you made your decision about the following:  to enjoy your freedom, to avoid sex before marriage, and to take your time!  All of which some claim they did months or years ago, then what seems to be the problem if you did everything right from the start?  Maybe remarriage just wasn't meant to be for some couples, but we mustn't say that (being sarcastic here)--we are to overlook the truth and dwell in the lie.  Remember, this blog is named When Mothers Cry for good reason.  The truth hurts!  

"Learn to focus on reality and deal with reality, rather than look for an escape from it or seek to place blame on everyone and everything else," I heard the Holy Spirit say.  For some readers, you bit off more than you could chew, so trust in your Creator to impart knowledge and godly wisdom that will restore balance to a difficult situation.

Nicholl McGuire also maintains blog: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.