The woman felt like she was cursed. Her mother and grandmother had both been in abusive relationships, and she had sworn she would never let that happen to her. But here she was, years later, in the same situation.
She had been dating the man for a few months and things were going great...or so she thought. He was charming and sweet, always doing little things to make her feel special. But behind closed doors, he would rage at her, calling her names and accusing her of things she hadn't done while her children sat by and watched.
She had tried to break up with him multiple times, but he always managed to convince her to stay. He would promise that things would be different this time, that he loved her and only wanted what was best for her. And so she would give him another chance...only to be hurt again.
And yet she couldn't help but keep coming back. He was the only one who made her feel wanted and loved...even if it was only for a brief moment. She knew she was in danger, but she couldn't seem to pull herself away from him.
This scenario is unfortunately all-too-common especially when a husband, boyfriend, or father of the children is paying bills and for the most part, good with the children. However, a mother knows, she can feel that something is not right with her partner. Let's explore what she should do to manage what she has gotten herself into and why it is important to slowly but surely break away from the troubled man.
First, assess the severity of the situation. If the husband/boyfriend is physically abusive, then she should seek immediate help from a domestic violence shelter or the police. If her partner is just emotionally and verbally abusive, then the mother can try to break away gradually.
She should start by spending more time with friends and family, and slowly make less and less time available for the man. She can also start making excuses for why she can't go out or why she has to leave early. The goal is to make this man feel like he is gradually losing control over her which may set him off particularly if he has psychological issues related to feeling of abandonment.
If the man becomes angry or violent when she tries to break away, she should seek help from a domestic violence shelter or the police.
It is never a good idea to stay with someone who is emotionally and physically abusive toward you or your children or even a pet! When a person is showing you signs that he can't manage his emotions, it is safe to say that he also will not be able to reason why he is hurting you either and will do so again and again until you leave.
Children are like sponges and they see and feel the emotions of their mother; unfortunately the longer you remain in the difficult relationship, the more likely they will repeat the pattern of unhealthy behaviors now and when they become older. Think about that for a moment -- another generation traumatized by abuses committed by parents while attracting what is familiar. They eventually carry out the same emotional and physical abuse on their own children. Ready to take the necessary steps to leave yet?
Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.
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