Saturday

Walking on Egg Shells When It Comes to Parenting Your Children the Right Way

Some of you reading this probably have some idea where I am going with this blog entry simply by reading the title.  I want moms everywhere to know that I can relate when you are trying to raise your children the right way and it seems every time you take two steps forward, there is someone in your circle who intentionally or absentmindedly puts your children two steps back by doing and/or saying foolish things when it comes to parenting them.

Now you may live with this person or there is a caretaker that makes you feel like you are walking on eggshells whenever you say something about your children to them.  Whether you say something in a polite way, angrily, or quietly, you can pretty much bet that this person is going to defend his or her actions, eye-roll, sigh, get quiet, ignore you, or point out your flaws, because they don't like you telling them what to do.  They don't like you stating what is best for your child, because they didn't come up with the idea, they may have not liked a certain thing when they were a child or whatever the reason maybe.

You say to yourself, "What have I got myself into?  Why did I allow this person to come into my life in the first place?  What was I thinking?"  You pray that God will protect your child from the foolishness of this person in the meantime while hoping for a better way to resolve your issues. 

Some people just don't get it.  You can tell them, "Please don't let the children do..." and they will go ahead and let the children do out of spite.  You think, "Who thinks like that?  What kind of person is this?" 

We all know you can't allow a child to partake in things that are reserved for adults.  I remember getting into a bad argument with someone about letting my children listen to a popular radio shock jock on their way to school.  He really got upset because this was one of a few ridiculous things he was doing.  So like a child he complained, "I always have to give up something!"

Any well-meaningful parent knows you can't raise a child without some kind of schedule.  And you definitely can't allow children to dictate what is best for them on a regular basis.  If this is the case, then we would have children running a muck just about everywhere.  What child wants to go to bed, take a bath, and refrain from eating sweets and desserts all day?  Yet, those parents and care-takers who felt deprived as children grow up to be boy men and girl women who want to give everything they never got to their children.  If only they would step back and see that all they are creating are little monsters, children who will one day expect the world to do what they want and if they don't, they will attempt to shake up society with their screams, yells and threats.  Unfortunately, there are jails around the world full of people with this kind of mindset.  Do fools really know what's best for children?  I think not.  That is why God made wise mothers, but some just don't use their common sense.  When this happens, we must find people, services and tools to help us with our parenting when we, us or they are doing a poor job!  We can't just sit by and be quiet on everything when it comes to parenting our children.  Yes, sometimes you won't want to say anything to that person with the ego handling your children, because you aren't in the mood to fight World War III, but there will be those moments that you ought to get in there, mom and fight the good fight for the best interest of your children!  If you were in court, the judge would make that choice for you, now wouldn't he or she?

We all have walked on egg shells around people who we thought were at first doing the right thing by our children, but then we later learned that they were really not doing all they could do because they lacked some parenting skills.  Some of you have years experience working with children while your partner doesn't.  So it would make sense that the inexperienced would be listening to the experienced, right?  However, that poor ego gets in the way of the fool, doesn't it?  The voice in his or her head says, "Oh she thinks she knows so much because...I won't listen to her.  I will just do things my way.  She thinks she is so right about everything anyway!"  It's unfortunate but that ego has cost many men and women their jobs, families, and more because it refused to reach a compromise.  On the other hand, when we don't consider one's ideas, we can also make our jobs harder than they ought to be. 

If you are one of those moms living in a home where you feel like your words are falling on deaf ears, the key is not to stop talking to this person who makes you feel like you are walking on egg shells; rather keep talking and do provide examples as to why the current way of doing things when it comes to parenting the children just isn't working.  You would then start implementing your own tactics.  Point out the successes. 

Sometimes the only way you can get through to someone is to allow them to fail.

Of course, there is an appropriate time for everything, so when you want to do something different you can always try your own strategies when you are alone with the children.  When you are teaching your children right from wrong, do not be bullied, shamed, or made to feel guilty when someone or a group doesn't like a certain parenting tactic you are using.  If it has been proven by experts and others, you know it has worked in the past, and it doesn't cause any harm or mental problems for the child, then you have to wonder why a partner or caretaker would give you so much flack about it?  Some one's ego must be put in check!  There may be some underlying issues going on with that person. 

As mentioned previously, there are those parents that have felt deprived as children by parents who were too busy, too angry, too upset, too drunk, too whatever to give them a nice life.  Therefore, these people grow up to be men with little boy needs and women with little girl needs--you know boy men and girl women.  They believe if they give children everything they want they will be okay.  But as we know, there are many people who once had everything, have nothing now.  Why?  Because they never learned how to appreciate and manage what they already have.  We are doing our children a disservice giving them everything they want!  If we left it up to children to raise themselves, they would never take a bath, brush their teeth, do their homework, stay up all hours of the night, go wherever, do whatever, and eat unhealthy. 

So to those moms out there who are currently living with someone who doesn't appreciate your efforts, criticizes your parenting skills (whether to your face or behind your back,) do what's right for your children anyway.  Continue to take up time with them.  Keep talking to your sons and daughters about the things that will make them good citizens later in life.  Surround yourself and children around like-minded positive people.  Limit the time they watch TV, play video games, surf the Internet, and do other things by giving them alternative tasks that benefit the whole household.  How can that one you live with or those others who care for your children complain when you are raising your children to be useful not only to yourself but others?

Eventually, that egotistical person or that "I think I know-it-all" caretaker who is helping you parent your children, will have to do one of two things, walk right or walk out!  Their choice.  Meanwhile, you just have a back-up plan. 

Nicholl McGuire

Read more by me at a blog entitled,  Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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