Sunday

When the Children Get in The Way

No one wants to place blame on the cute little kid with dark brown eyes who stares back at you and says, "Give me a kiss!" We don't like to think that we can actually get tired of the spoiled brat. Some of us parents rather blame everyone else, but the child for feelings of burnout.

"If it wasn't for my husband's snoring maybe I could rest at night!" That could be true, but also think of the child who is whining in his sleep while tossing and turning in between the middle of you two as well. Could he have something to do with your lack of sleep too? Some parents insist on keeping a child in the same room and even the same bed way past their age. There actually is an age limit that you should keep a child in the bed with you, it expired when they were a few months old.

"If it wasn't for her always nagging me, maybe I could have some peace!" That could be true too, but have you considered the fact that your children are nagging you far more than your wife could ever? Couples often have problems, because they allow the children to be apart of everything! From the adult conversation going on in the bedroom while their son or daughter darts back and forth between rooms to allowing them to shower with mom or dad. Then when there is free time between the two, one or both is off doing whatever they wish never bothering to spend much time with one another.

Sometimes we like to place blame on everyone and everything, but never on the children. Why? Because they are innocent, little, and retarded (LOL) in their own way. They don't know any better. So how could these little people contribute to our world in any sort of negative way? Well they can! From the unexpected poop accident while talking with your spouse about something important to the fighting between siblings in the next room while talking on the phone, these incidents no matter big or small, can contribute to a bad day and can also be emotionally draining.

As parents, especially new ones, we must strongly consider is the negativity that is happening in our lives right now have something to do with the children; and what are we doing or not doing in our parenting, maintaining household and/or employment that is contributing to all the drama?

We have a choice: either see the reality of child rearing and how it affects us mentally and physically or the fantasy of child rearing where everything is so right with our children that they could never lie, manipulate or be angry at us or us with them. Some of us parents like living in fantasy world and tend to place blame on others for shattering it. There is a word that describes people like this narcissistic (please do look it up.) Parents must come up with solutions to make our stay with our little angels (NOT) a little more tolerable and placing blame or criticizing the other parent, relatives, daycare workers, and/or teachers doesn't help matters.

One thing some parents who live on Fantasy Island should do is admit the truth and stop sugarcoating the things that bother them concerning their children. As I'm writing I am thinking of those A.A. groups that some family members use to tell me about where someone would stand up and admit that they were an alcoholic. Well the first step to recovery for some of these self-righteous, narcissistic type of parents is to admit, "I am not perfect. I am responsible for my children. I will not place blame on others for my mistakes with them. I will not place blame on others because I can't seem to get my relationship with my partner right."

So the same can be done when a parent is obviously on his or her last nerve just admit, "The yelling is getting on my nerves!" Admitting this doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you an honest one! Maybe that is another problem too many parents are big liars! They don't want to tell the truth even if it hurts! My question to you is, so what are you going to do about the child who is turning your household upside down? Some parents would argue with their partner and make them the bad guy or gal for wanting the children to calm down, be quiet, put their toys away, clean up a mess, stop playing video games all day, etc.

Another thing is admit "I am doing a poor job parenting these kids!" There are days that we will not always be on top of our game, so why try to hide your flaws by playing the blame game? If the children are having temper tantrums not only at home, but embarrassing you in stores and parking lots then you are doing something wrong!

Lastly, admit "I have allowed my life to center around my children leaving no room for intimacy, travel, friends, shopping, even a few dollars to buy a magazine!" That's right! So if you can't do any of the things you once enjoyed, is it your partner's fault, your mother's fault for not wanting to watch your bratty kids, or anyone else's? We are responsible for our own destiny! If you don't like what is happening on the home front, start doing a better job caring for your children, disciplining them, getting organized, finding ways to obtain more money so you can get someone to watch them, and whatever else you need to do.

Just remember there are more people to love besides the children. Eventually your partner or relative will grow weary of the blame game and you and the kids will be left alone. Then you will start looking for a replacement -- someone who will be a mother or father to your children. Good luck! The next person won't want to be responsible for unruly children nor would he or she enjoy the company of someone who enjoys blaming everyone else concerning their children.

By Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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