When the Children Get in The Way

No one wants to place blame on the cute little kid with dark brown eyes who stares back at you and says, "Give me a kiss!" We don't like to think that we can actually get tired of the spoiled brat. Some of us parents rather blame everyone else, but the child for feelings of burnout.

"If it wasn't for my husband's snoring maybe I could rest at night!" That could be true, but also think of the child who is whining in his sleep while tossing and turning in between the middle of you two as well. Could he have something to do with your lack of sleep too? Some parents insist on keeping a child in the same room and even the same bed way past their age. There actually is an age limit that you should keep a child in the bed with you, it expired when they were a few months old.

"If it wasn't for her always nagging me, maybe I could have some peace!" That could be true too, but have you considered the fact that your children are nagging you far more than your wife could ever? Couples often have problems, because they allow the children to be apart of everything! From the adult conversation going on in the bedroom while their son or daughter darts back and forth between rooms to allowing them to shower with mom or dad. Then when there is free time between the two, one or both is off doing whatever they wish never bothering to spend much time with one another.

Sometimes we like to place blame on everyone and everything, but never on the children. Why? Because they are innocent, little, and retarded (LOL) in their own way. They don't know any better. So how could these little people contribute to our world in any sort of negative way? Well they can! From the unexpected poop accident while talking with your spouse about something important to the fighting between siblings in the next room while talking on the phone, these incidents no matter big or small, can contribute to a bad day and can also be emotionally draining.

As parents, especially new ones, we must strongly consider is the negativity that is happening in our lives right now have something to do with the children; and what are we doing or not doing in our parenting, maintaining household and/or employment that is contributing to all the drama?

We have a choice: either see the reality of child rearing and how it affects us mentally and physically or the fantasy of child rearing where everything is so right with our children that they could never lie, manipulate or be angry at us or us with them. Some of us parents like living in fantasy world and tend to place blame on others for shattering it. There is a word that describes people like this narcissistic (please do look it up.) Parents must come up with solutions to make our stay with our little angels (NOT) a little more tolerable and placing blame or criticizing the other parent, relatives, daycare workers, and/or teachers doesn't help matters.

One thing some parents who live on Fantasy Island should do is admit the truth and stop sugarcoating the things that bother them concerning their children. As I'm writing I am thinking of those A.A. groups that some family members use to tell me about where someone would stand up and admit that they were an alcoholic. Well the first step to recovery for some of these self-righteous, narcissistic type of parents is to admit, "I am not perfect. I am responsible for my children. I will not place blame on others for my mistakes with them. I will not place blame on others because I can't seem to get my relationship with my partner right."

So the same can be done when a parent is obviously on his or her last nerve just admit, "The yelling is getting on my nerves!" Admitting this doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you an honest one! Maybe that is another problem too many parents are big liars! They don't want to tell the truth even if it hurts! My question to you is, so what are you going to do about the child who is turning your household upside down? Some parents would argue with their partner and make them the bad guy or gal for wanting the children to calm down, be quiet, put their toys away, clean up a mess, stop playing video games all day, etc.

Another thing is admit "I am doing a poor job parenting these kids!" There are days that we will not always be on top of our game, so why try to hide your flaws by playing the blame game? If the children are having temper tantrums not only at home, but embarrassing you in stores and parking lots then you are doing something wrong!

Lastly, admit "I have allowed my life to center around my children leaving no room for intimacy, travel, friends, shopping, even a few dollars to buy a magazine!" That's right! So if you can't do any of the things you once enjoyed, is it your partner's fault, your mother's fault for not wanting to watch your bratty kids, or anyone else's? We are responsible for our own destiny! If you don't like what is happening on the home front, start doing a better job caring for your children, disciplining them, getting organized, finding ways to obtain more money so you can get someone to watch them, and whatever else you need to do.

Just remember there are more people to love besides the children. Eventually your partner or relative will grow weary of the blame game and you and the kids will be left alone. Then you will start looking for a replacement -- someone who will be a mother or father to your children. Good luck! The next person won't want to be responsible for unruly children nor would he or she enjoy the company of someone who enjoys blaming everyone else concerning their children.

By Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

The Defensive Mother

"Face what you fear, fix what you have control over, and figure out what's wrong with you before someone else does it for you." This is what I said to those who follow me on Twitter and I mean it with every ounce of my being! Lately, I have been on a mission to not only write articles, books, and poems, but snippets of the most informative and empowering things from my spiritual self, because I know my days are numbered.

The closer you walk in the spiritual realm the closer you are to seeing what your destiny is in life. A woman who has brought another human being in this world should be walking somewhere not just anywhere, because she has been chosen by something, much greater than man, to take on the responsibility of shaping the future. Oh yes, fathers must play a part too, but I am not talking about fathers today. What I am saying is that when you are privy to knowledge or get that "Aha moment" like Oprah has said over the years, you better do something with it. But the defensive mother, she does nothing but fight.

You may know of her or be her, she is the woman who is warned by other mothers about some negative actions she is participating in, and she will find every excuse in the world to not listen or puff herself and family up so as not to feel the conviction in her spirit.

You may have the intuition to see through her as she speaks when others can't or choose not to and look away. If you do ignore her negativity and just go along to get along then you are no friend.

In order to protect herself, she will digress, brag, use how God is with her and anything else to keep you from speaking the truth. For instance, the defensive woman will tell you, how wonderful her partner is, but wasn't it only last week when he cussed her out and reduced her to tears? She tells you how wonderful her children are doing, but wasn't it only days ago that one of them was in trouble? She talks about how much money she has, but wasn't it less than a year ago that she was asking around for money? Now she has painted her lips red, puffed her hair out, squeezed her body in a tight girdle, put a short dress on, and slipped into a pair of pumps way to tall to stand in much less walk in, and she doesn't want to hear anything you have to say.

She looks at you like a fool. She rolls her eyes, tosses back her hair, and acts like her child is doing something so important that she must tend to him or her while you talk. You almost feel compelled to be quiet and forget about her and what you were going to say. But there is a powerful prompting in your spirit that makes you blurt out with, "Listen! You must hear this..." Then what follows is something you have observed in the way she is handling a matter or matter(s.) You find yourself trying to give her legs to stand before her life falls in those heels that she is wearing especially if she chooses to go out into the world marketing herself in that way.

Oh she is going to fight you! She is going to tell you about yourself. "Well what about you...and remember when...and you think..!" But you don't hear all of that, because if you are a spiritual woman, you will be saying things that will haunt her for days until she finally says, "Now I know why you said what you did..." She may even put pride aside and say, "You were right."

I wrote this because I have met far too many defensive women who dance around issues in an attempt to run away from wisdom. They think that because on the outside they appear to have "it going on" that no one can tell them anything. But guess what? Someone is going to tell them something and it might be you, I or someone else or a negative circumstance with a serious lesson to be learned. We may be the ones that may have a messenger come to us one day. If so, I would advise that we shut our mouths and take some notes.

In closing, we must consider the following. One, we face whatever circumstances we fear. Two, use the feelings of resistance to fix what we have control over. Lastly, take an inward look at ourselves in order to figure out what is exactly wrong with us.

Remember don't be a defensive mother when there is no offense being committed, and no game being played. Watch and listen.

FIX, FACE & FIGURE FOR 2010

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

Respect Hard to Come By When You Don't Expect It

I have seen my share of children often giving parents a hard time. It isn't that these parents aren't great, patient, and tend to be "very nice", the problem is they are too nice.

The child pulls away, falls out, whines, acts like a fool just about anywhere they take them and the "nice" parent just says, "Okay that's enough." In a sweet, voice only to infuriate the child more and make an even bigger scene.

There's not much you can do once a child is in the public and most likely he or she knows that, that's why they do what they do. But there is plenty you can do behind closed doors without prying eyes, wondering, "Well how does he manage to get his children to behave?"

Sometimes as mothers we are so busy doing a myriad of tasks that we fail to discipline our children consistently then wonder why they misbehave. If it means that you have to write a large note on a wall with the penalties of each action if your child steps out of line to help you remember, do it.

Its bad enough that some mothers wear frustration on their faces when dealing with their children, its another problem when their dramas become yours.

Thanks for reading and your continued support!

Nicholl McGuire
http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

See You at Twitter!

Stay informed with some of the latest products, tips, organizations and more at our new site on Twitter.

As you know being a mother, things change within seconds when children are involved, so we wanted to be able to bring you information as soon as we hear about it, so that it may help you and your family.

We just started this account so it is brand new! Be one of the first to follow us!

http://www.twitter.com/motherhoodtips

Today was a Good Day!

Sometimes it is challenging for some mothers to say, "Today was a good day!" Because they are often feeling upset about one thing or another. But when those good days come, we should all rejoice!

A mother who is often angered isn't someone you will want to be around. When you ask her how she is doing, she usually responds with, "I'm okay. Alright I guess. Not bad. Not feeling good. Don't feel well." Sometimes she doesn't bother expressing her feelings, she just gets right to it, "You know I wanted to ream him a new one! You know she's such a b*tch!" You walk away feeling sorry you asked.

You may have got off the phone as fast as you could with a friend like this. You may have avoided others in the store. You have enough problems of your own, you don't think you can stomach someone else's drama.

I'm not mad at you or myself for doing this. Good days don't come often for many of us if we work in certain professions and that's all we hear on a regular basis is bad news, have to care for someone who is mentally ill, have health issues, and other things that others could not and would not attempt to understand.

So if today is your good day and you are fighting to stay away from negative people and situations, by all means do it! Don't feel guilty!

Nicholl McGuire
http://spiritualpoemsbynicholl.blogspot.com

Rainy Days, Snowy Days, Ill Days Can Be Terrible for Mothers

There is no one you can call to drop your children off when you are ill, when there are rainy and snowy days. The children may be suffering from a sudden health ailment and you are at home all day everyday alone with them.

What do mothers do in situations like these? It is very difficult for the mother who doesn't have the money to pay for a daycare or babysitter and has no family around her who can relieve her of her children. She may have tried everything known to man to keep her children entertained, but today is one of those days.

She walks out of her children's room, they start fighting. She sits them in front of the TV they start pushing buttons. She reads to them and they want more. She gives them their favorite foods and suddenly they end up on the floor! They cry over the slightest thing and she can't seem to quiet them fast enough to think!

It all seems so minute on the surface, typical motherhood issues, but couple them with PMS, menopause, a recent divorce or job loss mixed with bad weather, and this mother is on her way to a mental breakdown!

So many experts and people who claim they know or understand, don't. This is one of those situations where you will have to walk in her shoes. This is one of those times that your sister in Christ needs prayer and this is one of those times that it just might be you.

Whatever you do, when you feel like a mother who is headed for a nervous breakdown, remove yourself from the children even if it means you have to stand out in the rain. Take a time out somewhere in your home or call up a friend who has been there herself, but don't allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the energy that they give off. If you have headphones use them, a stereo system with surround sound crank it, and separate the children if you can. One upstairs, one downstairs. One in one room and one in the next. Give them their favorite toys then shut the door! Then get back to your task or get back to your cry whichever will bring you the most peace!

Nicholl McGuire

Get Angry at God - He Can Take it

At first I hesitated about putting the following article on this site due to the headline, but you know it's so true! Although we don't like to admit it sometimes, but alot of our anger shouldn't be directed at partners and children, but we should take our angry emotions to God. He understands. Please read the following of one woman's experience being angry at God.

In seeking a life guided by God, I have experienced the most profound understanding of God's love for me after venting raw emotions. Take for example last summer going into the fall.

I had to have some surgery done on an out-patient basis. Everything went well and I was feeling good by the fifth day until I received a phone call. It was my eighty-eight year old mother telling me that she had fallen and had broken her wrist. I wasn't supposed to drive and fortunately, my husband, Robert, was at a rare meeting in town as opposed to being sixty miles away on a typical work day. We picked her up and took her to the emergency room. More good news was that she had broken the left wrist and she is right handed. That would be the end of the good news.

Four weeks later I received a call that my brother had collapsed on the running trail and needed to have open-heart surgery. One week after that announcement, my mother called telling me that she fell and had broken the other wrist. (No wonder I hate answering the telephone at home!)

My mother is fortunate to be healthy and live on her own. But with two broken wrists, arrangements needed to be made to put her in a care facility until she could use her arms again. So, for weeks I shuffled back and forth, doing laundry, visiting her, sometimes taking her meals, and making sure she was getting the care she needed. During this time I was also trying to launch a business.

Thank goodness I had my constant companion of ten years, Duffy the Golden Retriever. After coming home from running all of the day's errands, I would be physically and mentally exhausted. Duffy would always burst through the door to greet me with tail wagging and full of adoring love and affection. He had gotten me through the most difficult times of my life and this was ranked up there as one of the worst.

My brother came through the surgery with flying colors. After repeated visits to the nursing home, I was more confident that Mom was being taken care of and she was doing as well as could be expected. Things were starting to look up - that is until Halloween.

From a weather standpoint, It was one of the most beautiful days ever. But at 11PM that night, Duffy got sick and wanted to go outside. He tried to throw up and couldn't. When he came in, he had doubled in size. I called the animal hospital emergency room and they told me to get him in right away - that his stomach had turned. Robert and I raced the five minutes to the hospital. I wasn't crying, I was wailing. We got Duffy comfortable and were given the options. We decided to do everything to save him which would mean surgery.

I was fortunate to see him. Duffy wasn't suffering anymore and he recognized me. I got to say good-bye. I knew in my heart that he wasn't going to pull through. The doctor said they would call us in a few hours.

At this time it was well past midnight. We drove home and I chose to wait out the time on the patio looking up at the stars. I was SO angry with God. I know that I pleaded for God to save him, but I knew given Duffy's age that it was probably hopeless. As the hours ticked on, I knew that too much time was going by without a phone call. I yelled. I screamed. I shouted. How could he take Duffy away from me now after all that I had been through? Why of all times now? I don't ever remember being so angry at God.

It was 4:00AM by the time the doctors called. They discovered that Duffy had cancer of the liver when they did the surgery. He was not responding well. We had to make the decision to put him to sleep.

After my anger with God, the next day I realized that God is a God of mercy. The situation and the alternatives became clear to me. Duffy had cancer. He had been slowing down on our walks and was starting to look old and thin. I could tell that something was wrong. With being ten years old, he was already within the standard 9-12 Golden life cycle. If he had lived, he would have suffered as the cancer would continue to take its toll. I would have never been able to watch him suffer.

That Halloween, Duffy had the perfect day. He spent the day doing what he loved the most - being with his family, walking and meeting people. When it's our time, we should all have such a perfect day.

I believe that God knows what is best for us. I also believe that God wants us to be real with him. That night on the patio, I was very real. These verses illustrate this well taken from Revelation 3:15 & 16:

"I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm - neither hot nor cold - I am about to spit you out of my mouth."

Perhaps you are angry at God for something that has happened in your life. It's okay to be angry with God, he can take it.

Find out the The Secret to Successful Prayer by visiting http://www.guidedchristianmeditation.com and signing up for my FREE weekly Ezine, The Guided Life. You will receive a copy of The Secret to Successful Prayer along with cut #1 from my meditation CD, "Be Still and Know that I am God" - Feel free to use this article with the following credit - Author: Jackie Trottmann http://www.guidedchristianmeditation.com - Transform your life through prayer, meditation and contemplative writing.

About Foolish Partners

You may have been in a relationship with one of those foolish types (hopefully in the past and not in the present LOL.) Anyway, he is the type who supposedly knows more than you, makes more money and thinks that he can do what he wants when he wants without repercussions.

I was once in a relationship with not just one, but a few men like this. They think that because you are not the top earner in the household, you have no say so on how the household is run and how money should be spent.

A mother cries periodically on the outside after a heated argument, but cries often on the inside vowing that when she gets on her feet again, she will leave him in the dust.

What makes these men act so foolishly especially with money? Is it because they are trying to keep up with friends or is it far more deeper than that? Do they convince themselves that they can handle all the holes they have dug themselves into such as: "I will pay my friend back. I will invest one day. I will have enough money for a rainy day..." only to be ill-prepared when life throws these foolish men curve balls.

As women and mothers we must not lose the fight when we see our household is spiraling downward, we can no longer allow ourselves to trust that the men will do the right thing for family when they have proven over and over again that they don't care nor see the future as we see it. If it means that some of us have to get a job or two, remove ourselves from the home front with children in tote, get a babysitter, or make some investments privately then by all means, do it!

I use to discourage women and mothers from putting money aside secretly, but for many of you that is just what you will have to do, because as long as he knows everything you make, he will look to you to solve his foolish mistakes.

I know some women who actually share bank accounts with men who have repeatedly withdrawn money out of the shared account (without consulting with her) and left them not only with an empty gas tank, but overdraft fees. "It was the rent money!" She screams. "Don't worry about it! I'll pay it, I promise!" The foolish man says. The day comes and he is short of cash. Now the family has to suddenly move. The downtrodden mother brings her problem man with her and the cycle continues.

Take a stand if not for yourself women who are with foolish partners, but for your innocent children too! They shouldn't have to worry over not having milk for their cereal, shoes for their feet, and money for their lunches.

May 2010 be a year that some mothers and women will rid themselves of toxic partners!
Nicholl McGuire

About Domestic Violence Someone You Know May Be in Trouble

Awhile ago I wrote a disturbing article that helped some people. I thought about this article, because I felt that with the economy being the way that it is and people losing their jobs, there are many mothers crying because they have been hit, shoved, or choked yet again by an abusive mate. Please read and I pray it isn't you. But if you need assistance, there are resources on the site to help you with any kind of abuse from child to elderly abuse.

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

My Mother in Law is Destroying My Marriage - Tips and Advice That May Help

Recently, I've begun to receive a lot of emails about in laws (particularly mothers and sisters in law) who the writer perceives is "trying to destroy my marriage" or "trying to drive a wedge between my spouse and myself." Often, the writer (which is usually a woman) will tell me that the mother in law never liked her, has never accepted her, and will never pass up any opportunity to cause trouble or to make the husband chose sides or to stir up some issue that is going to create tension and drama.

This is a tough situation. Your husband did not choose his parents and, like it or not, he's stuck with them. I mean, you can certainly divorce your spouse and not be legally tied to them anymore, but your immediate family (and especially the woman who gave birth to you) is yours forever. Add that to the fact that many mothers will cling onto their adult sons as though he's as responsible to her as her own husband and there is most definitely a recipe for conflict there. I'll offer tips and advice on how to best handle this in the following article.

Always Try To See Things From Your Husband's Perspective: I know that I am asking a lot when I tell you this. It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes when you are being attacked. However, it's so important to remember that your husband is the one who is caught in the middle. His mother will likely see any breaking away on his part as a betrayal. That's not to say that he does not have a responsibility to you - he does - and I will discuss that more below. But, you have to do your part as well. Before you make any requests of him, think about how you would want him to react if the roles were reversed. What if it was your mother who was creating tension and drama with him? Wouldn't you want for him to attempt to let this roll off his back rather than becoming angry with you and demanding that you put your own mother in her place?

Understanding What The Mother In Law Is Really Trying To Accomplish (And Not Letting Her Get It:) If you're right in your assumptions that your mother in law wants to break up your marriage, then what better way to fight fire with fire by ensuring that she doesn't get her wish? Don't play right into her hand. What she really doesn't want if for you to go about your business completely happy and unaffected by her games. So, this is just what you want to happen, of course. Your best defense against her is a happy husband who is oblivious to all this drama. If he's happy at home, then he isn't likely to listen to her criticisms or even to pay attention. This is your goal.

So, remain lighthearted when she's flinging her barbs. Act as though she is literally joking. You want to let her know that you really are laughing her off and that her attempts to hurt you are not only missing the mark, but are giving you something to be amused by. My aunt used to tell me to "kill with kindness." This is great advice in this situation. The meaner she gets, the more you should smile. This will annoy her more than anything. If you become angry and have a negative reaction, then she's won that hand. But if you smile and then dismiss her, this is going to make her very frustrated. And, if you keep up this game long enough, she just eventually might quit playing.

Creating A United Front With Compromise: Up until now, I've been asking you to do all the giving, but it's not asking too much to ask your husband to set some boundaries too. This doesn't mean that you should ever ask him to estrange himself from his mother. But, it's not unreasonable to ask him to set some limits. You are a family too now and you may want to spend some holidays alone or with your own family. You may not want to have to have Sunday dinner at her house each and every week. There is a happy medium in all of these situations. It's not fair to ask him to make drastic changes but there's nothing wrong with cutting back. This gives every one at least some of what they want.

Understand what your best case scenario is. I'm betting that you want for your own family to be a priority and to be happy. And, you probably want your husband to be happy without any unnecessary stress regarding your or his extended family. So, always keep this in mind and control what you can. In truth, you can not control how your mother in law or your in laws act or what they demand from him. But, what you can control is your reaction to it. You can control your own immediate family. So, strive to keep him as happy as home as you can and limit your negative contact with the in-laws as much as you feasibly can by setting limits.

At the end of the day, you have to remember that it's your job to safeguard your own happiness and well being. Because the wife and mother's mental health and piece of mind affects every one in the family. Don't let her (or them) get to you and affect your happiness. They want to whittle away at your family? Well, give them just the opposite. Make sure they know that your family is so strong and deeply connected that they are only wasting their time. Respect that your husband can not chose or force his family to behave. You can not control others. But, you can control yourself and your reactions to them. Always make sure that these reactions are in the best interest of your own family, not theirs.

Unfortunately for me, I played right into my mother in law's hand. I allowed her to make me angry and to take this out on my husband. In this way, she got exactly what she wanted and it placed a lot of stress on the marriage until we eventually separated. We eventually worked things out, but it was much more work (and much more painful) than it should have been. You can read my very personal story on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com.

By Leslie Cane

How To Be A Bad Mother

As I sit here and reflect on the past two days and really the past two months, I am flooded with memories of the past and present. All of these thoughts run through my head and I feel so angry and resentful. Let me say I have been mad in the past few years but in complete honesty I haven’t been quite this angry and at this point I don’t know how to begin the healing process. I am back down that road of self- awareness and concern. See this is the thing, I become angry about my raw deal and the way I have been treated but then it doesn’t end there, this is what people don’t get about me. I get angry at those who hurt me but then I also turn around and become more angry with myself for not knowing better. I refuse to listen to that inner voice that usually carries me through every hardship in life, I push it to the side and then I think there is no way you can have all this anger and a relationship with God. That will usually get me through every thing I have to go through but this time I feel it penetrating to my soul.

I am angry at everyone. That brings me to memories of my mom. I sit here and rehash so many things from the past and then I think of my relationship with my mom. I am angry with my mom, can I say that again? I am angry with her. I am angry because I feel I have no relationship with her, and to be quite frank this was the start of this anger. I do know that. Now friends that are reading this, I know I should’ve come to you and told you these things but it was something I had to go through on my own this time, but I am willing to share with you now and a lot of you know the story behind this, though you weren’t aware of the extent of my feelings at this time.

My mom was a good mom growing up before my dad left. I mean we had some issues with boyfriends, hers, and other minor things back then and I held a grudge then and let it go later on. I think right now my problem isn’t with her in the past, my problem with her now is the present. Sometimes I feel very alone, this is one of those times, but yet in the back of my mind I know I am not because I have special, very special friends who help me through every thing and I mean everything, and they remind me every single day how much they care. My family is great but you have probably noticed I talk very little of them and talk a great deal about my friends.

Yes, I am angry with my mom. Why is the question. I am angry because my mom is not my mom. I mean she is more of a friend than a mother and always has been that, and I resent any motherly advice or comments. I feel if you wasn’t what I needed back then do not bother now. So she is my friend. I sit and write these articles because this is my therapy, if I didn’t write to get it out I would be a very miserable person, you thought I was going to say crazy didn’t you! See “So Now I Am Crazy & Psychotic”, great little article! Back to my mom.

You know my mom is now married has been for awhile, I mentioned it before. Her husband hates my brother and I., always has, he is one of those men who can not accept another man’s kids, but him and my mom fit perfectly because she can’t accept another woman’s, just ask my step sisters, they could tell you. My mom always chose men over her kids and that, to this day, is the most important thing to her.

Let me tell you why I am so angry. I am not aloud to visit my mom. No one in my family is especially my brother and I. My brother and my mom have virtually no relationship. I am not aloud to call on the weekends. I am not aloud to call in the evenings when he is home. When I am talking to her on the phone and he walks in, she has to go. This is her choice. He treats her like crap she takes it for whatever reason, money etc? He never says a word to my face and doesn’t acknowledge my existence other than to complain about me, and he has made comments about my kid which really sets me off. My mom has been there for me financially but emotionally no. I feel and expect her to take care of certain things because that is all she ever did, which now brings me to my next subject.

I am a bad mother. My biggest and greatest fear is that Dakota will one day walk up to me and say, I never really had much of a relationship with you, You did all these things to me and you were a horrible mom”. I think about this a lot. One thing I prided myself on was being a semi decent mom but now I am doubting that. I have been so angry lately and I know I have taken it out on him. I have yelled at him, I’ve lost my patience with him. I have even questioned him in regards to his dad, with him getting angry at me and walking away. I feel horrible about that but then I take a look back and see all the mistakes I have made along the way.

I can tell you I am not the best mother in the world. I have argued in front of my son, I have been in physical confrontations in front of my son. I have called people names in front of him. I have watched shows on TV that were more than likely inappropriate for a kid to watch. I have told him I was going to send him to his dad’s to live before. I have said, quit being a baby. I have cussed in front of him. I have told him to shut up. Losing patience is the big one and yelling. I have talked about personal things on the phone in front of him. I could go on and on. I am a bad mother, but the worst thing I ever did was leaving him one time with his dad, to go to Arizona with no clue as to when I would return. I did come back a few days later but when I left I didn’t know how long I would be gone. I also have had to leave him with his dad when I had to move and had no where to go.

His life with me has been unstable to say the least. I am a bad mother. I have put my child second many times. I get angry with people and he gets the bad end of the deal when it comes to that. I am a bad mother. I have to say my ex husband has been Dakota’s consistent and constant. I guess he does have a reason to be angry with me. Dakota definitely does and I know in the future we will be having this conversation and I don’t know or have the tools to try to change it now. I have told him I am sorry for things after the fact. I have said that I am not a very good mom, and I have no excuses. I have none.

Dakota is such a blessing. He is the one I would live and die for, but you wouldn’t know it by my actions. He is a gift and I realized that long ago when he was born. He is a good kid but I have no idea why, it must have been his dad’s doing because I don’t think it was mine. This is not me feeling sorry for myself, this is me feeling sorry for him and others around me. I always think back at all my relationships and the significance of those and what I contributed good and bad. I always get to a point where I can let go. I always blame myself in part when they fail. I end up feeling like it is me, and maybe it is.

I can be closed off and even a loner other than my friends. I think I get that way with Dakota sometimes. I think I look at him and see this person that I love more than anything and anyone and think, as much as I love him, he will grow up one day and he will look at me the way others do, and I know I am not going to be good enough. He will turn his back on me and then I will have lost everything. I will be alone then. I know I do that and the kid is 7 yrs old, but I am already thinking he is one day going to leave me when he can. This pisses me off!

I do not have a right to treat my kid in any way but how a child should be treated with love, most importantly, he needs to be cared for, to know his parents and family love and support him that they will always be there backing him and leading him, always there to pick him up when he falls, and to always just be. I guess maybe I am selfish.

I apologize Dakota and I promise you son from this day forward I am going to do better, me doing my best which I thought was good enough just isn’t. I want the very best life for you I imaginable and it starting with your childhood.

I am so sorry for all the things I have done or haven’t done. I am sorry you had to go through any pain at all in your life but especially for the pain I have caused and if you come to me one day and tell me of the things I did that hurt, I will do all that is possible to take a step forward with you and to keep on treading that path. I will also do my best from here on out to fix what I have done and to not do what I shouldn’t.

You don’t know how important you are to me and if you do know it is ten times more so then that. I need you in my life. I always wanted you and I always will love you. You are a gift, a blessing, you are the world to me. I am so proud of you. I am so happy to have you in my life and you make my life worthwhile. My time spent with you is the best times ever. You make me laugh.

My life involving you has made me a better person and hopefully one day it will make me a better mother. I did my best but now I want more than that for you. I am so sorry. I do love you more than my own life and that love will never fade, never change, and you will never ever have to be second to anyone when it comes to me. You will never be an outsider and no one, not one person, would ever take your place in my heart. I love you more than words!

Vaughn Pascal

Why Returning to College Today As a Mother is a Great Idea

Are you curious about the school grants for single mothers? Fortunately today there are grants and scholarships available to virtually everyone, including moms. Traditionally financial aid for students was limited to candidates who have exceptional academic ability or who have exceptional talent at sports. This has changed. Today, various government and state organizations provide grants to anyone who is willing - especially if you have financial difficulty.

Different types of financial aid have been offered in the past, but it was generally available to those with exceptional athletic abilities or those who have achieved a high grade point average through high school. Fortunately though, there are grants and scholarships available to practically everyone who meets the criteria. Did you know that there are back to school grants for moms available today, for example? All you need is a strong desire to succeed. If you are in a lower economic class, you probably even have a better chance of receiving a grant. Some grants in fact, you will never have to repay.

Many grants are being offered today for women and mothers specifically because they have proven to be a great asset in the workplace. In 2009, many women in the United States became interested in college when the president gave notice that there would be increased funding and college scholarships for single mothers.

Perhaps you are interested in returning to school to learn a trade. There are many opportunities today that will provide you with an excellent future economically such as culinary school. There are also many opportunities in nursing and healthcare. Maybe you have considered a career in hotel management.

There are a number of grants that can help you pay for extra expenses once you are enrolled in college. The Pell grant, for example, is an excellent resource because the money it provides can help you pay for things like books or supplies that you might need if you go to school. There are lab supplies or art supplies to consider. You might not even consider the extra cost of lab coats or paints, brushes, paper, or even a laptop computer. These things will require quite a bit of money.

Mothers in America today have a better chance of getting ahead through education today than ever before. All you need is the desire to better yourself though education and the proper focus. There are scholarships and grants that will never need to be repaid. Whatever your circumstance financially, it is up to you to take the first step and start researching the various opportunities that await you, be it from private companies or colleges.

Scholarships for moms are out there and waiting for you. After it is all said and done, if you have the determination, the drive and are ready to get started, you will have everything you need to find the proper financing to get that education to better your life.

By Sabrina West

Single mothers looking for scholarships - get more information right now at: http://informationfinancialaid.com

The Hidden Opposition in Video Games, Music & Movies

You walk into a room and see your children playing a game that appears harmless. You noticed that later the same day they are watching a show that seems to be educational. By night fall, they are listening to music in their room that doesn't sound insulting. However, stick around for awhile. Watch the show a little longer, play the video game with them for almost as long as they play it, and listen to not just one artist but all their favorite artists and READ THE LYRICS. Chances are your beloved child has been entertaining a living, breathing negative spirit in your home that is wrecking havoc somewhere in his or her mind, body, or spirit.

When I was a child my parents had no idea I was listening to NWA. They didn't know about the rated R movies that was forbidden to watch in their home, but okay to watch in other relatives' homes. They thought they had everything all figured out even when they selected games for us to play. I don't believe they gave one thought to the sexy songs they played around us and how they would later impact us. You see, when you are a know-it-all parent, you only see what is on the surface, you don't allow yourself enough time to delve deep into what the message your child may be bombarded with and how it will influence them. Heck, all you want is them out your hair. "Here take your CD and go in your room. Why don't you play one of your video games I bought you? Isn't your favorite show on, turn on the TV?" Meanwhile, he or she is seeing images they don't quite understand. They are noticing their favorite musicians and actors walking the red carpet in outfits that do more than just decorate one's body. Your daughter or son sees the rockers, rappers, and others making hand signs they have no clue what they represent. They can't comprehend the deeper meanings behind the symbols and gestures and how they are designed to manipulate the way they think. Why should they? When we as parents say, "It's okay."

There are some serious agendas that are being promoted in plain view. Have you heard of the Freemasons, Illuminati, and organizations promoting a one world government? Do you know of groups that promote hate, satanic worship, and homosexuality? Some of America's most popular rap artists are involved in some heavy devil worship, but you wouldn't suspect it since many will talk about "how god blessed them, I thank god..." The truth of the matter is they believe they are god.

Make some time to conduct research on your children's favorite musicians. Find out what some of those hand signs and symbols represent tattooed on their necks, backs, faces, and hands. You will find that many artists have admitted to selling their souls to the devil. If you are a Christian, then you definitely need to be concerned especially if you desire not to raise a hypocrite.

I was appalled at what I learned. I didn't know that some of the things that I thought was harmless were actually harmful. As soon as I got rid of certain movies, games, and music from my four little sponges (sons), their personalities became noticeabley different. They were less aggressive and seemed to be more interested in their other toys once we got rid of the Playstation 3. They were also asking me more questions about family history, my thoughts on their school related issues, and were willing to perform household tasks without being bribed, paid, or asked a million times.

I believe that there is definitely something in some of this media that we buy our children to make them lose their minds and eventually lose their souls. Its only a matter of time that more and more people in the entertainment industry will come out with some shocking truths that will make the hair on the back of any mother's neck stand up. Stay tuned.

Nicholl McGuire

My Four Boys & I: When Things Are Good, There Good

When things are good in my household, they are good, but when they are bad, they are baaaddd! Four active boys can keep you on your toes! Now that the new year has begun, the accidents, the tantrums, the time-outs, the threats, the anger outbursts, you name it we have done it all and we aren't even a month old in the new year!

I personally think that children don't need school vacations throughout the year (just pick a seasn and a couple of weeks and be done!LOL) especially if they are not doing well. For example, I asked one of my sons who isn't doing so well in school, why isn't he stepping up, completing his lessons, focusing, etc. He said, "I don't know." So I attempt to dig deeper and he blames other people. Well we spent Winter Break hitting books! From 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekdays with a couple shortbreaks in between, my two oldest sons were completing workbooks and worksheets as well as arts and crafts. My youngest two were being taught using flashcards, games, and videos. We all helped the little ones.

Needless to say, there were times when I had to step out the room and take a timeout myself! The questions, bickering, disruptions, and loud noises at times made me feel like I was in over my head! How much do I have to do to keep these boys busy!? When 5 p.m. shows on the clock at my house, things get loud quickly. The TV is turned up, the children are running from room to room and someone eventually yells or cries, "I'm tellin'" The next thing I know, from the smallest (who is now 2) to the oldest (who is now 10,) there is a question, concern, or complaint for me. "He hit me...He took my toy...He broke my toy...When is dinner ready?" I don't know what happens to me by 5 p.m. but I think some ugly devil of sorts mounts on my shoulders and I am ready to breathe fire on someone, "If you don't get out my face...don't you see I'm cooking? Give your brother his toy back. Stop running. Pick that stuff up. Did you take out the trash? What's that smell? Did anyone think about helping your little brother who obviously can't get that on his own? Who was in my stuff?"

In case you didn't know, I am not a single mom, but almost 9 sometimes 10 hours a day with these four, I feel like one! Thank God Winter Break is almost over! Two down and what do I do with the other two with no money for daycare and no family nearby? UGH!


Nicholl McGuire
http://www.nichollmcguire.blogspot.com/

Can We Talk?

Sometimes that's all a mother wants to do is talk. Not the kind of talk like, "Hi baby. Yes mommy knows. I love you too." She may have been talking to her own children all day like this. What a stay-at-home mother may want by hour nine is just a little adult conversation. However, what usually happens is her spouse comes through the door having had his fill of adult conversation and just wants to sit in front of the television. What does she do? How annoyed she must feel?

It hurts when you attempt to reach out to those around you to converse and your conversation is returned with a, "Hmm. Um. Okay. Alright. Hello. Have a nice day." It can be a lonely world for a woman who stays at home with children, a single mother in between jobs, or someone who happens to have children in their care with no other adult support.

Although the world may brag about being family friendly, it really isn't most of the time. A mother toting her small babies around town isn't always welcomed with a smile and a hello. Her children may receive a little smile and a touch from a stranger, but when strangers look at her their smile may fade even if she is attempting to be friendly and make small talk.

Conversation is healing for many mothers who feel alone, but when the world is busily rushing from one event to the next, passing by her in search of the next best thing to buy, they miss an opportunity to receive or be a blessing to her. They miss a bit of wisdom or possibly a great employee because they are just too consumed with what they need and want.

Sometimes we have to just take the time to stroll through our neighborhoods with the intention of talking to someone. Rather than being the one who is speaking when spoken to, maybe we should be the one speaking first. From our partners to strangers on the street, whether we or they need to talk, we should pause for a moment. Who knows what we might discover. "Can we talk?"

Nicholl McGuire
http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com

Opting Out of Mommy Invites

The invitations have come to me over the years to attend playgroups with mothers, to go to someone’s child’s birthday party, to sit with a parent watching children at home, to watch a school performance, or to walk through a children’s museum with another parent. Do you already see what is wrong with this picture? If you don’t see by now what I am getting at then you are most likely the parent asking everyone to attend various kid functions. You probably have wondered why your friend or even your sister keeps opting out. I will tell you in the coming paragraphs why. However, if you are not the parent always asking another parent to attend a children’s event but are usually the one being invited, but you don’t go, I’m not mad at you, if anything, I support you.

I am a mother of four so the last place I want to be invited to is yet another children’s event. If anything, I want someone to invite me to a place that has no children! When I have what little free time I can get, I try to stay away from family restaurants, family events, family functions and anything else where there might be a child present. I see absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to go somewhere anywhere where there is no children present even if it means running a hot bath while no one is at home or sitting alone in a room by candlelight saying the words as one health nutritionist, Rose Carter, suggests, “Positivity in, negativity out…”

I don’t understand why a mother would be insulted by another mother not wanting to attend children’s events. I don’t get it, a mother runs herself ragged trying to keep up with every little activity her children participate in and then wants you to tag along!? She then becomes offended because others just aren’t interested in what her little itty bitty boo boo is doing. I personally think that some women have forsaken being a woman altogether for being a mother. Here’s a quick test you can do on yourself or someone else to see if you have forsaken who you are as a woman. Try spending some time alone without thinking or doing something for your family. This means “no” doing the following: talking about your man or children, doing laundry, creating a shopping list, putting your children’s toys away or ironing their clothes, doing things around the house to help your partner, shopping for things for the house, or anything else for that matter that have nothing to do with finding your sense of self. I bet you most women will fail! That valuable time of peace could have been best used to do the following: your hair, shave your legs, put some make up on, take a long walk, watch a movie you have been putting off, call a girlfriend, make appointments to see a doctor, a friend, or anything else you have been procrastinating about, or answer all those emails you have been ignoring from family and friends (I’m sure some of them are insulted by now and are talking about how you never respond to your emails.)

There are those women who love the children’s events because they get the opportunity to meet like-minded mothers and for that I understand, because I don’t mind attending them within reason. But once I have met a mother at one of those gatherings, I am not interested in going places with her with her children or mine in tote all the time. I don’t want to talk about what great thing her child did, so that she can question me about what great thing my child did then later she is comparing her child to mine. To be quite honest, I could care less about what anyone’s child is or isn’t doing. It’s hard enough just raising my own to be concerned about other people’s children. When a parent starts bragging or venting about their child to me, I personally give the child’s name to God and leave it there. I don’t say too much if anything about my own usually I change the subject and talk about anything but my man and children.

There are plenty of mothers in this world, actually more than enough, but where are the women? Where are those youthful spirits who use to say, “Hey why don’t we go to the mall and just try on stuff? What about joining this group and having fun meeting new people? How about we create something that will make others come out the house and live a little? What about doing something that will take our minds off the man and the children? I’ll be over to pick you up, you better be ready!” As I write I think of limo rides, flea markets, vacations, bed and breakfasts, bowling, skating, laughing while walking through a sexy novelty shop, and a whole slew of other fun, crazy, and downright money-making ways to get women together not mothers! If you are this kind of WOMAN, I praise you for it!


Nicholl McGuire