Thursday

The Other Woman

Mothers not only cry about their children but they cry about the issues that affect their role as a mother. For example, the other woman whether she is the woman who sleeps with her husband or the woman who is acting in her role as mother, is a threat. She cries out to God, "Why!" in the midnight hour.

The other woman may be temporal in her husband's life or permanent. Either way, this woman will have some input on how the father deals with the children and she may also impact the children in some way. If she sincerely loves children, then she may encourage that the father get along with the mother. But if she doesn't care, then she may only be in the relationship for selfish reasons and the children may never have any interaction with her that may lessen a mother's insecurity. However, there are those women who come into a man's life expected to have something to do with everything that he touches including another woman's children -- Look out! If she puts herself in the mother's shoes, she will have to think long and hard what she is willing to undergo for this man, what part will she play, and at least respect the mother enough to sit down and talk with her and learn more about the children.

How did the mother go from being the stay-at-home mother, the working mother, the step mother or any other mother, for that matter, to children she loves and then in a blink of an eye someone or something comes along as says, "Your services are no longer needed?" Here she is faced with not only a cheating partner, but one who may be "in love" with another woman that may be an integral part of her children's lives!

Everyday there is a mother who is crying because someone made a decision for her. They told her that she was "unfit", that she was "no longer loved", and other similar statements to make her feel why was she ever destined to become a mother anyway only for it to be taken away! Now there are mothers who willingly give up their role for personal or legal reasons, but there are others who really didn't have a choice in the matter, because someone had more power, influence, fame, or money to take their role from them!

The other woman comes into a mother's role very often having no idea what she is in for, because to her, she may think it will be easy since she raised her own children, or she niavely thinks that love conquers all. There is a big difference in the way one feels about a child they have brought into this world through their body and one they have adopted. There is just something innately different and love has nothing to do with it! As I write, I hear some saying, "I love all the children just the same." But as I said, love has nothing to do with it. You are stepping into a role that universally and humanly is not yours, you made a choice to fulfill someone else's shoes and there is nothing wrong with that until...

The other woman crosses the line and tries to manipulate the child's thinking. She tells them negative stories about his or her mother, believes everything she hears from her partner without giving thought to the fact that there is two sides to every story, and she thinks that somehow she can quiet or erase the memory of the child's mother. This is when things get downright ugly! The mother senses this is what may be happening when she sits down and talks with her child. She may hear things in her child's conversation that makes the hair on the back of her neck stand up, "How dare this woman try to come in between my children and I!" she thinks. But it happens, and then when the woman has made an impact on another woman's child after years of influence, she and the ex decide to call it quits. Now the child is left bewildered. No mother and now no step-mother!

This is a sad reality for many people involved in a situation like this and as much as we would like to blindly go through life thinking, "I am okay. It isn't so bad." The truth of the matter is that everytime you see or hear the other woman's name come up it makes you angry. So how do we get over it? One day at a time. Baby steps. You can't accept the other woman and the impact she is or is not making on your child all at once. But it takes time. You can't accept her just because someone tells you it's the right thing to do. You have to do it in your time. But always remember that no one can ever replace you no matter how many gifts they buy your child. I have learned that children always have a way of coming back home again. They will hug and love you in a way that they will never hug or love another woman. After all, you brought your children into the world, and it is up to you to do what you can to make a positive impression on their hearts and minds. Value your time with them. Shift your focus off of the other woman and onto what matters...your children!

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Over 20 years office work experience, six years completed college coursework, background in print media and communications, recognized for exceptional attendance and received merit increase for past job performance, self-published author and part-time entrepreneur, Internet marketing and social media experience. Interned for non-profit organization, women's group and community service business. Additional experience: teaching/training others, customer service and sales. Learn more at Nicholl McGuire and Nicholl McGuire Media

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